The Backbone of Love

Tears of frustration brimmed in his eyes. "This isn't what I want for you! You're in the prime of your life! You should be out there having fun and living the life that you had before my accident... not stuck here with your handicapped patient."

Anika did her best to curb her annoyance. "Troy, we've had this conversation a thousand times. I love you, and you love me. That's all that matters. I am here for you, not because I feel obligated but because I want to be here with you. Yes, I will admit that somedays are hard. Somedays, I feel exhausted. But these are the cards that we were dealt, and we have to make the best of it. It's as simple as that."

Troy sighed. His wife would always take the "glass-is-half-full" approach, no matter the odds. It was one of the many reasons why she was his inspiration and why this conversation would be so difficult. "Ani, think of our future. More importantly, think of your future." His voice became hoarse. "I know how badly you want children... and we both know that I physically can't... can't..."

Anika retorted, "So you think that pimping me out to your best friend is going to make me happy? Really, Troy? Maybe I can have fuck Ben and have his baby, and then you and I can raise his kid like we're one big happy family! Ha! How does that sound?"

Troy had never seen his wife so enraged, and held up his hands in a placating gesture. "All I'm saying is that you have needs like all women do, just like all men do. And I can't meet those needs for you."

"Dr. Adler said that your body will still continue heal over time," Anika reminded him. "You still might regain some function. He even said that you might be able to move your legs again someday!"

"But Dr. Adler doesn't know for sure, does he? No one knows if I'll get better or if I'll be like this forever."

"Then we'll keep doing what we've always done: we'll make the best of the situation and be grateful that you didn't die in that accident."

Troy sighed. "God, I love you so much, Ani." He swallowed. "I don't want to keep waiting for something that may never happen. I don't want to hold you back."

The young woman began to cry. "What are you saying? Do you think that I want to leave you? Is that how little you think of me?"

Troy hugged her and fought back his own emotions. This was the hardest conversation he would ever have with his wife, but as heartbreaking as it was, he knew that Anika would be happier in the long run.

"Of course not, Ani. All I'm saying is that, for now, please consider dating Riley. I think it's something that you need, even if you won't admit it. It'll be a good outlet for you."

She snorted derisively. "So fucking your best friend is supposed to be a 'good outlet' for me?"

"Riley loves you, you know."

Anika fell silent.

Troy smiled gently. "Riley's been in love with you from the moment he met you. And why wouldn't he be? You're not just the most beautiful, sexiest woman in the world. You're also kindest, funniest, and most intelligent person he and I will ever know. Riley has been like a brother to me since we were in kindergarten. Next to you, he's the best human being I know." Troy held back a sob and kept his voice from quavering as he forced himself to say his next words: "I wouldn't blame you, Ani, if you left me for him."

Anika nearly slapped her husband. Instead, she merely screamed and threw up her hands in consternation. "We are not continuing this ridiculous conversation. I'm going upstairs to shower." She began to stomped away when she turned back in horror. "Omigod, please tell me that you haven't brought this up to Ben!"

Troy smiled weakly. "I don't need to because you and I know already know what his answer would be."

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In the months that followed, Troy did not mention his proposition again. Anika was both grateful and relieved because she didn't want to get into another heated argument. The young woman understood that Troy's paralysis still had him trapped in a fragile state of mind, and she would be steadfast in helping him heal, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually, as well.

But during that same time, despite the fact that Troy was now able to compensate for his physical disability and take care of his own daily needs through continued physical and occupational therapy, he did not regain the use of his legs or any controlled function below his waist. Anika, like her husband, was aware that Troy's spinal cord injury might be permanent, but that didn't prevent the ever-positive woman from praying for a miraculous full recovery.

When she finally came to terms with the finality, it secretly broke her heart.

By this time, Troy appeared to have arrived at some sort of resigned self-acceptance. He was no longer reclusive or embarrassed to be seen in public in his motorize wheelchair. The couple were going out with their friends and family again, including Ben, and life seemed to be looking up, overall.

