Summer of Loss

And I just spent all afternoon installing a bidet faucet.

"You wanna give it a test?" I asked.

Amanda looked at it like Christmas had come early. She stood on the tips of her toes with her hands folded in front of her face, grinning. She nodded.

Two minutes later, she barged into the living room and gave me a big hug.

"Thank you for everything."

"Thank you for everything, too."

I haven't seen a single towel lying on the ground since our fight.

"We should move."

"Really?" I asked, a little bit disgruntled. "After everything we just did to make this place nicer?"

Amanda chuckled. "Not right away. After you finish college and I finish vet training. We should move to a different city where nobody knows us."

"That'd be nice. We wouldn't have to be afraid of being seen in public anymore."

"But we have to get a place that allows pets. I want a dog."

"Deal."

We kissed again, a kiss filled with the passion of dreams. The kiss turned into groping. Groping led us to the bedroom. We made love the way we liked it the most, missionary, her legs wrapped around me, able to look into each other's eyes, able to kiss.

"Do you want to go for a run?" I asked, cuddling with her in bed afterward.

"Yes but I don't think my legs want me to. That orgasm was... too good."

"Do you want to go for a walk?"

"That sounds better."

On the ride down the elevator, Amanda assured me once again just how useful the bidet was. My legs itched for a good run but we didn't change into our running gear, which meant we definitely wouldn't be running. A walk was also good, though.

Hand-in-hand, we headed for the fields. Summer was in full swing now, the hot sun bore down on us. The fields had grown. Wheat, higher than either of us, flanked the first stretch of our usual path. Amanda tied her hair back into a ponytail and undid a few buttons on her blouse.

After many, many runs, we discovered there was a small lake nearby, at least according to its name. It was less of a lake and more of a small pool but it was nice nonetheless. Good for skinny dipping. Only a five-minute run.

Sauntering leisurely, we arrived there in thirty minutes. We sat down at the bank and stretched out on the warm grass. The summer sun kissed us both.

"Our new place should be somewhere close to nature," Amanda said, hands folded behind her head.

"Yeah, that would be nice. Maybe next to the ocean."

"Ooh, that's even better. A private beach."

"I don't think we can afford that."

"A few weeks ago I didn't think we could ever be together and look at us now."

"Fair point. A private beach it is," I chuckled.

"I'm serious," Amanda said, rolling on her side to face me. "With you being a nerd and me being a successful vet, we're gonna have a pretty good income. We could buy a house somewhere. Not right away but a few years from now."

"Years," I sighed. "Sometimes it's hard to think about tomorrow."

"That's why you have me. I'll do the planning, you just say yes to everything."

"Yes, that sounds great."

Amanda giggled.

"Do you really have plans for years from now?" I asked.

"Yeah. The next two years are pretty fixed, of course. Doesn't make much sense for you to transfer to a different school now. The apartment we have now is pretty good. I'm making okay money at the shelter and actually, I noticed that I've been spending a lot less money on wine and snacks. It's adding up. By the time you graduate, I should have a few grand saved up. If you get a part-time gig, we would have a lot. After two years, we can move to somewhere far away. I'm thinking the west coast, probably California. Good weather and it's close to the ocean. Plus plenty of job opportunities for you. I should be able to get a job in any medium-sized city, vets are in demand. Three years, if we live frugally, we should have enough saved up for a house, sooner if the market crashes. So about four years from now, we should be all set. After that, my goal is to open up my own practice. How long that takes depends mostly on our salaries. That's my five-year plan. My own practice, a house, a dog, and you."

"Wow," I said. "All I've been thinking about is how your breasts look bigger now that your stomach is getting more toned."

"I noticed that, too."

"I like it."

"My boobs or my plan?"

"Both. I'll start looking for a side gig."

"You don't have to if you want to focus on your studies."

"But it's gonna make the plan go faster, right?"

"Right."

"I want to help."

Amanda leaned over and we kissed.

"It means we're gonna see less of each other, though," she sighed.

"That reminds me, you were wrong, by the way."

"Oh? About what?"

"You said that after a few weeks our sex life is gonna start to fizzle out but every time we have sex, it feels as amazing as it did the first time."

"Yeah, it does. I'm glad I was wrong."

"Tell me more about our future. What kind of dog are we going to have?"

