The Assassin and the Sorceress Ch. 05

"Mistress, please..." he begged her in a calming voice.

"Hassan," Morgana retorted. "If you or anyone else of you even thinks of supporting her, I promise you will share her every last punishment." Morgana had said this last threat in a tone that almost reminded her of the heretic. What had she become? But more importantly, would her servants obey her just the same?

"I don't mind if they watch, though," Gwendolyn chimed in with false cheerfulness. Nobody paid her any mind. She wasn't the one supposedly in charge.

"Mistress, this isn't like you!" said Sasha the chef, stepping forward and joining Hassan.

"I said shut up!" Morgana raised one hand towards him.

"No," answered Hassan in a firm yet strangely gentile voice. It was incredible how eloquent he could be with that deep, velvet voice of his, how evocative he could be with a single word. It wasn't that he was refusing his mistress' command, it was that she was asking something of him that he simply couldn't do. There was firmness, but also sympathy. There was reason.

Morgana lowered her an inch or two, seemingly uncertain of herself.

"Mistress, we love you. All of us. That is why we cannot walk away. You've been turning into something you're not... something you haven't been for a very long time. It's not just Guarin and Cateline we're protecting, it's you, and through you all of us. The entire family."

"What are you talking about?"

"What happened in France all those years ago... I don't think you have forgotten those events, but perhaps you don't fully appreciate the lasting effect it had on us. When we took those two in as our own, this family changed for the better. You became... happier. And we loved you all the more for it. Though you loosened our reigns, we only became more loyal to you. Did you notice?"

"I... Yes. Perhaps. What of it?" she asked, incredulously.

"If you damage them, you damage all of us: your family. Why is it we all walk around naked within your walls, do you think, displaying ourselves only as nature created us? I suppose it represents casting off the rules of the society that has scorned us all. As we shed the clothes civilization has mandated we wear, so do we reject all of their arbitrary and oppressive rules. Do I have the right of it?"

"Yes, something like that. Where is this going?" Morgana's patience was about to run out any moment, but for now she seemed curious enough to let Hassan continue.

"When you took in Guarin and Cateline, you agreed that their marriage could be honored. Though the rest of us have little need for such institutions, none of us could deny how sacred it was for them. Recognizing their bond was the admission that not all constructs of society are worthless, that perhaps some precepts of civilization are worth preserving. We adopted not rules, but... principles. Yes, principles! And the difference between rules and principles is that principles do not need to be enforced. Principles are so self-evident that any with a decent heart will follow them willingly. That is how freedom and peace can coexist. That is what they brought to us. And they should be free to honor their love for each other."

"Oh, shut it, Hassan!" Gwendolyn interjected. "Morgana and I are having fun, and you're spoiling it." She had stopped thrusting, clearly distracted from her task, though she remained on top of Guarin. Again, nobody regarded Gwendolyn, which seemed to anger her even more.

"Pah! I've decided to give Gwendolyn a treat in return for her treating me as a servant treats her mistress. Nobody else has given me that much attention lately." Morgana shot a scornful glance toward Adrielle, who was watching from the top of the staircase. "I give you the finest food in the world, I grant you your wildest fantasies, and you pay your due respect. But that's it! None of you love me for it! When your needs are met, you ignore me. I feel like an outcast in my own castle!"

"A lot of us feelyou'vebeen ignoringussince she arrived," Sasha countered, without a shred of disrespect in her voice. In fact, there was a touch of sadness.

"It is true," Hassan agreed. "You have been withdrawn, and not just since Gwendolyn and Adrielle arrived. I feel you have been retreating from us for some time now, though I cannot say why. And it has been getting worse. And now you are allowing harm to come to two of our beloved members. Look at Cateline's face; look what you're doing to her!"

"Well that's what she gets for hogging Guarin all to herself!" Gwendolyn retorted, with venom. "How selfish!"

"I run this castle how I see fit. That has never changed. Hassan... Sasha... the rest of you... this is your last warning. Disperse! Or Gwendolyn and I will enjoy punishing you for your insolence!"

Hassan swallowed. He hesitated for a moment, but continued. "I'm sorry, Mistress. My conscience will not allow me to walk away of my own free will while this continues. So if you must punish us, your loyal and loving servants, then I suppose you must. But in doing so you would be casting out those principles that have finally made this household into a family."

