The 5 Words

Before we even sat for lunch I blurted out "he needs help again."

Judy blushed a little I think and said she was "surprised it took this long."

Her knit top followed her shape and the pleated skirt below floated out. My plea caused her nipples to become quite swollen and the tight fabric did nothing to conceal them. I noticed, she noticed, the freaking waiter and most of the men in the café noticed.

Judy is proud of her figure and she is sexy, so it was not a big deal for her, but I would have been horrified. Still, I think I got my answer. She may have been thinking about 'helping' him again herself.

Looking up from her chest I said, "you will?" She managed a small nod, apparently nothing more was needed. Getting immediately down to practical business, we discussed the timing, working around her schedule and all of that and set a date and time for him to 'visit'.

"How long do you think I will need to, or actually get to, keep helping" she giggled. I had not really thought about that issue, but it's reasonable that she might need to have fantastic sex every couple of months for years. "Poor girl" I told her.

I really had no idea how this would end. If he would go off to college and find a girl that he can be with. Or would he come back to town every few months in search of Judy.

The best laid plans.... In the intervening week before Jon is to go to Judy's, I get a call. She is trapped in Rome with a respiratory illness that they are keeping her quarantined for. She won't be back for close to a month at this rate, and there is no guarantee that the US will let her back in even then.

"I am so sorry; I was looking forward to 'helping'." I could hear the humor in her voice. "But I will be back soon and can pick up from there. I'll stay in touch and you can always call me if you need support."

Shit. I would have to break the news to Jon that there would be no 'chores' at Judy's for a little while.

"Jon, calm down. I know more than you think." He stood there huffing and shuffling in an agitated sort of way as I delivered the bad news. "I know that Judy had you do more than chores last time." His head jerked up to look at me directly, mumbling nonsense to himself. "It was my idea," I said. "All that research I had been doing for the last year, it all pointed to an intimate relationship as being key to helping you." I paused waiting for this to sink in a bit. "And it worked."

Not really listening to me, he stammered, "you know?"

"Of course I know. I am the one who begged her to do it."

"Why?", he groaned. "She told you?"

"Jon, yes" I said.

His panic continuing to rise, "she told you everything?"

"No Jon, nothing of what happened" (I lied). "I'm your mother for christ's sake, and there were probably things that went on that I would not want to know".

Slightly less panicked he said, "Well, what did she tell you?"

I paused for a minute to make sure I got my editing right. "She said that you were intimate, that you were a very generous and talented partner."

"Mom!" yelping, his face red with embarrassment.

"Sorry, I thought you might want to know. Judy knows what she is talking about."

"Mom!" again.

"Alright" I said. "It's just that you don't have to hide the secret or deal with the quarantine issue all alone. I know enough that you can at least trust me. I wanted to help, that's all I'm here for." We sat in silence for a while, Jon sulking, until he finally got up and wandered off.

Later in the day he came to find me, panic renewed. His first idea was a shock and a half for me. "Absolutely not," I said. "There is no way I can help you like that."

Jon looked down, realizing how poorly considered his suggestion had been. Calmer now and more quietly he said, "can we find another way? How about another friend of yours, or a prostitute."

"Jon, I have thought of both of those, and a hundred more, but the only option that is safe and clean and caring, and absolutely secret and probably not a crime in this state was Judy." I paused to let my thoughts catch up. "I cannot trust anyone else I know to be with you that way. It has to be Judy because, well, she is so close to both of us." We left it at that and I thought he might burst into tears and storm out of the house. He did storm out of the house and was gone till late.

I stayed up hoping to catch him and check his mood when he finally did get home. I considered the issue in front of me and what I might be able to do to help. There was not a lot that a mom could do in this particular situation unless I was willing break the rules of god and man.

At around midnight he walked into the living room where I was and sat across from me. He looked terrible and my heart broke. I could feel my determination failing. What kind of mom was I, encouraging something that made him even worse, and now I put him into a position that was wrecking all of the improvement he had made over the last months.

