All Comments on 'Splashdown Ch. 07'

Lol.

Explain it again, only use more words?

Now we are comparing dick sizes, jeez.

Another four pages and we are still non the wiser.

OK, I've read this far. The doctored pharmaceuticals was pretty obvious.

That entire multipage "my mom's story" Cut it. All of it. It's wasted verbiage.

Write better, not more. Your extra exposition isn't getting you anything, and this isn't a college lit class where you are graded based on word count.

It's a fine story, but halfway through I was ready to give up. Then it dawned on me. What you have written is a screenplay. With all of the emotions described so thoroughly. We came to understand the main character's morals, and analytical talents, but you find it necessary to explain it repeatedly. I'm sure that the total eleven chapters would make a compelling two hour movie, but it becomes a little tedious to spend so much time reading it. I will finish the chapters that follow, and give my rating then...

Thanks

"Do many dots to connect".

Er, no. Just far too many words, run on sentences and shonky analogies.

Get a grip and get your story told.

And on it goes!

3

Tell the story and delete the drawn-out dialog.

Never ever end a sentence with a preposition, which is English grammar taught in grade school.

So, Kathy, why do you like having your tit held?

Sooo ... check the Pharma Log, find the doctor/assistant who compiled the drugs and have a "friendly" conversation. This is not just the work of a single "enemy" agent, there is more to it. The injection was tampered with before the mission began, and even that was not noticed by anyone with blood results ?

Every description of the drug would be recorded and reviewed, the cargo for the mission? Who put it together, no one checked it?

I think when it comes to spaceflight there are more safety nets than Fedex / UPS?

You have written one of the greatest skimming stories of all time

Some actual movement in this chapter but too little, too late. You've sucked out whatever joy was in this story with your overwrought dialogue and double entendres that would make a ten year old groan.

While the whole thing about Peggy being given a cocktail of date rape drugs after she landed does allow for some world class mental gymnastics the only part of this I'm interested in after reading 4 more pages of repetitious stuff is this ... Who at NASA is compromised?

Peggy was pressured to make an instantaneous choice about her birth control without consulting Gary. Then the injection she was actually given isn't the one she chose. The last shot before she went up and the one she gave herself while in space were both saline solution.

The international intrigue portion has f this is fascinating. When we eventually get to Peg & Gary having the face to face conversation they desperately need ...that should be fascinating.

The rest of the words being written are just convoluted, emotional filler that keep extending the length of this story well beyond what it needed to be.

I bet there is a 5* story buried deep inside this wordy hot mess.

But that is just a guess.

First things first. Much better pacing on this one.

That said, Kathy's attempt to compare her father to Gary, and suggest that because Kathy's father stood by her mom Gary should stick by Peggy doesn't work for me. 2 big distinctions: (1) Kathy's mom and dad were not in any sort of committed relationship when she went on her date with the other boy. She owed him no fidelity and he had no reasonable expectation of 'purity' from her. (2) Kathy's mom was a CHILD at the time. She did not have a fully developed prefrontal cortex, and lacked the inhibitory control and social skills that adults are supposed to have. Neither of these mitigating factors exists (or at least should not exist) in this case. (1) Peggy DID owe Gary her fidelity and loyalty; (2) Peggy is ostensibly a fully-functional adult. She is, throughout this story, either reduced to an animal (a creature constantly 'in heat' and unable to control her physical urges without chemical suppression) or to a child (per above). This is not fair to Peggy, as it strips her of her agency. And it's not fair to Gary, who deserves a fully functional human adult as a partner. It is also somewhat hard to believe, given who these people are. That said, Lisa Nowak exists, so I guess there's precedent for astronauts acting like morons.

Of course all of this is eventually moot because everything is to be excused through the LW trope of the date rape drug cocktail. Somewhat disappointed that this plot element was added. It would probably be a more powerful story if she simply could no longer control herself and/or that Alexi seduced her without chemical assistance.

