She Brings The Rain

"I know mom. I don't forget a lot of things. You just feel I forget them."

"You have a smart lip like I'm your friend. I can ruin your life as well as improve it."

God... I love my mother, she wasn't always like this. But she was a more Pride filled creature than someone to love when this bad mood was on the menu. She loosened up enough from her frustration episode to hug me hard, as if her smearing my existence didn't just happen. Brushing it off and hugging back, I finally saw my dad, who happily hugged me without a problem. We joked with each other using our eyes and lips, seeing as my mom missed them when she was in the middle of talking.

My brothers showed up later, both with their girlfriends and children. My niece and nephew were adorable, even if my 19 year old youngest brother toted his daughter around like a trophy. She was innocent and I would love her despite her moron father. Again, I love my family, my mother and brothers were... just a bit hard to deal with in certain situations. With our quirks, we were a nuclear family, all functional and in line.

Lunch went along as normal, me adoring my niece and nephew, youngest brother being his normal self, Mom saying how students were getting harder to find from well raised backgrounds, younger brother talking about his suit and dress shop finally opening. In normal fashion, I couldn't be a listener and Mom decided to focus the burning spotlight of plastered smiles on me. Oh joy.

"So Davi." She said ever so sweetly. "Tell us more about the person who you were with and late for our family lunch. Hope HE was worth it."

Shaking my head slightly, I let everyone in on the door my mom opened. "She was good company. Being late was my fault for not seeing the time. So for the fifth time, I apologize for being late."

The air of everyone changed, and seeing my mom's face look stunned was priceless. "She? When did you turn to a lesbian again?"

It took a lot to not visibly grind my teeth. Turn lesbian again? "Lesbian has nothing to do with liking someone for who they are Mom. I'd like to talk more about Lena if everyone can handle it."

Glancing around, everyone seemed fine, minus my youngest brother and Mom who always had skeptical minds for anyone different. Kind of hypocritical, considering we're black... Anyone who stood for civil rights is rolling in their graves with 'normal' family dynamics like this. Imagine being a parody of something you try so hard to be similar to, then sound like them to forget who you were.

You would think my mother would understand the LGBTQ movement a little better having come from a time where her rights mattered less than someone else's. But I guess coming from a time where tradition and making the family proud are priority over understanding anything else.

Anyhow, this isn't something to get lost on mentally. Though I hope talking about Lena will distract me from the anxiety I felt thinking about all this. My younger brother, being his kind self, was sure to ask the first question.

"So, her name's Lena. How'd you two meet?" He smiled, my nephew sitting on his lap.

"She was a dancer at one of the shows I went to with Mom and Dad. I sent her a glass of the house special and she sent back her number. We've been chatter bugs ever since."

"With us?" Mom interjected. "You'd flirt with some random creep when you're out with your parents? For someone so smart, that's pretty stupid."

"Victoria please." My father said with slight discomfort. "Our daughter is trying to tell us about someone she likes. For Christ sake, let her."

Mom glared at him, my father unfazed by her bullshit. Mom may hold the iron fist over the family but my dad was the wise sage that had the last word. I was lucky to have him, especially right now.

"Go on." My youngest brother instigated. "Tell us more about the dyke."

This. was. getting. ridiculous...

"Gerald, enough." My father warned, giving a nod my way. "Continue."

"Lena does more than dance. She's a circus performer too. If you've ever heard of the Melody Pirates act, she's the captain of the troupe. She also cooks, helps her grandparents, and tags along with her dad's work. Her dad is a demonologist. Hard work to be in but interesting to listen to in depth."

Mom bit her lip to badly try holding a laugh before badly hiding it. My youngest brother did the same, his girlfriend looking so uncomfortable that he was acting this way.

"What does her mother do? Perform voodoo rituals?" Mom joked.

My lip twisted, everything saying to walk out. But my mouth started moving before my legs. "Lena grew up without a mother."

Those words snapped my youngest brother and mother out of their jestful mood, my father closing his eyes in shame, and younger brother shaking his head.

"Her mother disappeared. She never knew where to, and was raised by her father, having her grandmother serve as mom."

"Pretty sure her grandma taught her well if this girl could wow you." My younger brother said, patting my shoulder.

Laying my hand over his, I nodded with a slight smile. "Lena does wow me. And I hope she does for a long time."

