All Comments on 'Splashdown Ch. 05'

The thing I find about all this - besides the endless navel gazing which tends to go on and on; dude, get a content editor and _listen_ - is that while we get the point that he’s a great analyst and predictor of behavior, we still have no clue about WHY?I mean, for all the way she’s been presented, Peggy is behaving entirely contrary to how she’s portrayed?

I have a little experience in having women in a story where their behavior doesn’t match the way they are characterized, and this is a prime case in point. We have little to no indication as to why she is doing the things she is doing, only that she is doing them, which makes the story disjointed at best. You need two sides to a given unbalanced situation for the reader to truly empathize with the protagonist, or otherwise it’s just one sided emotional manipulation, and we aren’t getting that at all here.

If it’s just she’s a unconscious selfish narcissist, well, fine, but then Mr. Terrific Analyst, who seems to be able to accurately predict everyone else’s behavior, appears to have the worst case of self deluding conformation bias I’ve ever heard of. It just doesn’t ring true. If he’s so great at seeing behavior for what it is, then how could he have possibly missed this previously?

Still, for all the complaining I am doing here, this IS compelling, and I’m actually waiting impatiently for the next part to be published. I think it’s a terrific setting being used here, something unique, I’m just a little impatient for the story to progress, although it does seem like it is towards the end of this segment.

I hope to god the protagonist actually starts to have some agency in the story though, because he’s been talked up as a doer, and yet he’s done precious little so far but react and whine so far.

Peggy is such a bitch. She was fucking Alexi the whole 6 months and doesn't want to come back to hubby. 5 stars

It will be interesting to see how you end this story!

4

I regret choosing this story to read. Defect? What total bullshit.

Hope daddy keeps his promise.

Best part yet IMHO. Thanks and I can't wait for the next chapter.

CL I'm truly not liking how you are portraying Gary in this saga. He is coming across as a whining little bitch as well as a masochistic saint. Jesus, CL give the poor bastard some cajones!!!! You are in danger of turning many readers off from completing all the chapters of this tale, which would be a great pity

Ok, there’s an Interesting new twist, defecting to Russia is not a run of the mill plot device for an American astronaut. Bring on Ch. 06!

Thanks for writing!

Thankful the author took us through the entirety of the 6 month mission in this chapter instead of painfully subjecting us to a day by day account of it.

Seems odd to me that a story about Gary & Peg went an entire chapter without any direction interaction with Peg.

Unfortunately during the last couple paragraphs the author went back to having supposedly very intelligent people not be able to see the obvious point of the details they're discussing.

An unexpected additional 7 days of quarantine. Peg accepted the additional quarantine voluntarily with any duress. Satellite imagery shows her and the "unnamed" cosmonaut spending their time mostly alone at a small cottage near the military base. If Peg and the cosmonaut were still in quarantine wouldn't they actually be on the base in whatever medical facilities the base has available?

Seems pretty obvious Peg & Alexi are spending a romantic week at a cottage in the country before she has to return to America. Why is it Gary, Kathy, NASA ,& the CIA can't seem to come up with that opinion? Peggy defecting seems completely over the top. She's trying to have a sex filled week with Alexi in a location where she thinks Gary will never find out about it before she finally returns home and has to pretend to be a loving wife again.

The change to the perspectives created unnecessary repetition.

Peggy was always a Russian agent. She played her part well. She did like Gary and acted as a wife. The reason she never got as close to Gary is because she was playing a part.

She is now being debriefed. She was detached from Gary because she knew her assignment was ending. She was pushing herself away because she was trying to soften the blow when he finds out the truth. She cared at least a bit.

Your story is not brief that's for sure, however the depth that you took to get to chapter 5 is in essence what intrigues the readers. You breeze over the time between the Space Walk dialogue and the return of Peggy. Would it not make sense to make known whether the dialogue either by Skype or by email increased between Peggy and Gary after the Space Walk news briefing fiasco. Instead you go off to a scene at the beach between Kathy and Gary. Although there is some connection, this is a very weak part of your story in my opinion. You started this story very strongly and since then the faucet you opened at the outset is now only trickling any pertinent information.

