All Comments on 'Splashdown Ch. 07'

Let’s try this: the individual at NASA who is compromised is someone who had a crush on Gary in high school, but Gary was never aware of this individual’s feelings. However, she ( or he? ) still felt rejected and was finally given a chance to “get even” by messing with Peggy’s drugs. And the Russians really are after Gary because one of his plans caused a Russian op to implode and the individual who had conceived and executed that op was embarrassed and swore to get even. Makes as much sense as anything else.

This whole thing should have been a 3 page story. The guy is a spineless cuck and should have dumped her before she left. Now it's his fault in this chapter????

repetition repetition repetition repetition repetition

And you just invalidates the entire premise of the story. I’m guessing you even you couldn’t figure out how to spin bullshit enough that would keep them together despite the massive disrespect, lack of love and care she showed her husband. So, you copped out and pulled the rape angle.

On a different note, get an editor. Half your chapters are just blah words that should have been cut before publishing.

As it was said from the first chapters, this is just a cheating/cuck story dressed with a totally unbelievable space adventure plot. There is almost nothing serious related to the Space mission and about 90% of the story is spent to the endless psycho-dialogues, trying to legitimate the cheating/cuckolding events, with weak excuses (double cheating, rape drugs). Now what ? The do-nothing cuck-husband is going nuclear against the bad russian guys ? Would be different if the three studs who bred the b1tch-wife were americans ? Ridiculous plot.

well each chapter can be summed up in one page. I hate to think what is coming in the next chapter, but okay you have my curiosity so I guess I will read all the mind boggling thoughts from someone with a Obsessive-compulsive disorder

Lost meets War and Peace meets I am a cuck and proud. TC Ireland

What I find really sad is that a good idea for a story as turned into this cluster fuck. Hopefully the author will allow other authors to give this a spin and see if they can save the good ideas from the story.

I'm really only reading this now to see how fucked up Gary can be written.

On page three Peggy stated "My cell has no reception in these walls". To me this means she is safe within a US government facility, but still in Russia, probably the US Embassy. Reason? Embassies and similar buildings have built-in shielding to block cell phone communications, especially to prohibit eavesdropping from the local foreign spooks. Highly likely the next chapter will see her set foot on American soil again, and hopefully a face to face showdown with her husband. There is still a possibility she may be pregnant nevertheless.

Bazza

Page 4 and I quote.

It's terribly convoluted.

Yes, yes it is, but its also very repetitive as well.

Somehow Peg has become the less unlikable of the three.

Convoluted to the max. So stupid.

And since it wasn't a contraceptive, she's pregnant, and because of course no one is checking, we get yet another blow to the relationship.

Your last sentence says it all “ I looked up at Kathy. "And none of that addresses the central question that existed before this whole mess materialized."

The central question on all the readers’ minds is “ why did I click on this link at chapter 1 and continue to waste so much time reading this ridiculous redundant rerun of a story.

My eighth grade English teacher always said “Be concise! Write less but with more punch!” That lesson served me well through college, university and grad school. She also thought correct spelling, proper punctuation and exacting proof reading counted, but that’s a whole other rant.

This started out with a great deal of promise, but you are losing me. The implausibilities are piling up and the interminable dialogue is getting tedious.

I can't make myself believe (I am actually pretty good at accepting things for the sake of a story but this is too much) that NASA would ever allow the ISS to be occupied by three Russian men and one horny US female. A mole isn't going to be able to override the bureaucracy to arrange all this. The Russians would need to be crazy to hold an astronaut incommunicado, particularly as you point out that they needed our money at the time.

That poor equine carcass is getting quite the flogging. The story is becoming increasingly dialogue-driven and I feel like I am reading a mediocre Harlequin novel. There isn't enough development to justify the length of the story. It just feels padded.

The story is roughly two-thirds complete so I will probably stick with it, but I am losing faith that it will stage a comeback. It started off so well and I am disappointed.

This is now firmly rubbish. I now enjoy reading the comments and have ditched the story. The comments are far more entertaining than the rubbish story, imagine that???

Shows when that happens how off the planet this story is.

1/5

You’ve clearly put in quite a bit of time on this effort and there are a number of elements that are done well - dialogue and storyline in particular. However, it’s ridiculously bloated with redundancies and irrelevancies. It shouldn’t take 28 pages to convey that she cut him off and broke her vows, which somehow triggered potential national security concerns. I’ll continue skimming the series but it’s lost all dramatic effect and tension due to the pacing.

Tedious.

Shades of brillance in your writing. Yet too much dribble. I have appreciated the psychological battles, but 1/2 to 2/3rds of this story should be scuttled. I won't be reading anymore.

Got to agree with most comment about too much verbiage to get your scene established but I doubt if there will be any changes in future chapters since you have finished the story. Having that in mind I look forward to the appearance of the next chapter. Only point that I can't accept in you story about the space mission is that there were no US NASA personnel with the recovery team. Peg was their baby and they would never leave her in the hands of strangers.

Peg gets a free pass, the Russians commit an act of war and all they do is sit aound and talk about it? Fuck this shit. One star for the series.

Tell me when the nasa and russkie die!

Hi! I live stories with lots of psychological elements, reflection and few sex. But honestly, in my own opinion, you are taking it a bit far:

- still lots of repetition and some paragraphs coûd be heavily reduced

- The publishing frequency leaves on the side of the road, as poor Gary

I love the plot don’t get me wrong, but it’s getting frustrating to read honestly. It still can go in 3 directions though…

Thanks for sharing

Great story but will agree some passages were way to draw out . This story does not end here I hope you have left way too much hanging , including this reader. Reach a ending of any sort as this is just rude.

Gave it a five just to spite you comic book reading pussies. 😁

Sith

So far. Who fucked around with the shots?

Just a few small things... Gary & Peggy? Didn't those names go out in the 70s?

Wouldn't a US contingent be on site for the landing and take her in hand before Andrei could get to her?

How about some covert action to put Andrei in Guantanamo for the rest of his life?

Just a thought.

I think that Gary and Pegs dad need to kick some commie butt. I think the cosmonaut drugged Pegs to get back at her dad for threatening him after the space walk,

LAME

A

M

E

Kathy >>> Peggy

Simple as.

I absolutely love the first chapter. But all the ensuing chapters Have become a voluminous regurgitation of the same stuff. I give up.

The speechifying is back and so is the frothy language. It may seem niggling but editing errors detract the reader away from the story. I've always found editing to take as much time and usually more than writing the first draft.

Bizarrely complex Romance version of Femdom agitprop, involving spy agencies and space travel. Not much erotica or loving wife here. Belongs in a Romance section?

BTW readers of Loving Wives are not interested in the cuck’s rehab but in the hotwife-cuck relationship.

I think it was Mark Twain who once remarked about one of his books, "If I'd had more time, it would have been shorter." This turgid grossly over-written novel about a navel gazing "intelligence analyst" (now there's an oxymoron for you) is about as interesting as an advanced case of jock itch. Why didn't you streamline this? I assume the author has professional writing aspirations. If this shit sells, I'm going to set up a roomful of rhesus monkeys with laptops and I'll be rich in no time if there is a market for overwrought verbal diarrhea. At this point I'm just skimming as quickly as possible so I can give this the 1 star it so richly deserves. I hope you end this with all the characters dying painful deaths.

I'm jumping chapters and find myself bored.....

A good writer ruined this tale by turning what should have been a 1 or 2 chapter story into this mess. I can't recommend anyone spend time laboring over reading this lengthy mess. This writer shows promise if he can restrain his wordiness in the future.

Can we please get on with this