All Comments on 'So Many Okay's'

interesting start

Very sweet. Love!

This is a short story that stands out from the regular literotica fare. The characters are way more believable than average. Their sexual relationship isn't just mindless fucking for no particular reason, but it feels like a believable part of an actual relationship that has its distinctive flavor. These are people whose sexuality is not defined by the size of their breast cups and the length of their dicks, but rather by what hey think, and what they say, and what their conversation and actions reveals about them.

Now, a bit about possible improvements. The man's character, while believable, feels a bit too dependent on the writer, as if he were constructed only for the purpose of this story. Some touches that would make him more complex would be nice. He might be as accommodating as he is, and still have personality traits beyond that.

The first sentence, the first few paragraphs are OK, but they are not very engaging. The author would gain more readers, if he/she would make effort to capture the reader's attention early on. Think of a way of how to create an intrigue or pose a question that demands an answer. Think of a way of showing something extraordinary that naturally draws human attention. Think of style, of some writing device, that would immediately show the reader your ability to write quality text. An ordinary meal in an ordinary restaurant - that is a very low excitement event.

At the start of the love scene, "as they met in a deeply passionate open-mouthed kiss", I immediately asked a question - don't these people have a morning breath? I think in general, that morning sex scene lacked a bit of intro - a few sentences, a joke, a flirt, a tease, a fantasy in the mind, or an exciting dream seen in the sleep. While their dinner and sex denial the night before could count as a foreplay, the sexual engagement in the morning still came too fast.