All Comments on 'Something Old, Something New'

Yeah, if only things happened that way. Not quite sure why she had to be a submissive, it could have been a cute loving story otherwise. Short and far too hurried, but it could have been cute. I gave it a 2 simply because you had the balls to write and submit something. Take your time on the next one, use words to express your characters traits both good and bad. Do yourself a favor, skip the fetish bullshit. It may be your fantasy to dominate someone, but if you want decent ratings with a decent following, stick to what's more realistic. Lord knows there are lots of erotic stories to tell without having to delve in the fetish categories. Best of luck.

Completely agree with the previous anonymous comment - I was kind of enjoying it right until this line: "You must always meet my gaze". After that I skim read.

Again I agree - too short and hurried. No need for the submissive. Ask for a proof-reader / editor as there were a few basic mistakes that could have easily been picked up.

With a few changes, I hope to read your stuff in the future.

***What made this story Mature? I agree with Anonymous #1. Thanks for the read.

"Anons" can't write or fail in their efforts. Good story and great descriptions. Keep writing. Greater detail in character development along with the indication of what is next would be nice. Why are they alone?

A decent first effort, I'll rate it a little higher than anon below for having the guts to write something and submit it. The advice offered is sound. Do keep writing, technically I think you're good.

You've done several things quite effectively.

I liked the introduction/set up to the story. You developed the characterization and setting well. There are specific, precise sensory details. However, you really need to proofread more carefully! There are numerous superficial errors [omitted words, missing letters, etc.] that either you OR a good editor should catch. Set your story aside for a day or two to incubate. Then come back to it with a fresh eye. Also, read your submission out loud. That will help you both see and hear what you've written. Trust me, it will help immensely in locating and correcting typos and other surface errors when you revise. I also agree with other reviews. It would have been a much sweeter, more relatable love story had you not delved into the "submissive" fetish. In all, though, the story was a good first effort. However,

for your next submission, take your time, proofread carefully, ask for feedback, and get a good editor [hint]. One last comment: Keep writing!! I've seen your work. You have a lot of potential, so don't give up. I look forward to reading more from you.

Absolute garbage