I cracked. Ohhhh god, I thought, am I really thinking this? Completely freaked out at this point I stammered, "Ok... we... have to do something." He looked up at me with a questioning look, unsure where I might be going. He was not going to believe it, I certainly did not, but I continued on in spite of the objections being screamed in my own mind.

After a long silence and lots of avoiding each other's glance, I stoked up the courage to continue. "I have decided that I will help you. But, if we are going to do anything even close to what you did with Judy there are going to be some strict rules".

His eyes were intense, staring directly into mine, but the anguish on his face softened, he said, "you mean me.... and you?"

I stopped, looked away again. My pulse racing, my face beet red, I admitted, "Yea, yea, that is what I am proposing."

I could hear him breath deep, and the shaking that went along with that breath. I could hear my own labored breathing as well. We were both dealing with what I had just said, trying wrap our heads around a world in which this was something that a mom and son did. We struggled with the massive change this would be. The practicalities of such an arrangement were mind boggling to say the least.

I managed to speak unsteadily, "do you think it's crazy or totally wrong?" "Because I can take it all back and we forget I ever said this." I could tell he was weighing his needs vs mine as I hoped he would reel me back..

He said, "this is what you want to do?" "For me?"

Damn. "Yes. I would do anything and this seems like it falls under the 'anything' heading. But I cannot do this without you understanding and agreeing to it. It's a lot more complicated than with Judy."

He thought it over and said, "I understand why, I know what the experience with Judy did for me, how it changed me."

I jumped in, "but that was Judy, and this is me. That's a pretty big difference."

He said, "I know. I can't tell you to do this, or even ask you, it has to be up to you."

I thought for an agonizing minute and in spite of all that is wrong with this plan, out quietly came "I'll do it."

The temperature in the room seemed to go up a hundred degrees and I could feel sweat beading up on me. Jon sat motionless, waiting for me, staring at me. I knew I could still retract this whole mess, but I did not.

I continued on and said "but we have to follow my rules." Jon shifted and stared blankly at the floor.

"First, we never discuss it, we never think of it, we never allude to it. Nothing. To talk about it would be to acknowledge that something might have happened, and that is just not acceptable. Complete denial between us and within ourselves. Understood"?

"Yea" he said.

Based on the kind of young man he was, I thought he probably could pull that off.

"Second, you wear a blindfold at all times. I won't have you carrying around images in your head of me. There will be no masturbation based on me or my body. No image, no fantasy. This is therapy as far as I am concerned and I am only even considering this because I saw that it works and I don't want to see you fade away again. Understand?"

"Yea" he said, staring at me in disbelief.

I could only imagine what he was thinking about me at that moment, it was probably not good. I know what I was thinking of myself wasn't.

"Ok, you go to your room, me to mine, and we sleep on it and come back to this in the morning and see how we both feel. Deal?"

I went to bed, but there was no sleeping, just rolling the plusses and minuses of what I was considering doing over and over again in my mind. My maternal instinct was literally getting torn in two. One side wanting to nurture and help with a condition that could be helped. The other repulsed by the taboo I was looking at breaking. This was absolutely not what a mother was supposed to do. Was I a saint or a pervert.

After a few hours of this I realized that it was around 8am in Rome and I took the chance of texting Judy. My text..." HELP!". Her reply was quick, thank god.

"I am still in quarantine and looking at another 3 or 4 weeks they tell me".

My reply - "what do I do?" "I am so conflicted."

After a minute her response buzzed in "I am so sorry I cannot help. I feel like this is my fault for starting and then failing to follow through. I have put you in an impossible situation".

Reply - "I could go through all of my reasoning, but I am sure you know all that already. So bottom line... do I do this or not, and if so, how far do I go"?

Reply - "Because we are closer than sisters, I will give you my true thoughts, and they are probably not what you want to hear - yea, I think you should do it, but keep it as safe and as separated as you possible can. Just enough to get some benefit for a while, and then I will be back". "He is young and will forget that this ever happened with you after a little while at college."

"What you do now is important and helping."

