Summer's Eve Pt. 05

But did she want one?

Helena's hands slowly travelled to her stomach, her fingertips meeting on top of it. It was smooth and taut. She had put a lot of sweat and effort into keeping it and the rest of her in shape. Her last pregnancy had made her grow in more ways than one, and that extra weight on her thighs and buttocks had been hard to get rid of. Her breasts had become a little larger than before she had children, but thankfully they had kept their round shape. Their increased weight and good ol' gravity played their part, of course, but she was proud of her bust. Helena traced the shape of her stomach. She remembered how it had grown and how it had felt. Pregnancies are no joke - back pains, hormones going crazy and morning sickness are definitively annoying. But there had been life growing inside of her - life completely and utterly dependant on her, and which she had unconditionally loved from the first moment she became aware of its existence. She had gone through the ordeal of pregnancy twice, and each of them had been more than worth it. But did she want more of that? Did she really want another pregnancy with all it entailed, with all those sleepless nights, the stress and the effort of taking care of a new, tiny and completely helpless human being?

No. At least she did not think so. She had played with the thought before, but never seriously.

But why had the dream been about Jack? Why was it his baby she had wanted?

That question found its answer quite easily. It was simple. She was obsessed with him, that dark, alluring stranger who had driven her crazy. So was it really that weird that her brain, after all Helena had felt and done with Jack, conjured up a dream about him? It had plenty of material to draw from, and it had sprinkled the vision with some piquant details. Helena's thoughts went to her and Jack doing it on the forest floor again. He had fucked her in a way she had never been fucked before. He had talked about coming inside of her. Of impregnating her. Of knocking her up and giving her a baby. A black baby. How he even dared to joke about something like that with a married woman Helena could not fathom, but then again, she was not exactly a paragon of virtue herself. Afterwards she had realized that she liked the things he had said. On the path to another mind-blowing orgasm she had been pleading for him to stop saying those things, but it did not stop her from enjoying them. Even loving them. The shame and embarrassment of being the monster that she was mixed with the disgusting but sweet taboo of being with a man like Jack. Foreign, black as ebony, strong and so exceptionally well hung. It had all thrilled her. The contrast between their bodies, her skin white as snow against the obsidian black of his body had been amazing. They had fucked twice without protection. Each time, deep inside Helena's pleasure-riddled mind, the fear of becoming pregnant from him had mixed with an incredible, overwhelming excitement. Forbidden, unthinkable, taboo, but oh so incredible.

She had realized a lot of things about herself as of late. This sick fantasy was just one of them. But it was just that - a fantasy. A stupid fantasy that Jack had planted in her mind. The problem was not even that his child would be dark and that her infidelity would be obvious. Even if Jack had been white and blonde - her having his child would be a betrayal, ruining everything she had and everything those she loved had. It would be a crime against her family and the baby.

And that was all there really was to it.

When finished showering she climbed out of the cabin, water running and dripping down from her body onto the floor. She used her foot to wipe it up with the bathroom mat. Then she dressed. Her white dress was still hidden beneath her bed and still waiting to be cleaned, so she had to pick something else from the wardrobe. She had had taken whatever she came upon first. Beige shorts and a light, sleeveless top would do. She placed her hand on the door lock and turned it. It clicked. Soon all of this would be over. Soon she would be free.

She just had to last a few more hours.

* * *

"Alex! Please come down from there."

The birch which grew in the yard was old and rather tall. It's grand crown of branches - now vibrantly green with summertime foliage - was wide, and cast plenty of shade on both the ground and parts of the roof of the cottage itself. But Helena did not notice the tree's beauty - she was too busy anxiously watching her youngest son in it. Alexander was precariously perched upon a branch which looked far too sickly and dry for Helena to be comfortable with, and her heart was beating with that all too familiar maternal anxiety as she looked on. Alex, on the other hand, did not look all that worried. He flipped around and straddled the branch, and with feet dangling in the air he curiously glanced down at her.

"Why?" he asked.

"I don't want you to be climbing up there." Helena said, hand nervously touching her chin. "Come down."

"Why? I am not that high up."

"You are. Get down from that branch and climb down."

