Summer in Amber Ch. 06

"Is this the moment I confess my love for you two?" I quipped, only half-joking.

"Wouldn't be the first time," mumbled Miss Amber.

Of course it wouldn't.

Silence hung over the room, and in a magical moment I'll never forget, I felt their breathes slow, and their bodies melt into mine as sleep took hold of them. I took one last look, drifting my gaze over the peaks and valleys of their nakedness, their curves accentuated by the encroaching shadows of the receding candle light. I want to be here forever, I thought, trying and failing to fight off the urge to sleep, to remain warm in the arms of the two most beautiful women in the world. Soon enough though I felt my eyelids growing heavy, until there was only darkness, and the hushed sound of their breathing, and then, finally, nothing.

III.

I awoke sometime in the early morning, my cock fully erect to the intense need to urinate. Kristina was gone, leaving an empty imprint in her place, while Miss Amber was still fast asleep, her peaceful breathing harmonized with the birds chirping outside the sun-soaked window. The bedroom still smelled of candle, and a slight haze of smoke hung across the ceiling.

I threw my boxers on and headed to the bathroom, relieving myself as memories of the previous hours replayed in my mind. What a night, I thought. I still couldn't believe it. A part of me was still wondering if it had all been a dream. But evidence to the contrary was everywhere. Miss Amber and Kristina's combined taste still sat heavy on my tongue, and my skin was still awash with their scent. I took a long look at myself in the mirror, at my disheveled hair and flushed red skin, still beating with excitement, knowing that I would never forget this moment.

I headed to the kitchen for a glass of water to find Kristina seated at the table, a cup of coffee in hand, looking out the window in quiet contemplation.

"Good morning," I said.

She turned and smiled. "Morning. Have some coffee, I just made a pot."

I poured myself a cup and took a seat next to her. She had thrown on a large t-shirt, one of Miss Amber's I presumed, and it draped over her in such a way that looked almost childish, like a girl who had thrown on her mother's dress in an effort to look more adult.

"So..." Kristina took a quick sip of coffee.

"So..." I did the same, subconsciously mimicking her motions.

"You have fun last night?"

"Yeah. You?"

"I did. It's been a while since I've cut loose like that. I don't know about you but I always feel reborn afterwards."

I studied her, noticing the crows feet in her eyes, and the smile lines peaking across her cheeks, and the touch of gray in her jet black hair. As with Miss Amber, the morning revealed what the darkness had hidden, road maps of experience that attracted me to her even more.

"You were amazing," I said.

Kristina sighed and smiled again, a mixture that filled the atmosphere with a mysterious sense of melancholy. "Thanks. You weren't so bad yourself." She reached over and placed her hand on mine. "Amber was lucky to find you when she did."

The image of Miss Amber twirling in her sun dress suddenly flashed in my mind. "I'm the lucky one."

"No arguing with that." She took another sip of coffee, her hand still resting over top mine, and suddenly I was in the past, back in the shower, holding Miss Amber as she cried.

"Kristina, I have to ask you something."

"Go ahead." She sounded prepared, as if she already knew the question.

"Has Miss Amber always seemed so...sad?"

Kristina looked back to the window and stared out into the sun for a few seconds. "It's not for me to say."

"What does that mean?"

"It means leave it alone Jake."

Her curtness stung, but I wasn't ready to give up. This was my last best chance to know, not without asking Miss Amber directly.

"Please," I begged. "I have to know."

"Why?" Her brown eyes were heavy, demanding I say what we both knew was true.

"Because I love her."

I held my head down, embarrassed, waiting for Kristina to laugh off my proclamation and tell me what an idiot I was. Instead she squeezed my hand, signaling that I was safe, and when I looked back up there was no judgment or condemnation in her eyes. Only understanding.

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to mention it to her." She squeezed my hand again, harder. "Promise me."

I placed my other hand over top hers, accepting her conditions. "I promise."

