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Silence filled the air. I trudged back to the car in a funeral march, legs heavy until my knees collapsed. My chest felt tight as breathing became labored. I had slain the princess instead of the dragon.
Hands took hold of my face, as she bent down to my level to speak words of encouragement, "don't sulk, although I spoke harshly, I think the world of you." She rubbed my nose with hers in an Eskimo kiss, then her hand scrubbed the hair of a mischievous boy.
The gesture made me think of an arctic storm, blinded by whiteout I had set off in the wrong direction only to find a safe marker. Her warm touch broke the spell. I daringly watched every move as she dressed and climbed back into my car. Sunrays heated my face as my mind cleared, harmful thoughts replaced by memories of her kindness and affection. I turned and queried, 'what now?'
Maria calmly reacted, "let's go eat, I'm famished. pick somewhere without a wait." I had forgotten Maria had gone without breakfast. The next thing she knew was holding a menu from Homestead Solana Beach. While she snacked on cheese, fresh berries, and quesadilla, none on the menu, I made a choice for both of us, the house special BLTA's, with pickles on the side. Sharing a meal fostered kinship as we chatted like old friends again while the food disappeared. "Now, my friend, I want to see your favorite places. Let's side aside deep thoughts and have fun,"
Searching my mind, spotty reception ruled out Google, I made a list of activities in the area that did not involve getting wet. Robb Field State Park rented rollerblades, but Maria disapproved "I haven't ridden on them since I was a kid and will probably bust my ass!"
Remembering a familiar spire two miles away I asked, "what about SeaWorld?"
"Nah, got one of those at home. What about an old-fashioned rickety roller coaster?"
"I'm already in heaven so I'm not scared of dying." I admitted. "Let's go."
As fate would have it, the nearby San Diego County Fair was our last destination together, The coaster was thrilling to say the least, even the fifth time. We snogged on the Ferris Wheel. Walking past carnival games while eating cotton candy brought me back to my childhood.
My dress shirt could not travel with her. With no Comicon swag to buy, I picked out a beige sweatshirt with San Diego script over the left breast. When I slipped it over her head, the sleeves were a little long and the bottom came to her thighs. "Perfect, I love it," Maria was always grateful for any gift or praise.
We stopped in front of a jewelry vendor where I picked out a silver pinky ring, with peridot, a light green birthstone found in volcanic lava in Hawaii. Designed for a girl she slipped the token on easily.
"Maria, I will cherish these three days, even without carnal pleasures, the forbidden image of your spectacular body, your gentle touch, the melody in your voice. All were gifts to me that I don't deserve and cannot keep. And I do not want to trade them for the great relief of knowing you all these years, albeit blindly. I cannot thank you enough for your encouragement when I discovered my spouse's infidelity, on my birthday no less."
"The ring is a simple token for two comrades, a friendship that I beg doesn't fade over time. You will never pass this way again, yet gravity altered your orbit for a while. Put on this band every so often, especially when you feel like you are down in a chasm of gloom. Please remember that I will be there beside you in spirit. I wish the best will become the rest of your life." I hope she understood the meaning of my jumbled words. She just grinned bashfully.
It seems like the best events in our life fly by without taking notice. As Joni Mitchel sang, "everything comes and goes; pleasure moves on too early and trouble leaves too slow." Dropping her off at the airport, Homeland Security did not encourage long goodbyes.
Disappointment that Maria was leaving formed a hard knot in my stomach, the realization of never seeing her again. I tried to convince myself it would not matter, for our hearts would remain unchanged. I brushed her jaw with two fingers, gave her a brief kiss, ignoring the shouts of "move along" and watched her disappear through the sliding glass door. For a fleeting moment I thought I could see the flicker of cosmic green light, her hand visible against the black handle of the suitcase.
And as I turned my head away, tears from a long overdue cry flowed down my face until I could taste them, mixed with her lip-gloss. "Thank you for being wonderful you."