Secondly, you created Peggy as the best friend and com;panion of her husband Gary. Little by little you have chipped away at her character in a manner I might add that is not very believable. You have added the possibility of esponage due to Gary's work. I would think that you might introduce a bit, or a large part of that in subsequent chapters. Lastly, I know this is fiction and you are entitled to a bit of journalistic discretion. However, in 2023, the idea that a communication black out was possible between the U.S. and Russia on a space mission that was completed in good faith as space partners is a bit much to swallow. There is no logical way to write that Peggy's parents and husband would have no contact with her after reentry is just propostorous. I hope you can adjust that situation a bit and good luck on the continuation of what was a great beginning to an interesting theme for a story. My advice is make it REAL, and not almost like science fiction. The appeal for me in following this story is the psychological connection between these troubled characters. Get back to your roots and continue to unravel the relationship bewteen a loving husband in Gary, and a driven astronaut in Peggy. The other stuff is just drivel and has little to no appeal for me.

Your story is not brief that's for sure, however the depth that you took to get to chapter 5 is in essence what intrigues the readers. You breeze over the time between the Space Walk dialogue and the return of Peggy. Would it not make sense to make known whether the dialogue either by Skype or by email increased between Peggy and Gary after the Space Walk news briefing fiasco. Instead you go off to a scene at the beach between Kathy and Gary. Although there is some connection, this is a very weak part of your story in my opinion. You started this story very strongly and since then the faucet you opened at the outset is now only trickling any pertinent information.

Secondly, you created Peggy as the best friend and com;panion of her husband Gary. Little by little you have chipped away at her character in a manner I might add that is not very believable. You have added the possibility of esponage due to Gary's work. I would think that you might introduce a bit, or a large part of that in subsequent chapters. Lastly, I know this is fiction and you are entitled to a bit of journalistic discretion. However, in 2023, the idea that a communication black out was possible between the U.S. and Russia on a space mission that was completed in good faith as space partners is a bit much to swallow. There is no logical way to write that Peggy's parents and husband would have no contact with her after reentry is just propostorous. I hope you can adjust that situation a bit and good luck on the continuation of what was a great beginning to an interesting theme for a story. My advice is make it REAL, and not almost like science fiction. The appeal for me in following this story is the psychological connection between these troubled characters. Get back to your roots and continue to unravel the relationship bewteen a loving husband in Gary, and a driven astronaut in Peggy. The other stuff is just drivel and has little to no appeal for me.

Are we ever going to get Peg's perspective? I'm tired of Gary's constant whining. Then you throw the quarantine at us which will result in more whining.

Enough already.

Crap wife's a cheating bitch who has fallen out of love with her husband.

Peggy continues to knife her husband in the back. Before, during, and after her mission. What a fucking POS Bitch. Gary needs to "wake up", even if she is the hottest hottie on the planet, she just doesn't care for Gary anymore. He needs to drop her like a hot potato. Worry, dread, whatever. Kathy would die for him and he is barely able to resist his urges for her. As a reader, I can't wait to find out her reasons for turning into such a POS Bitch to her hubby. If I was hubby, I'd have divorced her a dozen different times. Gary, Kathy is right there. Divorce the heartless cheating whore of a wife you have and move Kathy into your Bed and home. Peggy NEVER loved you if she can act this way.

