She Brings The Rain

"I think it's perfect..."

I felt my leg shake, both from excitement and slight anxiety. Touching her face, I bit my lip.

"I don't want to make you late." I mumbled.

"I will be if you have to go." She said back. "I hate to think you came all the way out here to find me and I have to leave again."

"I was trying to catch a show at least. Circus dancer had me curious."

Lena smiled a little, kissing my forehead. "You're in time to catch the last show before we go out and perform small tricks for other circus goers that didn't see. I'll show you the best seat for viewing."

Lena stood up and guided me around slowly to not make me dizzy. Going to the next exit, I was sat in the middle row, surprised that it really was a good view. She sat next to me a bit, chit chatting about how she wanted to perform for Cirque de Soleil and how I programmed a light show program before. We must've talked a bit too much before one of Lena's coworkers waved her over to change and go over songs.

Looking to me, she took off her hat and put it on my head. Oh god, I hope I don't end up with a hat collection because of this. Not that I didn't mind the hats.

"Hold onto this for me love?" She asked in a playful pout.

"Hehe of course. I'll have a closet full of your hats in no time." I giggled.

Leaning in again, she kissed me briefly. I wanted to pull her in for more but settled down since I knew she had to go. So I waited with a smile, a pirate hat on my head, hoping to see the captain of the Melody Pirates flying.

----

Sure enough, the tent was filled, everyone chattering and anxious for the show to start. Concentrating on the center ring, I saw someone running out in a pirate outfit. He waved his arms, making sure some of the crowd saw him, before the loudspeaker came on and a voice bellowed, "There she blows! The Melody Pirates have boarded the ship!".

As everyone's eyes moved around, the lights dropped and Skrillex music came on. Through some of the lights that came on and pointed, different dancers popped up in the stands and ran to the center ring. As a blue light flashed on, one pirate was swinging over the crowd and the other was spinning from the top. As the spinner stopped, a line shone on them, showing it was Lena, as she gestured to the dazzled crowd.

"Ye failed to heed the warnings. Now landing in the waters of Melody Bay, best be ready to endure our plunder. Beware the Melody Pirates!"

Slipping to stand on the high wire, Lena wobbled, which made the crowd nervous, but she straightened out, waving her finger with a grin. Holding out her arm, another Pirate took her, and they swung around as the music played. When that song ended, Lena and another cohort were under a spotlight looking around for other pirates. Hearing others around them, her cohort spoke.

"Captain... I get the feeling we aren't alone."

"Aye... It seems our crew's been fleeced. But who would dare fleece the Melody Pirates?"

On perfect cue, another voice came through, a laugh as a spotlight pointed toward a trapeze perch. A woman, in seemingly impossible dress and coat, stood there.

"Always the fools, these Melodies." She laughed. "No match for the HighBrits. I always was the smarter captain."

"Come down and say that to Captain Mel!" The cohort shouted.

Lena smiled, shaking her head. "Ney there first mate Cliff." She then pointed up to the other Captain. "If Captain Brit wants to fly high, then we will fly higher."

Once the duel was declared, music faded in and boomed as the first mate was left surrounded by other HighBrits, and Lena climbed up ribbons to meet her match with Captain Brit. Meeting on the high wire, they drew swords and when the first hit connected, the blades lit up. I know I hadn't been to a circus since I was a kid... but this was an amazing step up from what I remember.

As the battle continued, more lights came on and some of the Melody Pirates came free to help the first mate fight the HighBrits. God this was like a movie I didn't want to stop watching. Between the lower level fight and the sky fight, it was a feast for the eyes. The satisfying moment Lena disarmed the other captain and the crew was ordered to lay down their weapons, her voice came on the loudspeaker.

"So you've won..." Captain Brit said. "A pity... but even Pirates have a code."

"Let this be a warning for next time Brit." Lena snarled. "No one fleeces the Melody Pirates. Especially ex crew."

Lena then pointed toward the crowd, a smile on her face.

"Avast ye landlubbers. These seas be rough and broody. But in Melody Bay, you're among friends. Unless you fail to heed the warnings... And find yourselves wrecked among the waves. I privy you tread lightly."

