All Comments on 'The Actress'

Bill became Jim then Bill again. Really distracted from the flow of the story.

she could have told the truth and warned her husband but no she watches while he get humiliated in the worst way possible. And some how she's pregnant by him, he better get 3 DNA test and check a couple more times after she gives birth.

An editor or proof reader might be a good investment. It might be a nice touch to keep the names of your characters the same throughout the story.

Interesting story! You do need an editor/proofreader.

4

Decent little flash story, but Bill became Jim for a while. You should always reread your story slowly before publishing. If you don't have anyone available to help review it for you, a reread on your own will help catch some of the obvious stuff. Good luck and keep writing.

this is a 2 1/2 to 3 star story that could've easily been a 4 or even 5 star story with one. it wasn't just your atrocious grammar (or how Bill magically became Jim then turned back into Bill). the whole flow of it was a little off.

as for the subject i can't help but think you're a little naive about Hollywood.

despite all the above as a LW story this really was too bad, honestly. it kept me reading until the end which doesn't always happen. 3 stars.

Ok story

3/5

It doesn’t matter if she cheated first, considering it was for the movie, her living husband actually cheated. He had sex with another woman while married. She did it for the film, he did it because he wanted to.

End result, she’s better off without a cheating husband.

Check the names

I read this mediocre tale to the end expecting you to redeem it at some point. My expectations were disappointed. You have possibilities as a writer but to substitute Jim's name for Bill's SEVEN times

from

"I've had fun with you these last couple weeks," Livvy told JIM.

through

"JIM, I've made the biggest mistake of my life listening to Christopher," Glori admitted.

I know there are a lot of hacks here who don't even run their stuff through spelling and grammar checkers but you seem to be competent enough to know you should have a second set of eyes proofread your story before submitting it.

but you get an E- for your copy and paste. Jim and Bill 😂😂

1) The plot is ridiculous. 2) The main male character, Bill, must have Diissociative Identity Disorder, since he is sometimes Jim, and 3) You should see the film, Ma Femme Est une Actrice, directed by and co-starring Yvan Attai, and co-starring his real-life wife, Charlotte Gainsbourg. 1*

Was the main character's name Bill or Jim?

I enjoyed the story until the last part when you switched from the name Bill to Jim.

It makes for a confusing few paragraphs.

The ending totally ruined it with Glori being pregnant with Bill’s second child and trying to get the marriage back. These RAAC endings are basically the cheated on spouse being betrayed one more time and by the worst person possible him/herself.

2 stars

Name changes are bad. Name change of the lead character is ridiculous

Nice and tight, with little "filler." One editing comment: Bill, Jim, Vic as names got confused throughout. Little else is as jarring to the reader as losing the storyline b/c the wrong guy is suddenly in the scene.

"During this time Bill erupted into her." No, Vic the actor did. And Bill became Jim.

Suggest using names that are more differentiated so errors stand out in the beta-reads. If you changed names, use Find/Replace to search for all instances to ensure you caught them all.

She was married to Bill, but towards the end, it was changed to Jim.

This was not a porn flick, but a real movie. In real movies, neither cocks not viginas would be exposed, much less would one see a cock entering a pussy. So, the who story is based on a fake premise.

Not only a fake premise, but I think that leaving after the scene, without even discussing with wife, is a mark of a cowardly asshole. Husband should have discussed before taking any action. These are movies of course.

so why did he fuck her years after the divorce?

You renamed Bill as Jim and then back to Bill. The end seemed contrived and hurried. It was almost as if you had taken headlines from the "MeToo" movement and added it to your story.

Who the he'll is Jim?????? That's just sad can't even get your names right. It's called rereading your story to check for mistakes.

The husband is Bill for most of the story...then changes to Jim then back to Bill. This always looks like plagiarism and warrants 1 star

Hoisted by her own piss flaps? I suppose that is a relatively unique way for Bill/Jim to catch his wife cheating.

What a cheap cuckold story! You mean if you let the protagonists be stars, then it's not a cuckold story? The public humiliation that she let her co-actor fuck her in a movie scene and even had orgasm remains visible to all cineastes! And with such a back stabbing whore, the idiot still has a child? You can always think of something more perverted!

