Surviving the Death of a Old Friend

There were kisses all around before she wandered off. Leo and I curled up on the big cane settee, the music serenaded us off to sleep. This time I came prepared with a large fleecy blanket.

I hadn't planned to sleep in, but I guess the pot and the booze caught me off guard. I was awakened by Drew, who shook me softly. When I looked up into her eyes, I saw worry and concern.

I slipped out from Leo's arms and we walked into the kitchen to make coffee. "Mum, what's going on? Are you and Uncle Leo having sex?"

"What?" I screeched, before biting back my words. "No sweets, absolutely not. Leo was feeling a bit fragile last night and I comforted him. We both kept our clothes on, There's nothing going on. I promise."

She didn't look convinced. "Does Daddy know you sleep with Uncle Leo?"

"Honey, I'm not sleeping with him."

"Well, what do you call last night?"

"Honey, he was feeling lonely. I held him in my arms. Nothing more."

"Mum, I'm worried. You have to promise you won't do anything silly."

I gave her a hug, kissed her lightly. "I promise, sweets. You have nothing to worry about."

Leo wandered in a little later. There was still a little tension, but he soon had Drew laughing over some silly jokes.

The rest of her stay was pleasant. I refrained from sleeping with Leo. It was hard listening to his mournful sobs after the house was encased in darkness. Even Drew heard them and in the morning, she said, "God, Mum, poor Uncle Leo. He sounds so miserable, so despondent."

"Yeah, it's hard to listen to night after night."

She gave me a kiss. "Is that why you slept with him?"

"Honey, we shared a bed. We kept our clothes on. All I did was show him some compassion, A little comfort."

She returned my hug. "I understand, at least I think I do."

That night, we shared a couple of smokes, cocktails, and when we went to sleep out on the deck, Drew slept with us. Her on one side, me on the other.

Drew left the next day and it was sad to see her leave, but she had studies, her life was waiting.

Luckily, Kal turned up the next day and we prepared to change shifts. We had two days together before I had to leave.

He looked tired when he walked in. I could see the life draining out of him. I ran into his arms and we hugged, we kissed and swayed drunkenly, enjoying the feel of our bodies.

As we parted, Leo joined the embrace and Kal asked, "How you doing, Bro?"

"Yeah good. Drew's visit was fun."

We sat at the table and the boys started talking football, cricket, all the usual stuff. I delivered a couple of beers and went outside to get some air.

Kal walked out a little later and we cuddled together. "So how's work going, Hon? Did you manage to sort out all the problems?"

"Sort of, but in all honesty, Hon. I can't be away for long. Christ, everything we have is tied up in those builds. If they fail, we are going down."

I could see by his expression he was serious. "So what happens now?"

"I'm going to try to get Leo to come home with me. Just for a while until I have the builds in a better place."

Giving him a hug, I whispered. "Oh hell, that would be so much easier. I don't know how much more time off I can get."

"The Highlanders have a couple of home pre-season games coming up. I was hoping to use them to entice him to come and stay."

"Perfect." That night we made love with an urgency we had not shared since dating. This was the longest we had been apart. It was furious, wild, almost brutal in it's intensity.

Back in Dunedin and back at work, it was a relief. I worried about them both, but the tension, the feelings of inadequacy in trying to ease Leo's pain, the bleak moody atmosphere in the house was all a bit much to take. All in all, I was pleased to get a break.

Calling Kal that night I asked how it was going and he moaned softly. "Shit, Babe, since you left he has has fallen in a hole. I mean a deep hole."

"Honey, he was like that while I was there, as well."

"What, even the crying in the middle of the night? Christ, that's hard to take. I suppose being a nurse, you're used to it."

"No, not really. It was bloody hard." There was a moment of silence and I dragged up the courage. "Honey, I have a confession."

He hesitated before replying. "Yes."

"Honey, I hated hearing Leo like that. I slept with him a couple of nights."

"You what?" he hissed venomously."

"Not like that stupid." I snapped. "I meant he was bawling his eyes out. I laid on the bed with him and held him in my arms. We both stayed fully dressed."

"Jesus, Phoebes. Shit, you scared me."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to, I just wanted you to know."

"Yeah, I can understand. Look, I think I have him convinced to come home with me. If all goes well, we might be there by Thursday night."