As the lights died down again, all the actors performed tricks, some going into the crowd, both Lena and the other captain swinging above while making their best faces with an "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh." Everyone was going crazy and I couldn't help but shout excitedly. This really was a lot fun... and I'm glad I took a chance. When the crowd started to disperse, the dancers and acrobats were waving goodbye until a knowing face looked up and saw me.

Breaking from her group again, Lena happily sat beside me, kissing my cheek. She smelled musky, I imagine how strenuous a half hour of constant movement like that can be. That type of scent normally made me woozy... But knowing it was Lena made it bother me less. I took her hand in mine, blushing as I did so.

"The show was amazing." I said. "Haven't had this much fun at a show in a long time."

"Does the night you met me count?" Lena joked.

"I think it kinda counts." I chuckled. "Anyway, I'm glad I came."

"So am I." She said as she kissed my hand. "I wanted to visit you the day after we first had coffee... I didn't want to make things weird at all. It's... been a while since I dated someone. Or felt as I did meeting you that morning."

"So, less than two weeks to fall in love?" I blushed.

What made me more red was Lena's answer. "How to get a girlfriend in 10 days."

Staring up at her, I could have been red apple or tomato. Scooting closer, I moved up, her reading my body language and lowering for a kiss. With a few too many kisses, I held her jacket collar, eyes staring into hers.

"You mean that?" I asked with butterflies inside.

"I don't say things unless I feel them Davina..." Lena said as her hand brushed through my hair. "And you're different."

"Do you need to do anything tomorrow?"

"Practice... But much later. What did you have in mind?"

"Ever been night driving?"

"Not in a long time. Never had the best company."

"Ride with me?" I smiled shyly.

"I'd love to sweetie..." Lena answered with a subtle nod.

Taking my hand, she led me out of the tent with her troupe, casually performing tricks, or feats of strength for those that missed the show. Even while still working, I was led to some of the fried foods and snacks, and had a cherry soda too... They taste different from a circus or fair than from a store. I got fried oreos... so damn good... and saved one for Lena. Going to find her, she was posing with the other coworker from the show, Captain Brit, for a photo.

After the picture, someone asked if they could kiss for a picture too. That instantly made Lena uncomfortable, and she waved off the request, as did the coworker. But the woman insisted, offering to pay. A friend of the woman who kept insisting pulled her away, both grumbling at how embarrassing that was. As I walked over, I held the fried oreo box in my hand, offering it awkwardly to her. Though she was just in a weird situation, she mustered a small smile, taking the oreo and taking a bite.

Pushing my cherry soda her way, she wanted to refuse but shook her head.

"How can I say no to that sweet face?"

Shrugging, I felt flustered. "I dunno."

Taking a small sip, Lena offered her arm as we kept strolling around the circus, her occasionally performing tricks with other dancers. When we ran into other performers, there were pictures, dual acts, and smiles. I'd guess that Lena had worked the circus for a while and made a long time friends. I wonder what else she could tell me about being a circus dancer and in general. With the patrons dwindling, her crew were the first to boot her home, which she happily obliged.

I stood outside the curtain of the changing room, chatting with her. Peeking over every so often, I noticed some tattoos, scars, and a lot of muscle... Fascinating... striking... and a bit unnerving. What had she gone through? Lost in my head, I didn't notice she came from behind the curtain, asking me something. When my eyes fixed onto her... I about fell out of my chair. Her arm was covering her chest, a little red from blushing, as she asked for something I was on top of.

Seeing it was a shirt, I pulled it from behind me and handed it over, a shy thanks with a wink. Well... tonight is full of surprises. And it wouldn't stop at just the circus. Still dazed, Lena came out, dressed with a smile, offering her hand and asking if I wanted some awesome food. Figuring that circus food wasn't enough, I nodded and we walked out to my car. Approaching the doors, I clicked the unlock button and I saw Lena's head tilt.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"No. Just... never seen an expensive car." Lena replied, a funny look on her face.

"You think a BMW is expensive?"

"Well yeah. I haven't gotten a new car in years. Forget a car like this."

"You make a lot from the circus and performances don't you?"

"I do. But probably not so much that I can buy a newer car."

