Spray the Town Gay

Ash and I held hands while walking from her place back to mine on a mild June morning. If we wake up early enough we get to walk through our small town before many people are out and about, where we enjoy the trees and the bird song without the accompanying street harassment that we face at other times of day. I didn't live in my hometown as a choice but rather as a consequence of a substance abuse problem that I was finally making real progress on. Meeting Ash and taking these walks together almost made all the local horrors worth tolerating. When I lived in the city I never really missed what was supposed to be my home, but once I leave again I'm certain I'll miss the calm of a weekend stroll early in the morning.

"Oh, I keep forgetting to tell you this, " Ash said with a roll of her eyes. "I talked to that woman Donna, you know, who keeps trying to plan gay events in town but they always sound kind of bad and get shut down and moved somewhere else by homophobes. I just wanted to tell her that it doesn't have to be a Drag Brunch every single time, like what if we just got some gay people together and had a picnic. Drag is cool and all but what if someone with the resources she has tried planning something where we could like just get to know each other instead of being a prop for bachelorette parties. Anyway, we ended up talking about that one annoying homophobe that is always posting vile shit on the local facebook groups, Richard Hard."

"Please tell me she was able to confirm that it is his real name. I want to live in the world where homophobes are cursed to have gay fucking names like Dick Fucking Hard."

Joy shone on Ash's face, "I'm so happy to announce that is his name and also she knew his address somehow? I still have no idea what he looks like but she has his location."

"Oh shit, what is going to do with that? I would go to one of her drag shows if she broke into his house and used that for the drag brunches he keeps getting canceled. Or is she doing something more traditional like egging his house or doxxing him?"

Ash sighed, "Oh Emma, you forgot that you're not in the city anymore, small town liberals don't think like we do. She wants to do his chores."

I stopped in my tracks and looked at Ash's face, "Excuse me?"

"Well, you know the phrase 'Kill them with kindness.' She thinks if we rake his leaves and bake some casseroles that maybe he will stop harassing all the local queer and trans people online. He told Lila that it was 'on sight' if he ever saw her out in town but Donna wants to cook his ass green beans."

I pressed the hand that wasn't holding Ash's into my forehead, "So her idea is to reward the homophobic guy for being homophobic so he stops being homophobic? I'm not sure how love is ever going to 'conquer hate' or whatever with this attitude."

"Yeah, I told her that I think our energy is better spent elsewhere but I'm not sure I convinced her."

I shrugged, "If she wants to do it she can do it alone. I'm not sure anyone else would want to step anywhere near this fucker's house."

We continued to discuss all the people that made living here again feel so unsustainable. This is something I've struggled with on and off for years. I left this town as soon as I could after years of kissing girls at sleepovers in constant fear of a parent opening a door at the wrong time or of the other girl betraying me to the rumor mill. Leaving this town felt like a key tool of survival for me but I was always pained to know that many queer people from here do not get that opportunity. When I was in high school very few people were out but now I know dozens of classmates that have come out in some way since graduating and moving out. It's hard to look at that and not feel like we missed the opportunity to be a community together, to build stronger pockets of queer solidarity to keep each other alive and thriving. I can't help but feel some sort of responsibility to those who were left behind and may, or may not, be struggling to feel loved and connected to others. Now that I am back here I have some opportunity to build what I think the people here deserve but the pushback from vocal community members has consistently disrupted community building other than mutually complaining with the other gay people fighting in the comments.

As we walked through the shade of the trees we saw another person for the first time this morning, a white man who was probably in his 50s wearing a Hawaian shirt and jean shorts that fell just below his knees packing a big red cooler into the back of an SUV. As he came into view, we instinctively grew quiet out of a desperation to not bring attention to ourselves. Just as we passed his driveway, a car drove by, drawing the man's eyes to the street and to us.

"Good morning ladies," the man said with a wink and a smile that quickly drained when he saw our fingers interlocked. "I must inform you ladies that we don't condone that kind of behavior and I would like to kindly ask you to stop before any kids see."

Ash stopped and I tightened my grip as she started to respond, "And what exactly are you so pressed about? What is going on here that a kid can't see?"

The man huffed, "The public sexual display that is happening right in front of me, on my property."

Ash sighed, "Holding hands? This makes you horny?"

"No, you sicko. It doesn't make me horny, it makes you horny. A man and a woman holding hands is a symbol of the strength of the hetereosexual bond between a man and his woman that keeps society running. A woman and woman holding hands is a declaration that it is alright for women to finger each other."

I looked at him, "What? I just don't even understand what you are trying to say, honestly."

The man turned red, "All I'm trying to say is that the parents in this neighborhood would appreciate it if you didn't poison their kids minds with this fucking dyke indoctrination. The good, God fearing, people of this community are getting ready for church and you are parading your sexuality!"

Ash scoffed, "I guess you're not one of them, unless you're going to fucking beach church."

