Somewhere East of Eden

Finally she just started yelling, "Yes!!! Oh my Godddd!!! That's it!!!... Fuck Meeee!!"

I was close. So, I accelerated the pace. Eve was making a constant throaty, "Unnnnhhhh!!! Gaaaahhhh!!!" noise while experiencing a constant orgasm. That made me blow up like the Death Star. There were long moments of total irrationality and more shrieking from Eve. Then I came back to my senses lying on top of a sweaty woman, still quivering, and shaking with aftershocks.

I rolled off her and we lay side-by-side panting in the late autumn evening, bathed in the scent of burning leaves and aroused woman. The full moon was censoriously glaring down at us. I knew in that instant that I'd passed the point-of no-return and there was never going to be any going back. It was a shocking and yet transcendental moment.

Most of us lead lives of quiet desperation. I believe it was Thoreau who coined that phrase and he's right. Normal people never experience genuine life affirming bliss. Instead they trudge along from day-to-day doing what's expected of them and wondering why they feel so unhappy and frustrated. That was my marriage up to that point.

I mean, there had been ups and downs with Lilith. But I was utterly certain that she and I would never reach the splendid summit that I had just effortlessly attained with Eve. I'm not offering that as an excuse. But for the first time in my life I felt truly well-fucked.

Consequently it was with an attitude of, "Damn the consequences, full speed ahead!!" that I turned to Eve and said, "I don't know how we're going to do it. But this can't end."

That's how our affair started. It was an uber-romantic time, which ought to give you an idea how childishly naïve we were. But when you're living in the isolating bubble of adultery, your only thought is how to arrange your next encounter.

I tried to NOT think about the harm I was doing to everybody who trusted me, specifically my wife and Eve's husband. I knew that what I was doing was wrong. But wrong is just so hypothetical when it's juxtaposed with mind-blowing sex.

Our football team lost the next game, which effectively ended our season. Now, it made sense to act as if Eve and I had gone our separate ways. Maybe it was the growing awareness that we were playing with fire, or maybe it was just the paranoia that guilt causes, but we didn't communicate by any regular means like phone, or text. Instead we used a dead-drop that would've made the KGB jealous.

I wanted to be discrete. There was just too much to lose on my part. So, we made a point of never being in the same room at the same time. But thanks to Eve's association with the team it wasn't odd her for to be seen around the athletic offices. So, we passed the arrangements for our meetings back-and-forth via notes that we put in a little tin box that I kept in my desk drawer.

We didn't meet often and only in places where we knew that nobody would see us. Just like all cheaters, we tried to stay on the same routine that we'd always followed at home. That limited the window of opportunity since I had to be around the school all day. So, there were no afternoon delights. Lilith and Rick both worked in the same district and they would inevitably hear about unexplained absences.

Most of our clandestine meetings were on weekends when there was a better chance to get away. We were able to make love once or twice a week that way, while the weather held up. All we needed was a secluded spot in the woods. So, I kept camping gear, including a tent, in the bed of the truck. Still, Ohio is the pits in late November. Hence, we eventually had to find an alternative spot or freeze to death.

For a little while we just met at clandestine restaurants and coffee shops. Those were for talk, not sex. Eve had morphed into an even more splendid lover and companion in the six-weeks we'd been together and we both suffered from separation pangs when we were apart. As fall became winter, we were turning into a real couple.

It had been freezing rain and mid-thirties for a couple of weeks and we were both going nuts because the "fucking in the great outdoors season" was clearly over for good. That's when Lilith announced that she was going to make her annual pilgrimage to her sister's place in Orlando.

She wanted to do it over the Thanksgiving weekend when she had more time off, and she made the point that I wasn't invited. Her sister thinks that I'm a rare species of rednecked yahoo. So, Lilith didn't want me around antagonizing her. Normally, that would be no big deal. I never cared much for Thanksgiving, so Lilith knew that I'd just defrost a turkey TV dinner and watch football.

But suddenly it was a very big deal, since it let me off my leash. I had to get the news to Eve, so I made up a bogus reason to call Rick. It was purportedly to ask if I could get a couple of things from Lilith's classroom while she was gone. As I hoped, Eve showed up to let me into the building.