I really wanted to believe that, I hoped it would be true. I tossed for a while, cried a little and eventually fell off to a fitful sleep

I woke up tired, but also more at ease with what was most likely going to happen this morning. Judy's advice was a relief. It fell in line with what I had been thinking. The dreams I had in the night were as you can imagine. Weird imagery, a little eroticism and lots of me running from place to place looking for and never finding Jon mostly. There was just one problem. If I was truly just doing this to nurture, then why was I feeling aroused. I could not help but think that I was lying to myself a lot. That maybe I wanted to do this for me, not him.

I came down early in my pj's and made coffee and breakfast. The downstairs was cool and a welcome contrast to my overheated body. The morning sun poured through the windows. As I expected, I did not have to wait very long for Jon to hear me rattling around and make his way down. Also in his pj's, I could see he had been thinking about this morning as well. The slight swell in his boxers was a major tell, and must have been uncomfortable for him as he tried to hide it from me.

We tried to talk, but we were both way too distracted by how to get through the morning with a little dignity for me and maintaining our relationship as mom and son.

When he tried to speak, I cut him off. There was silence for a while as I gathered my thoughts. "You heard what I said last night, that I would do this, right?"

"Yea" he said.

"You know what that means, right?"

"Yea," again.

"Do you have any reservations about this, any at all?"

He seemed to think through all of the reservations that I know he must have, and which probably kept him up most of the night too, but his answer was sure and quick. "No".

"Ok," pretending a confidence I did not have, "let's go through the rules again. First, we are never going to talk about this. Right?"

"Yes" he said with a good amount of confidence, looked me in the eye, smiled, and then looked back down at the floor.

"Second, you do not get to see me at all - blind folded, right?"

"Right."

We picked at our breakfast, avoiding each other's gaze. Both being so nervous food was not that important. We could not manage any conversation either. After a few minutes of that, I went to the bathroom to pee, stared at myself in the mirror, wondering what I was thinking and then sat on the toilet. Took my pee and noticed on the wipe that I was already fully wet. Damn, I said to myself, I cannot control that part of me at all. I'm a terrible mother.

When I came out, he was still in the breakfast nook looking tense, but his bulge under the table had grown. He looked up at me and our eyes met. There was a world of emotions that passed between us at that moment, and I felt this was going to be ok.

I stood there staring at him, and he at me until I finally said, "well, come on". He got up, hands attempting to cover things up as I led him into the sun room.

In the sleepless night I had decided on this space because it was the best in the morning, and had the most privacy, looking out onto the back garden. It was also not my bed room which I could not imagine ever sleeping in again if it all happened in there. And, If I was going to do this, I at least wanted to see what was going on.

There is a couch in the room that faces the glass which I thought would work. On the couch I had laid out the blindfold I was to cover him with. I had taken some extra time thinking through the blindfold to make sure he would not be able to peak, but still breath.

I assembled the contraption and got it over his head. I checked all around, waving my hands at him and doing everything I could think of to get a reaction if he was able to see. He stood pretty still, hands at his sides and the ever-present erection in his boxers.

It was now or never. I kissed him on the cheek and nervously wispered "ok, here we go."

I unbuttoned the over shirt he had on and tossed it aside. I walked behind him and pulled down the boxers and tossed them with the shirt. He was a very well-built young man. As I walked around him I could not help but be surprised by his size, fully erect and dripping precum. Judy did not lie.

I worked myself in front of him, carefully avoiding the erection and sat on the couch that he was facing. I took a deep breath. I am the worst mother in the world I thought. And then, in spite of all that, all the concerns and fears and recriminations, I still reached up with my slender fingers and grabbed his cock.

He jerked a bit in surprise and a squirt of precum landed onto my pj's top. It was mouthwatering sitting this close to it. I had an overwhelming urge to slide my mouth around it and suck away, but that was going to be way beyond my threshold for living with myself after this. I had not thought through how this was going to go, but I thought I would have strict limits to what I was going to do and keep it to the bare minimum, like Judy and I had discussed. But as I sat there, his precum dripping on me as I squeezed his cock, my pussy soaked and throbbing, I caved again.