"But why?" he insisted. "I'm not going to fall."

"I certainly hope not." Helena said. "But that doesn't matter."

"I'll be careful."

"Alex." she said sternly. "Come down from that tree now."

He was clearly weighing the pros and cons as he looked down at her. Finally - and to Helena's relief - he seemed to realize that continuing to argue with his mother was a bad idea.

"Alright, alright." he muttered. "I'll come down."

"Just please be careful."

"Mom, I know how to climb trees!"

Helena watched him make his way over to the main stem of the tree and felt her heart jump when he dangerously jumped from the branch to a lower one. Only when his bare soles touched the sparse grass beneath the birch did she relax.

"Come here." she said.

"What?" Alex grunted. "I came down, didn't I?"

"Please."

He shuffled over to her with a glum expression written over his bronzed face.

"I'm not angry at you." Helena said when he refused to look at her.

"Then why are you sounding angry?"

"I'm not. I just get very nervous when you go climbing like that."

"So what? Can't I climb a tree if I want to?"

"It's dangerous. See how dry that branch is? It could have snapped and you would have hurt yourself, and I don't want you to do that. If you want to climb take a smaller tree."

"What tree?" he questioned loudly, throwing out with his hand in a sweeping motion over the yard. "There's no other trees here, and you don't let us go into the forest alone."

"Then you will have to wait." Helena said. "If you want to climb we can go to the playground a few streets away, there is a climbing frame there."

"I don't want to climb on a frame."

"Then you will just have to wait." Helena said. She looked over her shoulder at Erik, who had been quietly observing the discussion from a few steps away. "Erik - this concerns both of you, alright? If you want to go climb somewhere that's fine, but you have to at least ask one of us adults first. So that we know where you are and what you are doing. Okay?"

"Okay mom." Erik said.

"Alex?"

The boy muttered something in response, but Helena decided to take it as a reluctant 'okay'.

"Don't be angry." she said, now considerably softer, and put a hand on his shoulder. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Whatever."

"What about we go and pick some strawberries, huh? I took a look in the patch earlier, and there is a lot of them. Some fresh strawberries with milk sounds delicious to me."

"Maybe."

Despite his sullen appearance Helena thought she heard some interest in his voice. She continued her offensive; "If you two go find the best berries I'll go get a basket. You up for that?"

"Sure." Erik, the sweetheart he was, came to her aid. "Alex, come on. Let's go."

The older boy did have sway over his brother, and soon they were off towards the vegetable and berry garden which occupied one of the yard corners. Helena's eyes lingered at them for a few seconds more before she turned. She did not want to be an overly controlling parent, but on the other hand she would rather be a stick in the mud than have one of her sons hurt himself. The mere thought of Alex falling of that tree made her shiver, and she quickly purged that image out of her mind.

With the sun showing no signs of easing its burning light it had been decided to erect a large parasol in front of the veranda, as sitting inside it - even with all the glass doors and windows open - was simply too hot. A couple of sun chairs had been set up in the shade, and Lars was occupying one of them. He was lying down almost horizontally, comfortably stretched out and reading one of the pocket novels he had bought in preparation for the vacation.

"What was that about?" he asked and squinted up at Helena.

"Alex was up in the birch again." she replied, stopping at the foot of the sun chair. When rubbing her left shoulder she realized that it was becoming red.

"And?"

"I told him to get down."

"Was he up high?"

"Far too high. I don't like him climbing in that tree. Some of the branches look like they're going to break any minute."

He rested the book against his chest. "Come on." he said diplomatically. "They're boys and boys like to climb trees. Is that really so bad?"

"What if they hurt themselves?"

"I have seen them climb, and they are as little monkeys up there. As long as they don't climb all the way up to the top it's fine."

"I don't know about that." she said hesitantly, her mind once again conjuring up a terrifying image of one the boys falling from a tree. "They aren't careful. Especially Alex. If he keeps on going as he does now he is going to seriously hurt himself."

"Just try and relax. It doesn't help to be worrying all the time. I will keep an eye on them if they start taking risks."

"Not when sitting here reading you're not. But I managed to convince them to go pick some berries instead I was just going to get the basket."