It was late on Wednesday and nobody was around. I wrapped Eve in a passionate kiss as soon as we got into Lilith's room. A short period of making-out, groping, and fondling ensued. She moaned and dropped to her knees clearly intending to blow me right there in the middle of the third grade.

A couple of brain cells must have been functioning because the thought of getting my rocks off in my wife's workspace gave me second thoughts. So I took Eve by the shoulders and raised her gently to her feet. She looked frustrated. I didn't blame her. It had been almost two and a half weeks.

I said, "We'll have plenty of time for that this weekend. Lilith's out of town until Sunday night." Eve said delighted, "What amazing luck. Rick is going deer hunting Friday morning. He won't be back until Sunday either."

I said, "When is he leaving?"

Eve said, "Six AM."

I said, "I'll be there at eight. Open the garage door and keep it open if the coast is clear."

Bright and early on a cold, grey and overcast post-thanksgiving Friday, I surreptitiously slipped my truck into Rick's parking spot and shut the garage door. Meanwhile, Eve was posed in the entrance to the house wearing nothing but the lewdest nighty I have ever seen.

Lilith's idea of proper sleeping attire was something in flannel, preferably neck to ankles. Eve was wearing a silk spaghetti strap shift in light blue. It showed off her magnificent tits with their jutting nipples and ended an inch below her belly-button! She had makeup and hair like she was ready for a Sports Illustrated photoshoot and she was giving me the hottest gaze imaginable.

I bounded into the entrance hall like Pepe Le Pew on meth. It had been almost a month since we had been together, and the wait had made us both a little overly horney. We exchanged one of our super-hot kisses and I swung her up into my arms like a hero from one of those romantic novels. She was light as a feather.

Eve had her arms locked around my neck and one big boob plastered to my chest. I could smell her arousal as she began to make a low throaty whine of need. The bedcovers were already pulled back, as if she had carefully prepared the setting of the betrayal.

I might have thought about the appalling fact that I was about to fuck this woman in her marital bed. But the thought never crossed my mind. It was the first time we would ever be together in a comfortable conventional setting and we were both in heat.

Normally there would be preliminaries. But we were so fevered that we instantly got down to the business at hand. We kissed frantically as I ran my hands up and down her slowly writing body. She was making inarticulate cries and moans as I did it.

Then, without further ado, I rolled between her legs. She spread them impossibly wide to accommodate me and I entered that by-now familiar three centimeters of heaven. Eve gasped and made her usual loud yelp of sensation as I slid to the top.

She slammed her legs back around my butt and pulled me a few millimeters further into her. Then, the back scratching, yowling, and wild bucking began. It was counterpointed by my grunts as I slammed into her with all my energy. It had been an impossibly long time.

Finally, as we approached that sublime summit, the one that we had always reached together, she started yelling, "That's it - Baby. Give it to me ... it feels so good!!!" I thought I heard a cry of anguish. Then, I found myself on a tropical beach.

*****

The disconnect between past and present was so acute that the panic that you would normally experience was mitigated by the total unreality of the situation. My brain kept telling me that this was just a dream. But the sun was hot, and the sound of happy beach goers rang in my ears.

That was the moment that the genteel little man in the white coat reappeared. He stood a respectful distance from my beach chaise and said politely, "Your advisor will see you now sir."

This guy was beginning to realy annoy me. I said, puzzled, "Advisor?" I'd given up trying to make sense out of anything.

He said courteously, "Yes, sir - if you would come this way, please" and walked off in the direction of the resort building.

I sighed, stood, and slipped on a ridiculously expensive pair of Gucci Web Slide sandals, which were waiting for me at the foot of the chaise. By now, I wasn't surprised that they fit me perfectly. Then I followed my mysterious little domestic friend into the cool confines of the spacious lobby.

The lobby was immense and done up in traditional pricy resort chic, with a lot of marble, very expensive carpet, and polished light wood in a fashionable modern style. There was what seemed like a half-ton of nautical themed abstract metal wall art and a very attractive woman working behind the front desk.

The little man led me to the in-house restaurant which looked just as expensive as the rest of the place. The maître d gave me the once-over as we approached, like he was trying to memorize a future patron. The little man gestured toward me and said, "Take him to Mr. Gabriel, please. He is expected."

