All Comments on 'That Night at the Lake... Ch. 01'

The first third of your story was all introduction to some story you were eventually going to tell, but I don't know if you ever got around to actually telling the story. I gave up. If you don't get any other comments, then probably no one else got far enough either.

Perhaps try with a smaller cast? Got a bit confusing keeping track during the strip game.

Also agree with first comment, intro took a long time to got to not very much.

Definitely don't give up trying though! Can only get better with practice :) Suggest find a test reader to help refine your style.