All Comments on 'The 30 Days Day 00: The Game'

... this is noncon without some indicator of consent. NON COERCED enthusiastic consent is required to set up scenes like this as is some indication of aftercare. My recommendation is change it categories. The plot is not bad if taken from that perspective.

Secondly, your dialogue needs work. It feels very manufactured. To help, write put just the dialogue and edit it until it sounds natural.

Hey, thanks for your comments on my work, it's always nice to have some constructive criticism :)

The second part of my "30 days" story is up now, and I think that it's better written and also features more in the way of Romans romance and after care, I'd appreciate it if you'd take a look and let me know what you think of it

Thanks,

J

I read the first two parts in the wrong order, I read it as it’s listed on the page and not by numerical order.

It presents them very differently than my first opinion, in this section you’ve made it clear that his violent approach is actually part of a scene and not normal behaviour.

The woman however comes across as very familiar she’s the victim of sexual abuse, either childhood sexual abuse or one or more sexual assaults/ rapes as a young adult/ as an adult.

From what you’ve written his actions don’t mark him as a Dom he's still coming across as overly aggressive breath play and knife play are both very advanced scenes and he seems to have a slapdash approach.

From the intro it looks like they’ve been together for a month and now he’s announcing a month of no orgasms for her? Fuck no.

Tess