The maître d nodded knowingly, picked up a menu, and said, "Follow me please - sir."

The diners were the lunch crowd. It was an odd assemblage, ranging from beautiful people all the way down to a genus of hillbilly that you rarely see outside their natural habitat in the Appalachians. We were approaching a gentleman who was dining al-fresco at the sort of ocean view table that you "tip" the maître d to be seated at.

The guy looked like the actor who plays the CEO on TV. He was taller and considerably heavier than I was, dressed in what looked like a three-thousand-dollar silk suit. His full head of salt and pepper hair had been flawlessly styled by a master. His face was handsome, almost angelic, with a perfect tan.

He leapt to his feet the moment we approached, plastered a salesman's smile on his face, and stuck out his hand to shake. I took it and he said warmly, "Thank you for joining me. You must have a million questions so let's order lunch and we can talk.

The man had loads of charisma and I was oddly very hungry. So, I sat. The maître d handed me the menu and walked away. My new friend gave me a moment to look it over. Then he said in a friendly tone, "The special for the day is coq au vin. I'd suggest a good Pinot to accompany it."

Before I could say anything, he turned to the waiter and said, "We'll have the special and a bottle of 2017 Pascal Marchand Clos St Denis."

I was about to tell him that I always ate light at lunch when he added jovially, "Enjoy!! The food doesn't have any calories and you can eat as much as you want without filling up. That's one of the perks of dining here." Which brought him to the point of our discussion.

Gabriel leaned forward on his elbows, steepled his fingers and stared at me intently. He said, "I imagine you are a bit confused." That was an understatement.

Gabriel was still talking. He said reassuringly, "Many of our clients are that way - at least when they arrive as abruptly as you did. So, let me start this discussion by assuring you that you are indeed quite dead."

Dead??!! I don't know what your reaction would be. But mine was laughter. I always laugh at ridiculous statements. Once I got my breath back, I said, "That's insane. I don't feel dead. In fact I've never felt more alive."

Then I remembered that it had been a cold and rainy overcast day in Central Ohio less than an hour-and-a-half earlier. That got me thinking. So, I added casually, "Hypothetically, if I AM dead, what is this place then, heaven?"

Gabriel gave a little laugh and said, "Something like that." Then he got serious, "You and your lover joined us quite unexpectedly when her husband returned home to find you in-flagrente-delicto."

My new acquaintance added wryly, "Those sorts of discoveries are nearly always fatal. At least, if the husband is carrying a deer rifle. The thirty-aught-six bullet went right through both of you and embedded itself in the floor."

I gawked and choked out, "Seriously!!?? Really??!! Rick shot us!!?? I actually AM dead??!!"

Gabriel gave me the look that all good salesmen get when they are conveying sincerity as he said, "Oh, he most assuredly shot you. He plans to plead temporary insanity. His lawyer thinks that he has a great chance of acquittal given the circumstance." -- DANG!!

Then my new friend shifted gears, "As far as this place is concerned... just think of it as a way-station between your former life and a more advanced state. It is really nothing more than a place where imperfect souls can go to enhance their level of enlightenment."

I said growing panicked, "Improve their enlightenment??!! What the heck does that mean!!?? Are you telling me that this isn't heaven??!!"

The man was exuding sincerity, like he was selling me a timeshare. He said, "The closest concept you might understand is 'purgatory.' But that just sounds so creepy and medieval. We try to keep our

services aligned with the time. So, you should view this as a high-end retreat, or perhaps a spa."

Gabriel daintily blotted his lips with his napkin and added serenely, "You stay here while we judge whether you are ready to move on. I'm responsible for that. So, you can view me as your mentor."

I couldn't talk. I was buried under a tidal wave of emotion. He stopped for a moment to let his words sink in. Then he continued with, "We more enlightened spirits help problematic souls like yourself attain the requisite self-knowledge to progress."

Was this guy telling me he was an angel? Gabriel laughed and said self-deprecatingly, "We think of ourselves as people who have simply evolved to a higher state."

That sounded ominous. I said, "If I don't evolve, where do I go next?"