I have gone thru a zillion women in my time on this planet. You can't go by what people say, if they are doing the opposite. If she says she loves you but sticks a knife in your back that isn't love. She is doing what she is doing on purpose. She is "shacking-up" with Alexi in their own private love nest in Russia. Of Course this has to Sanctioned by Russia for this to happen as Russia is risking an international problem for keeping a US astronaut in Russia. So there is a big reason for this happening. Russia would risk a big incident just cause of a female American astronaut falling in love with a Russian Male astronaut. Would they? No, not likely. Governments typically don't give a rat's ass about anyone. Govt. only cares about power. So, why would Russia be supporting such actions? Maybe like the other fellow said, she was already a Russian Spy? Can't be that, can it? Unless she was recruited by Alexi while Peggy trained at NASA. Regardless, If I was Gary, I would dump her in a heartbeat. Regardless of how sweet that pussy is, how big her tits are if she treats you like shit it is because she doesn't give a rat's ass about you. I don't see how the next chapter can avoid telling us the truth. Peggy is going to have to come home to the USA whether she wants to or not. Once she does she will have to go home and face her Husband and Kathy. The mystery will need to be revealed. Of course, she'll have to reveal she is carrying Alexi's baby cuz it will be showing by then. Hopefully, Gary will see this further betrayal and finally divorce this POS cheating Bitch of a wife. There is an awful lot of lettuce getting to the baloney in this sandwich. If Peggy finally comes back and changes her way toward Gary, then it will just lead to more heartbreak for Kathy. No, I suspect that Peggy is just going to reveal "how" and "why" she has stopped loving Gary and started cheating with Alexi. We always knew she was a horny woman, yet she went into space for 6 months and hubby knew she couldn't last 2 months. In fact, I won't be surprised if she was having orgies every day with all three Russian Cosmonaughts. Betrayal can't be much worse than that. At least, Gary, has Kathy pick up the pieces after the total betrayal by his wife Peggy. Such is life. I can't wait to find out. Hopefully not after another dozen chapters. But next chapter. Great reading so far, even if you are a little "long-winded" Thanks, Buster2U

It just keeps getting worse, never heard more complaining and whining in any stort

BTW - I think some of the other commenters here have excellent opinions.

Especially "Jezzaz" and "mike0422"

Up to now a lot of supposition from Gary and Kathy. Many have made their minds up about if Peggy has cheated. In reality, BOTH have cheated by having emotional affairs. Has Peg been physical? The truth is we don't know because we have not heard her side in this chapter.

Two things popped out at me in this installment.

(1) it's a testament to how mistreated Gary has been throughout this story that I half expected a reveal that Kathy was a foreign agent when she asked him about his scar.

(2) I think at this point it's abundantly clear that the relationship dynamic has never been equal: Gary loves Peggy; Peggy loves that Gary loves her

She's pregnant. The shot didn't work or something. That's why there wasn't any cameras when they landed. In Peggys section she would keep saying that Gary loves her but she never says she loves Gary.

Peggy deserves a divorce even if she didn't cheat after this BS. Imagine a situation where a mans obviously sweet on your woman. And your woman isn't exactly turning him down. He finds reasons to hang out with her and she's walking that line where she's attracted to him and likes his attention but hasn't cheated yet. Then you have that talk where you call out what's happening. Usually it gets flipped back at you with her saying you're being insecure. And sure as shit she sleep with him. We've all been there and the only reasonable answer is to set boundaries early and dump their ass as soon as they cross those boundaries. You don't need to wait until they actually cheat. That's what we have right here. Gary needs to bail.

Is she pregnant? Possible but would NASA have not known? Most of all if she is does Kathy know? I'm pretty certain she would do. We're still hearing about Gary's insecurities in fact I'm kinda getting pissed with him if I'm honest. Another point bothering me is why wasn't Peggy more thoroughly investigated given Gary's job?

I hope she defects, and the MC gets a life.

You going to destroy Gary.

I'm over ready to see this vile bitch burn at the stake. Hopefully her personal life and career is a smoldering heap when it's all said and done. Gary needs to go hardcore and become the avenger from hell. Hell, I'm even OK if he get some of his operator friends and the bitch's dad involved in the payback. There's just no other ending that will satisfy me. Who's with me????

I think it was a set up her test was to get pregnant and then get an abortion to see how. A fetus cells would react. And Peggy knew it from the start. That was her experiment

I would be screaming at press my wife was being held hostage against he. Will

Let’s see what’s next.

Badly done

Just one prolonged cuck story.. Pathetic

Will Gary be getting an invite to Peggy and Sergei's wedding? Baby christening?

SHITSTORM WARNING .... RED ALERT!

Drags worse than Russian winter.

Wow Captatn Obvious more and more about less and less.

3 stars

Wifey is portrayed as a dingbat airhead. Spaced out indeed. She hasn't acted appropriately as a wife once in all of the thousands and thousands of words expended on her behalf. At some point, dear author, a character like this one loses so much presence that the reader has no reason to be concerned about her whatsoever.

This is way too long for a BTB. Ut there can be no other e ding, unless an ASSteroid or so e Spa e Shit falls on Peg

Now it's getting personal. Is Gary going to open a can of 'Whup-Ass Brand Spinach" and go crazy-eyed Popeye on the Russians?