Several of the crowd behind Hassan and Sasha had also stepped forward. Adrielle took the cue and joined the group. Morgana's arm had lowered even more. Tears were beginning to trickle down her cheeks. Gwendolyn, meanwhile, glared at the amassing crowd with a look of pure hatred. Then, she looked toward Morgana and saw in her face that she was giving in to the other servants' petition. A brief look of uncertainty flashed across Gwendolyn's face, perhaps even a touch of fright: fright that her favored status here was gravely threatened.

"Mistress," Gwendolyn pleaded in a falsely sweet tone. The perfect control she had over her voice was starting to falter. Her desperation was showing through. "You know I love you more than any of those beggars! You know I'd devote mmm...mmm... MMMMMM!!!"

Gwendolyn's eyes lit up as she suddenly found herself unable to speak. She clawed at her mouth with her nails, but she could not separate her lips.

"Oh, shut it," Morgana said, dismissively. She didn't even sound angry at her, just tired. "Cateline, Guarin, I'm sorry. You're free to go."

Guarin, suddenly finding his strength returning to him, sat up. Without even a hint of anger, or any emotion for that matter, he gently picked Gwendolyn up and slid her body off of him, sitting her down on the ground. He stood up and sat next to his wife.

"Guarin! Guarin!" she sobbed. "Are you all right?" She got up, and hugged him tightly.

"I'm fine, love. Of course I'm fine. That girl couldn't hurt me if she wanted to." He didn't sound fine to Adrielle. He was sounded distant, certainly a far cry from his usual facetious self. Cateline said nothing further. She simply continued to sob over her beloved's shoulder. Most of the crowd was gathering around them to make sure they were okay.

Gwendolyn stood up, still struggling in vain to mouth her protest. She was seething with rage. But with nobody paying her any mind, she quickly ran off and disappeared. As she departed, she shot Adrielle and Hassan a glance each of pure hatred. It was a promise to get them back in full.

"Hassan, thank you," Adrielle whispered into his ear.

"But nothing. You took the first stand. That was brave what you did. The rest of us just followed your example. We are fortunate you were here. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart."

The two of them simultaneously turned toward Morgana. For what seemed like an eternity, they stared at her. She stared back. What could they possibly say? It was Hassan that finally spoke first.

"Mistress, are you okay? What's gotten into you? That wasn't you back there. If you need our help, we'll do whatever it takes."

"I... I'm sorry." Tears continued to trickle slowly down her cheeks, though no other emotion registered on her face or in her voice. It was a silent cry. Adrielle felt guilty. She knew exactly why she was crying, and felt responsible for it. She was the one who had shut her out, whether she had intended to or not. She had to address what she had been unable to. Now was her time to act.

"Mistress... no, Morgana, I need to speak to you. Not as your servant. As your friend. Can we please speak in private? There are things I need to tell you."

Morgana's eyes widened ever so slightly. It was a look of reluctant hope. "I suppose so."

...

Morgana and Adrielle walked in silence to Morgana's chamber. Morgana sat on her bed, while Adrielle found herself an armchair a few feet away. They sat in silence for a while, neither one of them knowing how to begin.

"You might have to let them leave," Adrielle finally began.

"Cateline and Guarin..." Morgana replied.

"Do you understand what you've done to them?" Adrielle was trying to speak calmly, but the anger was coming out in her voice anyway.

"Yes."

"You've betrayed them! You let Gwendolyln rape him!"

"I know."

"WHY?"

"She begged me. She wouldn't let it go."

"SO?"

"I thought she was the only one that cared for me anymore."

"You're a fool! She loves your power, and that's it. Gwendolyn is pure evil!"

"Then why aren't you scolding her instead?"

"Because..." Adrielle paused. That was a damn fine question Morgana had just posed. She forced herself to take a deep breath and think about how to answer that question honestly. And as soon as Adrielle realized the answer to that question, something inside her finally allowed her to calm down.

"Because I think you're decent enough to feel bad for what you've done. You might still repent for that sin."

Morgana didn't reply. Adrielle could only guess after what thoughts and emotions must have been raging through her mind right then. Adrielle wanted to continue, but she couldn't think of a single thing further to say about the rape Morgana had facilitated. Then again, that really wasn't what Adrielle had wanted to talk to her about.

"You probably feel I've been distant lately," Adrielle said, finally getting to what had really been on her mind: what had been on her mind for some time now, but she had been too afraid to bring up.

Morgana nodded.

"Is that why you... changed?"

"I think so. Why? Was it something I did to you?"

"No. Not to me. It's..." she trailed off. Could she really tell Morgana what she had learned about her? She wanted to. She had to. But could she? Once she cracked that egg open there would be no scooping it back into its shell. It could change their relationship forever. It could doom her quest to failure.