"I don't know what kind yet, but we're going to adopt from a shelter. Some sort of mutt. Depends on what they have, I guess. A medium-sized dog, nothing too small and yappy. We're gonna name him Frank if he's a boy and Frankie if she's a girl."

"I like that."

"I'll take care of him and I'll find a job where I can take him to work. He can come on runs with us."

"You think he'll be able to keep up?"

Amanda laughed. "We are getting pretty good, aren't we?"

"Yup. I'm still losing weight."

"I noticed. You're looking fitter every day."

"You remember my deal with Alexis?"

Amanda giggled.

"Yeah. Why?"

"I hit two-twenty-five this morning."

"Oooh, was that the sex amount?"

"Yup."

"Are you angling for your reward?" she chuckled.

"Nah, we already had sex twice today."

"But I didn't know it was supposed to be special sex," Amanda pouted.

"It's always special sex with you."

Amanda leaned in for another kiss. She fumbled at my belt. I aided her.

Before long, my pants were down to my knees and Amanda was on top, riding me. It was incredible how good it felt to be inside of her, no matter how often we did it.

Neither of us was in any particular hurry. The afternoon sun was starting to set but it was still blazing. The air smelled of grain and flowers. Crickets chirped. Amanda swayed back and forth, lips pressed tightly together.

A perfect day. Another perfect day, really. There seemed to be a lot of those lately.

We knew each other's bodies well enough by now to know how to time our orgasms. Amanda went first and I joined in when she was at her peak. A powerful, euphoric wave washed over me.

"Congratulations on finally losing your virginity," Amanda purred.

"My life would have been so different if I stayed with Alexis."

"Yeah."

"Definitely worse," I said and frowned.

"Why are you making a sad puppy face?"

"I don't want to ruin the mood."

"Tell me," Amanda said, bending forward and planting a kiss on the tip of my nose.

"I just realized that I could have married Alexis. Had children."

"Oh," Amanda said and frowned, too.

"Sorry."

"Do you want to have kids someday?"

"I never really thought about it, to be honest. That sort of stuff was always something so far ahead in the future I didn't think I'd need to think about it."

"And now?"

"And now the decision is already made. I'm never gonna have children."

Amanda sighed. "I never wanted kids, if it helps."

"Never?"

"Never. Not even before this whole thing with you. I like working with animals. I've always wanted a dog. The thought of growing a child inside of me is..." Amanda shuddered. "Weird."

"That's good. Then being with me doesn't ruin any of your dreams."

"Well, I did want a wedding."

"Oh."

"It was never like a fantasy or anything but it would have been nice to stand at the altar and declare my love for the man of my dreams."

"Sorry."

"Dreams change, my love. I can live without a wedding. I cannot live without you. And I cannot live without a dog."

I propped myself up on my elbow and kissed Amanda. "I've already accomplished all my dreams."

***

My jaw dropped.

We decided that for our big celebratory date night, we'd get fancy-dressed and not show each other until we were both ready. We got a reservation at Amor, one of the fanciest restaurants in the city, for seven.

I wore a suit, which I had to rent. A real three-piece suit, in a charcoal gray, with a light purple dress shirt, and -- at the behest of the sales rep -- an aubergine tie. It was the most dressed-up I've ever been and the best I ever felt about my body. Technically, I was still overweight according to BMI but it certainly didn't feel like it. That's why I now had at least two dozen selfies of me in this suit.

But no matter how good I looked, I might as well have been a pig rolling in mud compared to Amanda. She wore a red, strapless cocktail dress. I have no idea how it could possibly have been held up considering the amount of cleavage it exposed. It hugged her curves the way my hands usually did. For once, her hair wasn't bound back in a ponytail, it was wavy, styled over to one side.

And her face was immaculate. Thick, full red lips and remarkable eyebrows. Her eyes glowed a chestnut brown. In heels, she was as tall as I was.

"Damn, you look good," she said, beaming.

"You look... breathtaking."

I didn't think it was possible but her smile grew even wider.

"Shall we go in, handsome?"

The Amor looked like it was very busy that Saturday evening, as expected. Every table was either full or reserved. Despite that, the atmosphere was more cozy than hectic. A lot of paneling and interior walls divided the large room into smaller, quieter sections. We were seated at a table for two near the side.

I pulled out Amanda's chair, which made her raise her eyebrows, but she accepted the gesture. The waiter lit two tall, pink candles and began reciting the menu. There were no printed copies, that was far too gauche for the Amor.

