All Comments on 'She Lied - 750 Words'

Great BTB, but I think it ended to quickly. Loverboy, will have some nice burns and scars on his face. You didn't go after the wife. I would love to see her reputation destroyed for all time.

Well at least he didn't put up with anyone's nonsense. Of course he may be in prison for the assault on the boyfriend, but hey, at least he was a MAN about it. Dumbass

Who is Mallory and who is June? Did the counselor get a court judgement? It wasn't very clear.

If you expand the story, don't forget to include the court case where he gets jailed for 5 years or so.

Nice idea but incredibly fragmented. The ideas come without explanation or aren't shown in the story much. Like; while the beginning implied the counselor kind of sided with the wife but what does it have anything to do with the wife kept on seeing the other guy? Did she know? Did she help? The opening line might have even been about husband neglecting her but the association suing the counselor suggests something extreme but neither is shown in writing.

Please expand

The tomato soup must have been boiling over after 5 minutes in the microwave!

5

good one

I guess the last part happened just before the police appeared to arrest him for assault and whatever else they can throw at the twat.

I like it . Right to the point kick the cunt to the curb.

Good one! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Thanks. short, sweet, and direct. glad you included the counselor for a share of the pain

You need to expand this story as this requires more than 750 words to better flesh out this story.

He would laugh in jail..and wife will cry in silk sheets while getting pumped by lover boy

It was a good story and well written, but you can't really do much with 750 words.

I look forward to reading a longer story from you.

Excellent

Could’ve been a good story, but the “you must be…” comment ruins it. There’s no way a marriage counselor would say that to a man he was counseling

So, was there some reason why the "Bull" wouldn't contact the police and have charges laid? In case you don't know, adultary is not an actual crime! I'm not defending the piece-of-shit but these story's do need a touch of reality and not just be some arsehole emotionally venting.

works for me

Absolutely. Keep going.

Spot on mate. Need more stories like this. Word may start getting around that you fuck around with marriages and married women you are going to get hurt bad. I hate cheaters and people who help them do it.

Pretty sure the soup would have been splattered all over the inside of the microwave rather than a cup of lava to use as a weapon. And the same process server addresses counselor professionalism as a divorce petition?

OUCH! Too straight forward to award full score, but fun read. It would have been nice to learn what was going on with the counselor that warranted misconduct. 4*

Agree that this story has potential for expansion, since there are a number of things that could be built on, such as how did he find out with whom his wife was having the affair, upon what was the suit against the counselor based, and what happened after the events in the counseling session ?

It was a great tale as it is, but it does seem to scream for a conclusion...

5 stars as it stands, but I hope to read a continuation.

Holly shit! A writer that acknowledged 750 word stories are not enough meat on the bones. Correct some very good story lines get killed in the 750 stories. This is one of them .

Good story, short and sweet.

This story is to short. What is with the consultant?

What misconduct? There is.no.basis.for.that at all in the story.

Had to suspend reality for this, but nevertheless, I enjoyed it, perhaps more than it deserves. Could be greatly improved with some carefully placed antecedent information. Also takes me back to my youth on the mean streets of Pittsburgh. I was in my teens when microwave ovens were introduced.

At that time, my preferred riff on vengeance was a tin of tomato soup (Campbells) and 4 oz. of homemade mozzarella, stirred and ‘waved’ for 3 minutes. Performed like napalm. Some regrets, but I managed to survive those threatening times over the coming 5 years. In a short time, the 5 feet 3 inch 7th grader was never again bothered by high school thugs. If they had the time to extort money from someone 9 yrs old; yes, age 9 in seventh grade; then the 16, 17, & 19 year olds had time for a two week hospitalization, along with a skin graft or two to boot.

Cub Scouting, and a copy of “Steal This Book” RULED!

Did the marriage counselor know the slut was still fucking the guy?

.

4 ****

I like fantasies so it was a good story with a few holes. But you can't continue a story about a cheating cunt with children involved without rehashing about a thousand previously written stories. Unless, of course, the libturd moderators let you write very darkly.

This story exposes many of the flaws of 750-word stories -

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"She looks down at her hands. Oh fuck." - Why did I have to guess that she was still cheating? Oh, yeah, that would have taken the words that you had to cut to reach 750.

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"I'd done some digging" - When? You heard her talking on something. I guess you found it. How? When?

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"They heard him say he was fucking her before and after every counselling session." - He recorded him on HER phone? I thought it was his phone. When did he get her phone, then get it back in her bag without her knowing.

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"So if there is enough interest I will expand this story." - Expand it if YOU'RE interested, otherwise, don't.

Oh, and what misconduct did the counselor commit?