Gary é tão idiota , com tantos indícios que a esposa é uma puta traidora , mesmo assim ele não abre os olhos . Conto maravilhoso

Espero ansiosamente a próxima parte , por favor não nos deixe esperando mais 2 dias

2 This is the first story that I have had to skip whole chapters. The plot is an overblown soap opera. The first chapter should have been the last chapter: "You are a lying, manipulative, narcissitic sociopath. I want a divorce. Sign here." At the end of Chapter 5, it should say: "You are a deceptive, cheating space slut. I want a divorce based on adultery." End of story.

Thank you, Chopped! Another great effort!

I'm with many of the people below. Maybe she's defecting, but also this is a love tryst and more than likely she is pregnant. Maybe the extra five days is for an abortion? Who knows. I just wish Peggy would burn herself sooner than later and let Gary move on.

Does it take a week to get an abortion in Russia?

I just noticed the confusing wife tag. Someone go back in time and make me notice that earlier. Is this going to be a mystery novel centered around explaining her behavior? That's pretty neat.

Only in a comic book does a retired Marine Sergeant find the resources to annihilate a Russian city. Only in a comic book does he feel justified in doing so because his daughter held a Russian's hand. You're insulting our intelligence.

You really refuse to listen to your readers dont u? Is that hubris or megalomania????.... From day one majority of readers have been telling you to stop the verbal diahorria .... still u bombard us with meaningless reams of vomit that absolutly have nothing positive to contribute to the storyline!

you r in the fith chapter... and the same with proper editing and phrasing could have been conveyed in at most two chapters!

Additionally... you post alternate days...

As u said , if the whole story is ready... why dont u post the full thing here. Maybe we can then skip the unneeded part and go straight to those that actually mean something?

This story is a word delirium. Typical “skimming” story. The same story up to now could have been told in two chapters. **

a little reality: people coming back to earth from space cannot fuck right away. They can't even walk. And that was after 3 weeks, never mind six months.

But seriously, i feel for Gary. He's a way better man than me. I'd have already hooked up and left for greener pastures. No need to defect or anything. Once I wasn't getting letters, my interest in her would have waned to insignificance.

I think that he writer has constipation

CL was the statement, 'supposedly it was just some microbes,' code for she is already pregnant?

More thoughts, Chopped.

First: the hardest part is that I have to wait and stew while another chapter works it's way through the system to publication. I really appreciate you sharing these stories.

I've been watching space walks since they started. EVERY time astronuats land, there are cameras there to take pictures. Middle of the ocean? There are cameras. Cape Canaveral? Cameras. But in this instance, somehow, there are no images of the two returning astronauts, one of which is a female US citizen? And NASA/USA can't get access? If there isn't something nefarious, then it's not credible. It makes it sound more like the experiment was getting pregnant in space and determining the effects on the embryo. So she might even be showing. THAT would be a good reason for NASA to cover it all up.

But where is his "alphabet" organization? I am very surprised that they have not come through with information. Time for Gary to find an employer that appreciates him.

Ha, I'm here hoping you're going to give Gary a break here, soon! Let him hit rock bottom, divorce Peg, and get on with a good life.

She’s pregnant and stayed in Kazakhstan for an abortion.

~Spiny

Just so annoying, when will Gary start acting like the Gary you portrayed him as??

You know, take his balls out of his back pocket and put them on again and start acting like the man you told us he was?

1/5

Why did Kathy not ask Peg why should she could show affection to Alexi and none to her husband? Not sex, just simple affection? Why is she alone with the cosmonaut? Why was this accepted by the US? What are they seeing to determine she is not under duress?

Feeling like the next chapter is "Peg finds out she's pregnant".

drip drip drip

So now she has to go Russia? You aren't building suspense, you are dragging it out.

Weak, And Obnoxious

\

You apparently forgot that you made an issue about Gary getting the name of the guy she returned to earth with. He had to fight to get that name. And he finally got the name. Then you just ignored the issue without telling the reader the name, the name that Gary thought was so important. What a juvenile and lame attempt at suspense. "Oh, I know who she's shacked up with in Russia, but you're gonna have to keep on reading to find out." Grow up.

