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Click hereFumée (smiled): Thank you both for allowing me to pick this place. I could not come here on my own. Every time I tried, it felt like I was being tugged toward one of the tombs.
I told her I was happy to be able to be here with them both and to help her fulfill one of her personal wishes. I looked at Emmy and asked where she wanted to visit.
Emmy (smiled): Well Master, there is one place. But we would have to change our outfits for it.
I asked her what she wanted to do.
Emmy: I want to put us all in swimsuits; tiny bikinis for myself and Fumée and go for a swim in the Nile River.
I asked Fumée how that sounded to her and she just nodded and told Emmy to pick her a bikini. In an instant we were all changed into swimsuits and teleported to the edge of the Nile. We swam and splashed each other for a few hours then lay back on the bank basking in the sun. We even enjoyed a picnic lunch courtesy of a little Emmy magic.
Emmy (smiled): Master, next place we gotta swim in is one of the beaches in Ireland I heard the water and beaches are breathtaking.
I nodded my head and said that depends on Fumée. It's up to her whether we will continue the death threats or we will be a happy family.
Fumée (got a confused look on her face): What do you mean, it depends on me?
I rolled over and looked her in the eyes and said what I meant was that if we go back to the original way, her and Emmy will be back fighting. But if she decides she wants to be a part of our family then we could have a life together and visit all kinds of places.
Fumée (smiled): So wait. You're offering to let me join you and your girls permanently.
I put my hand on her cheek and said that if she decided to join us, Emmy and my other girls would gladly accept her as one of them.
Fumée (smiled): Let's see how the rest of this date goes and I will think about it.
I smiled and told her to take her time making the decision. I stood up and stretched out my hands to help both of them up. They each took a hand and I pulled them up to their feet. I told Emmy to put our original outfits back on so we can go eat dinner and then see if we can find a dance club.
.....to be continued
- COMMENTS
poreyb1999almost 7 years agoI Hope You Take This The Way I Mean It and not as I am picking apart your story but I have to ask why did you feel the need to kill off characters? 1 more thing the screen play idea while creative doe not realy work here. Ether then those points I love the story
Anonymousover 7 years ago... "a black mesh undershirt with a jacket that had slits up and down the arms topped off with a necklace and my hair slicked backwards."....
REALLY??? Is this guy your stereotypical Italian gigilo? Even a gay man wouldn't wear a jacket with slits in the arms. You definitely need a better fashion sense.
You have destroyed my minds image of him and the girls and have made them unbelievable characters.
Any woman that I have ever known over my entire life would have laughed themselves silly if someone they knew walked out in an outfit like that.
ReiDeBastosalmost 8 years agoCompnerd, I have enjoyed the story thus far, but wanted to offer you a couple of (what I hope are) constructive criticisms, and I hope that you will receive them in the spirit in which they are meant:
1. You need an editor, or at the very least, a proofreader. The errors/problems are mostly minor ones, but they are frequent enough that I was "pulled out of the sorry" so often that it became difficult at times to "get back into it". Problems like using the incorrect word ("desert" instead of "dessert", for example), changes in tense and/or perspective, and switched pronouns ("he" instead of "she" and vice versa) are just SOME of what I'm referring to. A competent editor or proofreader would catch these for you and help you to correct them before a chapter is even submitted, let alone is posted.
2. I don't think that the "screenplay-formatted" dialog works here, and is where the majority of the inadvertent changes in tense and perspective seem to occur.
Best regards,
-Rei
compnerdalmost 8 years agoAuthorthanks glad you like it and your right it was to setup for future events and it was mainly done to have the rest of the characters grow which you will be seeing in the next few chapters
Anonymousalmost 8 years agoWhile slightly disheartening to see two main characters leave the cast, it adds great character to the story and appropriately changes Scott's attitude towards how he much approach his work. It also sets up some potential plot for far later in story, or for a second series of this story, depending on what you have in mind.
May the words continue to flow easily from your fingertips.
-G
compnerdalmost 8 years agoAuthorDrevan first off i am happy that you are defending me and my story but it is not needed.
these people think i am writing this story for popularity which i am not i am writing this story because i had an idea and wanted to put it out for others to see. only reason i said anything about the low votes is because i want the people that vote low or vote period to leave feedback on what the reason was that they voted the way they do so i know what to correct. but so far the people that actually vote they just vote and do not give a reason for a lot vote which is very annoying i have posted another story on another website and those people on that site offered alot of feedback and gave me ideas to correct and make better but here nope none at all hardly out of every 10 votes i get 3 pieces of feedback the rest just vote with a fk you
Drevanalmost 8 years agoAs far as i am concerned this story is good as for the other people that are voting badly on this story especially this chapter it is not your story it is compnerds you should just feel privledged that he is allowing you all to read it
Hey compnerd you should ignore the ingrates im thinking maybe you should turn off voting that will teach these idiots to stop the BS
compnerdalmost 8 years agoAuthorlets see the girls were basically immortal could not be injured in normal ways, could not die from sickness, could not be killed by another Djiin
they were in Egypt at the time killing gracefully would have been good except for all those things going against it so there is the problem i was facing i figured a curse/magic was the best way sorry if you do not like it