Regardless, I'm still enjoying the story, and still enjoy your stylized dialog. Looking forward to the next installment.

Well written, of course. BUT ... it REALLY drags on AND the MC is a pathetic dweeb.

How do you destroy what could have been a very good thriller, 70,000 words. Your attempt to be Gary the annalist through out the whole tale has only made Gary look like a buffed up nerd cuckold, Peggy look like blond nit whit and Kathy look like the closet lesbian that wants to fuck her father.

When this space adventure is over, it would be great to see a rewrite taking out all of the useless filler. it might still hit 50,000 words, but at least it would be readable.

The main issue I have with the plot is that I don’t understand that if they gave Peg a routine blood test that found these drugs after the hormone had almost disappeared, why was it that it did not show up before she lifted off to go to space in her blood tests? Well? This is a suspension of belief too far… unless it is the head of NASA! Dah, dah, … daahh!

Boy, color me red. This story is at 94,000 words with four more chapters. So instead of 70,000 words the projection is 147,000. If the voting continues the way it is, as a whole story you will end up with 3.4 a far cry from the 4.19 you started with. It wasn't that, 'Life has gotten in the way a few times lately,' it was it was the desire to write an epic porn story. You write wonderful sex scenes, except you blabber on to much about it. You write great spy scenario's, but then leave the reader with more questions than answers.

Like all stories that take forever to tell, this one is burning up in reentry.

I'm done. Can't read any more of this overly wordy dramatic crap.

The hits keep coming. We find out that the date from Peg's experiment was trashed. Then we find out the materials in Peg's experiment had been replaced with inert substances. Then we find that the experiment had already been performed by remote control in a satellite. We find that NASA had never considered Peg to be competent or suitable for space flight and that NASA never wanted the experiment. Peg had been groomed and manipulated for years for only this outcome. The planning began soon after she started dating the MC. Even her parents were in on it.

Argh! strip out 3/4s of this and there might be some kind of story in there. I am skipping many paragraphs at a time to find the pertinent information. The rest of the story should be Gary hunting down Alexei and castrating him. Then the Russians won't have any bragging rights. Do it right in Moscow under their noses so they know they are not untouchable. Then finish this silly story.

Too many words are getting in the way of a good story... and even with the ridiculous number of words... Kathy is a two timing bitch, not a supportive "friend". Please refocus the story...

Agree with this being too wordy. I skim

through a lot of it. I'm hanging in there

but barely. Need to get more of Peg's

perspective. It was disappointing that

you skipped over the details of her escape.

Way too wordy and whiny. Could have been over in about seven pages, not chapters

Thank you, Chopped. I'm afraid that we, the readers, don't always express the appreciation you deserve for writing a story and putting it out there for others to read. For FREE! Me, I really appreciated it.

People here have been saying that you are too wordy. Maybe, IDK. However, I found it interesting that you took the effort in the dialog with Kathy, to explicitly lay out the whole problem (Ok, sounds like there is more, we'll see next time). Doesn't resolve anything, though. And Gary and Kathy didn't help matters (at least on the Peggy Front) by all-but-screwing each other. And just for the record, if I were to pull that stunt with another woman, my wife would DEFINITELY see it as having sex and cheating. Gary/Kathy's relationship has certainly morphed from friendship into an emotional affair.

Looking forward to the next chapter. Again, thank you!

My issue isn’t so much that it is too wordy (because it is!) but that people do not speak that formally to each other. Nor do they discuss, ad nauseam, every little thought. The dialogue is much too formal, too esoteric, to high brow which is impeding even the slow movement of the story forward. There is a good story line in there, but they need to know when to just shut the hell up!

Somebody at NASA obviously hates the CIA. Enough to totally stuff up Peggy's libido suppressing meds, and work in cahoots with the Russian's plan to embarrass Gary's employer. It sounds like the days at the love nest were a glorified gang bang, with everything faithfully recorded on high viz technicolor. It's a shame this chapter got three pages of 'non-lovemaking' between Kathy and Gary and only less than a page of contact with Peggy.