\

I wonder if Peggy will reminisce about how fucking her rocket man in zero gravity compares to fucking him on earth? Of course she's pregnant, or soon will be. Just a souvenir of her time as the space station bike. And of course Gary will offer to be house husband and nursemaid to her bastard child, allowing Alexi full conjugal visits. Laughable.

\

But your failure to acknowledge Peggy's military status, and the absurd premise that the Russian's can just keep her or that Peggy can just extend her visit with the Russians is beyond science fiction. A NASA team would be on the ground to receive a returning American astronaut, assess her condition, and keep her from any undue influence or meddling from the Russians. You do know that Peggy has classified information about the American Space Program that the Russians might want? The premise that Peggy can just ghost her military superiors and her mission is an insult to our intelligence. Which we probably have earned since we are reading this farce and expecting Anything real or believable.

\

You're right; fuck us. If we're dumb enough to read this dreck your contempt for our intelligence is warranted. Thanks for the effort.

Sorry but your depiction of the whole situation and how the main charactures are performing, is making them out to be like stupid teenagers. "Does he love me, do I love her...". Extremely immature. Nothing like how any type of Astronaut/Cosmonaut would perform following around 8-10 years of intensive training!

Also, the constant suggestions that Gary is some "super spook" with a vast array of skills and very high ranked "contacts" in political and military areas, is also ridiculous. Particularly that stupid speech given to the Russian Cosmonaut by his father?? her father?? Having been involved in Special Forces I know a useless moron like Gary would never be bought along on a mission. The Operatives are trained to do a huge variety of things and do NOT need a desk-bound Rupert to baby-sit.

Well great writing.

But no way would the wife of someone in his position be allowed to go with 3 russians.

And really sound like she has left him.

And the 2 are alone, in a house?

Sort of says it all

Sorry but what is this story about? About a fool who sacrifies for a selfish cunt? His bahivor makes him deserve what is going on. Please don‘t have them consiliate later again. Some revenge wouls pike this overlasting story.

So Peggy had zero contact with Gary for the remainder of the trip?? WTF??

ChoppedLiver - you are such a dumb fuck. Although this is a better chapter it's infuriating to read. I'm just scanning chapters now. You've created a Peyton Place story. And you've made Gary look like a pathetic wimp - your main fucking character. Give the guy his balls back!!!!!!!!!!!

Good that you are taking some of the constructive criticism and hopefully ignoring the wild rants. Most of the rants come from people that have never written a story in their lives much less one as good as this.

Look, your core story is interesting, but the way you drag it out is interminable. Did we really need a whole page about hiim doing spy shit?

What you really need to do is ask yourself "Do I need this paragraph? If it wasn't here, would my story be ruined?" Then delete most of the ones where the answer is no.

You said you had read to the comments and realised your mistakes and are changing accordingly. But you are still fluffing along over doing every thought. You need to get your head out of your ass and write a story not a whole set of encyclopeadia. You are up and down with the characters so much l wonder if you are on drugs and dont know where to go. You could be a reasonable writer if you listened and learnt. So far this whole story could fit into a couple of chapters not 5.

Lordy…..what a slog.

.

First and foremost — the absolute lack of seeing any — ANY!! — communication between Gary and Pegs all this time is just nuts! Unreal! Ridiculous! Especially after Pegs was essentially read the riot act by her father, and then Kathy! At the very least, daily interaction of some sort should be taking place. Yet nothing 😱

.

Secondly….the lack of information about the landing….apparently you have it land in Russia? WTF? But then…that’s needed so that hubby can plan a rescue mission, right 🥳

.

Sigh…..just too contrived.

.

3 ***

So i am skimming now.

Personally i would have stayed at home.

If and when she returns so be it.

Never have I read an author who has written so many words and said less. This story could have been told in a quarter of space it has taken up.

This story is way too long. It should be a third the length. Even skimming it gleans all I need to know.

I like the story. Peggy 8s a bitch and he needs to dump her.

Ok, the train wreck continues. Really? You basically skip the 2nd half of the space mission, and go to re-entry and “extended quarantine” that is not a quarantine at all otherwise they would be in a Medical facility. So now what? Seal Team Six goes in to rescue her? She becomes a pariah for consorting with the enemy? What happened the great love story that was basis of the beginning of the story? My 5 stars have gone to 1 star, but that is really for making us wait a day between chapters. Ugh!