I knew I was going to do something that I would definitely later regret, Heck, I was already doing it.

I had been living with this incredible frustration for months. An itch that I could never quite scratch, no matter how many different ways I tried. What I was supposed to be doing was providing therapy, and that is how I sold it to myself, to keep me from thinking I was a total pervert, or that this was about me in any way. I knew what was needed and I was willing to be the surrogate for Judy for the greater good and I would have unbreakable limits. No decent mother would ever do what I was going to do.

I ran through my options, my values, my morals and I wondered how I got myself and this situation so wrong. That I would be considering something like this when the moment came. But the decision was already seemingly made somewhere in my mind.

I stood up, shaking, and let go of him. He said "Mom?" I hissed "quite" at him. As silently as I could I pulled my top off and dropped it to the floor, then pulled down my shorts and soaked panties and kicked them aside. I was naked, he was naked. At that moment, it all seemed so reasonable. Thats what hormones and sex drive do to you; make you believe in the rightness of what you are doing even if the rest of you knows it is not.

I sat down naked on the couch, put my heels up on the edge, raised my knees up and opened my legs. I was spread wide in front of my blindfolded son as my juices leaked down my ass to the couch. I reached up and grabbed his cock again, and again a stream of precum came out, but this time it landed directly on my smooth, open pussy. I groaned. All doubt was purged from my mind at that moment. Whatever conflict I had been wrestling with was resolved, the maternal instinct to not have sex with your son was gone.

All I could think about was those 5 words.

My attention focused back on him and I ran my fingers along the seam of his balls and up the bottom of his cock. Each time I got to the sensitive skin near the end he would tighten and more precum would dribble out. And each time this happened it would land on my pussy, driving me further forward to the inevitable. I looked down at my glistening shaved skin, running my fingers through the slick mess, it was absolutely beautiful.

I took my time, edging him further along. He would start to thrust into my hand, which I let him do for a little while, but would stop it as he got close. While he humped my hand, I was humping the air, thrusting myself up at him, lifting my ass off the couch, reaching myself at his cock, trying to catch the precum as he dripped.

I rolled my head, looking up at him to make sure the blindfold was still in place. I definitely could not have him seeing me like this in front of him. As I looked, I caught a reflection of what I was doing in the window glass. Curly brown haired slut, spread out before and milking her son's cock onto herself. The image was absorbing and enthralling and totally wrong, and my pumping hand and thrusting pussy only picked up intensity as I considered the wrongness of what I was seeing. I was overwhelmed and not controlling my actions at this point, but he was moaning, and I was moaning and we were headed to our orgasm at breakneck speed. I could feel that he was about there. The rock-hard erection got even harder, the precum falling onto me flowed even more, and he tensed every time I stroked or squeezed his cock.

I continued to edge him further.

At last, unable to hold off any longer myself, I let him cum. He let out a huge groan as the first shot sprayed my tits, spreading out all over my chest. I was amazed at the volume of what came out of the boy, but from Judy's story, I expected something like this.

The cum on my chest and abs was a sight that started my orgasm. Knowing what I wanted at this point, and seeing that image in real life that I had been dealing with for months, watching those 5 words come to life, I had no choice. I leaned forward and opened my mouth and the second shot filled it, shocking me to recoil and involuntarily close my mouth, causing cum to leak out the corners. The smell and taste of semen at this point was overwhelming, my mouth filled, I rolled my tongue through it and swallowed what I could.

The 3^rd and 4^th shots were lost on me as I dealt with the sensations going on all over my body. I vaguely recall them hitting my chest and stomach again, but who knows.

The 5^th shot hit my pussy and I was off. I had never felt anything like it in my life as the orgasm slammed into me, wave upon wave, screaming out loud, pulling on his cock and jamming my other hand as far into me as I could. He was still cumming as I thrust my pussy into the air over and over again to be his target, and the fantastic intensity just kept going. If I had a care in the world, it was lost on me. There was only one thing that mattered, and as long as he could keep covering me in it, I would never need to rejoin the real world again.