Summer of Loss

"Ow, let go," Olivia snarled.

Ignoring her, I carted her into the bedroom. Amanda sat up, blinking and rubbing her eyes.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Your friend forgot where her bed was," I said diplomatically.

Both of them giggled. I grunted in frustration and let go of Olivia.

"Just let me sleep in peace, okay?" I said over my shoulder before shutting the door.

***

"Sorry about last night," Amanda said and yawned.

It was about nine and Amanda had just emerged from the bedroom, wearing one of my old t-shirts. One of the really old ones before I lost weight. It fit her like a dress. I handed her a cup of coffee.

"It's okay," I shrugged.

"You could have just doinked her, that would have been easier."

"She was drunk."

"Only a little and besides she's been wanting to jump your bones for a while now, the alcohol didn't influence that decision."

"Gee, thanks for bringing her to my apartment."

"Hey, you're the one that needs to get laid," she giggled.

"My ears are burning," Olivia announced from the bedroom door,

Unlike my sister, she hadn't bothered to put on anything more than her fancy lingerie. Even with her tousled hair, she managed to make it look sexy.

"Good morning," I said, noticing a red area on her upper arm roughly hand-shaped with some guilt.

"Do you mind if I take a shower?" she asked.

"Go ahead. Towels are in the cupboard."

"You look like you could use a shower, too," she said coyly, looking right at me and gestured invitingly with her head. "Shower's big enough for two."

"No thanks."

Olivia rolled her eyes and disappeared into the bathroom.

"What's wrong? She's not drunk now," Amanda said accusatorily.

"You want me to have sex with her?" I asked.

Why was she pushing me so hard?

"Why not?" she replied and shrugged.

"I don't want to."

"Why? You don't think she's pretty?"

The water in the bathroom turned on. Olivia would be naked now. That image definitely had some merit.

"No, she's very pretty. That's not the problem."

"Then what is? Do you already have someone else?"

"No," I blurted out immediately, then revised. "I don't know. It's complicated."

"Oh? Tell me more, maybe I can help."

I seriously doubted that but I was close to my wit's end.

"She's really nice and makes me feel happy," I said.

"That sounds like a good start. Is she pretty?"

"Very much."

"But she doesn't like you?"

"I don't know. She keeps sending me mixed signals."

"I see."

"One day we're cuddling on the couch, the next she's trying to set me up with her friend."

"Has she ever signaled she wants to be more than just friends?"

"I don't know. Maybe. She kissed me, once."

My heart was hammering in my chest. Was I really having this conversation with Amanda? I felt lightheaded and couldn't look her in the eyes anymore.

"Sounds like she's into you."

"Then she wanted to pretend it never happened."

"Ah, I see. Was it a bad kiss?"

"It was amazing. For me, at least. Maybe she didn't like it."

"Have you asked this chick out?"

"No, I can't."

"Why not?" Amanda asked as if we were having a normal conversation.

Did she really not figure it out yet?

"It's complicated."

"What's complicated? You like her, it sounds like she's pretty into you. Seems pretty simple to me."

It was too insane. I took a deep breath to try and stop the ache. Tears welled up in my eyes.

I looked up and noticed that Amanda wasn't as composed as she sounded. Her lips were pressed together so tightly, they turned white. A tear rolled down her cheek. Was she upset or terrified?

"Because... because she's my," I took another deep breath, "sister."

Amanda's lips quivered. Tears streamed down her cheeks. I fought back my own tears but I couldn't stop the hurt in my chest.

I said it out loud. I actually said it out loud.

We just looked at each other, frozen in time. The fridge droned on monotonously. The shower prattled merrily.

Her beautiful, blue eyes.

I couldn't take the tension anymore and lunged. Amanda moved at the same time. We met in the middle.

I tasted salt. Her lips. Her hot breath. Her body pressed against mine. Her darting tongue. I slipped my hand under her shirt and ran it across her soft back, fingertips rippling over goosebumps. Her hand squeezed my butt.

It was an explosion, like a million fireworks at once. This time there was no confusion. No hesitation. We both wanted it.

Until Amanda pulled back and shoved me. I stumbled backward, tried to grip the chair, only to discover it had already tipped over and laid on the floor. I followed soon after, landing hard on my butt.

"What?" I asked, looking up at Amanda in confusion as she tried to frantically rub away the tears.

"What happened here?" Olivia asked.

Shit. I had completely forgotten about her. Panic bubbled up in me. Did she see anything? Oh, God!

