Stargazing - Complete Novella

Sarah was shaking her head too, but at least now with a slight smile. "God, look at us. Both failing so hard to shield the other. We're so bad at this."

"We really are."

"Can I assume by how happy you've looked tonight and what you're telling me now that you in a better place with me?" The concern in her voice made me feel guilty all over again. Sarah missed me as much as I missed her, but despite that, she only cared about my emotional wellbeing.

"Yeah, Sarah. I really think I am."

She let out a long sigh of relief. "Great."

"But only if you'll let me say I'm sorry, and promise you that next time, I won't catastrophize everything and try to hold it inside me." Sarah muttered something about twisting her arm, then nodded, so I continued. "And you let me thank you for being so patient with me while I get my shit together."

She looked for a second like she was about to try to tell me it was nothing, but then decided it was easier to just let me have this. "Of course, Leah. Fuck, it's so great to have you back. I've missed being able to talk to you like this so much. You have to call me more often while you're there! When are you coming home?"

"I will! And not for another two months."

"And when are you going to introduce me to Jess?"

"As soon as I can! You're going to love her." Sarah's fast questions delayed it getting through my head, but it was over! Sarah knew, she and I were fine, and I was finally emotionally stable again! I wrapped my arms around my legs, giddily rocking as relief flooded through me and a future full of possibilities opened up. Only one roadblock left. "Actually, I need some advice about her."

"What's up?"

"We both know we want to date each other seriously, but she's making us wait before we become official. Like, she doesn't want me to commit to a long-distance relationship without giving it thought."

"But you don't want to think about it. You want to sweep her off her feet and make her yours right now."

"YES! And I have thought about it. Long distance will suck, but she is worth it. It'll only be two semesters, nine months or whatever, then we'll graduate and we can get jobs in the same city."

Sarah thought for a few seconds, looking up and chewing her lip the way she did when she was contemplating a problematic bit of programming. Finally, she asked, "Do you think she's doing this because she's having second thoughts about you, or because she doesn't want to get her hopes up and then have you change your mind?"

That brought me up short. In my eager rush, I'd never thought to try seeing things from Jess's point of view. Our conversations flashed through my mind, what she'd said about not wanting to get emotionally invested with Madison in a summer fling just to say goodbye, and never having somebody do special things for her before. How she said she was lucky to have found me, and the way she cried when I made her feel special. "The second one. Definitely the second one."

Sarah smiled. "Well then, you have to keep showing her that you won't change your mind when camp ends."

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Chapter 17

Lake George Village is the perfect vacation destination for everybody who has an unhealthy fascination with frozen yogurt, wants to buy an entire wardrobe worth of T-shirts, and falls asleep every night to dreams of mini golf. It's also probably pretty nice for the rich bastards who own the lakeside mansions, but that much money buys fun anywhere, so they hardly count.

Apparently, it used to suck less back before it tried to scrub out all the local flavor in favor of poorly done attempts at seeming upscale. The bar we were going to for 4^th of July fireworks, for example, was once called Shephard's Cove, and Jess said it used to be one of the most fun spots in the world. Live music, five dollar pitchers, and a liberal interpretation of what it means to be 21. But then it ruined itself by remodeling into the Lake George Beach Club.

The whole area also lacks any bookstore worth a damn, which made my quest to get quality fantasy novels for Lilian difficult. I ended up having to drive half an hour out of the way to a place called The Village Booksmith, which was the sort of place that thrives on novelty. Walking around looking for specific titles, it was like they'd heard about the concept of organization, but decided it simply wasn't for them.

Despite all that mostly negative stuff, Lake George did have a few things going for it. The table we got on the bar's deck at overlooking the lake was beautiful, and Lake George did know how to put on a kickass fireworks show.

Most of the group had gone directly to the bar to save us spots while I'd been book hunting, so Jess was already there when I arrived. She'd saved me a seat beside hers, but nearly lost both of ours jumping up and dashing over to hug me in greeting.

"How did it go with Sarah?"

"Better than I expected." I squeezed her back, trying to ignore the looks from the crowd of strangers as we lingered together past friendly hello into intimacy.

"That's great," she smiled, looking almost more relieved by it than I'd been myself.