"Watch your mouth, ladies. If you even are real ladies." The man punctuated his response with a wad of spit that landed between me and Ash.

Ash looked like she was about to pounce on the man but stopped when she saw a woman step out of the man's house, "Richard are you screaming at the podcasts again? Kids are sleeping next door and we need to hurry so we aren't late."

Richard turned to his alleged wife, "Tammy, we're going to the beach. I don't think we can be late you stupid-"

Tammy frowned, "I was just joking dear. You know I'm excited for my beach read."

I took this moment of distraction to drag Ash out of there by the hand. We ran past a few houses until we ran out of breath and had to slow down.

As I caught my breath I looked at Ash, who was shaking in anger, "I'm sorry. I would've been all about you decking that guy if I was the only witness, but we had to get out of there."

Ash shook her head, "No, that was the right thing. I'm just- I"m just so fucking tired of living here where we have to deal with this shit all the fucking time and no one cares. The human embodiment of everything I hate about this place was right in front of me, spitting at us, I wasn't going to sit there and take it. Fuck."

A car drove past us, a familiar red face shouted out the window, "Carpetmuchers!"

Ash shouted, "At least I'm not afraid to eat pussy!" as she watched the couple drive away.

I reached out to Ash and noticed that the expression on her face shifted, she still looked furious but the twist of her grin made her look excited about something.

"Let's turn back." Ash said with renewed confidence.

"Did you drop something? What's going on?"

"You said you didn't want me to have witnesses right? Well, they're gone so-"

"Fuck it," I resigned before even starting to fight back, "Let's go fuck some shit up."

We walked back to the house and as we walked towards it we looked around and sighed in relief when we didn't find any voyeuristic doorbells. I felt a little nervous about how we would do this and the potential consequences, so I stayed back several feet as Ash strode to the front door with confidence. She tried the door but it was locked.

When Ash looked down at the doormat she gasped before breaking out in laughter, "Emma, look at this. 'The Hard Family Welcomes You.'"

It felt like it took ages for me to respond to this, "Holy fuck. This is Dick Hard. Guess we know what he looks like now. Maybe God does love us, why else would we have such an incredible activity."

Ash peeked under the doormat and grabbed the key underneath, "She really does love us."

Ash opened the door and we rushed in before any neighbors could see us. The inside of the house was not what I was picturing. The living room that we walked into was not only immaculately clean but decorated with a cute floral theme. Floral wallpaper covered the walls, a coffee table hosted both a vase of plastic flowers and a large book about floral arrangements. There was no television in sight and the room was lined with comfortable looking chairs adorned with soft pillows.

After I took all of this in I said, "Wow, Tammy seems like the Queen of Book Club. This is actually so cute."

"It also seems like Dick Hard is Tammy's bitch," Ash laughed. "His footprint is literally nowhere to be found. I don't even wanna do anything fucked up to this room, let's see what else we can find."

As we wandered the two floors of the house we noticed that the rest of the rooms also seemed to be decorated and cleaned solely by Tammy. We found two bedrooms that appeared to be the rooms of children who no longer lived at home, decorated with posters that high schoolers would think are cool but stayed here for the transition out of the childhood bedroom. Even what appeared to be the couple's bedroom seemed to lack much of Dick's presence. Sure, he had clothes in the closet and an end table with a mug that said "Best Dad" but that was it.

Ash picked up the mug and frowned, "I guess we could piss in this but the more we go through this place the less it feels that Dick is Tammy's bitch and more like Tammy does all the decorating and cleaning. What's the point of peeing in a man's mug if his wife is going to be the one to clean it?"

"That's a great point, wasn't there a basement that we skipped over? Maybe there's something down there we can destroy in a way that will only hurt him."

We went back downstairs and Ash opened the door and turned on the lights, "Oh, we just hit the jackpot."

I followed her down the stairs and noticed a door at the bottom with a handwritten sign that said "No Wife Zone". Ash opened the door and revealed a finished basement with a stained carpet floor. The room was sparsely decorated except for what looked like an ancient high school football jersey hanging on the wall. There was a large television at the end of the room connected to a combination DVD/VHS player. Facing the TV was the centerpiece of the room, a hunting camouflage recliner with a wired remote attached. Next to the chair on the floor was a small trash can stuffed to the brim with crusty tissues next to a box of fresh ones. In the corner were a couple of metal folding chairs leaned against the wall.

Ash found a closet and sighed when she opened the door, "Of course the guy who harassed us for being gay in public has a closet stuffed with lesbian porn on VHS on DVD."

"He's probably afraid that masturbating to a man's penis will make him gay. Oh shit, maybe that's what we can do, let's go buy a bunch of gay male porn and replace his collection"

My girlfriend chuckled but brushed the suggestion aside with her hand, "That sounds fun but maybe a bit time consuming and expensive. There's gotta be something else we can do to fuck with this guy. Oh shit, this one looks good, Lesbian Butt Pirates Volume 7. Do you mind if I put this on, I've always wanted to watch pirate lesbians finger each other's buttholes."

