All Comments on 'Sister/Genie Ch. 14'

The way you are writing Jaya is ruining the story. You have her rocketing between conversations of deep commitment with her sister where she gives in, and then screaming she just "Fucked" her, with no apparent reason for the continued strong aversion or the sudden change of heart, especially consider her inner dialog and self-awareness. The choice to do this as a plot device is unfortunate. You also REALLY need to check your names. You continually confuse Jenny, Jaya. Mariah and Jasmine in the dialog as to who is speaking and reacting. Unless I'm missing something, there are at one to several of these on each page. I'm dyslexic, so I use a text to voice App to check my writing, because I can stare straight at an error and completcly miss it.

And for the sake of the story Jaya continues to make mistakes and poor wishes, ... but then, wouldn't most anyone? I suppose that she had never really learned that truth and honesty in relationships always work out the best. Her more experienced genie keeps trying to tell her, but keeps getting overruled, ... ;-) TTFN