"Aww, you were worried about me?"

"Of course I was! It's not every day you go off and tell your best friend you're in love with her."

"Was in love with her," I corrected her, emphasizing the first word. Perhaps a simplification of everything that had happened, but an important distinction that I was eager to point out.

"So, when do I get to meet her?"

"She asked the exact same thing!"

"Great minds think alike. Besides," she motioned over to Blake and Anderson sitting where she'd been, raising her voice to include them. "I wanna see if your friends are as embarrassing as mine."

"Hey!" Blake protested, his voice sloppy with apparent drunkenness. "I'll have you know, we clean up very nicely."

Jess rolled her eyes, and we took our places at the table with the two of them, "Sarah asked if you're single."

"Oh god!" Jess laughed. "Forget what I said about great minds. What did you tell her?"

"The truth!"

"Which was?" Jess asked, and Blake instantly answered.

"That I'm a dashing young eligible gentleman, free of obligations for now, but sure to be snatched up soon?" Blake said, attempting a mock high-class accent, but spoiling the effect by nearly tipping his beer over.

I smiled and contradicted him, "That you're a great archer, which is definitely her type, but that she'd need a chainsaw to get that beard off of you, which is kind of a dealbreaker for her."

Anderson laughed and Blake clutched both hands in front of his face defensively. "A chainsaw!?!"

"Bro, I keep telling you, that thing is the biggest thing holding you back!"

"Tegan says she likes it!" Blake insisted.

"Tegan? Tegan..." Jess mused, feigning forgetfulness, then giving an exaggerated burst of realization. "Oh! That'd be--" she mimicked Blake's voice "--Tegan the cockteasing bitch who refuses to fuck you? That's the source you're leaning on for approval of your look?"

I kept on grinning, enjoying their good-natured teasing banter, but letting myself drift back from the conversation. The place was jammed, dozens of voices and bodies surrounding us in a claustrophobic press. The worst part of things like this was always the crowd. It would be so much more fun, if only everybody else in the world didn't have to be doing the same thing at the same time.

Forcing my attention away from the mob, I looked out over Lake George, and gasped. There were dozens of boats -- hundreds of them -- blanketing the water as far as I could see. Some were the huge tourist ships that regularly circled around the lake, but they'd been joined to swarms of smaller crafts. Pontoons, speedboats, even people in canoes and kayaks dotted the lake. Moonlight flooded over all of them, nearly bright enough to read by, casting a mysterious shading to the continually shifting shapes gliding across the dark mass of water.

I never would have guessed so many people vacationed here, never mind so many with access to one of those.

All those people had the right idea. On top of the personal space benefits, the hot day seemed to have no intention of cooling down with the sunset, and the cool breeze off the water spoke of very pleasant conditions down there.

"Have you guys ever done that?" I asked.

"Yeah," Anderson said. "It was great up until the fireworks ended and everybody tried to get to the docks at the same time. We were stuck out there for hours."

"Oh shit. I hadn't thought of that."

"Neither did we. And of course, after that, the lines for all the bathrooms were miles long."

"Okay, you've talked me out of it," I laughed.

"It's really nice though," Jess put in. "I really like the way the stars reflect on the water, so it feels like they're all around you." She squeezed my hand, making me look around and see a fiery intensity in her gaze. "It's best if you're swimming, though. Have you ever been night swimming?"

"I have the REM album with that song back in the truck. Does that count?"

Jess had a smile so eager, it sent a charge of energy through me and made me want to follow her anywhere. "Hell no! Leah! You said you liked going to Lookout and you wanted more like that? The lake back at camp at night is--"

"Risky," Blake said. "Even for you, Jess."

"Ignore this pussy," Jess waved him away, but Blake went on.

"You have to get past Cabin 13," Blake said, referring to the head counselor's cabin which sat on the hill right at the top of the path down to the waterfront. "On the fucking 4^th of July, when they're all going to be awake all night waiting for kids to sneak out. And, if you somehow manage to avoid being seen with this insanely bright moon, they'll hear you a mile away on that gravel path down the hill."

"You say all that like it's a bad thing! The thrill is half the fun!"