My question is similar to the others WHO IS JIM ? Story is ruined when characters are misnamed

Golly! That must have made a mess?

Ok. I gave this 4* for an intriguing plot device and story.

You seriously need to get an editor or self edit better for readability and I encourage you to delve a little deeper into the actual sex portions of the story.

You could also give yourself a little more time in developing the characters and story as well as fleshing both out.

This was a good idea that could have been a great story with more work.

Apart from the Bill/Jim confusion, there are other places where cleanup revisions would have seen and evaded distracting usages. REREAD your drafts! Or ask someone here to look them over. Your considerable talent deserves greater respect!

Well I liked it. Yes you need to keep the names correct but the story, for me, had some emotion that is sadly lacking in many LW stories.

I suppose my critique would be that he should have spoken to her right after the Premier. That would have been real. She got caught up in her fantasy life and regretted it immensely. In the right circumstances I have no problem with reconciliation and given her being pregnant I think you could have written a bit more about their healing. However, I really liked your writing and gave 5 stars.

LOL!!

Kind of knew the plot and for the most I was right. Just wasn't my kind of story.

How could Vic and Glori act without their heads? This story could have been something if it wasn't so rife with errors. You want the reader to care, but your carelessness indicates you don't. Please find an editor, thanks.

as reading someone's tax returns.

The last two or three paragraphs ruined it for me. Bill knocked both Livvy and Glori up? Probably not. I could have seen a reconciliation in this story with Bill and Glori with a lot of conditions. Why did Glori give in this time with her solid stance against doing nude scenes previously? I wrote a similar story a year or so ago where the movie star Ex wife refused everyman that hit on her after she cheated. It took work but .finally won her husband back. Glori was suckered into the sex scene by an asshole leading man and a asshole director. Still a loving wife would have stayed the course. Choices have consequences.

You need a better editor. Names are all out of sequence on who got divorced, etc.

Everything happened at the end. Ripped from headlines, this had no real emotion to the writing. It was no surprise the women show up pregnant while not being married to Bill. I wonder what happened to the teenyboppers fame when she shows up PG? Just another workday I suppose.

2 stars

She went to more "additions?"

/

"meat curtain?"

/

Why does leaving a project when the STUDIO thinks it's complete a problem? Was that supposed to be INcomplete?

/

"I will be kissing and performing sexual acts with another man on screen." - No, you'll be SIMULATING sexual acts.

/

"Glori was RELIEVED"

/

"shuck their heads in agreement." - SHOOK!

/

@someoneother, while it's not unheard of for pussies (not vaginas!) and/or cocks to be shown, penetration is so rare as to be the subject of urban legends, as with Halle Berry in Monster's Ball. Meanwhile, if if otherwise fully nude, male actors usually wear a "sock," and females a "modesty patch."

/

Why is he thanking the body double fopr being "so accommodating?"

/

Clothes are kept in "drawers," not "draws."

/

How did she think Bill wouldn't find out? Didn't she notice the difference between her vagina and Sue's?

/

While I flagged a lot, there were MANY more editing errors, besides the name mix-ups others have mentioned.

Another story of how our ego can destroy us. True the director not only encouraged the event, and manipulated Gloria, but her ego accepted his challenge knowing full well that her marriage was put in second place. Bill/Jim also destroyed the story.

But the editing was pathetic and the last paragraph both banal and unbelievable.

.....I am confuse here, who fucked Glori in the movie? Vic? or Bill? You wrote this....

During this time Bill erupted into her. Glori's whole body was shaking.

Maybe I did not get it?

I will give you ** for this one. It was fun because of the mistakes you made but the end was pointless....