"I do love strawberries." Lars said and chuckled. "But you better hurry with the basket, or else Erik and Alex are going to eat all of them themselves."

Helena smiled. It was a weak smile, but at least it was real. She left her husband to his novel and went inside the veranda to grab the small wicker basket in the corner. A spider had begun spinning its net between one of the grips and the wall when Helena ruined his work. She flicked the distraught arachnid down into the grass and headed for the strawberry patch.

One of the great dangers with vacations is boredom. The first few days are always great - you finally have time to do all those things that you have been putting off for so long. Relaxing and finally having some time to yourself is great too. But while some laziness is nice it can quickly become chronic, and when it does you end up doing nothing useful or noteworthy. You get bored. Maybe restless. And time, although seemingly dragging on in all eternity, in reality flies past in the blink of an eye, and before you know it you find yourself back at work and wondering where the vacation went. But it was today more than ever that Helena was desperate to find something for her to do. Anything distraction would do. She had already helped Maria fill the washing machine with dirty clothes and, in spite of the older woman's protests, given the living room a quick vacuum clean Today Helena did not dare to sit still and feel the hours drag on in all eternity.

"Have you found any?"

Erik and Alexander were already crouching in the large strawberry patch. The hunt for berries was on, as signified by the enthusiastic chewing of their jaws.

"Yeah." Erik said and popped another berry into his mouth. "There are super many."

"Great. Take the ripe ones and put them in the basket and let the others ripen." Helena said, placing it down in-between two rows of plants. "We have to save some for later, right?"

The sun blazed, hot and merciless. The sky was overcast by a whitish cloud cover stretching from horizon to horizon, but the burning disk of the sun was easily visible if you looked up. The bright light made Helena wish she had taken her sunglasses, or at least her straw hat. Kneeling in the patch she expertly parted the tender leaves, looking amidst the green for the red that hid beneath. Erik was right - there was a lot of berries. Whole clusters of them, hanging heavy on the stalks. Helena had her own garden in the yard back home, but it was nothing like the one Maria had set up here at the cottage.

The summer cottage was a great place, no two ways about it. Cosy and quiet, with a big, lush yard and surrounded by beautiful nature. The settlement was small, with maybe a couple of hundred inhabitants at the height of summer when city-dwellers arrived for spend their vacation closer to nature. Helena remembered the first time she had come here. It had been when she and Lars had first begun dating, and one day he had asked if she wanted to meet his parents. She had agreed, and Maria and Rasmus had welcomed her with open arms. They had only stayed for a couple of days that time, but since then they had visited at least once a year. As time passed the stays became longer, and after Erik and Alexander had been born it was a given that they all spend a couple of weeks of the summer at grandma and grandpa's place. The boys loved it, especially when there were other kids their age around. To Lars it was all very nostalgic and for Helena, well, she liked it well enough. There was very little not to like. Except maybe the monotony. As the weeks dragged on she always became restless.

Helena popped a strawberry in her mouth and savoured the taste of the ripe sweetness bursting in her mouth. But as she chewed it she had to wonder about the future. Next year, when this insane chapter of her life was over, would she ever be able to see this place as she once had? Would she still be able to see it as a quiet, peaceful retreat, far from the urgency of the city, or would it forever be... Jack? Helena sucked in her lips and bit down upon them as she continued the hunt for berries. She did not want to think about it, but it was hard not to. What if every time she went down to the beach with her family she would remember herself and Jack, swimming together and then fucking on that hidden patch of land in the reed forest? Or would she be able to just appreciate the beauty of the forest without remembering how she was sprawled out on the ground and being taken from behind?

Helena shrugged her head. No. Just don't think about. She would go crazy if she did.

The basket quickly filled up with berries. Helena crowned the sizeable heap with a final, gloriously red strawberry and stood up.

"Look how much we gathered." she said, wiping of her knees from soil. "Good work."

"What now?" asked Erik.

"When are we going to eat them?" Alex clarified, greedily eying the basket.

"I'll go inside and wash them first." Helena said. "And we should ask the others if they want some too. We can't eat it all ourselves, can we?"