The laughing never picked up after that little episode. My mother was speechless for once, which rarely happens for her. My youngest brother seethed in his seat, refusing to let his girlfriend hold their daughter... Things like this kinda scare me when it comes to him. Was he convinced I'd do something? He can be hard to read and never left a lot of clues. By the time lunch was over, it was almost dinner time, and I craved a bowl of pho...

Figuring I would need company, I started to dial Lena. As I went to press call, my mother snatched my phone up and took the chance to look through it. When I tried to take it back, she shoved it into my chest and whispered harshly.

"This Lena is no good for you. Nothing to offer if she works as a Carney. And you likely haven't known her long enough to find out what she could be hiding."

"Mom, I know you want what's best for me and you mean well. But Lena is the first person that sees me. Not what I do, what my skin says to others, not that I'm new to love and clumsy, not that I'm scared. One thing I have is time to see her too."

"Davina... Honey... you need to stop being so stubborn about dating women. The last man you dated was just your type but you walked out on your last date with him. You'll never get married and have children with that attitude."

"Wow. Okay. You enjoy the rest of your day Mom. I'm going to walk away now and forget you said this stuff."

Not waiting for a response, I held onto the phone to my chest since Mom was still holding it, forcing her to let go as I speed walked away. Unlocking my screen and hitting call, it rang a couple times.

"Hello? Lena Kovenish."

"I'm glad you picked up."

"How did lunch go?"

"Mom was on a tear and so was my youngest brother. Attacking me for being with you... I love them so much but the way they treat me when I date a woman versus a man. My mom said the last guy I dated was perfect for me if I hadn't walked out."

"Didn't you say he reminded you of a narcissistic serial killer?"

"Yeah. My mom can be blind when she wants to wear rose colored glasses."

"Well, I'm sorry things didn't go well. How can I cheer you up?"

I hesitated. But eventually said something. "Want to go for a bowl of pho? My treat."

"Sweetie?"

"Yeah?"

"What the hell is pho?"

Sighing with a laugh, I bit my lip to stop the giggles. "Pho is a Vietnamese soup dish. I think it's hella tasty. And I'd love if you came with me."

"I'm up for it. Should I pick you up where I dropped you off? Or do you want to ride the subway? I could call you a cab too."

"I'll take the subway. Saves time from the drive. Text me what stop your place is on and I'll meet you there."

"Alright then. Stay safe Davina."

"I will. Cross my heart."

Taking the subway alone was a weird experience, emphasized by the fact I haven't taken it since I started driving. And now, I've ridden twice today. There was an odd anxiety, between feeling people stare and the changes in noise or volume in a split second. My teeth clenched a bit and my stomach sucked in so much that it was coming out the pores of my back like playdoh... But hearing Lena's stop made me relax as I rushed out topside.

And there she was, waiting by her car with a smile.

----

One Year Later

That night stood in my mind for the next few months. Mom never fought me too much on who I dated because I kept it to myself. But mentioning Lena set her off. I didn't let it bother me as we drove around looking for a pho place that was open. We even found an open drive in that showed movies to sit and eat. And from there, we had more small moments like that.

Lena showing me how to do basic salsa, ballet, and tango.

Me teaching her how to balance numbers and turn it into a program.

Her teaching me to fix things up.

And me convincing her to wear a dress once... Wow is all I can say.

We'd been together a year... and I was lucky to have her. Though... we had some... hang ups.

For a while, we'd been trying to have sex. As horny and eager as I felt, nothing seemed to stop this deep pain when something wanted to be slipped inside me. At first, we thought it might be due to being virgin. Though after some tries to relax me, I couldn't walk around at all for the next week. Then there was a romantic approach of going slower and making me feel safe, which I already did but maybe my body didn't feel the same.

Lena's arms holding me tight, her breath on my neck, my hips aligned with hers, her fingers rubbing my clit as I trembled. My hand gripped at her wrist, making her rub me faster. My toes curled, feeling so close to cumming. Panting and trying to find words, Lena's voice whispered in my ear.

"You're sure?"

"I trust you..." I assured her gently.

