All Comments on 'Shoes of Passion'

Would be much better without 1) the distracting spelling errors....2) edit out some of the self-explaining of the narrator about his decent intention and hopes...or simplify it. Paint the picture by the situation, action and dialogue, (the old "show but don't tell" rule). The reader will still be able to glean the character's vibe and intentions from that. Trust the heat/sexual or sensual energy and ride on that...touch, taste, smell.

It does not have to be graphic. To me, one of the sexiest scenes in Secretary, (a rather racy movie) was when the love interests touched briefly and her pinky caressed his hand. When I read too much justification/explaination of a guy's lust in its direction in a relationship I get knocked out of the story. I become concious of the writer trying to make comfortable a particular type of female reader who can't enjoy a fantasy of lust without tied to a verbose explanation of the state of the relationship, and it cools the temp down, and slows the story considerably. You can still cater to that reader (I'm all for love and lust combined within a relationship) but it doesn't need to be dragged out. Their hesitation and fear (which is shown in some action, others unfortunately explained away) establishes there is something to lose.... Some editing and enhancement of the contact (like where he grabs her and kisses her after much hesitation and fear....a potent mix) could send this at least into the nineties. Go for it the way he went for her! Good luck!

I couldn't read past the 5th paragraph.

"Yet it also said yes a look that embraced her hidden my burning desire, wanting and, needing Me"

What does that even mean? And why is me capitalized? You also spelled the word "seemed" wrong in the following sentence.

Sorry don't wanna sound harsh... Just really think you should re-read and edit.