All Comments on 'Squirrely'

We all do dumb things and have to pay the price!

4

What the fuck is wrong with you? Mentally challenged is too nice, you're a fucking idiot.

Please pick either 1st person or 3rd person, but respect your readers and DO NOT MIX THEM! This is not a MS Grammar issue it is a writer's issue.

This got so convoluted and messy with the inconsistent tenses that I gave up. No idea if there was a story embedded here by now I don't care.

Seven pages of utter sh$t. How does one spend their time writing this?

Terrible english… please get an editor!

BDSM, masters, slaves, doms, and submission...hmm. isn't there a specific category just for that crap? Why, yes! Yes, there is a unique category just for this peculiar form of mental illness. Not putting it there? Well, that certainly loses some star status for this story. As for idiots who make stupid bets using their wife as part of the payout? Grow up losers! Whenever anyone starts to ask questions regarding a man's wife and her sexuality the response should always be "That falls into the none of your damn business category!" The whole premise of this chamber pot of words started with the stupid bet on the golf course. 1☆

Well a god story about how selfish a woman can be

Let's hope it's many more years before you post again Restones. I read half the first page and just a bit of the last but that was enough to definitively state that this was stupid, worthless drivel.

I feel badly for Deb as she was raped. It doesn't say directly that Dave would get prosecuted for her rape but I hope she is contacted and he gets charged.

As for the rest, including Linda, I don't like any.

I can see why the editors didn't think you were worth their time.

WTF...WHY

Need a chapter two where Randy goes to find Deb. and apologies to her and let her know he took care of Dave. Maybe even story how they put things back together. The part about John and a girlfriend seems out of place after the first page. But otherwise a decent story.

The title says it all, you're nuts!

Better than the first 2 reviews, not memorable.

I'd love to say you're a great writer, but I gave up 1/2 way through the first page because there were so many mistakes.

Here's a simple lesson. Two characters NEVER speak in the same paragraph.

He said, "Blah, blah, blah!"

She said, "Blah, blah, blah!"

Study some of the better writers on Lit and see how they structure their stories.

So if Dave had patiently fucked her with Randy and Tony all taking their turns.. she was gonna then divorce John and then probably casually fuck all three of them for years? But instead Randy fell in love with her in spite of knowing she was gonna bang three guys out of revenge. Nice Love Story!