All Comments on 'Swan Song to Sojourn'

It’s hot and sexy but parts of it are a little jumbled up. You’d benefit from either reading it aloud to yourself/ getting it proofread/ edited. You have occasional missing words, interchangeable terms for the same thing (thong & panties) despite the minor errors you do also have a LOT of passion, it shines through.

It appears to go from them having sex standing up (reminiscing?) then he crawls up the bed to her twice, hugs her, an unfortunate missing word makes it read as though he he shimmied over her hips and peeled them off - yikes that’s one for the horror category 😉. She gets blindfolded and spanked, he gives her oral through her thong which to be fair wouldn’t be difficult, then puts his hand down her panties? He uses a vibe/ dildo on her and although you said she didn’t notice him stop doing that it immediately followed by him fucking her, did he take out the vibe/ dildo?

It might look like a lot of problems with the story but it really isn’t. The content is very definitely worth reading you perfectly captured that intensity of passion between sub and Dom.

Thanks for sharing

Tess (uk)

Awesome ty for the input! I'm very grateful for it! I use Lit as a sounding board for my steamy scenes and I am always grateful for the constructive criticism to help make it better!