Kristina sat her cup down and adjusted herself so that she was facing me directly. Her face contained little joy, conveying the severity of the answer I was about to receive.

"For as long as I've known her, Amber has always talked about being a mother. Even during our wild college days its was there, a part of her life she had planned out ever since she was a little girl. Frankly I never understood it. But some people are just like that I suppose. She's a natural. You know what I mean, right?"

I nodded, as our summer together flashed before my eyes, memories of loving hands and harsh lessons and stomach dropping surprises that together uplifted me, teaching me to be myself and realize that it's okay to be afraid, and to forge ahead despite it.

"I could always depend on her," she continued. "I still remember this one time during our sophomore year, I got sick with the stomach flu. She stayed with me the entire time, holding me while I puked, keeping me hydrated, feeding me crackers. I didn't have to do anything, and I never had to ask. She missed out on a full day of classes because of me, and never blamed me, never complained about it once."

She stopped and sighed again, lost in thought. "Anyway, after college she did everything right. Got a good job, met a nice man, got married. Everything was going according to her plan. So the next step was to start a family. They tried, for a long time, but soon it was clear something was wrong, so they visited a fertility clinic, and that's when they found out."

"What?" I asked, leaning in.

"Amber can't have kids Jake," she said. "She's infertile."

This bombshell of information was the final puzzle piece I needed to form a picture that had always been sitting in plain sight. Why couldn't I see it? It all made sense. Her house, her job, her way with kids. She was a mother in all the ways except the one that mattered most to her.

"What did they do?" I asked.

"He left her. Found another woman who could have kids. Asshole." Kristina spat the word out like venom, and looked deep into my eyes with a faded sense of sadness and hate. "You think that because you've spent a few moments with her crying that you know the extent of her pain, but you don't. I do. When she needed someone to pick up the pieces, I was there, and it was a nightmare. She didn't leave her house for months. She cried so much and so hard that she couldn't any more. Do you know what that feels like?"

"No," I said. "Not at all."

"Neither do I. But from what I saw, I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

Every urge inside me wanted to run back in the bedroom and wake Miss Amber up, to tell her I knew everything, that none of it mattered, that just because she couldn't birth a child didn't mean she wasn't the most beautiful, caring creature in this world, and that I loved her for and despite it all.

"I can't imagine..."

"Well don't," Kristina said. "Just forget about it. Amber's moved on, and now it's time for you to do the same."

"But—"

"But what? You think if you go running in there and tell her you know everything that you'll live happily ever after together? That's not how it works Jake."

"But I love her." It was only thing I could think to say, my only defense.

"If you love her than you'll leave it be." Kristina stood up and placed her hand on my shoulder. "For the record, I get it. Amber is an amazing woman, and a great friend. You're not the first guy to fall for her. But there is no future here. She knows this; she always has, and you need to accept it. For you're own good. You have so much life ahead of you, so many new people to meet and experiences to live through. What do you think this little adventure of yours was all for?"

She leaned down, tilted my head up by the chin, and kissed me gently on the lips. "You and Amber had your summer together. But it's almost over. Treasure it, and move on."

"But what if I can't?"

"You can. If she did it, so can you. It just takes time. And you've got plenty of it." She gave my hair a playful tousle and smiled encouragingly. "You got this kid."

Kristina walked away, leaving me alone to untangle the web of emotions knotted up in my brain. I still wanted to confront Miss Amber, fueled by a desperation screaming throughout my body. But I knew Kristina was right. And besides, I had made her a promise, and I meant to keep it. It was the price I paid to know, and it was worth it, because despite it all I felt closer to her, then more than ever. I combed through my memories, to the brief flashes of sorrow that punctuated our moments together, all of them given new clarity and meaning.

Do you ever just stop and watch the sun come up Jake?

Miss Amber's question echoed in my mind as I stood up and walked over to the window. The sun hung low over the horizon, its amber rays piercing through tree lines and peaking through houses.

It's quite beautiful," she told me. Especially this time of year.

