Suburban Wife

The suggestion took Paul by surprise, "I don't know Jane, that's a big step and I'm not sure.

"I love you Paul and I want you back fully."

"I need to think, can I have some time."

"Of course, take as long as you need, just know I'm always here for you and always loved you."

A week later they were back in the same seats.

"Do you have regrets Jane?" Paul waited, intrigued to know how Jane would respond.

"Not now I have you back in my life. I am sorry about how it happened and how I treated you. I got besotted by Will and all of Helen's tales about Nev made me feel like I was missing something in my life. I can blame age and menopause, but I became very selfish and lost sight of you. I never thought you would leave me. I wish we had explored more together years ago, that was my fault. I'm pleased I found that sexual side of me but wished it had been just between us."

It was a long time before Paul responded.

"I still regret it bitterly! We have made the best of a bad situation, but I lost the security of a marriage and trust in people. I still don't think I have recovered completely and I need to."

Jane was shocked, she had assumed Paul would respond positively, they were good after all. Living together was working wonderfully and they had both benefitted from their experiences surely!

"You can trust me Paul, you know I have stopped dating and I'll always be honest with you."

"You were pretty honest first time around, you knew what you were doing, knew the impact to me and went ahead anyway while saying you loved me at the same time."

His voice faltered and died out. There were tears in Jane's eyes. She was horrified, realising they hadn't repaired their relationship just papered over the cracks.

Paul took a deep breath, "I spoke to Sharon about your suggestion and she surprised me with an alternative. She asked me to consider moving in with her."

Paul and Sharon's growing feelings were undeniable. They had always got along as friends; their conversations were easy and relaxed. Over recent months they both felt the attraction but hesitated, now Jane's request forced the issue. Sharon stopped holding back; she saw it as the last chance to tell Paul how she truly felt about him.

"I still love you Jane and I might even be able to trust you again, but I don't want to forget what you did. I think it was the injustice of it all, trusting someone so completely to have that illusion so utterly shattered!"

"Please don't do this Paul, I've change you can trust me."

"If Will or Rob came back, would you deny them? Probably but I'd never be certain, you can't undo history. And I know you still flirt and enjoy the attention!"

Jane squirmed with the truth of Paul's words.

"I can't live in doubt and can't give you more. I'd like to but I just can't. Sharon is utterly honest and so caring I can't see her doing what you did. There are no guarantees but it feels right somehow."

Jane looked down sadly, "Well she kept her promise, she said she would try for you if I threw you away and I guess in the end she has."

"I think she was trying to keep out of our problems, but our feelings have grown."

Jane could see the doubts in Paul; his mind wasn't completely made up. She was about to press her case before being struck by a moment of clarity.

"Your right Paul, I love being desired and how that makes me feel. I love the sex and I love fucking and all the cock I sampled. I don't regret it, I wanted passion, lust and desire; it makes me feel alive."

Paul eyes flared in anger! He was about to attack verbally when he saw a tear in Jane's eye, he nodded and stood.

"Thank you, Jane, if I had loved you less maybe we could have worked it out, but you almost destroyed me. We had a great marriage and still have the kids, but we need to move on; I'll move my things out tomorrow."

Jane managed to hold off until she heard the front door close before hysterically breaking down in fits of tears. She had lost him again, she had to let him go but it didn't hurt any less.

Paul started divorce proceedings, both lawyers said it was the most amicable divorce they had ever witnessed. They continued paying half the mortgage each: Paul was now living at Sharon's, so Jane stayed in their old house despite repeatedly offering to move out.

They remained friendly and shared events and contacts through the kids. Sharon was concerned about Jane and how lonely she seemed whilst her own relationship with Paul blossomed. Jane went back to dating again but it never felt the same, the excitement was gone. What she really wanted was what Paul and Sharon had, she could witness first-hand the days and nights out and that they seemed to so naturally fit together. She tried really hard to be happy for them but couldn't quite resolve the bitter after taste.

What hurt most was the holidays; Jane and Paul had built a 'places to visit' list during the years they couldn't afford vacations when the kids were younger. Now it was Paul and Sharon who were experiencing those places together and planning others.

Paul and Sharon's engagement followed 6 months later. That event and seeing them together so frequently became too painful for Jane. She moved to an apartment, selling their old house and sharing the profits with Paul.

Jane was still looking for someone to settle down with, but that person was proving to be elusive. People their age had all sorts of baggage and were pretty set in their ways. It didn't help that she now had a certain reputation which attracted suitors but none looking for a serious long-term relationship.

The wedding invitation followed 3 months later; Jane couldn't bring herself to attend despite the kid's encouragement, they were delighted for their father and the step mum they knew so well and loved so much.

Jane sat back thinking once again about how she had thrown Paul away. Maybe there was a natural justice in things after all... her selfishness and greed deserving the half-life she found herself living.