I think that we readers are being given a vigorous colonoscopy with an inverted wire brush the size of a Christmas tree. Brings tears to one's eyes.

Bazza

so Kathy's father was a cuck which explains why she like Gary the cuck

TOLD YA !! TOLD YA !! reconciliation at all costs. WOW... sooo Predictable and soooo well BORING.

Authors... when in doubt ..." the wife was drugged " . But ya know what makes this even worse?

there are soooo many Holes in this chapter's silly absurd explanation that do not mesh with what we saw/ read on Chapters 1 through 6.

Story has long since gone off the rails! Only verbal Vinit and hypocritical assessments going on! Sorry ! Not my cup of tea!

Utterly insipid nonsense. Reminds me of the old series Alias. In every episode the viewer was faced so many plot holes… so many deux ex machina off stage entrants to bridge the constant serving of illogic that it actually became comedic rather than suspenseful. The whole series morphed into a tortuous chaotic mess that simply wasn’t worth the time anymore.

This tortuous melodrama has so devolved that it like Alias simply isn’t worth the effort anymore. Yes it is way WAY too long. You have violated the metanarrative logic so often that like Alias your Melodrama has devolved into tortuous comedy. The deux ex machina off stage entrances have gotten so frequent and utterly absurd that the metanarrative has utterly collapsed. This utterly absurd inanity of the off stage entrance of her rape by the Russians using un specified NASA moles supposedly rigging her injections is just too stupid to believe. This utterly breaks the whole mess and forces the reader to scramble to piece some form of meaning from this chaotic and frankly unrelated pile of story

Fragments.

Thus you have utterly failed in to properly persuade your reader to suspend there disbelief.

In short Epic Fail

1 star

Maybe, no one tells Peg about the drugs in her system. She’s the reticent, remorseful wife, desperately trying to make up to her husband.

Meanwhile, Gary works on the downlow with his sources and ‘contacts’ to figure out who at NASA fucked with Peg’s ‘baby cocktail’ and sets up a fake double-cross, making Russia and the space agency point fingers at each other. Or just take a page out of the Putin- Zalinsky playbook.

Still a lot of redundancy and unnecessary dialogue, but damned good plot. The challenge for your future stories is to take 2 paragraphs of dialogue down to two sentences. That, along with your stellar imagination will take you into solar orbit!

Cookingwithgas

If he's right and she shows no contrition because she "blames him for his part in tarnishing her greatest achievement" then she is irredeemable. Time to jettison her and give yourself time to grieve. Maybe then he could enjoy the fruits of Kathy's lust without his damned self righteous code getting in the way. That girl is on his team and proud to be there. You reward that kind of loyalty.

1☆ this go round. I know, you have already written what has been submitted. It seems to have become two steps forward and one step backwards. I think by the time this is done I will be much older.

I thought it was supposed to be about Peg. Everything now is about Kathy which is boring and shameful on her part. This was by far the most wasteful chapter in the story. Honestly I started reading the first paragraphs then skimmed through to the end when all I saw was Kathy’s name. Readers comment about Peg’s character but all the last chapters have been about Kathy. I would like to hear about Peg and from her not all Kathy’s assessments.

Well that's about enough, I just don't care anymore it's got to long and boring

I think you could have safely trimmed this chapter down to a paragraph and still had the necessary parts to the story. Way too much bloat.

AH. Ok this is going the route of RAAC.

Because she was drugged, so all is well.

Forgiveness is a must. Now that Gary and Kath had sex...

All is even then. So RAAC it is....

What I can't understand is:

Why is she always in Gary's house??!

Was Kathy hired by Peggy to be Gary's NANNY?!

/

So all those space race tech and USA vs. Russia intrigues, this story turned out to be --

COMPARING DICKS???!!

/

This series is getting dumber.

This has to be the longest RAAC story ever posted on here.