I am sorry to say that this just seems rushed and lazy. Just because it is supposed to be around 750 words, you shouldn’t cut corners. There are too many confusing ideas which make the story not effective. The biggest issue is with the counselor. Good attempt

That soup's a nice touch!

The hot soup was a nice touch. He would have to disappear though, so the cops don't come knocking.

Gotta love 750 worders! "Just the facts Ma'am, just the facts." Clear, concise, and a definite beginning and resolution. In a few sentences the reader knows all that's necessary to know about the characters. 5 stars for story well told!

Longer version would be good please.

This story has already been written so no need to expand it. Maybe try it on the next, but don't forget that sometimes less is more. I appreciate a good 'short' story with short sentences. They don't all have to be 50,000 word opuses, opus', or is it opi. Oh, my sense of humor really sucks at times.

I'd love to read an expanded version!

The throwng of boiling soup in his face was way over the top. Pouring it on his crotch seemed more fitting and appropriate for a supposed accident. Should have been arrested.

You can only put so much in such a short story, but this deserves more. It takes balls to keep cheating while going to marriage counseling.

Damn, that soup must have been HOT!!

You are absolutely right; 750 words can't even begin to explain enough of the color for a story to really convey even a rudimentary story. I have seen only a few that were really more like a funny short bar joke then a story. This story really needs an opening to set the stage for the current lead into the beginning of counseling before the confrontation, resulting in the BTB or resolution, whichever way you decide to take it to and the ending or epilog. This "story" really is just a beginning outline to expand and eventually become a story.

Is the tall guy going on a trip, the suitcase needs to be a briefcase. Could have told he sent confession to her hidden phone. Overall a good story for btb, but needs some work.

Hey the story is what it is for all you folks looking for an expansion leave it alone. LJA has written a very good short story with all the relevant facts for a good BTB ending

I think he should have had the Greek god strip, then throw the hot soup on his genitals.

Good one. Both the bitch and the boyfriend got burned - the latter literally! (And the rapist, sorry therapist, too).

The 750 word format is fun, but you actually have the basis for a real story here.

🌟🌟🌟🌟

Would have been better as a longer story.

A real man as a husband for a change good job

Ummm, I'm not sure why the marriage counselor was also served? .. this story left a lot of holes.. it seemed rushed.. almost lazy like so.. we also didn't hear from the wife... like why she's still seeing her lover? Why after every counseling session? Why even go through the bullshyt of marriage counseling when she had no plans of ever stopping? Wouldn't a divorce from the get go be wiser?

This is dumb. Why would the guy who’s been scalded, ruined face, not call the cops or seek retribution? The problem with going to those lengths is you give someone nothing to lose when they want payback. Also, a misconduct injunction from a voluntary association? Only courts can issue injunctions. Maybe you should spend more time instead of pumping out lazy, hare-brained stories

go for a longer version why not?

The therapist was facilitating the affair?

That was good enough for 750 words.

Definitely agree with the commenters that these 750 word stories are too short including this one. Not saying it needs to be some novel or anything but longer to truly tell the story. I'd like to hear more about the wife and her strange behavior, Tomato Face, and the guidance counselor who was apparently doing something illegal (sleeping with the wife too?). I may be in a minority but I absolutely hate the 750 word concept, just too many good ideas that get sent out that never get fleshed out. 4 stars, enjoyable but already made my feelings clear on these short stories.

The beating and soup topped by proving the cheating wife a blatant liar make this a great story.

I don't give out many 1* ratings. This one earned it. Recycled plot, cardboard characters, fantasy revenge.

Good story- 2nd 750 word one that I liked. Perhaps a bit longer might be nice to get a bit deeper into things, but not really necessary. Story's good & written well, as told. (Hehehe- short story, unusually short review by me!) 4 stars Bob

I am not a fan of 750 word stories ( though I tried one myself...). This one was a bit disjointed,pieces were missing,like recording using her burner phone....why?

Also what grounds were there for misconduct? If the therapist new she ass screwing around still that is not misconduct,tho she would be a bad therapist if she didn't tell her it would backfire. Misconduct is things like having sex w a client or manipulating them or otherwise having inappropriate relationship in general.

The other problem is in description you ask why is he the bastard...but the story never shows him being made to feel like that., Either by the wife or therapist. Maybe in a longer story you might have shown that, and if the therapist was degrading him that could be actionable,but it never showed up.

What you have here outside the tomato soup is a kind of disjointed trope of a story.