It was obvious that Leo didn't really want to be staying with us. The boys had lots of fun at the football, but aside from that Leo was lost. He had childhood friends he caught up with, but he hated the fact that people endlessly offered sympathy, and he had to tell his story over and over. It was no surprise when he said he was leaving.

Kal tried to talk him out of it, but there was no way, we could change his mind. He was going, and that was that.

Kal cornered me the night Leo announced he was leaving. "What the hell are we going to do? It just doesn't seem right to let him go back by himself. Christ, he cries all night, he's obviously struggling with his memory. I don't think he should be driving."

I nodded. "I agree, he definitely should not be driving. I mean, he is stoned most of the time now, anyway."

"Yeah, agreed. So what are we going to do. I cannot afford to take more time off."

"I can ask; can we afford for me to take a couple of months without pay?"

He frowned. "If we have to, but you must have some AL left?"

"Yeah, but, there's nobody to cover. If I ask for AL, they will simply say no. If I say I am taking leave without pay, they have no choice."

"Okay, see if you can get the ball rolling. Will you drive back?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I don't think he should fly."

Three days later we were packed into my little car and we were off. He refused to let me pay for anything. It was a hell of a trip. We went up the west coast, had lots of stop-overs. It took us five days, but it was five days of fun: radio blaring, singing, sightseeing. eating at fancy restaurants. The one thing about Leo was he was generous, and mildly wealthy. Compared to us, he was rich.

The only negatives were the nights. That was when his situation seemed to compound for him. He lay in bed the walls closed in and despair covered him like a cold blanket. Well that's how he explained it to me.

To those who have never been in that position, it is impossible to ignore; he was one of my best friends. His life was ending and he was in pain.

I went back to his bed. We snuggled together. He seemed happier with somebody in his arms. He was generous, kind and giving. It was his nature to help people.

As wrong as it felt to be in another man's arms, it felt right to take away his pain, to ease his suffering.

The one other thing we picked up on the trip was a two-person kayak. We drove past a garage sale sign and he screamed loudly, "Stop, go back."

Walking up the driveway of the people's home, there was a huge red double-kayak. He made a big deal out of negotiating with them, but when he saw their little girl in ragged clothes and no shoes, he stopped, fished into his wallet and ended up giving them all the money he had. That kayak must have been worth about three hundred dollars, second hand. He paid fifteen hundred dollars for it.

We took ages tying it to the little roof rack, which was really only designed for ski's. Oh well.

Back at Stephen's bay, he couldn't wait to get it in the water. We packed a bit of lunch and headed west, past Kaiteriteri, past Honeymoon Bay. We went all the way to Split Apple Rock. For experienced kayakers not a big trip, but for us it was huge.

It was one of those glorious Autumnal days, the wind a breathless zephyr, just enough to ripple the surface. The sun was bright, hanging slightly low in the sky. At least the temperature wasn't too hot.

We paddled there easily. Pulling the kayak up on the sandy beach we spread out the towels and had lunch. Leo just loved to lie and listen to the waves. I curled up beside him, rested my head on his broad chest and we took a little nap.

The paddle home was harder: not the wind, or current. Leo might have been dipping his paddle in the water, but I was doing all the work. He was getting weaker.

Back at the batch, I made us a light dinner. He made cocktails and we got sloshed. By the time he sparked up another joint I was drunker than I could remember. He kept going on about paddling around to Totranui. He put together a plan, a list of stuff we needed, food, tent, sleeping bags, booze.

I curled up beside him, my head spinning like a giddy little girl dancing in the moonlight.

Somewhere during the night, he covered us in the big fuzzy blanket and we slept out on the deck. It was colder now, the evenings drawing in.

To keep warm, we had to snuggle, cuddle up tight, and as we did, I felt his erection, big and proud, digging into my side, or my bum when he spooned me.

I woke up during the night, I felt weird, a startling electric current ran through my body. As I wiped my eyes I felt Leo's lips nuzzling my neck. He was asleep, dreaming, his hips gyrating, writhing against me.

Those damn lips, those sexy lips, nuzzling, kissing my bare skin. Damn, I felt it, my nipples hardening, my heart pounding and my tummy tingling. I didn't want to, I didn't mean to, but I squirmed a little, his erection responding as it was trapped between us.

His arm, which had hung loosely over my shoulder now wormed it's way up under my sloppy T-shirt.

His hand cupped my breast, squeezed lightly, his thumb rubbing across my brassiere, teasing and flicking my now very erect nipple.