For fuck's sake, proofread your material before submitting it! By the way, its orgasm not organism! Take a little bit of pride in your work

Needed a lot of editing, structurally the story had problems with mechanics, and also some issues with names. I felt the emotions Bill went through when he realized it was Glori getting fucked, that part worked really well. I liked that Christoper paid the price for him being such a scumbag, in today's climate the producers would be in trouble given Christopher's reputation. As others have pointed out, it is unlikely that the movie with the penetration in it would be allowed to be released, penetration being shown is not NC17, it is X (NC17 is the soft core porn places like Showtime used to show), and I don't know if they would show that at the premiere, though that might be possible. Another problem wit the story is that Bill has a baby with Glori without being married. It is obvious his moral beliefs are such that he wouldn't have a baby with Glori before being married, and honestly given how hurt he was he likely wouldn't have sex with her until he was sure she could be faithful to him, yet at the end of the story she is still trying to figure out why she did it.

This story could use a sequel, about if Glori can get Bill back, is she able to convince Bill she can be faithful to him, given the nature of what happens in Hollywood.

Well, Sweetie may have conveyed passion and pleasure in her art (not so much as an actress than as a horny woman getting well-drilled.) Pity the author could not do that with the text! Often the normally erotic situations come across kinda like an article about soybean futures.

If trying to come across as ‘with it,’ ‘hep,’ or ‘hip,’ rather than obscure, terms like ‘homes’ (AKA homie or homeboy) should be treated as their grammatical use dictates ... namely ‘Homes!’ Capitalized, if I was too subtle ... the young guide was using it as a nick-name.

Speaking of which, what happened with the guide’s impolitic disclosure ... namely that our ‘nudity adverse’ Sweetie was hanging around the set at least topless despite having a body-double. Clunk! Drop the mike! Every claim of Sweetie’s after that has to be taken with a cup of salt.

We-The-Readers of this LW story in LIT are not entrusted with one of the critical aspects of LW, WHY would Bill/Jim take Sweetie back after going through the divorce? Just to have a Hallmark happy ending?

3*

P.S. It is unlikely that a move made in Hawaii and L.A. would schedule two trips to Hawaii. Film scenes are rarely filmed in the order they are shown on-screen. All the Hawaii scenes would be done on the same trip. Those who are not needed in a location will not travel there.

P.P.S. Please attend to the clamor for re-reading and editing. I would add ... do it several days after finishing the first draft. And do NOT do it while patting yourself on the back.

Too straight forward and clean for a Hollywood story.

Boy, Bill is just spreadin his seed all over!

no level of betrayal and degradation is too low to imagine. The only part that was complete fantasy is that a movie producer would be ostracized for manipulating and using people. What do you think they are paying these people for, to be themselves? The actors are lumps of clay, artifacts and avatars of characters thought up in some writer's head. Their personal lives and values and ethics are meaningless, even superfluous. You don't become an actor to be a good human being. You become an actor to be whatever the role requires. Glori did her job. Bill was a dumb ass to expect anything else.

As to their reconciling and becoming reconnected, why not? Its just another role they are playing. I suspect after a while they cannot be sure if they are being genuine or just channeling the character they are supposed to be at the time. The people who live in that world have less substance than the images created on the screen. I hope its worth it.

Thanks for the effort.

He stayed in Hollywood hoping for a second chance as a Director.

One night, after an evening meal with some studio bosses, as he was leaving a high end restaurant he was attacked by several really angry men.

He woke up a week later in hospital hurting all over. Nearly every bone in his body had been broken or severely bruised. He also had extensive damage done to his genital region.

He left Hollywood soon after his release from hospital and went to Europe to try his hand at directing there. He failed as no-one wanted the risk. He then went to India to try again in Bollywood but due to language difficulties he was not wanted.

He eventually decided to retire for good and when he informed the tabloids of his decision they ignored him completely. He did not even get a guest spot on "Where are they now" a show about past greats of the Entertainment world and what they were doing lately. No-one seemed to care at all about the ex-Director of movies.

He basically faded into obscurity and became a nothing.

Poorly usage of the english language. Just plainly poorly written! Doesnt even deserve a one..

Bill, Jim, Billy Bob. Who are we talking about?

um, this isn't erotic, this is Literotica, non-erotic section at best

Some fleshing out and character development would make for a very good story. Keep writing

The epilogue doesn't make sense. Why and when did he get back together with her? She cheated and had no intention of telling him. You suddenly jumped from them getting divorced due to her cheating, to they are back together and she is pregnant with his kid. You have to explain what happens and it has to make sense. You made a major jump and offered no explanation or background. That leaves confusion and really hurts the story.