Feeling her rub a bit slower, I felt the tip of the strap on touch my hole... I wasn't sure if the cool tingle was from how much I dripped onto it or the lube she'd put just in case. Whatever it was, I took a breath and felt a slight fullness edged inside. My lip was tugged so far under my teeth that I tasted blood. I wanted this so much... but the pain made it impossible. Trying to push through, I bit my lip harder but Lena stopped and turned my face to her.

"Hey. Look at me."

Turning, a drip of blood went down my lip... And my face was red with shame. "I'm sorry..."

Sighing, she brushed hair from my face and kissed my forehead. "You don't have to be sorry about anything."

"We've been together a year and you can't fuck me without... problems."

"Sweetie, no relationship is perfect. If there are problems, we work on them together."

"I hate being broken."

"You're not broken okay? You're the person I love. We'll wash off and talk about what to do. Alright?"

Nodding, Lena slipped away, a hurt flaring deeply. Moving out of bed, she helped me up and we went toward the shower. As the water ran, she sat me down on a towel then took the harness off of her body. Seeing her take the strap on apart always made me laugh a little for one reason or another, either from awkwardness or it being actually funny. Red stained my face as Lena knelt down and wiped my thighs and lightly over my pussy.

I burned for her as she tended to me, coming back to bite me as ache slithered up my tailbone and spine. Lena held me up, though that was hard to do as she knelt and cleaned. All wiped down, she helped me sit in the tub, which was hot and eased the pain. Getting a small towel and dipping it in the bath, she folded it and placed it on my forehead.

If this were an anime, it was the relaxing bath part shown in chibi.

"Sailor Moon would be jealous." Lena smiled.

"I think she would." I giggled. "Especially with someone she loved helping her around."

"I try to be here for you Davi. You know I'll drop a lot of things to do that."

I reached out, gently touching her face as I did so. Putting her hand over mine, she looked at me, a smile in her eyes. Putting my hand to her mouth, her lips kissed lightly.

"We'll call the doctor and see if we can get an appointment. I want to know it's nothing serious."

"It makes me nervous." I muttered. "What if it is serious?"

"We'll see what options we have." She said without a second thought. "Not much would drive me away. Sickness, being broke, or anything else bad you could think. You're stuck with me."

"I know... And I wouldn't change that."

Lena put bubbles and even a rubber ducky to cheer me up. The pain was still pretty bad but nothing a laugh couldn't help. She rinsed off in the sink until I invited her into the bath, talking more about the doctor... I could feel her tense as we got into more detail about what it might mean. I wondered why she felt so scared about my body... Then again, I know it was out of love and hated thinking there was nothing she could do.

Drying me off and getting me into comfy clothes, I was wrapped up on the couch with some work to do and a warm chocolate coffee. Meanwhile, she was changing the sheets, cleaning the dishes, and making sure other things were in order. When I thought of getting up to not be a lazy bitch, she secured me to my spot again, saying not to worry.

Again, lucky me.

----

Two Weeks Later, 11:17 am

Sitting in a GYN office... crippling anxiety and a half. Lena was there for support, as well as her granmama. I insisted granmama stay home in her old age. But she shook her head and waved her hand while saying 'Nonsense. Granddaughter In Law must have support'. I wanted to laugh when she said that. Not because it was funny but really sweet that she wanted me to feel more comfortable. Kind of like that cheerleader you always needed.

My grandma used to hit me with her cane if I ran too fast in the house... So asking her something when I was little was a big no for me. Now, she's not here anymore.

My name was called for the 11:30 and I asked Lena to come in with me. Though when I got to the exam room, the nurse insisted Lena go back to the waiting room... Weird. When I asked about it, the nurse said there was a note that anyone not directly related or married to me was allowed. Mom... fucking really? Telling her to remove any note of that kind as I was 23, I went through with the exam to avoid having any other note force Lena back out. Knowing Mom, she put a clause in there somewhere.

After a preexam and check in, the doctor walked in and we talked awhile. Describing my symptoms, I teared up a bit, hating that I had to be so physically screwed up. First I was short, second I have risks for cancer, now a uterine issue? Sensing I was upset, the doctor said to not feel bad and hold doubts about myself. I didn't ask to be given these things, and doctors are there to help where they can.

Possibility 1: A cluster of cysts.

Possibility 2: Dyspareunia.

Possibility 3: Uterine Fibroids.