Most of this story is either repetitive, not needed, or the 3 pathetic people trying to grasp for anything to justify cheating so it can be a RAAC ending with Peggy getting to keep her husband, have his children, live a long happy life together ending with spoiling their grandchildren.

A giant 4-wheel drive truck that spent 4 pages revving its engine mightily, shooting a ton of mud everywhere, and went nowhere, it just dug itself even deeper into the mud, into the hole it was already in.

Sorry, but your story is becoming more and more of a torture. Who wants to have to read all this stupid gibberish? It would be really helpful if you could finally get to the point and have real action in the story!

There are no more words, just this plot is more than unbelievable, it's ridiculous. These comic characters, so called 'adults' and 'responsible', with high level responsibility jobs, have been behaving from the start like immature teenagers. After the consolation prize for the cuck-husband, just to compensate the cheating of the b1tch-wife, now it's all fault of the bad russians and the rape drugs ? What was this international scientific, billion dollars funded, NASA trip, a night in a disco-club ? So, the cute b1tch wife goes in a disco club for a whole night without her husband, together with three young and handsome guys, with the full approval of the cuck-husband, and when she come back home after a full orgy without any protection, the wife is whining since it's not her fault and her husband keep telling he loves her and he is ready to raise the bastard child. What is it, a joke ?

Since I read 100 pages per hour the length is not painful to me but I see your critic’s point, Very good capture of the analysts mindset. This is what they do, agonizing every angle, turning over every rock and making sure they analyze new data in light of everything previous. It is maddening but when it is time to kill people and break things it usually goes very well. Except this time he is trying to save something - from her betrayal which is her disregard for her partner from the very start. He is a distant second in her life. If she can’t see this and fix herself she is gone.

I figured that he was the target right along but her actions were more hurtful than the enemies stupid plan. Their plan was stupid because when families are targeted the response is usually very lethal and not proportional. Let the enhanced interrogations begin! If the agency flinches, Gary has personal operational capability and he has US marines available. Daddy will not even blink if called.

And it gets worse and worse.

This is a post mortem message. I listened to all the bullshit, waded through the self doubt, waddled through the weak chess game, then shot myself in the head so I wouldn't have to subject myself to any more crap. I gave you the benefit of doubt in the last chapter but all this chapter accomplished is the poor bastard shot his wad, naked, on his porch, in his back yard.

The MC is not sympathetic. Who would want to live with a person who has to talk around their point for hours and hours to finally get there?

Obviously this story is going to just peter out and end as as dud. What a waste.

This had the possibility of being a really great story, but because of the fact that you are in love with the words that you write it has become so boring and predictable I knew after the second set of chapters the how and why of her being there in space. The next time you write PLEASE cut out all the redundant lines and paragraph that you have used in this story. The second thing is if you are going to try and not make him a cuck forget it he was already a cuck in the first couple of chapters........

im starting to rate each chapter as a 1. this drawn out drama is rediculous. get it done.

And the wordathon continues. I know why the alphabet company hired Gary. He can just talk the enemy to death

Too verbose and too complicated.

To wordy but good story.

Makes Intel agency appear incompetent

They never would have allowed his wife in that situation

And really this would end cooperation in space. I mean would trust them again?

And it will come out eventually

They kidnapped and raped a fellow astronaut.

I literally came to the comments without reading any of the story to see if it was more of the same. Surprise surprise! It's all the same. Just scrap the rest of the story, put yourself in a corner, and think about what you've done.

Less is more

Okay, I’m now convinced that you’re somehow managing to get paid by the word for this.

Dude, write scenes, not exposition dumps.

Show, don’t tell.

So this guy is handed an easy way out and some cash. Space walks are still good for news casts. A female astronaut doing a space walk is even more popular. So when the husband of said email astronaut files for divorce because his wife had sex with the cosmonaut that is money! Whether she admits or denies it is a story and can be reported without the networks or media getting in trouble, They just report it as it was even and can say "alleged " adultery. This guy can sell the rights and even the Hallmark Channel or Lifetime network will want the movie rights.