I smiled to myself. Typical Jess. Blake's concern was justifiable, though. The counselor handbook from training week made it abundantly clear with big, all caps bold letters -- no body was ever allowed to go swimming without a lifeguard. It was a liability issue and messing with it would send the camp's insurance premiums through the roof.

But it did sound like fun...

An enormous explosion caught us all by surprise, and we all looked up to see showers of red, white and blue sparks illuminating the sky. Gasps, oohs and ahhs on top of the next volley of rockets made it hard to hear Jess.

"What?" I nearly shouted at her beside me.

"I said, I don't want to pressure you, if you'd rather not do it--"

Sarah's words floated through my head. Showing Jess that I trusted her had to be a step in the right direction, right? That I embraced in her passions, and enjoyed them just as much as she did? Jess looked a bit deflated from her earlier eagerness. That wouldn't do at all. "No, you're absolutely right."

"What?"

"The thrill is half the fun!"

Instantly, the fire blazed again in Jess's eyes. She glanced around, making sure everybody was suitably distracted, and quickly planted a kiss on my lips. More explosions, more flashes of light, more appreciation from the crowd, who were mostly now standing around us, making things even more claustrophobic. Whatever Jess said, she had the look she wore when she was being romantic, so it was a shame it got drowned out.

"What?"

"I said--" Jess stopped for more noise, cast a frustrated look upward, then changed tone. "How badly do you want to be here?"

Music to my ears. "Less than I want to be alone with you."

So, Jess tossed some money at Blake to cover her drinks, made sure they were okay getting the camp shuttle back later that night, and we made our escape.

Another one of Lake George's problems is parking. The only convenient lot is tiny, and it fills up hours before we could leave camp for off nights. That only left street parking in the maze of suburban style streets nearby, which made for some adventurous parallel parking in my truck. It was a little eerie. The streets were deserted, and we made it out of town faster and easier than I'd ever managed before. Jess popped an old Indigo Girls disk in and we sang along together to Closer To Fine as we cruised along the winding road home.

It was just past 10:30 when we got back to camp. After lights out, but still much earlier than I would have thought for easily sneaking around. Counselors were still active in the Mess Hall as we walked by, and quiet voices came from Jess's cabin when we stopped in to pick up towels.

We stepped up onto her porch and distinctly heard somebody inside hiss, "Quiet! Someone's outside," making both of us laugh at the burst of scurrying that must have meant Jess's campers were pretending they'd been dutifully asleep the entire time.

"You all are aware that we have ears too, right?" Jess said as she walked through the door.

"Sorry, Jess," the same voice said from one of the bunks.

"Brianna, I don't think you've ever been sorry for staying up late in your life," Jess laughed, joined in by the rest of her apparently entirely awake campers.

"It isn't late!" Brianna complained, prompting more chuckles and jokes from her bunk mates about that being why she was always the last one ready for breakfast.

By the time we left, they'd carried on their conversation about the failings of last season of Game of Thrones, unabashedly all out of their beds again as if there'd been no interruption. Jess gave me two towels to carry while she'd draped some blankets over her shoulder.

"You think we'll need those on a night like this?" I asked. "I swear, I haven't stopped sweating all day."

"Oh, I'm sure we'll find a use for them," she responded, placing her free hand directly on my ass and making her voice breathy in a way that said exactly what she thought that use would be. I shifted my butt under her hand, rubbing up against her and provoking her to swat at it playfully.

Just the blankets and towels, and we were on our way. Somehow, there'd never been any question of getting our swimsuits.

"What Blake said earlier, about all the bosses being up to catch campers sneaking out?"

"It's kind of a tradition for the oldest ones on 4^th of July. In theory, I'm meant to be impressing on them the urgency of staying safe and snug in their beds, but somehow, I never do."

"Couldn't do it with a straight face, could you?" I meant it as a joke, but Jess responded thoughtfully.

"I feel like we spend too much time trying to stand between kids and real experiences. You know? Like, experiences where they're not being supervised and monitored constantly."

The normal path would have been to cross between the soccer and softball fields, but Jess avoided the open ground and guided us around the long loop to keep under the shadow of the trees. Moonlight flooded across the sweeping grass, seeming to grow even brighter as my eyes adjusted to it. Very distantly, faint echoes of firework booms made their way to us, but otherwise, the night was still and quiet.