Still a bit wordy, but better. Poor Gary is a wimp assed pussyfied cuck. She shagging her russian comrade. He don’t see it? Wimp!!!

I'm done. I thought I could make it until you actually took the advice of 99% of the commentors, but you're too stubborn and just want to crash and burn. Do you not see your plummeting scores or do you not care?

I won't be reading another chapter or story from you again.

I hate to have to say this, but this is starting to remind me of a Matt Moreau story, and that isn’t meant in a complimentary way. We’ve now been treated to twenty-odd pages of Peggy doing things that she KNOWS injure her husband, and for very poorly-explained reasons she continues doing them, although she always has an excuse that boils down to “Well, I just didn’t think about how it might affect Gary.” That’s when she’s not saying “Yes, I know I’m really hurting the person I supposedly love more than anyone else in the world, but I’d actually have to take responsibility for causing all this pain in order to be able to stop doing it, and my self-image wouldn’t let me do that.” One has to wonder if Peggy is doing all this more-or-less deliberately because at some level her psyche needs for Gary to continually prove how much he loves her, and the only way she can be certain of that is to cause him pain that she can see in his eyes and demeanor..

And Gary continues to suffer nobly, because he puts Peggy’s career above himself. It’s been some time since I’ve read a story here with two less-sympathetic central characters.

There is simply too much verbiage here, and it’s repetitive. Frankly, it’s getting boring. If this had been posted as a single piece in Novels and Novellas I would long since have flipped to the last two pages to see how you resolved it, and moved on to something more interesting.

So I guess I’ll just skip over the next five chapters and take a look at the last one.

Love the story. Hate that bitch. The instant she's safe on US soil, dump the cunt.

Jason,

Fun theory but I don't think so.

Way, WAY too much drama. Dragging out a good story with soap opera.

Could it be that I've already read your story on another site? Have you published the story before?

I've figured it out! Gary is a transman, which is why he has the psychological profile of a woman.

Toxic feminism lives rent free in this author's head.

So why not go to the press?

CL, Great story, I’m enjoying the hell out of it. You are a talented writer. Thank you again for your work.

The writing is good to very good. However I can only give this 3 stars. The story drags at times. If the dragging is removed this would be a much shorter and tighter story. It this becomes a RAAC after all the pain, angst, and unknown Gary is put through this will be a horrible series of chapters. There are good RAAC's but this cannot be one of them due to the level of abuse the MC has gone through.

While I could see Gary and Kathy getting very close, Peggy's action's on reentry are really a twist! Sheez! Don't keep us hanging too long.

Gonna have to do an about face here, and say that I LIKED this chapter. After calling the last few 'verbal diarrhea' it seems like contradiction, but this one seemed to flow much better. Even the phone call from Kathy to her mom was cut short while just getting started. Sure, it's a soap opera, but the story line is extremely interesting. Enough to overlook the huge discrepancy of no mention of the launch- lift off, extreme G's, entering space, hooking up with the space lab, the actual space walk (mentioned, but only with the soap opera connection). Her connection of her 'experiment' in space, well, we don't even know what it is. But, her hand holding with Alexi, now THAT we know all about. Still, much improved story.

Regardless how I felt about her before or during her space flight the fact that she was staying in Russia "without duress* would be the final nail in the coffin. To quote an old adage"it's all over except the tears" . This is obviously her wanting alone time with the man she is infatuated with that she couldn't get on the ISS. The quarantine is a weak cover story that she has to know wouldn't pass her super analytical husband's senses. Especially with NASA obviously having no idea about it. This is just another in a long line of slights by his supposedly intelligent but obviously socially stupid wife. Like holding hands in front of your dad, wtf was that? I'm friends with a lot of females, some that I even have had relations with or have sexual chemistry with, and we do not hold hands. Kathy has been wonderful and a true friend even when she harbors feelings for him, my fear is she is just to close to NASA and their situation to survive it's imminent implosion with their relationship intact.

The only person I have respect for is Peggy's father.

Story is getting better, but still too long.