"Just sibling stuff," Amanda said, snuffling.

"Looks like you kicked his ass," Olivia snorted.

"Come on, let's get out of there," Amanda said, pulling Olivia into the bedroom.

I just remained sitting on the ground, thunderstruck. Amanda had more than reciprocated. I felt the same need in her every touch. She was into me. I wanted to scream with joy.

When the two returned, dressed in their evening garb, they found me still sitting on the floor, sobbing tears of joy.

"Ugh," Olivia groaned. "I am o-v-e-r that."

"Bye," Amanda called out.

"Bye," I replied.

Before closing the door, Amanda poked her head through the gap and mouthed the word, "Sorry."

I set the chair right again, cleaned the coffee mugs off the table, and pulled the sheets off the couch. My own bed was a mess. Alcohol sweat and makeup that might never come out. Wet towels on the bathroom floor.

I switched out the sheets from the bed with the ones from the couch, no use in getting fresh ones. Besides, I didn't have the strength to clean properly, not with my mind still swirling. My lips tingled and part of me wondered if I made it all up or if I really just made out with my sister. The faint taste of her lingered on me.

A loud pounding on the door interrupted my dream-like haze. The pounding intensified. I yanked open the door.

It was Amanda, red-faced, sweating, and out-of-breath.

"Where's Olivia?" I asked.

"I... ditched... her..." she panted.

Was it a dream again? I reached out and brushed a strand of matted hair off her cheek. Her skin burned to the touch. She closed her eyes and sighed. I cupped her face and pulled her in for a kiss.

Somehow, we ended up in the bedroom in a blur of lips and hands. Driven by our mutual desire for each other. I fell on the mattress, back first, and Amanda climbed on top of me. She reached behind herself and unzipped the dress.

"Are we really doing this?" I asked in the momentary pause.

The dress slid down, revealing Amanda's wonderful breasts, held back by a red bra. My jaw dropped and I was definitely hard.

"I want to. Do you?"

I nodded fervently. Amanda beamed and unbuttoned my jeans. Everything happened so fast, I barely noticed. My heart was pounding in my chest. Was I really about to lose my virginity? I took a deep breath to try and calm down.

A flash of Amanda's bare butt. Her naked breasts dangled in front of me, plump with dark nipples. Her face in front of mine, smiling kindly. Her lips on mine, hungry.

And then she grabbed my erection and guided it inside of her. It was so wet and warm and wonderful. I gasped but her mouth took my breath away.

I couldn't tell how long it lasted, only that she kept sliding up and down my cock. Slowly. My entire body felt like it was on fire.

And then I came. A powerful burst of happiness, followed by aching release.

When I opened my eyes, Amanda looked down at me, mouth open, smiling broadly. I grinned back at her. I've never felt anything like it.

"Wow," I said.

"Been a while, huh? How long do -- aah!"

I grabbed Amanda and rolled her off me. My penis might have been down for the count but my hunger only grew stronger.

It was the first time I saw her fully naked. Her breasts were still fairly big even though she was on her back. Her stomach was unblemished and she had an innie, just like me. She even had the same dense, dark curls of pubic hair, though hers was trimmed more than mine.

Leaning in, I grabbed ahold of her nipple with my lips. She let out a soft sigh. My hand caressed her inner thigh until she parted her legs enough for me to reach in. Two fingers inside, thumb massaging outside. I kissed along her collarbone, up her neck, and over her cheeks to her earlobe.

"You are so damn beautiful," I whispered into her ear.

With one hand on my waist, she pulled. I let her guide me until I realized she wanted to kiss. We kissed passionately while I fingered, faster and faster.

"Ohhh," Amanda moaned and I used the opportunity to nuzzle her other nipple.

Feeling her entire body tremble underneath me was almost better than my climax. Mouth open, eyes closed, head tilted back, she panted for what felt like minutes. As she came down, I pulled my hand away to caress her stomach and gently kiss her.

"Ohhh," she sighed. "That was..."

Her eyes fluttered open and we looked at each other, smiling.

"It's been a while for me, too," she said.

"Does this whole thing feel unreal to you, too?" I asked.

"I know exactly what you mean," she said, scooting closer.

I ended up on my back with her cuddling up to my side, one hand flung over my stomach. I had my arm around her and brushed my fingers across her back.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked.

"Of course."

"That day when we were running, was it really just an accident you kissed me?"

"Yeah."