He gets some money, outs her for the world, and really does not have to do any BTB. Her name is known as the adulterer astronaut, her future as a speaker for NASA is toast (She can do Oprah type talk shows), but she is back office now at best.

Very Good story line…better work on balancing the thought process of Gary and Kathy but still a little tedious at times.

Very good story. I am on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens next, waiting for the next installment to be published. I did not see the date rape drug thing coming. As they say, the plot thickens. While the story is certainly elaborate, I enjoy the deep description of the emotions and the various point of views that each individual may harbor, what their perception of each new development might be. I can appreciate that some reader are finding it perhaps 'too descriptive". However I think the comments tend to be a bit more stern then they should be (as always on this site). It is too easy to easy to us unrestrained language under the cover of anonymity!!! To the author, I say this is great work, keep it up.

I agree that this is way too long and repetitive. That said, I agree with mikeT0422 - who at NASA was compromised, and will this story see that side of it through. I am going to guess he ends up with both women, but Kathy as his primary.

Like very much but needs to get to the meat of the story a little faster

Keeps getting worse. And worse.

.

For the umpteenth time — if Pegs is “trapped” in Russia, how the fuck does she have access to a phone and email? And where the fuck are any US personnel trying to get her home? Wouldn’t her “detention” be a HUGE news story? The plot hole you’ve written related to her captivity is deeper than the Mariana Trench!

.

And the insipid dance between Kathy and Gary!!! Damn!! So now Gary is emulating Kathy’s vibrator, and she’s blowing him….but he won’t fuck her?

.

OK…now we learn that Pegs was set up and some number of NASA officials had to be in on it. Oh goody! Now Gary has something to do!!!

.

Meanwhile, cuck Gary is already absolving the narcissistic bitch of any wrongdoing because she was drugged and manipulated. Well of course! Sir Galahad to the rescue!

.

Damn but this initially interesting story has devolved. Completely unrealistic depiction of any NASA space flight operation and aftermath; way WAY too much navel gazing; and 3 completely unlikable characters — a narcissistic bitch; a deceitful husband chasing bitch; and a special ops “planner” who can’t plan his breakfast without wringing his hands about how to again give in to the narcissist.

.

2 **

This story has gotten so confusing. What's clear is, Gary's a pussy, Peg is a slut, Kathy's a mess and where is NASA and the U.S. government in all this drugging and fucking? Clean up a lot of the speculation and confusion and there's a good story there.

The best thing about this chapter was that there were fewer pages to skim over to confirm the writing still sucks.

Really? Gary is this super smart, best of the best, planner and analyst, and doesn’t ever consider in all of this that someone or some group may try to get to him through his wife? That’s a contradiction of who Gary is. Suddenly we are focused on some date rape drug scenario instead of who within NASA conspired to switch out her drugs from what they were supposed to be so she would fail Gary? Maybe to make this chapter less tedious, and I won’t even go into the whole Gary/Kathy bed scene, we could have Peggy’s dad fulfill his threat, and kill some Russians and NASA conspirators for revenge. That would have livened things up a bit! Somehow I get the feeling that the joke is on us the readers, and that we will find out in the last chapter that this was all a “dream sequence,” and that none of this really happened and that Gary and Peggy’s love remained steadfast through everything. Instead we have Dudley Do-Right coming to rescue the “fallen” Nell who is tied to the train tracks, with the unknown Snidely Whiplash lurking in the background as schoolmarm Kathy pines away for Dudley. Please just put me out of my misery and end it now.

God almighty!! More verbal diarrhea. Save yourself the time and don't bother reading this chapter. It does absolutely nothing to advance the story. Simply long winded dialog with a little sex thrown in. I'm really thinking now that there's no way to save this story. Going to be extremely hard to fix everything that is wrong in the last 4 chapters if it continues like this.