Okay, I was still drunk, still woozy, but I couldn't hide my arousal. My face was flushed, my hands clammy.

His mouth opened wider, sucking wantonly on my neck, then lower, excruciatingly slowly he went lower, my shoulder, my back as his mouth pushed aside my shirt.

Squirming, writhing. God, it felt good.

Yes, it was wrong, I was a married woman. My husband would die if he saw what we were doing. But, oh god, it felt so good.

His hand left my breast, drifted lower, little circles of joy he made as his hands caressed my tummy. Every time he moved I flinched, my muscles tightening. My blood pressure grew, my heart raced.

His hand went lower, rubbing the top of my jeans, and as his hand went to push down inside...

That was it. I jumped up in a start. "Leo, I have to pee."

He barely acknowledged he heard. I staggered off to the loo, the cold of the porcelain chilling my heady skin.

It took me an age to build the courage to return. I questioned everything. What the hell was I doing? I made a promise to my husband. I made vows. Okay, I'm not religious, but the words did mean something.

Leo lifted the blanket as I slipped in beside him and his big bear like arms closed over me.

I rested my head on one arm while the other held me tight. The earlier assault seemingly forgotten, well except for the steel rod pressed against my bum.

My emotions were raw the next day. Leo made me drive us into town, where he brought a brand new tent, sleeping bags, hamper, and a small chilly bin that would fit in the kayak.

The drive was filled with his plans for our trip. All I could do was nod in acceptance. My mind, however, was going a mile a minute. Real feelings, far greater than friendship, were attacking my feeble brain.

As I stared across at him, he seemed oblivious to the turmoil he created within me. Yes, I argued that I was transposing grief. I felt, it as well. I had so much emotion toward him, we were like siblings, family, much more than friends.

We had lunch in town, did some sight seeing, drove down to the port and brought fish. Leo seemed so buoyed by the trip, I didn't have the strength to argue. I would be doing most of the paddling, but if it gave him even the slightest joy, I didn't care.

Kal called that night and Leo was straight on the phone telling him all about our adventure. When I finally got a chance to talk to Kal in private he seemed nervous. "Hon, are you going to be able to handle that?"

"Yeah, Babe." I sighed. "He is so up for it, I can't say no."

When I said those words he went silent. "What does that mean?"

"I just don't want to crush his spirit. He wants to do it so I will just paddle harder."

"Christ, be careful, Phoebes, that's a long way."

"Yeah, he has arranged for us to stay at Marahou, first night. Then at Torrents bay the next night. Then we will camp out at Totranui for a day or so before paddling back."

He got pensive, I felt it in his voice. "So where are you staying?"

"Leo has sorted it all out. Apartment in Marahou, and some chalets at Torrent bay."

With resignation seeping out of his voice he finally said, "Just be careful, Hon, don't go out if the weather's bad. Remember I love you, and thanks for looking after him."

"Hey, he's my friend, as well. I love him too, you know."

"Yeah, I know, I just wanted to say thanks. It means a lot to me."

We headed off on our adventure. The kayak was overflowing with stuff. The weather was kind, it probably is the calmest time of the year. The summer winds were gone, the winter rains not yet here. The paddle to Marihou wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Leo was trying to help.

He was exhausted when we arrived at Marahou, though. I had to get some passers-by to help get the kayak out of the water.

Leo took us out for dinner at the pub. The place was full of kayakers, trampers and tourists, so the mood was high.

In our room, we settled in for the night. The only scary part was the queen-sized bed. He organised a suite, which seemed presumptive, but I guess that was the reality. We were sleeping together. Even if sleep was all we were doing.

Oh damn it was nice to be in a comfy bed. Climbing in together seemed tense, as if there was some expectation,bBut Leo was tired and he was asleep quickly. Unlike normal nights where he seemed to battle his inner demons.

We cuddled together like man and wife. I made sure I wore underwear and fluffy PJ's.

Leo was still a handsome guy. He always had been, that rugged frame, curly long brown hair that framed his face. Recently, he had stopped shaving and his stubble was growing in. It suited him, it made him look more virile, more like a lumberjack, or farmer.

Funny how I grew used to sleeping in his arms, enjoyed the feel of his body against mine.

The trip went like that. We stayed in top-quality accommodation until we reached Totranui. Then it was out with the tent. The bad news was Leo was getting worn down and tired. I had to get some other campers to give me a hand with the tent and pumping up the airbed.