"I could."

"I know you could, Alex, but I think it is better if we share."

With the boys in tow Helena headed back to the house. Lars sun chair had emptied while she was gone, but she could hear his and Maria's voice from inside the building, mixing with music playing from the big retro radio in the living room.

"Wipe off your feet." she told the boys as they stepped over the threshold. "I don't think we should bring too much dirt inside."

Having wiped their bare feet against the doormat the trio ventured onward into the house. It was - if at all possible - even hotter inside than it had been earlier. Lars and Maria were standing in the kitchen; he on his knees and digging through the freezer, his mother leaning against the oven.

"Ah, good." Lars said when he saw them.

"What are you doing?"

"We were discussing what we are going to have for dinner." Maria said. "So we should ask for your input."

"It's prime grilling weather." Lars added, pulling out a drawer from the freezer to inspect its contents. "And we have a lot of meat. I think the rest of the story writes itself."

"Grilled food in this kind of weather?" Helena tentatively said "I almost think it would be a bit too heavy..."

"Boys, what do you think? We have lots of veal, some pork, sausage... some hamburgers too."

"Can we have hamburgers?" Erik asked. "We haven't eaten that in forever."

Alexander vigorously nodded. "Please!"

"What do you say, Helena?"

"Sure." Helena said. "I'm okay with it."

"Then it's settled - grilling it is." Lars said, pulling out a couple of frozen bags with meat and putting them in the kitchen sink. "Can't have a summer without grilling, am I right?"

The boys agreed, but as soon as they had helped pick out what they wanted for the grill they disappeared outside again. Lars placed the last piece of frozen meat in the sink and put on the cold water to quicken the thawing.

"You look worried." he said. "What is it?"

"It's nothing." Helena replied, tearing her eyes from the window. "I was just wondering if they are going to be climbing that birch again."

"Little rascals they are." Maria said warmly. "You can bet that they do."

"I hope not."

"Let them." Lars said. "Anyway. What's that you have there? Strawberries?"

"Oh yes, I almost forgot." Helena looked down at the basket in her hand. "We got quite a few."

Dinner was still a couple of hours away, but that only meant that there was plenty of time to have a snack before it. Or two. Summers are often like that - a string of meals with the occasional lazying about in-between. Strawberries powdered with sugar in a bowl of cold milk fit were perfect for this weather. The put the outdoor table and chairs in the shade of the birch. After having woken up Rasmus - who had been napping in the covered hammock sofa next to the pond - they all sat down and ate. And for a short, blessed period of time, everything was as it once had been. All was peaceful, pleasant and normal - just as it was supposed to be. They talked about all and nothing; the weather, their plans for the rest of the summer and what would happen after it was over. When school and the need to buy new supplies for the coming year were mentioned Alexander made it clear that he was definitively not going back. They let him have it for now. Helena remembered herself how distant yet horrifying the idea of going back to the classroom was back when she was seven. Her childhood seemed very distant now. It had been an era of innocence and simple problems.

"Can we go swimming?"

They were done with the strawberries and were just sitting around the table when Erik brought the question up. He was immediately joined by his younger brother. "Yes! Can we, please? It's really hot."

Helena and Lars looked at each other. His silence meant that he was content to let her decide.

"If you want to." she said. "Do you want to go right now or later?"

"Now."

"And I want to take my water pistol."

"Me too."

"And the water balloons."

"Yes! Then we can have water wars for real!"

Lars laughed and Helena nodded. "Then go put on your swimwear and get the towels. But first we are going to have to put sunscreen lotions on you again."

"Why?" asked Alex.

"Because otherwise you'll get burned."

"But there isn't any sun." he said and pointed at the sky. "How can I get burned then?"

"You might still burn yourself. Actually the clouds can even make it worse."

"How would that be?" Erik asked. "Shouldn't the clouds, like weaken the sunlight when it has to go through them?"

"I wish it did, but it's not that easy. It's not the light itself that is bad, but the thing called UV radiation. You can't see it, but it's there, and it is what gives you a tan. I don't know exactly how it works but it can reflect of the edges of some clouds and get even stronger. So it's better to be safe than sorry."