Nodding, I realized that she might be right... I had no clue what she had to pay for. Why did I suddenly feel like an asshole...? It was an innocent question. But as she opened my door and smiled, I figure she didn't think much on it. Biting my lip, I handed her the keys, and she was a bit confused.

"Sure you want me to drive?" She questioned with a raised brow.

Moving aside and kissing her cheek, I couldn't help but giggle. "If I trust you in less than two weeks to have my heart, pretty sure I can trust you driving my car."

Thinking a moment, I was already around the passenger's side, still grinning at her. As the moment pressed play, she glanced at me, a sparkle in her eye before she got in. Turning the engine over, she revved it a bit, smiling at how 'smooth' everything sounded. Letting that sink in, she shifted to drive and was off to where she promised. On the road, even with other cars, it felt like just as, cruising along.

Even as we ate together, and drove around forever, it never felt as if time moved forward. Laying on the trunk, which I hoped didn't dent it, we stared at the few stars and the city skyline. My apartment had nothing on this... especially with Lena holding my hand. I wanted to drive her home, though she insisted calling a cab or taking the morning train. After a lot of sleep talking, I convinced Lena to sleep on my couch. Waking up the next day, she was gone... Leaving a note that she kissed me goodbye and hoped to see me soon.

----

Five Days Later, 6:39 pm

I kept thinking about that night... and couldn't help but wonder.

Lena never tried... anything. And she insisted on not disturbing me. I asked her about it and she assured me that it wasn't due to not liking me. Just that she needed to be up early. I was unsure if it was nerves, feeling insecure, or something she's hiding... No matter what it was, I took a deep breath and said to stop thinking about it so much. Were all relationships like that? Worrying about things you weren't 100 percent about?

No wonder people feel stressed out.

But stress was the last thing on my mind tonight. Because I was going on my date with Lena... Sitting in front of my mirror, I stared at myself and noticing a glow. With my skin tone, glowing was rare. But I felt amazing... Probably the first time I felt this way in a long while. Not since dating was changed to low priority. I thought a lot about where we would go and hoped that I wasn't overdressed. Before I could get my shoes on, there was a knock at my door.

Going to answer, I was shocked to see Lena there, looking roughed up... but holding flowers and a smile.

"Are you okay?" I asked with concern. "You look like you got tossed in the subway."

Holding out the flowers, she shrugged. "Just a bunch of smartasses. You deal with that from time to time when you're me. I'll be alright though."

Taking the flowers, I pulled her into a hug. Though I felt her tense up a bit, Lena held me tight, nuzzling her face into my hair.

"I'm okay..." She mumbled. "I promise."

"I know. Just don't like thinking people are being idiots about you being tall or lesbian. You'd think we would be way past that." I sighed.

"I agree. You can change a lot of things sweetie. But not every person's way of thinking."

"You always sound so sure Lena... Not having an answer for things scares me..."

She pulled away, gently brushing my hair with her hand, then kissed my forehead. When she rested hers to mine, the twisty feeling in my guts relaxed and I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. That magic Lena had... Just wow. Without a word, she motioned me to finish getting ready and shut my front door. Doing as 'told', I stopped when sounds from my kitchen drew focus away. Ready to go, I saw Lena cleaning off her hands and face, jacket beside the flowers she brought.

Looking up at me, my heart jumped...

The look she gave froze me to the core, and the tattoos made her look like she was in some sort of gang. Sensing something was off, she made a weird face.

"Did I scare you?"

"A little..." I admitted. "You're kinda vague about some things. And don't know how to feel without a sure answer."

Giving a slight nod, she rubbed her neck. "Well... what's the first question?"

"Who... beat you up?"

"Friends of an ex... He... wasn't nice about how we ended."

"You're... bisexual?"

Shaking her head, she crossed her arms. "I thought I was. He fell for me and didn't like that I wasn't over the moon for him. Anyone who would listen heard about how bad of a person I was. Eventually, we fought with fists. And when that was over, my dad had to pick me up from a lockup. I had to perform later that day, and wore gloves to cover my hands. As well as tons of makeup. His guys see me around, normally just name calling. But on days like today, they mess with me."

"God Lena... I'm so sorry. Why not charge him? Or talk to the police?"

"It's not worth the trouble. And it avoids it coming up like this with someone I end up dating."