We cooked in the little communal kitchen. We talked with lots of tourists, joked and laughed with them. There was a get together around the fire pit that night, which we attended. Somebody played guitar, we all sang along. There were joints flowing endlessly around the circle.

Wow, I was stoned, I mean really buzzed out. Leo had to help me back to the tent. It was bloody cold, as well. We had to cuddle up tight to try and get warm.

Late, god knows what time it was, I felt him stirring. His erection prodded me in the back as he writhed against me. I felt him rhythmically grinding against me.

His mouth glued like a feeding lamprey to my neck. His hands both cupping and caressing my boobs. God, had my nipples ever been harder? I felt him pinching and tweaking, squashing and kneading the heaving little orbs. I was never heavily endowed, my boobs were small, his hands easily cupped them.

When his mouth opened over my ear and his moist breath washed over my cheek as he nibbled, his teeth pulling on my lobes.

Shit, I'm only human. I know I should have said stop, but the words wouldn't come. I wriggled my arse back against his raging erection.

"Oh fuck." I heard him groan. "Oh Jesus Christ."

Nice to know he was feeling it as much as I was. It encouraged him, he pressed forward, jamming his erection up between the cheeks of my bum, my yoga pants almost ripped asunder by his rapacious attack.

Damn, if he continued to grind against me, that thing was going to cut through the spandex and I would be impaled. His need grew quickly. His hands busily fondling and caressing my boobs. He pulled wickedly on my nipples, letting the little nubs spring back.

I turned my head to look back at him, to hopefully say stop, but his mouth moved from nibbling my ear to close over my open mouth.

His tongue slid in easily and swirled seductively around my mouth. Oh god, this was getting so out of control. The kiss enraged him and my breath became ragged as my tongue joined the salacious dance. We kissed passionately, and I turned more in his arms. His hand quickly dropped to the waist band of my pants and he tried to push in. "No, please, Leo, no."

He seemed to heed my wishes, returning instead to carry on the assault of my heaving breasts. I was lost, I think he realised it.

When his hand dropped to my pants, this time I did not resist. His hand slid underneath the stretchy fabric and his fingers pressed across my slippery slit. Trapped inside my panties, he used his fingers to spread apart my glossy lips, his middle finger dipping into my gooey depths.

"Oh god, oh god." It was the merest murmur, nothing more than hot air escaping my panting mouth.

He quickly found a gentle rhythm, sliding his finger in and out, the gurgly squishy noises exposing my desires. I pushed against his hand, enjoying the feel of his palm flattened against my mound, crushing and massaging my clit.

I let my hand drift down his muscular body, lower, into his shorts. His erection felt huge as my hand closed around it. I stroked him gently, allowing my thumb to pass over the slippery dewy head.

His hips jerked crazily at the first feel. "Ohhhh fuck," he moaned into my panting mouth.

"Yes, god yes." I whimpered in return.

Realising there was no fight left in me, his hand quickly picked up the pace as he plunged his fingers into my gooey pit. In and out they thrust, gushing squishy squelching sounds of lust. I felt embarrassed that my desire was so obvious. How could I say no? His hands were covered in my dewy juices, my thighs coated with the lubricious fluids. The smell of sex hung in the air. My nostrils distended as I inhaled desire.

It was quick, mere minutes before my hips jerked. "Oh god, I'm going to come." It was a realisation I could have done without, but it built quickly, my hips bucking against his hand. Our tongues slithered a dancing fearsome erotic tango.

I couldn't hold it back, there was no control, like when you have to pee. This was inexorable. "Oh fuck, Leo, god damn, Leo, I'm going to come." It was a whimper, a breathless whimper. Nothing more. My body reacted wildly, shaking, jerking unashamedly.

I could do nothing but try to hold on, my fingers crushing his strangled manhood, which I squeezed tightly.

With my orgasm passed I settled slowly, my breathing returned and Leo just held me tight. His fingers slipping from my clutching pussy.

His erection still throbbed in what must have been a painful swelling. He stared into my eyes, the moonlight illuminating the space. I stroked him, my hand closing and squeezing as it slid up and down his granite shaft.

My hand, lubricated by his oozing pre-cum, slid sloppily up and down, up and down. Faster, slower, the throbbing member with an almost surreal life its own.