I'm not sure what's going on!! Can you repeat it 5 or 6 more times. I really hope there's a follow-up story that's about 20 chapters to really, really let us know what's going on. Hopefully all of it will be dialog. I surrender!!! You have managed to talk me to death.

There's no way any of the 3 MC's in your story has been intelligence nor mental capacity to have ever gotten the jobs they have. Seriously!!

I have been looking forward to this chapter yet find it sadly wanting. Too much time spent with Kathy getting Gary to have a little fun and sharing that with the reader. Then you have NASA involved with the deception of drug usage on Peg and it is all a intelligence action in disguise. Recommend that you get to the end real soon before you have a Columbia event for those readers who want to see a final Splashdown and recovery. Still not sure if or why Gary will want to stay with a woman who pushed him to the back of her give a crap list.

The story in itself is good. Why do you repeat everything over and over? This chapter could have been one page.

Finish the Dam Story already.

Sorry - as interesting the story began, it has declined to an all time low in this chapter. What does the story about Kathys mother contribute to the plot? Probably nothing!

You destroy an interesting and unique plot with endless rambling. Sorry, not more than 3⭐ this time, CL.

It seems to me that Gary's "employer" knew of the Russian plan and put their own spin into effect. Why else would NASA turn Peggy into a non-sexual being? Was their plan to use Peggy to infect the Cosmonauts? It sounds like the quarantine was real.

The dialogue is becoming increasingly comical, and the latest plot twist is ridiculous.

Amazing how long it takes to explain how a lonely woman can appreciate a guy holding her tit to help her sleep.

4* ….

And then about the same waste of paper (or ions) to wiggle a rationalization for both to get off and still be ‘faithful. Fond memories of the Zippless Fuck!

3*

Then we learn that little green monsters are operating behind the scene. Luckily the Wizard of Oz steps in to turn bad guys into pumpkins! Stop writing this crap!

Well I am beginning to actually get into this story, still too many useless words. This is a free story, but if I paid for it I would have got my moneys worth on the amount of words.

4 pages. About 1/4 page that moves the plot. Except all they decided was to talk later. And the man who “would know things” and “make people pay”, where did he go?

I've stuck with this for 7 chapters, but no more, it's far too wordy, I've lost all interest in the MC, don't care how, why, which or who - don't care how it ends, shame really, because in all those words is probably a good story waiting to get out

As 'miket' said, who at NASA was compromised? Will we ever know? Naw, this story isn't for that- that kind of excitement and interest PALES in comparison to the analyzation of Gary's feelings. Why, whole chapters could be written (and probably will) about the inner workings of his mind and emotions. The conflicts of his psyche, along with Peg's and Kathy's, are to this writer, 'Chopped Liver', so absolutely fascinating that they eclipse what should have been a good story. Sad.

Went off the rails a bit here. Besides the excess verbiage, the convoluted circular psych analysis is just too much to take in or care about. You used many words to say she might blame her rape on me, and not fix the issue of lack of consideration before the mission. See, one sentence conveys exactly what you took a whole page to say.

WTF??? You're really going with the old tried and true date rape drugging to justify what Peggy did. That's enough for me. I don't see any shape or form of an ending that I'll be able to stomach. So sad to see an awesome idea for a story so completely fumbled away.

Stop the BS. He's a moron. Dump the btch who has no regard for you. Fuck Kathy til she bleeds and live a happy life.

Good plot. Overcooked!

Please, just get to the point. This drivel is exasperating. The entire story went off the rails some time ago. Bla, bla, bla, bla...

Pitiful. Drawn out. Teenage angst, spoken by androids

The whole "episode" with Kathy and the night they had is pure bullshit plot twisting. Given where we're at in the story arc, no way either of them would have done any of that until Peggy was back and things were resolved one way or the other. I previously mentioned your misconception of the "black" world and how they would never leave Gary out in the cold like this. More to come, I suppose, but the Gary character you created would be knee deep in NASA trying to find and likely kill the mole. It appears none of our comments have an effect on what comes next, but shame to have so much time invested and see it all crumble like this. Lessons for the next one, I suppose. 3*

Great chapter!!!!! 👍👍👍

Please, go on soon 😎

I'm thinking that each chapter has about one page, maybe a page and a half of meaningful content once excess repetition is removed.