If the story is complete, can you post more chapters at the same time? Dragging g this out is making me lose interest.

Key phrase in this chapter - “. . . covered by the official secrets act.” We know there’s an alphabet agency and that Gary is an analyst who sometimes needs to tag along to better see things ( think Clancy’s Ryan). We also know that Gary told Peggy that his scar was thanks to a communist’s pal. And further we know that Gary had observed enough on that ill-fated mission to ultimately consider it a success. “Paranoia strikes deep . . .” Is this all an elaborate attempt by the Russians to lure Gary (and now, possibly, Peggy’s father? - that one more out of malice for embarrassing one of their own) into trying to “rescue” Peggy? Then, once they capture Gary, get him to spill all the information he has? Now, none of this excuses the absolutely horrible behavior by Peggy before, during, and after her mission, but it sure may account for eleven chapters - - -

Now the story is getting good 5 stars for this part

This is easily the best episode so far. Less wordiness, less self-pity. I await the next segment eagerly.

I'm over ready to see this vile bitch burn at the stake. Hopefully her personal life and career is a smoldering heap when it's all said and done. Gary needs to go hardcore and become the avenger from hell. Hell, I'm even OK if he get some of his operator friends and the bitch's dad involved in the payback. There's just no other ending that will satisfy me. Who's with me????

Anon you really,

Maybe it’s because the author is writing for intelligent people only

This chapter had better flow. Thanks for making that effort. I don't think Peggy realizes her husband's love isn't bottomless. She'll probably defect. Idk. But whatever fantasy she has will lose its glitter, and she'll eventually want good ol' reliable hubby. Hopefully by the. He's happy and long gone, and she learns a very painful but real lesson. Love is about effort and work. She's fairly spoiled right now. But that train doesn't last forever, not even for the most blessed people.

Perhaps Putin will do Gary a favor by e executing her.

Fortunately, I'm not a writer, so I don't get impatient with the things some here do. I like the story. It is quite different from most everything else I've read on Literotica. I look forward to reading how you resolve what seems to be a complex problem.

Kurmugin

You still don’t get it. You write characters that don’t exist e.g., heroically (in your mind) emotionally intuitive- to the extreme. Over and over and over. The reading of it isn’t entertaining it’s painful. I skipped paragraph after paragraph bc of the tedium overload of needless, repetitious introspection and dialogue.

Brother this is getting worse with each chapter. Long winded and all that useless talking.

What a crock of shit this story is turning into. 1*

Chapter FIVE gives us quite an unforeseen plot twist. A cliff hanger like that makes it hard not to speculate about what's going to happen next.

You said early on that all eleven chapters are completely finished. So I understand NOT re-writing and editing at this point to appease critics. I say stick to your guns and get the rest published as soon as possible. I'm anxious to know how this ends. :-)

While it’s possible she’s in quarantine to get an abortion, my bet is she’s just having a weeklong fuckfest with Alexi before going home. I mean, assuming the chemicals really shut down her reproductive system. The weeklong romantic fling fits very well with her as she has been presented in the story. She always comes first.

He shoulda been banging Kathy, relieve some mutual stress. Hell, knock em both up

I read the first and last sentence of each paragraph. I don't think I missed much...

Still continues to be a great story, well written and fascinating. Please bring on more and quickly.

Wow more twists and turns that the road to Hana! You’re keeping me on the edge of my seat. Great story, keep it going. 5*

Just too many plot gaps this time for me to continue to upgrade the score based on narrative ability and flow. Although Kathy specifically told Peg after the walk to contact Gary more, and the blowup with her father, you have no mention of ANY communications between them after the walk? While hinted at, way back in the beginning you alluded to the fact that both Peg and Gary had very high libidos. The following chapters identify how Peg had her's addressed but we turn Gary into an emotional eunuch? The other miss, and you would likely not understand it fully, is the black world Gary operates in is a very, very tight knit group. While they may have removed him from classified/sensitive information during the flight, they would have given him tons of emotional support. They would NOT have EVER cast him aside like you've done in this series. I could go on, but several have already identified other gaps. 3* this time out...

Keep GOING (If for no other reason but piss off your detractors LOL!) By the way, it's the Espionage Act here in the U.S.