"Oh," she said, sounding disappointed.

"Well, I don't know. It was a really confusing time for me. I still wasn't quite over you-know-who but that day I was really happy for the first time in weeks. You were a big part of that. I didn't really figure it out until later but it really felt like you were my girlfriend. We hung out a lot, we talked a lot, I missed you when you were gone, and I was happy when you were around. I think my body knew way before my head did."

"Awww," Amanda cooed, mollified.

"What about you? That kiss in the park?"

Amanda giggled. "I just really wanted to kiss you again."

"Really? You already knew back then?"

"I already knew when you kissed me."

"Oh. You're a lot smarter than I am. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why didn't you?"

"I was terrified."

"Me, too."

"So when did you figure it out?"

"When I saw how much you were hurting after Alexis and my heart nearly broke. I wanted to... comfort you."

"That's a lot earlier than me."

"Yup."

"So the whole exercise thing was just a ploy to hang out with me?"

"Pretty much, but now it actually feels good. I want to keep doing it."

"And Olivia?"

"Oh, that," Amanda said, sharply sucking in her breath. "That was a mistake."

"So you knew what she was going to do?"

"Pretty much. I was pretty close to the breaking point of not being able to handle it anymore, I figured that if you and Olivia hooked up, I'd know you weren't really into me, you just wanted to get your dick wet. Then I could move on with my life."

"I think even if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have slept with her. That's not really how I imagined losing my virgin -- "

Amanda sat bolt upright.

" -- ity."

"Your what?" she exclaimed loudly.

"Uhhh," I stammered.

"Well that explains a lot," Amanda said, more to herself. "I thought you just hadn't done it with you-know-how, not never."

"Sorry."

Amanda barked a quick laugh. She grabbed my penis with one hand and began stroking while leaning over me and kissing me.

"This is great. You get to be all mine," she murmured.

As soon as I was hard, she straddled me. It felt better, now that I wasn't freaking out at the same time. She began slowly, just rocking back and forth, before moving up and down as well.

"I take it you're not -- "

"No," she smirked, shaking her head. "But now I kinda wish I was."

"Don't. You're perfect the way you are."

Tears welled up in her eyes and she pressed her lips together. She leaned forward and we kissed.

"It feels so good to hear nice things," she murmured.

Amanda tried to sit up again but I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. Our naked bodies pressed against one another. I thrust my hips, pushing in and out of her. She burrowed her face on my shoulder. Her hair tickled my neck.

"You can go faster if you want," she murmured

"Is it okay if I keep going like this?" I asked.

"If you want."

"It's kinda hard to move faster like this but I don't want to let go of you."

"I don't want to move either."

"Then we stay like this. We have the rest of our lives to try other stuff."

That made Amanda perk up. She raised her head and looked me in the eyes.

"Do you mean that?"

I nodded.

We stayed just like that, just looking at each other -- no, marveling at each other, while we made love. It was the longest time I've looked at my sister and I wanted to memorize every square inch. Every little bump, every tiny hair.

"Ohh," she moaned and her eyes closed briefly.

It didn't take long after that, which was good. I was barely able to hold on long enough to feel her quiver before I let go.

We came together in a shower of euphoria that lasted for an eternity.

Amanda collapsed on top of me. I grabbed the blanket and pulled it over the both of us.

"Mmm, this is nice," she murmured.

"It is."

I looked over at the alarm clock.

"Wow, it's only ten. It feels like a month since this morning."

"Ten?" Amanda said alarmed and rolled off me. "Shit, shit, shit."

"What's -- "

"I'm supposed to be at work!" she yelled, jumping out of bed.

"Can't you call in sick?" I whined.

"I'm not sick and I don't want to," she snapped, putting on her underwear.

"Sorry, it's just..."

"I know," she sighed, pausing. "I know. What just happened was... I'd like to stay, but..."

"I get it. Go. We can talk later."

Amanda nodded and then flashed me a smile. "If it makes you feel any better, I won't be able to think about anything else at work other than your dick."

"You know, it does a little," I chuckle.

"More than a little," she laughed.

And then, she was out of the bedroom, I listened to her curse while putting on shoes, then the front door opened and closed. Then everything was silent, save for my thumping heart.

I couldn't believe all that happened in a single morning. I lost my virginity. To my sister. And I couldn't be happier. I couldn't stop smiling.

At eleven, the afterglow wore off and I realized just how sweaty I was and how sticky the sheets were. I got up, showered, cleaned the bed, and did laundry. Then I texted Amanda.