Troy was even accompanying Anika to the gym once more, something that the woman knew was a mental achievement for her husband given the fact that his life-altering accident had occurred there. He was working out to a modified exercise program that his physical therapist had designed for him. Anika was happy that her husband was exercising in public and had come to accept his body as it was now.

What the couple still lacked was intimacy.

Anika loathed to admit it, but she missed sex. She still remembered the last time she and Troy had sex: the morning of his accident, before they went to the gym, when he had essentially forced himself on her and ravished her. Troy was overly physical and aggressive.

It was arguably the best sex they ever had.

Now, her husband was visibly afraid just to touch her.

That wasn't to say that the couple lacked affection. They still kissed, held hands, and snuggled against each other every night in bed. And when Anika and Troy said "I love you" to each other every day, they meant it wholeheartedly.

But Anika missed sex.

Each time she tried to initiate something more than innocent cuddling, Troy would reflexively withdraw. Anika understood that he, physically, could no longer achieve an erection; they had discussed the sensitive topic many times, but the woman didn't care. There were other ways for a man and woman to be intimate with each other.

Anika love for her husband hadn't changed.

But there was still mental obstacles that Troy couldn't overcome, obstacles that his wife was none the wiser in helping him solve and overcome.

A year after the accident, it began to frustrate the ever-patient-and-positive Anika.

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Anika drifted into silence as she and Troy sat at the dinner table. The young man could tell that there were a myriad of thoughts running through her head, and that she was battling some inner turmoil. He had a good guess what they pertained to.

Anika didn't notice as her husband gazed at her adoringly. You are SO breathtakingly beautiful and such a wonderful person. I love you so much that it hurts.

Troy knew that had he simply said those words, he would've reassured his wife and solved almost everything. But he couldn't. Instead, without understanding why, he chose a different route.

"Ani... are you ready to reconsider my proposal about you and Riley?"

The woman's eyes widened as her head swiveled to her husband. It had been a year since he first broached the wild idea, but she knew precisely what he was referring to. This time, however, she didn't argue or reply with a scathing rebuke.

Anika was silent for a short moment before she began to sob.

Troy felt like the world had changed in an instant as he rolled over to his wife in her powerchair, and squeezed her hand. "It's ok, Ani. It's ok. You don't have to be say anything... and you do NOT have to be upset. It was all my idea, and I want you to be with Riley. I want him to make you happy."

He couldn't believe the conviction in his voice; the man forced himself not to cry as he didn't want Anika to believe that he had any misgivings.

The couple remained silent as they held each other close.

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Despite the fact that Anika was expecting a knock on the door, she still almost jumped out of her skin when it happened. She hesitated before calling out, "Come in."

There a sound of a keycard being inserted before the hotel room door swung open.

Ben slowly padded in.

He gaped at Anika, who was sitting at the edge of the bed waiting for him.

"Like what I'm wearing?" She was visibly trembling, but tried her best to sound flippant and relaxed.

"My god, Anika. You look unbelievable."

The love of his life resembled an angel as she sat on the bed in lacy black lingerie, complete with matching stockings and garter belt. Ben's reaction was so blatant that Anika blushed. She felt like a clumsy schoolgirl as she shifted awkwardly, letting the soft fabric highlight her voluptuous curves even more prominently.

Ben remained rooted in place as his jaw nearly hit the floor.

Despite the fact that the hotel room was extremely warm, Anika was still shaking.

Ben was so captivated by her appearance that it took him a moment that she was trembling nervously. Pushing all other thoughts aside, his expression was filled with genuine concern as removed his jacket and approached his friend with the intent of placing it around her shoulder. "Here, put this on."

But the woman smiled gratefully and gently pushed his hand away. "No, Ben. It's ok." She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I'm ok now."

Ben stood still again, unsure of what to say or do next, torn by conflicting emotions.

Anika's expression was a cross between bemused and awkward as she patted the spot next to her. "Sit next to me."

Her friend slowly complied.

The woman looked down and at the sexy lingerie that adorned her body, and began to chuckle ruefully. "Believe it or not, Troy chose this." But when she looked up at Ben, her voice was much quieter. "He said that you'd like it."