ALL the emotional depth and tension of a stale cucumber sandwich. Reads more like a 6th grade book report than erotic fiction I'm afraid

I actually liked it till the whole “he sent her a letter” and all the divorce stuff that was tacked on for no reason.

It’s supposed to be an erotic story not another episode of some soap opera

What took away from the story was Bill’s name changing to Jim

Regarding penetration, even if the actors have "real" sex, while as with anything there may be exceptions, for a mainstream movie to show actual penetration would be HIGHLY unlikely. The closest I'm aware of is "Brown Bunny," not exactly a mainstream movie, where Chloe Sevigny appears to be giving Vincent Gallo a real blow job. I say "appears," because while she is definitely shown sucking on a dick, we can't see where it's attached to his body, so it's entirely possible that he's holding a prosthetic dick.

/

@njlauren, I believe it was said that the version shown at the premiere was going to be edited some more before being released. I'm assuming the director used that version for shock value, or publicity.

2 of 5

He went from being a Bill to a Jim and then back to just plain Bill.

Not good writing for that to be missed.

Nice story but minimum one expects is that the names of the characters are correct

The narrative was a little choppy in the first part but you got your stride about a third of the way in. An editor could have helped you with that, I think. Variants of this theme have popped up in LW from time to time, so that makes grading this story a little tough. I gave you 4* and would have given 5* if you hadn't chopped off the ending. You were probably a couple pages away from really being done.

I am not the Grammar Police, and this is not the only story from a good writer where I found this sort of error, but Bill became Jim then became Bill. Very distracting. I enjoyed the read anyway!

But really, really need an editor with a dictionary.

I hate when a man change his name after divorce.. first he is Bill, than he is Jim, and than Bill again.. 3* for not reading it before you post it.

I never noticed the name swapping because I was never engaged by the story. All the emotion of soybean futures (of which I know nothing and care not one iota). Flesh it out and you might have a story.

' Losing you wasn't worth a million orgasms. '

/

apparently it WAS worth one or two

"The camera remained on Glori's face as her head tilted back and her organism exploded." Either get someone else to read your story before posting, or put it away for a few weeks and go back through it with a fine-tooth comb.

My gods you can't even keep your character names right. Did you even read your story first before publishing? Jesus. Bill to Jim to Bill within a few paragraphs. And its orgasm not organism.

I don't know who is scoring you high but this is not a 4 people.

Too many careless mistakes and not enough story doomed this effort.

since when do women get their 'rocks off'? predictable. poorly edited. rushed. this kind of story needs 4-5 pages at least. please read your work prior to submission.

When you started the story it was a man named BILL that married an actor. When you ended the marriage, his name was changed to Jim. The final name change occurred at the very end when Bill shows back up to take the pressure off Jim.

This is an awful story that can't make up your mind. First he is fine with his wife being a slut to get more money, then he gets jealous that she left him alone and got what she needed because he told her to do it. I guess I understand why he changed his name. Even you characters are ashamed of themselves and the situation you write for them.

Smokepole

Who the hell is Jim?

WOW

What a bunch of whiners and nitpickers. I would bet that less than 1/4 of the whiners have written their own stories. These stories are not meant to be world class novels. They are stories written by ordinary everyday people, that write for their own enjoyment and sometimes your enjoyment.

sbrooks your comment is contradictory. You say "Regarding penetration, even if the actors have "real" sex, while as with anything there may be exceptions, for a mainstream movie to show actual penetration would be HIGHLY unlikely."

Next thing you commenting on @njlauren. "I believe it was said that the version shown at the premiere was going to be edited some more before being released. I'm assuming the director used that version for shock value, or publicity."

Which is it you are trying to get your point across? or just more of you babble.

Jim? I didn't see Jim anywhere in the story. You all must have been smoking that wacky tabacky.

Well I liked it. Odd that Glori was pregnant by Bill at the end, didn't add to the story and just seemed out of place given what was mentioned in the story

But not much style, sorry. Felt a little 2 dimensional.

~Enkidu

Rereading,

I see that many of you missed the part when the movie was introduced at the premier by Christopher. So here it is again.