Though it took courage, she finally decided that she had to do the right thing. Even her all-important quest wasn't something she was willing to pursue no matter the cost. She couldn't just have victory, she needed the moral victory too. She needed to follow principles, or what was she even fighting for? One of those principles was not lying to those you love. And so she decided to tell the truth. As it turned out, her quest had depended on it.

"Susan told me everything. About Ash."

The look of fright that came over Morgana said more than words ever could have. That was what Morgana had feared the worst. Well, at least she could stop fearing now.

"She told me you were put on trial for witchcraft, and sentenced to be burned alive. You fought back. She said you were light a frightened animal. And I suppose I don't blame you for that. But she said you killed the entire town. I didn't know how to take it. I was afraid to ask you, afraid of what I might hear. So I avoided you. But I can't keep wondering anymore. I need to hear your side of it."

"I..."

"Is it true?"

"Yes."

"All of it?"

"Yes."

"What happened? Tell me what happened to you."

"It doesn't matter anymore. It was lifetimes ago."

"I think it does."

"Why? Why on Earth does it matter? There's no bringing them back. That's something even my power will never be able to do. Do you think I'm happy with what I did? I just want to forget!"

"Then why are you still living right on top of their graves? Why did you come back after you had already left?"

"There was a castle here! That's it. An empty, forgotten castle where we could live and be forgotten ourselves."

"I don't believe that. I think you came back for a reason."

"What possible reason could that be?"

"You can't forget it. You're unable to. And I don't think youshouldforget it either! And deep down in your heart, I think you know it, too. Your soul doesn't want to forget. It wants to repent! You've been bearing this burden for six-hundred years now. Sins don't just dry up and vanish. They sit and fester. You can't forget, not truly. No, you need to remember. You need to remember so you can right those wrongs. Not for them, for you. You can only set this burden down by repenting."

"Adrielle... I'm afraid I'm far beyond repentance now."

"I don't believe that either. Just like how Hassan said maybe not all things from society are bad, I don't think all aspects of faith in God are bad. You've helped me with that, Morgana. Churches can be oppressive, and you are the one that made me realize that. I will always thank you for setting me free from that. However, there are some parts of my faith that I cannot leave behind, because some of them are just... right. I can feel the goodness in them.

"And here's what my faith tells me. There is a God, and he is infinitely good and infinitely wise. He loves us all, even when we falter. The devil tempts us to do bad things, but very few of us humans are truly evil at heart. And if we are willing to humble ourselves, there is no sin He cannot forgive us for. I know you don't believe in God, but I do. And he loves you, Morgana. So do I. Let me help you."

"I never said I don't believe. No, Adrielle, I know all too well about the existence of God and the devil. Those things you say you have faith in... I've seen some of them with my own eyes. And the harsh reality of it is this: the universe is not as benevolent and forgiving as you seem to believe. Just understand this: there will be no repentance for me. I will not stand in judgement before God. This I have been denied. My fate has already been decided. It was decided even before Ash."

"What? What do you mean?"

"It doesn't matter. There's no fixing it."

"Does this have to do with where your powers came from?"

"Yes, it does. But there's no helping it now."

"Will you tell me the story anyway?"

"Why? Do you really want to reopen old wounds?"

"Because I don't think those wounds have really healed. Okay, maybe I can't convince you to repent for your salvation just yet. We'll get around to that in good time. But for the time being, I think coming clean with your past can help you out in the present. If not for your immortal soul, will you at least do it for your life here on Earth?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Ever since I got to know you, I could tell that you were sad. It's like you were lonely, like you were bearing some burden that nobody else could help you with. And it's made you into a monster! What you did to Guarin back there was just a symptom. You'll never find peace until you can manage to shed that burden, set it right. Well, I think we both know what that burden is now. And if you're as damned as you say you are, I imagine you'll try to keep yourself alive on this Earth for a long, long time. If you tell me, maybe you won't have to bear that burden alone anymore. What do you say? Will you let me try to help you?"

"You... you really want to hear it?"

"Yes. I do. I want to hear it because I love you. I want to know who you really are. I want to know what pains you. Can you at least grant me that?"

"I... will."

Morgana looked at the floor, introspecting, likely figuring out where to begin. Adrielle sat and waited patiently. For a minute or two, Morgana's lips moved silently as she put the pieces together in her head. At last she looked up and began the story of her youth and how she had come across her magic powers and lost her very soul in the process.

"I was a normal girl once, but that was hundreds of years ago."