Ben responded glibly, "Your husband knows me too well." But he paused when he met Anika's intense gaze. "You look even more incredible than usual," he complimented.

Anika blushed and inclined her head in gratitude.

"Remember when you took me dancing?"

"I remember it like it was 5 minutes ago."

"I haven't stopped thinking about that night, and what I wished would've happened. Ben swallowed hard, and when he spoke again the longing in his voice was palpable. "I have been waiting for this moment for so long." He lifted his hand slowly. When the woman didn't withdraw, Ben lovingly caressed her face.

"I know, Ben. I... I've been waiting for this moment, too." Anika placed her hand atop his, and squeezed it.

The man experienced a wild exhilaration like never before.

How he desperately craved this beautiful friend.

He was madly in love with her.

"Anika..."

"Ben..."

The pair stared deeply into each other's eyes.

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Had anyone heard Troy, they would've thought that some wild animal was being tortured as he howled in anguish.

But Troy was in pain.

His beloved wife--- the very center of his existence--- was having sex with his best friend, whom had been like a brother to him since they were children, right now.

The thought stabbed at him like a sharp knife twisting into his heart.

It was his own idea. He had giving them his blessing. And even then, it took over a year before Anika finally relented. HE was the one who encouraged her to sleep with Ben; he was the one who had incessantly pushed them together.

Troy knew that his heart would break when the moment arrived, but still underestimated the gravity of the situation.

He cursed and cried for almost an hour before he punched the bedroom wall.

The pain exploding throughout his hand didn't lessen his anger.

"Omigod, Babe! What are you doing? Stop!"

Troy immediately spun his powerchair around and was stunned to discover his wife standing in the doorway. He sobbed in relief. "Ani!"

They both began to cry openly as the woman fly to her husband. "What are you doing?" she demanded again as she held him close.

Troy could barely speak as he wailed openly. "Ani! Why are you here? I thought you were with Riley!"

"Well, dude, technically, she is still with me."

Troy looked up to see his best friend's familiar lopsided grin. Ben, too, seemed on the verge of crying, but he remained leaning against the doorway as he nodded once to Troy. For a moment, no one spoke.

A cold feeling suddenly gripped Troy's heart. His initial thought that was that Anika had come home to personally tell him that she was leaving him for Ben. Troy felt as though he was going to vomit.

"Babe, look at me." Troy regarded his wife wordlessly as his lower lip quavered. "Thank you thinking about happiness. Thank you for offering... what you did. I know it came from a place of love, and didn't appreciate how hard that must've been."

Troy was still suspicious. "But...?"

"But I never should've agreed to it. I put you in a terrible position, and I'm so sorry."

Ben stepped forward. "And I'm sorry, too, Troy. The 3 of us wouldn't be having this conversation right now if I would've just said 'no' to your idea from the very beginning."

Troy was so relieved that Anika hadn't slept with Ben that he wanted to scream in joy. But he looked at them in disbelief. "But I thought that... Ani, it was my idea! I just wanted you to be happy."

"I know, babe. And I thank you and love you for that. But if something would've happened between me and Ben, I'd never be able to look at myself in the mirror... or look you in the eye... ever again."

Tears were streaming down Anika's beautiful face as she regarded her husband with unyielding love.

Still somewhat dumbfounded, Troy turned to his best friend. "And you... you've been in love with Ani since the moment you met her!"

Ben held up his hands in defeat. "Guilty as charged. Yes, I love your wife. But here's the thing." He placed one hand on Troy's shoulder and squeezed it an assuring gesture. "I love you, too, man. We've been best friends since we could barely walk. Your family has always treated me like their own, and my parents regard you like a second son." Ben's voice unexpectedly cracked as he smiled at his friends. "That means something, you know."

Troy lurched forward and embraced Ben in a fierce bearhug. "Thanks, Riley. For looking out for me. And for looking out for Ani."