In the end, both Amanda and I ended up picking the same appetizer, a mixed greens salad with candied walnuts, goat cheese, and a honey vinaigrette. We also picked the same dessert, a triple chocolate mousse. For the main course, I got herb-crusted tofu with mushroom risotto, and Amanda selected a vegetable spiral tart.

"This feels weird," Amanda said, sipping from her glass of red wine.

"Good weird or bad weird?"

Amanda scrunched up her face and shook her head indecisively.

"I'm constantly terrified that someone is gonna recognize us."

"Who do we know that's rich enough to eat here?" I chuckled.

"Good point," she mused.

"Even if, we're celebrating good news. Nothing wrong with that."

"How does it feel to be a working man?"

"Really boring but there's less anxiety when looking at my account balance."

Amanda laughed. Yesterday, I received my first paycheck from working part-time at a computer repair place. It wasn't a hard job, mostly running a pre-build diagnostic program on computers and then fixing simple problems, but it paid seventeen bucks an hour and I was good at it.

"To money and our future," Amanda said, raising her glass.

We toasted.

The salad was hands down the best salad I've ever had and Amanda agreed. We talked about our day but it was obvious that my sister was somewhat uncomfortable. She kept glancing around the room as if we were being watched. She wouldn't let me hold her hand and kissing was definitely out of the question.

"I can't wait until we move somewhere else," she sighed.

"That's gonna be a while."

"I know," she said glumly.

At least the main course distracted her from her worries. Her tart looked like a vegetable rainbow and she broke her own promise of not using our phones throughout dinner to take a picture. She was grinning at me when I heard a very familiar but unexpected voice.

"Shaun? Is that you?"

It was Alexis. Dressed up nicely but not even close to Amanda's level. She hadn't changed at all since the last time I saw her. Still fit with the same coquettish smile. A burst of pain bubbled up but I quickly realized it was more of a memory of pain than pain itself.

"Alexis," I said curtly.

"You look... handsome," she said, letting her eyes wander all over my body. "I see you've been keeping up with the weight loss."

"No thanks to you," Amanda muttered.

Alexis' head snapped around. "And you are -- holy shit, Amanda? I barely recognized you."

"Unfortunately, I can't say the same," Amanda said disdainfully.

"What are you doing with your little sister? I thought you were on a date at first," Alexis laughed.

"We're celebrating," I said.

"Oh?" Alexis asked, one eyebrow raised.

"It's -- "

"It's none of your business," Amanda interrupted me.

Alexis took a deep breath.

"Look, I know I hurt you but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. Really. I've been thinking a lot about our time together lately and what we had was pretty good, right? We were happy, right?"

"Until you cheated on him," Amanda said to Alexis' back.

"It was an accident. It won't ever happen again."

"Yeah, it won't, because you and I are never going to be dating again," I said.

Alexis sucked in her breath and took a step backward.

"Things are different now," she pleaded. "I mean, just look at you." She lowered her voice and smirked at me. "I bet you're under two-twenty-five," she said and winked.

Amanda's lips were pressed together so tightly there was a white outline around the lipstick. Her fists were balled up and she was shaking with fury.

"No, Alexis. We're over. Never gonna happen."

"But -- "

"Please leave," I said sternly.

Tears welled up in Alexis' eyes. She turned on her heels and stalked off.

"That... utter..." Amanda hissed through clenched teeth and let out a snarl.

"You have nothing to worry about. I love you."

The words startled her and she whirled around frantically to check if anybody overheard. Nobody was paying attention to us.

"I love you, too," she whispered so faintly I barely heard it.

"You're right, it will be nice to move far away."

Amanda nodded eagerly. She looked around the room again and her eyebrows shot up.

"That bitch is on a date with someone."

I followed her look and saw Alexis, sitting at a table on the other side of the room, opposite a well-built man with a scraggly beard and a tan jacket. Alexis' type, apparently. She didn't appear to be too happy at the moment, however, and shot a wistful glance at our table.

"I wish I could kiss you right now and see the look on her stupid bitch face," Amanda said.

"There is no need to be jealous. I'm over her."

"I know but I haven't forgiven her yet."

The mood was different after that. Not quite ruined but definitely more uncomfortable. Amanda wouldn't do anything even remotely girlfriend-like, not as long as "the enemy might be watching", in her words.