We turned the corner towards the fork in the path, and I came up short. There was a light on in the office and two people silhouetted in the window. Elizabeth and Yenny -- our two head counselors. Far enough away to seem small, but still close enough to recognize them clearly, and the path would take us even closer!

But, while I panicked and fought the urge to turn and run, Jess kept right on walking, apparently without a concern in the world.

"Jess!" I half whispered, half hissed, trying to get her to look up without making a sudden jerk.

"Keep walking, and keep as quiet as you can," Jess whispered back.

But they were right there! Right up there, close enough for me to shoot an arrow right between them!

Jess moved between me and the office, her face calm and comforting, her eyes seeming to say, 'trust me, I know it's scary, but trust me.' I gulped. It's easy to say you trust somebody when you're safe and far away from danger. This was different. Much more visceral and real. But hadn't I wanted to show Jess I did trust her? Hadn't that been the point?

So I forced myself to kept going. Every step, I expected Liz and Yenny's angry voices to crash over us demanding to know what the fuck we thought we were doing. Miraculously, they never did. Step, step, step, they each felt like they took an hour, but then we were past the closest point and were walking away. It felt like something out of a dream. Like Jess had draped us in an invisibility cloak without mentioning it.

And then we passed around the last bend, leaving the office behind us and the winding path down the hill to the lake ahead of us.

"What the fuuuuck," I breathed, my heart still racing in my chest, hardly daring to believe it. "How? What? We're so fucking lucky!"

"Luck has nothing to do with it," Jess sounded incredibly smug.

"One look out that window and we'd be fucking toast!"

"Nope! God, you're going to be kicking yourself when I tell you."

"What?"

"Think about it. What always happens when it's night time, there's no lights outside, and you try to look out the window from a bright room?"

I stared at her, blankly, while she tried to hold back her amusement. Then it clicked. "You can't see out because the glass gets all reflective. The window basically turns into a mirror." I gave Jess a shove, making her laugh and jump back at me, wrapping me up in her arms when I tried to push her again. "You are fucking insane!" I said in amazement.

"No way!"

"You seriously were able to keep your shit together while they were right fucking there, based just on that theory?"

Jess's smug smile widened. "A theory I've tested many times. But a quote from Star Wars comes to mind."

"What?"

"Who is the more foolish? The fool, or the fool who's following them?"

I shrugged, helplessly. She did have a point.

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Chapter 18

Stars. Stars everywhere. They shone down from the sky above me and floated all around me, dancing and shimmering on the surface of the lake. I drifted lazily in the midst of them, weightlessly embraced by the warmth of the water and two lifeguard tubes, gazing up, completely transfixed by Jess.

Jess was on the dock above me, moonlight gleaming from the water that dripped from her, making her skin shine with a pale white light. She stood straight and tall looking up at the sky, her tattooed arm up trying to make her wet hair behave, the designs and colors there combining with the dark of her hair and flashes of color at her breasts to contrast her palely luminous skin. She was beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful. The way her lips parted slightly -- her breathing made her chest rise and her abs ripple -- her wet hair held clear of her ears and neck, leaving them open and screaming out to be kissed -- the shadow of stubble between her legs drawing the eye to her most intimate areas...

"You're gorgeous," I said, trying to etch her image into my head forever.

"You're not so bad yourself, Hot Stuff." She stepped to the edge and dove in, passing underneath me and surfacing near my head. "Pass me one of those?"

We positioned the tubes between us, splashing and jostling each other and giggling like kids. Under the surface, our legs wound around each other, sliding over and over again, holding us close as we frolicked. I made a lunge forward, tickling her sides so she'd laugh and toss her head back, then diving in to get my lips around her unguarded ear. She realized what was happening and let her tube go, slipping underwater and grabbing me.

"That's cheating!"

Somewhere down there, Jess started in on my sides, tickling like I'd just done to her. I writhed, trying to shake her off, only to feel hot soft lips wrap around my nipple. We went on like that, half childlike play and half sexual foreplay, until our muscles ached and we panted, exhausted on our tubes.