I don't know how long I stood there, but the sun was high in the sky when Kristina returned to the kitchen, carrying a purse and dressed in jeans paired with a blue and white stripped t-shirt.

"What, no shorts?" I asked, smiling playfully.

Kristina smiled back. "Afraid not." She sat her purse on the table and rummaged through until she found a pair of keys. "Well, It's been fun..."

"You're leaving?" I asked.

"Yeah, I got a long drive back home."

"Oh, okay. Does Miss Amber know?"

"Yeah. She's awake right now." Kristina sighed and gave me a hug. It was warm and compassionate, the kind of hug that makes it seem like everything will be fine as long as you can keep holding on. "It was nice meeting you Jacob. You know how to show a girl a good time. Remember what I told you."

"I will." I squeezed her back, lingering, holding her and breathing in her scent for one last time. "Drive safe."

"Of course." She slung her purse over her shoulder and started for the door.

"Kristina," I said, stopping her before she could turn the handle.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For, well, ya know..."

"No problem. And good luck." Kristina smiled, and exited through the door with a gentle click.

I stood by the window and watched her back out in her red sedan, and she acknowledged me with a goodbye wave before driving off into the sunrise and out of my life as quickly as she had arrived.

I returned to the bedroom to find Miss Amber sat up in bed, looking stunningly angelic as she stretched under the sunlight shining bright through the window.

"Hey Miss Amber."

"Hey," she said, smiling at me through puffy eyes heavy with sleep, looking as radiant as ever.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Oh just wonderful." She raised her arms above her head and groaned, arching her back and piercing the sunny air with her nipples.

"You look beautiful," I said. "Morning suits you."

"There you go lying again."

"I would never lie to you."

Miss Amber smirked slyly. "Is that so?"

"Yes, it is," I said, sounding more serious than I intended. I took a seat on the edge of the bed and placed my hand on her ankle, for no reason other than that I wanted to.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"I thought you said you wouldn't lie to me."

I didn't say anything, because there was nothing I could say. Instead I lingered on her ankle in silence, taking in the sweet soft feel of her skin touching mine, wondering if it would be the last time, until suddenly she shifted, pulling her leg out from my grasp to take her place next to me.

"I can't believe we made a sex tape," Miss Amber said.

"Yeah, I'm still pinching myself."

"I'll bet you are. Most people will never experience what you experienced. What we experienced."

Miss Amber grabbed the camera off the nightstand and held it up to our eye level. "And to think, it's all on here." She then removed the SD card from a slot in the back and placed it in my palm. "I want you to have it."

"What about you?" I asked.

"I'm fine, I made it for you."

"Bullshit," I called her out. "You said you and Kristina had always wanted to make a sex tape."

"That's true—"

"So, let me make you a copy." I ran my fingers lovingly through her messy red hair. "I insist."

"I mean, if you insist," she grinned. "How can I say no?"

"You can't." I leaned in and kissed her, quick and heavy on the lips.

"Who are you?" asked Miss Amber, looking upon me with astonishment.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm exactly who you made me."

"No," she shook her head. "No, it's the exact opposite. You're who you've always been."

Her declaration was a revelation, and I swallowed hard, just staring at the SD card sitting in my hand, the apparent end point of our journey. "I leave for East Shores in a week...

"I know."

"I'm gonna visit you one last time and give you this. Is that okay?"

Miss Amber smiled, and rested her hand on my knee. "Of course it is sweetie."

"Awesome." I bounded up, energized, knowing I had at least one more moment to share with her.

"You gonna go home and jerk off to that tonight?" Miss Amber pointed to my hand.

"Nah, after what you guys did to me last night I doubt I'll have the strength."

She laughed. "You're probably right."

I leaned down and grabbed my shorts off the floor. "I suppose I should get going."

"Yeah, I should take a shower. Can't head into work smelling like cum."

"Sure you can," I said, pulling my shorts on one leg at a time. "I doubt anyone would notice."