At the front of the theater stood Christopher with a microphone in his hand.

"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen for attending our premier. This is the one and only time this version of the movie will be shown. I warn you it is very graphic. To avoid an NC17 label the theatrical version will be edited."

Stupid, sophomoric BS.

Pretty good but you cut the reconciliation part of the out completely, which was the part I would have enjoyed the most...

Ridiculous she had sex once, after being pressured but used the pressure to justify it. That was bad, but Bill fucks Livvy for two weeks and gets her pregnant. But still divorces his wife. Why Gloria would ever have anything to do with a sanctimonious asshat like him is unbelievable.

I loved it!!! Typical Hollyweird people. Bill was in the right.

I thought the story was ok until "She is currently pregnant with Bill's baby." Maybe that child's father is the "Jim" that commentors below

mention.

The ending as written requires either the tale of reconciliation OR some arcane IVF scheme.

Acting is just a way to justify cheating. Whether there is intercourse or not some sex scenes go too far for a married person. All the kissing, the fondling of breast in some R rated movies. They justify it by saying it is just a job as they are acting. How is that any different than if a guy goes to s strip club and has a lap dance where she lets him fondle her breasts? How is it different than an escort or a prostitute? It is just their job, they don't love that guy.

"She is currently pregnant with Bill's baby"??? WTF, where did that come from?

Dude, you made some cliché stuff about "Hollywood", typical fantasies you sucked in from tabloid stories.

I personally don't give a f*** about "Hollywood" movies because most of them are designed for idiots but what fascinates me is that the redneck types that flock movie houses and imitate everything they see there all of a sudden become puritans while talking about "Hollywood types". Like the fools here that are reading and writing about incest and similar garbage all of a sudden start moralizing about monogamous marriage.

I liked it. It's not a bad lesson in the dangers of pop culture vs the reality of home.

Slight error when watching the premiere.

'Glori was moaning underneath Vic in a missionary position.'

OK so far, then;

'Bill erupted into her. Glori's whole body was shaking.'

I don't think so.

Bill has BALLS!!!

It's a OK read but....how tf is this a sex story? I feel like i was watching an action movie where the only action was this one scene when a guy described how he punched someone....and the rest of the movie is just some soap drama.

It was fun to read but too many errors.

4 stars.

Some really unlikable people

Gave this a 3, because for the life of me can’t figure out why he wanted her back.

About average. So many stories here are just so many morality tales or parables. Yet they could be done in a much more interesting fashion.

3 stars for this standard BTB story.

Nothing stands out to make this story different from all the rest.

About the ending, I feel that the 2 paragraphs about the babies would be better in the story proper and the paragraphs about Christopher and DVD sales fit properly in the Epilog (much less personal to the characters).

Stupid characters, and all end up successfull. well and good? And all written dry like a page from a cookbook, no compelling emotions.

The scenes that should have had a high level of passion are flat. The Cheater and Bill get sort of back together and are plopped in the end without any human development. If you write again, map out some of the character traits you want to display and stick to them.

Too bad the content in the Epilogue wasn't greatly expanded to be part of a much longer story. The emotional changes that the characters would have to go through would make for an engaging tale, if fleshed out sufficiently. But that would require getting much deeper into the characters' psyches than is evidenced in the rest of this story.

What happened to the director, other than losing money, which fails to balance the scales.

Story was somewhat disappointing, leading to my 2 stars. Not enough about the torment Glori had to go through on the set, & even her thoughts/ interplay, so to speak, with Vic. The talk between Bill & the director was almost non-existent & also somewhat belittling ('You Americans & your...."). The talk between Bill & Glori was muted, no real emotions that I read. Although, her admitting she wanted to've sex with Vic was not the best move.

--- I was hoping that, through professional help, there'd be a reconciliation, even if Bill had a child with Livvy, as they didn't get married. But overall, the story was disappointing big time; the give & take between everybody wasn't enough to give interest. Bob

Would of been nicer if the director was kidnapped beaten to a pulp and had his eyes cut out, first popped, then burned, then cut.

Meh. Three ,3 Average stars.

JPB