"No charge. Someone's gotta keep you kids in line, after all. You two have a lot to talk about, so I'm gonna go now." Ben gave the couple one final look. "I will always be here for you if you need me." He looked from Troy to Anika for emphasis. "Both of you."

Anika hugged their friend, and it was filled with genuine love. "Thank you, Ben."

The young man smiled and nodded, and was gone.

Anika turned back to her husband.

"Ani, I don't know what to say."

Despite the situation, the woman began to laugh. "I still can't believe you were willing to pimp me out to Ben!"

Troy grinned sheepishly. "Well, when you put it that way..." But his expression turned grave. "Ani, I don't know what I can do for you. I don't know how I can make you happy. We both know that I can't---"

Anika held up her hand to cut him off. "If you want to make me happy, Troy, you can start by treating me as your wife again, and not just as your caregiver."

Troy was stunned. He knew that Anika would never patronize him by saying "You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself", but those were her unspoken words. And he respected it and took it to heart.

"Babe, do you love me?"

"Of course I do! Why would you even ask such a silly question?"

"Do you still think I'm beautiful?"

"You look hotter to me every day," Troy responded fervently.

His wife pleaded desperately, "Then show me!"

Troy spread his hands helplessly and struggled to respond. "I don't know how to anymore," he told her hoarsely. "I can't... I can't..."

"That's the problem with men: you always think with the wrong head, and believe that all you need to please a woman is a big dick." The young woman wanted to slap strangle Troy as he continued to regard her blankly. "There are other ways you can please me and make me happy, silly! Hold me! Kiss me! Be my HUSBAND!"

Troy sighed, and immediately drew his wife close to embrace her. And the kiss that followed, while full of love and meaning, was still timid. However, Anika could sense that he was still scared and holding back.

She took the liberty of shoving her tongue down his throat.

The woman exhibited passion that had been understandably missing from their marriage.

At first, the kiss felt alien and awkward to Troy. He hadn't kissed Anika so passionately in so long, but familiarity came roaring back. Vivid memories returned to his consciousness, and Troy realized that he had always kissed his beautiful wife with such emotion... until the spinal cord injury had robbed him of his confidence as a husband and lover.

As a man.

But Anika's physicality finally unlocked something within Troy, and he gradually began to match her fire. Their love and emotion continued to build upon itself like kindling catching fire. Soon, they were murmuring hungrily into each other's lips. The young woman discovered her husband large and still very strong hands scouring every inch of her body.

Her heart leaped with joy!

When they pulled back, Troy was panting as his heart pounded like thunder. "We haven't kissed like that in a LONG time," he gasped.

"I know."

The man sighed. "I'm sorry, Ani. You must feel like I've been neglecting you."

She shook her head emphatically. "No, I never thought that for a second. I realize that you've gone through a lot... that you're still going through a lot... since the accident. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like losing the use of your legs when you used to be such an active person. But you're still the same person you've always been, Troy! You can still live an active lifestyle. We can still do the things that we always did together! We can still be husband and wife, and have a family!"

"How?" Troy practically screamed. "Ani, I still can't physically achieve an erection!" He had never said it aloud before, and finally doing so actually felt cathartic. "We both know that, at this point, I'll never be able to again."

"Maybe that's true. And if that's the case, if we can't have kids the old fashion way, then we'll adopt. Don't think for a moment that you're going to stop being my husband or get out of being the father of my children just because you can't walk or get a hard-on!"

The man's smiled as tears rolled down his face.

"Babe, I understand that you're worried about the future. I am, too. But right now, let's just worry about now." Anika took her husband's hand and brazenly placed it over her chest. "And right now, I'm right here in front of you. Right now, it's just us. We can get through anything if we just stick together!"

Troy kissed his wife again. "I've missed this," he whispered.

The woman grinned girlishly. "So have I." But she noted the regret on her husband's face. Clearly, he was lamenting lost time, but Anika was not about to let him fall into another pit of despair. "I'm here, babe. We need to keep looking forward, not backwards."

The vestiges of doubt and feelings of inadequacy lingered. "What can I do?" Troy asked helplessly.