All of them sucked... But we were closer to an answer at least. And all were treatable with minor surgery or medicines. While I was still scared as hell, it was also a relief. After some swabs and a deep need to kick from that shooting pain up my body, I made another appointment for the following week to find out what it was for sure. Taking the appointment card from the receptionist, I turned and heard a commotion.

----

Walking out, I heard what sounded like a kid screaming 'dara' and a bunch of feet scrambling. Looking around, I didn't see Lena or Granmama, and my stomach sank. I followed the noises as they got louder, seeing Lena distressed, Granmama huffing, and Lena's dad arguing with a man. A kid appeared, saw Lena, and ran to her saying Dara over and over.

My stomach did a flip when I heard her say 'oh my little one' while holding him in her arms. The man Lena's dad was arguing with pushed him aside, screaming at the top of his lungs at Lena.

"How fucking dare you Lena?" He snarled. "You don't call me about decisions made for MY son. I find you're getting him glasses, an inhaler, and giving him fucking shots. With all that shit, you're turning him into a pussy!"

"Enough Axim!" Lena snapped back. "Your beef is with me. And you leave our son out of your moronic choices."

"There's no fucking OUR. He's MINE. If you ever fucking decide to let the courts in on how you're keeping Esten from his DAD-"

"Dara he's scaring me..." The little boy whimpered.

"Shh it'll be okay little one." Lena said while rubbing his back. "Make a scene elsewhere Axim. You're scaring him. And he'll choose to see you or not. He may be be 4 but he's not stupid."

The man, Axim, looked around, Lena, her father, and Granmama staring him down. Seeing me frozen in place, he moved toward me.

"Hey. Hey bitch. You seeing her?" He yelled, rage on his face.

Lena blocked his path, shoving him away. "LEAVE. NOW."

"Don't listen to a fucking word this whore says. She'll lead you on, LIE to you, and steal what's yours. Be fucking warned. Lena Kovenish is a WHORE!"

During all this, a security guard finally showed up to escort him out and the building was on edge. I heard sniffling and saw it was the boy, Lena rocking him and murmuring in Belarusian? It always sounded Russian, though that's not what it is. When he calmed, her father took him and they walked toward the kids section of the building. The boy even waved goodbye, Lena waving back as she wiped her face.

She... had a son...

Turning to me, her face was red, eyes too, as she walked over to me. Her hands moved to hold mine but hesitated, unsure of how I was feeling... I did feel shocked, awkward, and lied to. But needing answers to all the questions I had, I took her hand, holding a couple of her fingers.

"So... a kid..."

Nodding and sniffling, she cleared her throat. "Yeah... His name is Esten."

"And the ex... is that the one who sent friends?"

"That's the one..."

"Well... a lot of things make sense now. Some of our dates being rescheduled, not always sleeping over, the late calls."

"Davina... I'm sorry..."

"You should have told me. It's an important thing to leave out."

"I... just... having the right time to do it never came up."

Shaking, I knew it would be better to talk about this over coffee or... maybe something to eat. This appointment freaked me out and I couldn't have breakfast. Moving my head toward the exit, Lena looked at her Granmama, who nodded and said 'Go. You two need to talk'. Leaving a bit to kiss her goodbye, Lena offered her arm as we went outside.

----

We were quiet on the walk to the nearest place to eat. Ordering two warm sandwiches, we grabbed a soda each before sitting at a small booth. We settled down but still had no idea how to start the conversation. After some hurtfully quiet minutes, Lena sighed and started talking.

"I mentioned Axim a long time ago... But never why he hated me. As my father's only child, I felt... obligated to have a kid of my own. Carry on the legacy and whatever. I dated some men, each not liking how masculine I acted. Ironically, I met Axim after one of those bad dates and we bonded over how much dating sucked.

We liked each other, but I wasn't madly in love with him as much as he was with me. It took a month for the act to drop and he started hitting me. I could have easily fought back, but knew it was... the best chance. It all sounds shitty, and it was. I was wrong for what I did because it went against everything I believe or feel. Finding out I was pregnant, something... clicked. How I got to that point was stupid but not having Esten.

Telling Axim was the first mistake. He'd been drinking and starting beating me up. When he punched my stomach, all the anger I held onto came bubbling out. I grabbed him and put him through a coffee table. Knee was in his chest, and I punched until his friends pulled me off. I slugged one before a plain clothes cop wrestled me down and put cuffs on me.