"You'd be surprised." Miss Amber snatched my shirt off the ground and flung it toward me. "Women have a nose for it, and the last thing I need is a bunch of judgmental librarians figuring out how much of cum dumpster I am."

"God, you're so crass," I said. "Don't ever change."

"Oh, it's much too late for that."

"Good." I slipped my shirt over my head, and without thinking pulled Miss Amber in close and surprised her with an uncompromisingly passionate kiss. She yelped and groaned into my mouth, and was looking dazed when I finally pulled away. "I'll be back soon with your copy."

"Okay," she said, her cheeks rosy with a telling shade of pink. "I'll be waiting."

Me too, I thought, clutching the SD card in my hand like a precious heirloom as I left her and headed out the door.

IV.

Later that night, after my dad had fallen asleep in front of the television, I locked myself in my room and inserted the SD card into my laptop. I wasn't planning on masturbating, but I was curious—and more than a little nervous—to see how it came out.

The card contained two files. One was massive, with a run time of just over an hour, which I assumed was the sex tape. The other however was incredibly small, running only a few minutes. My interest piqued, I clicked the file, and suddenly Miss Amber filled my computer screen. She was sitting at the edge of her bed, dressed plainly, her hands in her lap, as if she were ready to give a presentation.

"Hey Jake," she said, waving timidly at the camera. "It's me, Miss Amber. Obviously."

What the hell?

She stopped briefly, her eyes shifting to the side as she searched carefully for what to say.

"You probably stumbled on this looking to relive the greatest night of your life. Well, before you get to that, I just wanted to tell you that it's been one of the greatest pleasures of my life to play a part in it. This summer has been such an adventure for us both, one I think neither of us will likely forget. But, like all good things, it must come to an end. Our summer is almost over, and soon we'll be going our separate ways, which I know is hard. But now is not a time for sadness. Now is the time for joy. You're just starting your journey. You have so much more life to live, and love to give. I know this because I've experienced it myself, in all its shades and colors..."

Miss Amber stopped again to wipe a tear forming near the corner of her eye. "I'm so proud of you Jake. You've accomplished so much is such little time. You're no longer that frightened boy I found hiding in the library, cowering in uncertainty. You're a man now. Sexy, confident, and not to mention unbelievable in bed..."

It's all because of you, I thought as tears of my own began welling in my eyes.

"I'm so grateful our paths collided, and I know you are too," Miss Amber continued. "Remember that when you go out into the world. Connection is what makes life worth living. I know it sounds like sappy, Hallmark channel bullshit, but it's true. A lot of people don't realize that until later in life, sometimes not until it's too late. Luckily you're ahead of the curve. You're welcome by the way."

I shook my head, holding in laughter as if she were there with me in person.

"So have fun in college. Get into some trouble. Take risks. Make love. Get your heart broken. You have the power to do it all. You just need to put in the work. I know it's hard, but that's how it is for anything worth doing. Lean into that, and you'll be fine."

I know I will, thanks to you.

"And finally, if you're ever feeling sad or angry or lonely, or just plain angry at the world—and trust me, you will be sometimes—just know that I'll always be with you, just as I know you'll always be with me." She pressed her fingers to her lips and held them up to the camera. "Sending you all my love. Goodbye Jake."

The screen went black, and I felt warm tears slide down my cheeks.

"Miss Amber," I whispered.

I closed my laptop, while a life without Miss Amber performed a play of possibilities in my mind. It was composed of the usual milestones you'd expect: college graduation, nabbing that first great job, getting married, having kids. I imagined it all without her, this generous person full of hidden pain, that pushed me with rewards I'd dreamt impossible. She wasn't there for any of it. And that made me sad.

Just then I heard her again, whispering in my mind. Connection is what makes life worth living, she reminded me. You just need to put in the work.

She's right, I thought. She's always right.

And that was the moment I decided I wanted her in my life.

Time to get to work.