She kept wiping her face like she was hiding tears. She was ashamed? Why? Even so, I didn't want her to think my feelings changed. Going to her, I lifted her face, wiping her eyes with my thumbs. Resting her hands gently atop mine, the look on her face was sad... the first time I saw her without a smile. And it was breaking my heart.

I wanted to know more about her... but felt she might close up if I pressed more. Not wanting her to run into those guys, I suggested we stay in and make dinner ourselves.

"I promised to take you out." Lena protested.

"You being safe is more important right now." I insisted. "Besides, you said you'd teach me to make dumplings and potato pie."

"Dumplings are called keltski and the pie is babka." She chuckled. "Once I teach you the names, you'll be ready for my granmama's recipes. And she spoke faster than I do."

Sifting through the fridge, we found what we needed, which surprised even me. Not because I don't have food at home, but because I have things I didn't realize I had. There was onions and cheese I forgot I had, three kinds of flour... Fuck I should start paying attention to what I grab. My grocery bill might go down a few digits. Standing by, I listened to Lena as she went through the recipe. Making it look easy, I realized my mistake when I rubbed my eye after cutting an onion...

Helping me, Lena also laughed at how I forgot Cooking 101. I regret not having listened more to my mom when she tried teaching me to cook big dinners. Better to learn now I guess. The further along we got in cooking, I saw her brighten up again. Like in my family, food was important to bring everyone together. From how everything smelled, I wanted to learn more. For the faults life tried to give in Lena, she rounded it out with something that made me want to keep her closer.

I thought if it made me a stupid person for wanting to love her... Despite things I didn't know. My heart said yes to loving her, while my head debated everything that came across as outside of the norm. With what I had in life, I analyzed the pros and cons, weighing the risk each time. And it led me to putting off love. I was 23 and never fell in love yet. Dating was a thing but not the love everyone around me talked about. Was that my own fault?

As I was figuring out, it might as well have been. I picked people that reminded me of friends and family. Lena was someone unlike anyone I thought about or imagined existed outside of TV. Cooking on a Sunday with music on was something out of a big screen movie or a book. Seeing it happen made me love the charm it had.

Waiting for things to cook or reduce, I noticed how she did little steps, graceful yet precise. Her mouth moved to count off the moves, and I tried following. Catching her eye, she moved next to me and tried to show me. I got some of it down, other parts ending in me hurting a toe or bumping into something. Lena never teased me about messing up like she did in cooking. Like that stare she gave, the mood of her changed. Taking care of me as I learned more, about dance and her.

Interacting with her was different. I feel like I say that too much but it was true. She led with actions and not words, and I liked that in a lot of ways. People will tell you something but never guide you through, piling more words on top while not 'saying' anything. Instructions without the how to of it basically. I wondered if that was an unwritten rule for some people. Speak and don't react and vice versa.

Nonetheless, as dinner was finished and the deck table was set, we sat down and took a breath from what we took in before cooking.

----

"So..." I started as I poured wine into our glasses.

"So what?" Lena asked, a raised eyebrow as she cut the pie.

"Tell me something."

She bit her lip and tried not to laugh. "I had to laugh... but don't know why."

"Me either. Maybe it's just the jitters."

"Any other questions?"

"What happened to your mom?"

She shook her head, looking a bit awkward. I felt like I was grabbing at a lot of sensitive topics today... But they came to light.

"To tell the truth, I don't know. My father said she disappeared when I was little. I never understood what it meant until Granmama told me that Mother left. Where she left is a mystery. Granpapa didn't know either. And he knew a lot of people. I asked my father more as I got older. He told me she went deeper into Russia somewhere, but never where. So I never knew or remembered much about her. So Granmama was my mother."

"How did she feel about you being lesbian?"

"She said she knew since I was a teenager. Before she moved here to be near us, I would do the work around her farm. By how I carried myself, Granmama knew my secret but never judged me for it. When I had arguments with my father, I could go to her and we'd stay up making all kinds of things from when she was a girl. Granpapa loved seeing me there because it meant he got to eat all the food."

"Hehe your grandparents sound great."

"They are. I can't wait to visit them this week. But time for questions."

"Oh boy..." I said while shaking my head. "Hit me with your best shot."

"What about your family? How are your relationships with them?"