My new friend chuckled and added amused, "I know what you're thinking. But don't fret. The Hell that you're worried about doesn't exist. We simply sentence you back to earth."

I was throwing up a little in the back of my mouth as I said, "Seriously!!?? You're telling me that earth is the place where you send the people who flunk out of here!?"

For a second, Gabriel let his polished veneer slip and I saw his cards. He was more judge than mentor. He said darkly, "If we conclude that you're unredeemable, then we send you back to try once more. Of course you begin the process as an infant and the odds are high that you'll be born in the slums of Mumbai or scenic war-torn Aleppo, rather than Beverly Hills."

I was appalled. I said, "Are you telling me that I'll get sent back as a baby if I fail here? Even worse, there's no guarantee that my mom won't be an itinerant crack whore!!"

Gabriel looked inscrutable as he said, "That's the way it works. You were lucky that you landed in Ohio the last time, not Novosibirsk." I said astounded, "You mean I've been here before??!!"

He added smiling fondly, "Some of you humans go through the process over-and-over again. I hesitate to use the word "stupid." Maybe you're just late developers."

He said playfully, "You've always had a bit of a learning issue. You really need to find a way to think with your brain instead of that other organ." I sat back in my chair flabbergasted and said, "Oh my God!!! What do I have to do to get off this merry-go-round?"

Gabriel's face got a stern look as he said, "Please -- the Chairman doesn't approve of the residents taking his name in vain. But to answer your question, we are going to put you through the same education process that you've had so much difficulty comprehending in the past." Okay, I probably deserved that. But I couldn't remember any of my prior visits.

He added, "You will spend time in each of our two venues studying the human condition and assessing how you fit. We observe your reactions and test you. We start with the Hall of Truth and move up to the Hall of Consequences and from there you go to the Place of Choosing. At which point you will either move on, or you will be sent back to try again."

I gulped and said, "Any tips coach? How can I do better this time?"

He looked at me and said, "First of all, you have to get real about yourself. You have a fatal flaw. You have to eliminate that if you want to move on. I can't tell you what it is. You'll have to discover it yourself. I might add that you've been improving, and I have high hopes this time."

With that, he stood and offered me his hand. He said, "Enjoy the rest of your day. Our resort is a great place to unwind and have a marvelous time. Tonight, there's an introductory party for the new arrivals in the ballroom. You should go and meet your cohorts? In the meantime, I'll see you here at eight sharp tomorrow. We can have breakfast and get on with our day from there."

He gestured to the little man who was standing patiently by the terrace entrance and said, "Take my new friend up to his room and orient him as you go. He has to get to know the facility."

Then he turned to me and said in a cautionary tone, "Take this opportunity seriously and you'll make it this time. Now I have another appointment." He spun on his heel and strode away exuding power and energy. I turned to my little friend, gestured, and said, "Shall we?"

The entire place was laid out oddly. In general, it looked like Cancun, or South Beach with a row of massive hotel blocks facing the ocean. But each resort was on its own separate island. I said to my guide, "The hotels are isolated from each other. How do people get from place to place?"

My little friend said matter-of-factly, "They can't. The other resorts are for different souls. We would never allow a war criminal, or a serial killer to mix with ordinary sinners like yourself."

My companion's words reinforced the impression that I was in a deluxe prison. I said, "You mean to tell me these resorts all have unique populations based on their crimes on earth??!

He said mildly, "Yes, the people in your resort are here because they made bad choices in life. That defect is what we are attempting to rectify."

I had noticed another odd thing. A surprising percentage of the people I was with were elderly, so much so that the lobby looked like a Q-Tip box. I said, "The other thing I don't get is the number of old people. I can't believe that there are that many horny geezers."

The little man laughed politely and said, "There is no statute of limitations on adultery. You are responsible for your actions, even if your indiscretion occurred years in the past. If you stray you have to be held accountable. The mechanics of the universe would be disrupted if there wasn't a corresponding balance to each act. How else could we ensure that the cosmic ledger was in equilibrium."

I understood what he was saying, and it wasn't like I minded being around old folks. But it seriously restricted the number of people I could socialize with. We had nothing to talk about. It would be like hanging out with my old man.