SHAUN: I miss you

AMANDA: ♥

AMANDA: I miss you too

At noon, I remembered that I had two classes that day. I decided to skip them, since both of them would have recordings I could watch later. It was too hard to concentrate on anything else.

A short while later, I changed my mind. I got dressed and headed for class, hoping it would make the time pass more quickly.

***

Amanda had showered and changed her clothes to something more ordinary since the morning, though she was no less beautiful. She held out a small bouquet of daisies, hand-picked. It was the first time in my life I've ever received flowers and I wasn't sure what to do, other than to hold them.

"Did you know we have the same pubic hair?" I said.

"Really?" she asked and her eyebrows shot up.

Unceremoniously, she grabbed the beltline of my pants and pulled at it, peering inside. She pursed her lips and pulled forward her own pants. I leaned in to get a look, too. My pulse quickened at the sight.

"Huh, I guess we do," Amanda said and looked up at me. "What kind of greeting was that?".

"I just wanted an excuse to see it again," I say and grin.

"Is that so?" she asked, grinning too.

Amanda spun around and shook her butt back and forth rhythmically. She undid her ponytail and whipped her hair around. She smacked herself on the butt. I stood there like an idiot holding a bouquet of daisies, staring with rapt attention.

"Bet you'd like to see these, too," she said, whirling around and grabbing her boobs.

I nodded.

Slowly, teasingly, Amanda removed her shirt while undulating, revealing an emerald green bra. She sashayed closer, pressed up on me, and went in for a kiss. She stopped just shy of our lips touching, laughed, and my pants fell to the ground.

It took a very long minute for her to remove her own pants, lowering them inch by inch, dancing to an unheard beat. Her eyes kept flickering down to my crotch until I did, too. Yup, I was turned on.

When I looked back up, her bra was off and her breasts bounced with her movements. She slipped her fingers under the elastic band of her green panties and teased.

"What do you want to do now?" she asked in a husky tone.

I turned around and reached the cupboard in two large strides.

"Hey! Where are you going?" she yelled.

I grabbed a glass, quickly ran it under the tap, and put the daisies inside. Then I turned around to face my almost naked sister.

"Sorry but I need both my hands for what I want to do."

Amanda laughed. I scooped her up and half-carried, half-dragged her to the bedroom. I tossed her on the bed, pulled down her panties, and opened her legs. Going in, it smelled of berries until my tongue made contact with her labia.

It reminded me of home. Like waking up on a lazy Saturday morning and just lying in bed for a few hours. Only wetter and more intense.

"Ooooh," Amanda squeaked.

Either Alexis had been a good teacher or Amanda was easily pleased but it did not take long for her breathing to become faster and shallower, interspersed by the occasional soft moan.

When she climaxed, her thighs pressed against the side of my head and did not let go until she was finished.

"Ohhh, I needed that," she sighed.

"You taste really nice," I said, crawling up on the bed, over her.

"Really?"

"Yeah, way better than Alexis."

I pulled my shirt over my head and threw it aside. Amanda propped herself up on an elbow and pulled me in for a kiss.

"Mmm, I do taste nice," she said.

I pushed my boxers down.

"Do you need a moment to recover?"

"No," Amanda giggled. "Please fuck me."

It took me a moment to figure out the position but I was aided by my sister, who wrapped her legs around my waist and left me little choice in the matter. I guided the tip in with my hand, then descended the rest of the way.

Amanda gritted her teeth and sucked in her breath.

"What?" I asked, freezing. "Does it hurt?"

"No, it's just very sensitive."

"Should I stop?"

"Don't you dare," she growled and dug her feet into my back.

The message was clear. I pushed in, slowly at first, wondering if the weight of my body hurt her but if it did, she didn't show it. After a few hesitant strokes, I grew more confident.

"That's better," Amanda cooed.

Bracing myself on my elbows, I leaned down to kiss her. It felt a lot more intimate than the last time. I ran a hand through her hair and massaged her scalp. Her eyes rolled up into the back of her and she purred. She brushed her fingertips along my side, raising goosebumps.

I kissed her on her beautiful and luscious lips, losing myself in the moment. We made passionate love, gently touching each other all over until we both came.

I rolled off of her and laid down, drained of energy.

"I had an awful day at work," Amanda said.

I turned on my side to look at her and she already faced me. I reached out to brush a strand of hair out of her face.