"Hmmm, I don't know, I kind of feel like the series kind of fell off after Volume 3."

"Well you're in luck because it seems like this guy has the whole fucking series. It's just not in fucking order, here it is, volume 3." Ash said as she searched through the collection.

"Oh, I was just fucking around but sure through it in there. They had to be running out of ideas by the 7th one, you know."

After she slid the VHS tape into the VCR Ash plopped down on the camo recliner and I joined her on one of the armrests. Ash started to fiddle with the remote attached to the chair and I startled when I felt my ass start to vibrate. We quickly found ourselves captivated by the horny adventures of Captain Jane Swallow as she searched for "booty" to finger and lick. I was surprised to find that the actresses in the first scene had a lot of chemistry. I started to feel a warmth in my pants as we watched the two pirates kiss with tongue.

I brushed my hair through my lover's hair and she turned to look at me, "This is kind of hot actually, do you want to kiss me?"

I nodded before mounting her as pulses of vibration gently shook her body. I looked into her eyes and noticed that the anger and frustration she was holding seemed to melt away. I smiled and kissed her on the lips. I pulled out of the kiss, smiled a wicked grin, and returned with tongue. I got lost in the feelings of our tongues rubbing together and the soft vibration of my lover's body. I pulled out of the kiss and moved to her neck, listening to her moans to give me direction in how hard or soft to be.

I sat back up on her lap and smiled softly, "You know, you seem kind of tense. Maybe I can help you get a good release?"

Ash's blushing was accompanied with a sigh, "Dick Hard's underground porn bunker wasn't really on my bucket list of places where I want to get fucked but stepping out of your comfort zone is the only way to grow. Let's fucking ruin this, but also very relatxing chair."

I moved myself off of the chair and picked up my backpack full of sexual paraphernalia that we were taking back to my house. I watched Ash undress herself, her body never failed to make me blush in various places. I picked up Ash's favorite purple g spot vibrator and a bottle of lube and placed them on one of the armrests on the chair. We both laughed as we watched both items shake off the chair and on to the floor.

As I found a way to place them there without them falling Ash laughed, "Be careful, if that vibrator falls in the cum rag bucket we're going to have to leave it there. Also why don't you just put them in the chair next to me instead of on the armrest?"

I laughed, "Sorry it's hard to think when you're naked."

I watched Ash sit back down on the chair and reclining herself back and spreading her legs so I could take all of her in, "Oh, really? What's so distracting about it?"

I moved back to the chair, nestling up next to my lover, half of my ass on the armrest and the other half just barely in the chair. I traced my fingers down her body slowly, brushing up against and lingering around the sensitive areas on the way down. I pushed my fingers through her bush and could feel warmth radiating from her pussy. I explored her inner thighs and pressed my nails into her skin, evoking a moan. I moved my hand to her vulva, teasing her outer labia before gently entering her with my fingers.

"Wow, I'll have to remember how wet lesbian pirates make you."

I laughed when Ash simply glared at me and I started to explore her warmth some more, penetrating her with two fingers. I looked over at her as I fingered her and enjoyed the look of bliss on her face, her eyes closed as she focused on me inside of her and the massaging of the chair throughout her body. As I continued to finger her, I moved my free hand to her clit and started to circle it with a finger.

"Is this okay? Is there anything you want me to do," I asked.

"Yes, fuck me with the vibrator please."

I lubricated the vibrator and watched Ash rub her clit as she was massaged by the chair, "You look so peaceful that it makes me want to make you scream."

I slowly penetrated my lover with the vibrator and watched her gasp as it started to vibrate against her g spot. Using my other hand I rubbed her clit slowly between two of my fingers. I saw Ash open her eyes and flash a hungry expression, wordlessly asking me to fuck her faster. As I watched her gently squirm and moan I started to feel like I was soaking through my jeans.

Ash's moans of pleasure started to fill the room as my movements grew faster and faster, "Fuck. Keep going just like that. Fuck. Fuck. I feel like I'm going to..."

I continued to stimulate Ash for a few more seconds until a gushing stream of fluid sprayed out of her and all over me and the chair. As she soaked me I could feel my own fluids crawling down my thigh.

"Don't stop, please don't stop. I didn't cum, I just felt like I had to pee," Ash clarified through frenzied pants.

I continued as commanded until I watched her squirm with waves of pleasure and I collapsed next to her in the chair from exhaustion.

We cuddled on the chair for what must have been an hour, the chair lulling us both into short naps. As I woke up I could feel the vibration of the chair start to die off before going completely silent. I grabbed the remote but the buttons did nothing.

My laughter woke up my partner, "Sorry to wake you but I think you soaked this chair so much that I think your pussy juice, pee, whatever it is shorted out this chair."

Ash laughed, kissed me on the cheek, and got up to grab her clothes, "Well it sounds like our work here is done. Let's get the fuck out of here."