5 Stars. Short, sweet and to the point, more words would only prolong the ending.

@FlynnTaggart, it's not that 750-word stories are too short, it's that too many writers are so anxious to write a 750-word story that they simply cut out necessary pieces. The art of writing a 750-word story is to 1) Cut out unnecessary crap, like introductions and descriptions, and 2) Find ways to say the same thing in fewer words. This can be as simple as using contractions: Say "I'm" instead of "I am," bingo! One less word.

NJL summarized this offering nicely. No evidence provided that the therapist was in cahoots with Sweetie to mislead Hubby. Or even overall incompetence, which is unfortunate but not, per se, cause for certification review. And Hubby is going to be in gaol (or jail) then prison, plus sued for kilomoola. Only likely benefit is that Sweetie may be shallow enough to find a less scarred fuck-toy!

And, no, it is not the fault of the 750 word self-imposition. It would simply require a bit of time to re-read the draft objectively, instead of just sending it in! Toss a couple of sentences that do not forward the mission and replace them with sentences that cover the holes!

2*

The slut wife and the counselor should get soup too!

Off to Gaol we go! Off to Gaol we go!

Hi hi, a derrio

Off to Gail we go!

Everything expands when you put the heat to it . Don’t make this the exception .

A " misconduct injunction from the marriage guidance counsellors association." WTF is that? And, agreeing with other comments, how is this guy not going to jail? The author is in the UK. You get locked up over there if you hurt someone who broke into your home. Give me a break.

Anonymous Bob, you added nothing.

Go right ahead, author - give us more!

'Wouldn't mind ac actual conclusion, to be honest.

Oh I really liked this a 750 word piece is hard but you nailed it with this one, as needed a hard hitting straight to the point no punches pulled.

Please continue this story. You obviously have the writing chops of a good author and the story has so much room to grow after such an excellent beginning so I hope you write many more chapters. Oh yeah 5⭐️ without a doubt!

So, did the hot soup really do anything? Why not pour it on his genitals?

Seriously, some of you shithead commenters need to get some imagination. Depending on how he went about the whole soup thing, it's entirely feasible that he could get off completely. He wouldn't be able to avoid an investigation if it was reported (that's an if), but that doesn't mean it's a certain thing that he'd be convicted. A surprisingly significant amount of crime goes unreported. The BoJS estimates that less than 50 percent of violent crimes are actually reported.

I liked it, but most 750 word stories are too short, and lack any kind of detail. Hell, you can read a 750 word comment in some of the better stories on here, that will have a lot of detail, or a commenter who tells his/her life's story in a comment that's 750 words. Yes, I've seen it happen too. That said, I liked the story, and would like to see it expanded. I understand that the soup was being cooked in the microwave was being used as a timer. I gave it 5 stars.

And I HATE 750 word stories because there is no room for details so you did something many other authors can't do, write an entertaining 750 word story. It still would have been better with more details.

Well written..thank you.

DOL

Well played!

apoyo a .... cummingsiderher .... totalmente de acuerdo

pd.

gran apodo jajaja

I also didn't understand the misconduct.

It wasn't suited to the 750 word format.

I don't like most short stories but I think this one is exceptionally well written.5 stars

Where was the councilor's misconduct? She didn't have one word of dialogue in the whole story.

AAAA+++

Not much of a story. Yer point?

@Ardie, It's councillor who is having the affair..

please continue

Yea go for it. add to this story

Instead of the soup business, how about how he got her burner phone and got it back in her bag. If that ends up being 850 words, so what? Better an 850 word complete story than a 750 word sketch.

Why the injection for the therapist..am I thick or did I miss something

MOAR!

Interest. 😀

You're served with a misconduct injunction from the marriage guidance counsellors association. - what does this have to do with this story?

Unrealistic psychologial description of a man thinking and behavior. Disliked it.

I liked it. Short and sweet. I gave it 5 stars.

I gave it a 5 but just the thought of a longer and more in depth story is mouth watering

Darren

No apology for this story being short is warranted. It covered everything. I gave it 5 stars. If I had one question, it would be malpractice on the counselor. I assumed she did not know wifey was still fucking him, but I could be wrong. Unfortunately, unless she was aware of the ongoing affair, giving shitty advice is not against the law. If it was, there goes our Medical, Legal, and Financial professions.....

This could be great but needs a sequel to explain the missing parts or a rewrite as a whole story .

750 words is plenty if you don't try to put too much in! The usual shape fir a flash story is... short or no sharacter intro, one scene or physical location, fast build up to the climax and a twist in the ending. Short sentences are good. The help build tension and give a sense of urgency

Yeah baby, dump the cheating bitch and stomp the asshole fucking her. Short and soooo very sweet.

My short sentences in reply to your end note:

I liked this.

You're right.

This one has potential.

You should write more of this one.

Five stars.

You did it all up in 750. Thanks.