After a wonderful dessert, we went for a leisurely walk in the fading sunlight. At first, Amanda wouldn't even hold my hand, so I just wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close until she relented and at least put her arm around my waist.

"This is harder than I expected," Amanda sighed.

"I know. It sucks. Can you bear it for another two years?"

"I'm gonna have to, don't I?"

"We could... take a break and -- "

"NO!" Amanda said immediately.

I chuckled.

"Yes, I can bear it," she sighed. "At least we always have the apartment."

"And the fields," I reminded her.

"And the car," she giggled.

"And the elevator."

"And the changing room at the mall."

"And the alley."

"The alley?" she asked, confused. "We never did it in an alley."

"Not yet," I laughed, pulled her into a sidestreet, and kissed her.

***

3 years later

***

The car slowed down and I pulled into the parking lot. Gravel crunched under the tires.

"Can I open my eyes?" Amanda whined.

"Not yet. Soon."

"So we're here?" Amanda asked excitedly.

"Almost."

I got out, rounded the car, and opened the door on the passenger side. Amanda still had both her hands clasped over her eyes. I gently grabbed her right hand and she dutifully covered both her eyes with her left. The gold band sparkled on her left ring finger, matching the one on mine. They were one of the first things we bought with my first big boy paycheck.

A bark erupted from the trunk.

"Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you, Frankie," I laughed. "Careful, the parking lot is gravel. Don't trip."

"Ooh, I can smell the ocean," Amanda said, stepping out of the car.

"Good nose. We're about three miles from the pacific."

"Can I look now?"

"Almost. Turn around. A little bit more in this way," I said, turning her toward the house. "Okay, you can look now."

I didn't need to look at the house, I'd already seen it. Not too big, since we weren't a big family, but still roomy. I only wanted to look at Amanda, see her reaction.

Her eyes fluttered open, squinted from the sunlight, then went wide. Her mouth opened, closed, opened again. A wide grin as if it were Christmas morning. She looked at me, back at the house, back at me, back at the house.

"That one?" she asked in disbelief as if there was another house nearby.

I nodded.

"We can afford that?"

I nodded again.

A loud, high-pitched squeal pierced the air. She took a step toward the house, turned around and stepped back to me, spun around to take another step, then changed her mind yet again. She flung her arms around me and kissed me on the lips.

"I love you," she said and planted another kiss on my lips. "I love you." Kiss. "I love you." Kiss. "I love you so much." Kiss.

"I see the wife approves," said a woman behind them.

Amanda froze and looked at the newcomer. A woman in her fifties wearing a power suit -- all pink.

"Amanda, this is Mrs. Kelly, the realtor. Mrs. Kelly, this is my lovely wife."

"You two look adorable together. How long have you been married?"

I looked at Amanda and we smiled at each other.

"Two years," I answered.

"Really?" Mrs. Kelly said, surprised. "You still have that honeymoon glow about you."

"It feels like it," Amanda said, kissing me on the cheek.

Another bark from the trunk.

"Is it okay if I let the dog run around?" I asked the realtor.

"Of course."

Amanda approached the house while I opened the trunk of the car. As soon as it slid open a few inches, a blur of brown and white shot out of the gap. Frankie was a very active border collie-labrador retriever mix. Playful and good-natured. She immediately ran after Amanda and begged to be petted -- successfully.

By the time I caught up to Amanda again, Frankie was mollified enough to begin exploring the grounds.

The building was a two-story California ranch-style home. A stone facade on the lower three-quarters, dark European oak panels above that. A black, slanted roof.

"Three bedrooms, two bathrooms. The upstairs one has a hot tub and a bidet. Living room and kitchen. Even a separate laundry room. It was built in the eighties. And the best part, a three-acre backyard, though most of that is a steep slope."

"And we really can afford all that?" Amanda asked.

"Yup. The bank approved the loan. I can write the check for the down payment right now. The only thing missing is your approval."

"What's the catch?"

"It's a thirty-year-old house, so we're due for some repairs. It doesn't have air conditioning and the boiler needs to be replaced. I already accounted for both of those in the budget. And some other minor repairs, of course. The biggest catch is that my commute is going to be at least thirty minutes."

"And you'd be okay with that?"

"Yeah. This house is everything we ever wanted. Except for a private beach, of course."

Amanda laughed. "I can live without a private beach, I think. And Frankie seems to really like the backyard already."