I agree with Demosthenes384bc that the petting between Gary and Kathy in this chapter is a major break in character. No way does Gary jill her off multiple times, hot dog her to orgasm, and then let her lick up his cum. Just wouldn't happen given his past behavior. I guess CL needs Gary to be fallible to allow for the eventual reconciliation. But I must say I don't love this or, as I mentioned previously, the use of the date rape drug trope to excuse Peggy.

Peg: "I'm so sorry I let the Russians use me like a fleshlight with a face. You said it was going to happen and it did. I was even thinking this during the encounter and couldn't help but laugh. Are you some sort of wizard that can see the future or something because that was spot on. But I know you love me and I'm sorry yeah I just did it anyway because fuck what you want I was in space and I'm a girl"

Gary: "Hush now my darling. I know you were drugged. I don't even care about the infedelity. I just want you to take me into consideration from now on."

Peggy: "Hell yeah I was drugged they had some damn good coke. My Russian boyfriend knows an oligarch that gets it uncut straight out of Columbia."

Gary: "They're trying to get to me. This isn't about you"

Peggy:"What's with you? I'm not paying enough attention to you. Now it's the Russians are trying to do what to you now? You just gotta be the center of the world don't you? You you you"

Gary:"Listen Peggy, I'm alphabet job. Yeah, that's right. Alphabet. So russians don't like me."

Peggy:"Yeah okay. Listen you wanted to be considered more right? Want to play camera man when my russian boyfriend comes by? See I'm involving you!"

Gary:"I'd like that. You know I might be a spy right? But might not. I can't tell. But working alphabet means I might be. I'm verrry clever and Russians hate me."

Ron:"Jesus fuck Gary where are you? I sent you to change the toner in the upstairs copier over 6 months ago!"

When the comments section is 100 times more interesting than the story, you know you've gone off the rails.

Well Done to retirdsalr and MormanJack! It seems strange to me how many commentators actually missed the part about all 11 chapters having ALREADY been written!!!!!!!!!!!! CL, I urge you to open this up for sequels/alternates just to see if any of these wags/hacks can put up or shut up!

CL, as evidenced by my previous comments, I predicted this turn of events as a real scenario several chapters ago, but hoped to God that I was wrong and that you would steer this tale and its characters in a different direction. Thank you for proving me right, but , hell, I truly wished for a totally different outcome.

Hmmmm.....Gary broke his morals, but in the end I can sort of understand it. I also understand the author creating a soap opera story. Glad the whining was lessened, but am pretty sure that's because all of the moving parts need to be moving now.

That being said, crazy story and I hope he does not end with Peggy. Reconciliation is fine but Peggy is just a few tacos short of a fiesta platter. 😜

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

I'm pretty certain now that the author is female. It's like that meme where the couple is in bed and he winces, and she is thinking of a hundred things she did to cause him to wince, and he's wondering if he put the fuel cap back on after refueling the car. The story still interests me, but I wish it would move faster.

This story is going to increasingly get slammed the longer it continues. It’s clear the author has put a tremendous amount of time and effort into this opus but, after all, there is only so much analysis this analyst MC can analyze before it becomes drudgery to read. The pace of the story between events reminds me of my grandmother’s favorite soap opera. She never missed a day of it, but, I could go for a month between episodes and it would still be the same day of the last scene I saw. Novels and novellas is probably a better category for this.

So….if he’d dumped her early on for being a selfish bitch, he would have removed their motivation and saved her.

I disagree about the editing. The details are what make this story. Except for the Kathy sex scenes. Those were a bore. But then I’m late sixties so maybe I would have enjoyed them back in the day.

Could have been a good story if you got on with the story 3 from me