The Balancing Game Ch. 01

D1: Hello little bitch. Want to see what your new Daddy looks like?

Rachael was a bit put off by the word bitch and the fact he called himself Daddy, but she was too horny to care at this point. And she was curious.

R: If it pleases you, Sir.

Rachael waited and a picture popped up. It was a picture of an attractive man in a mirror. But what drew her eyes were his muscles. He would have no problem holding me down, Rachael thought.

R: Wow, Sir. You are very strong.

D1: How about a picture for me, little bitch?

R: It makes me very nervous, Sir.

D1: Once again little sub, I don't care who you are. I do not wish to come find you. Men are visual creatures and I just want to know who I'm talking to, little sub.

Rachael took a deep breath.

R: Give me one moment to find a picture, Sir. I don't take very many.

D1: I'll be waiting, little bitch.

Rachael scanned her computer to find a picture of just herself. She also wanted one she hadn't put on Facebook. Why oh, why did she not take more pictures? Finally, she found one and after taking a deep breath, she sent it.

It was just a picture of her face. She hoped he didn't mind or find her repulsive or anything.

D1: Very good, little bitch. Now, I want what's called a proof picture. I want a picture of you holding up 3 fingers. Do you understand, little bitch.

Rachael's heartbeat picked up. He wanted a picture of her now? She didn't have anything on, save panties and the leather belt.

D1: NOW, little bitch

R: Yes, Sir. But I need a minute to upload it to my laptop.

Rachael took a deep breath and pulled out her phone. She pulled her sheets up to cover everything below her shoulders, except she kept the tail of the belt out. He'll like that, she thought.

Rachael took a few pictures of her holding up 3 fingers before deciding on one and sending it through. She held her breath until he responded.

D1: Very good, little bitch. See that belt? That's my collar on you, little bitch. And call me Daddy now.

R: Yes, Daddy.

D1: How does that feel, little bitch?

R: It feels different, Daddy.

D1: You will come to like it. Now I want to see what's under the covers, little bitch.

Rachael blushed. A nude? She wasn't sure if she had the courage to do that much. Honesty, Rachael thought.

R: Daddy, that makes me very nervous.

D1: No face, little bitch. That way there is no way to connect the picture to you.

Rachael blushed again, but decided he was right.

R: It will take another moment to upload the picture, Daddy.

D1: Be fast, little bitch.

Rachael took a deep breath and took the covers off herself. She jumped at the cold air, but quickly adjusted as the heat radiated from her body.

She positioned the camera close to her pussy, but allowed it to angle up and catch the tail of the leather belt in between her breasts. He'll like that, she thought, he can see his collar on me.

She separated her pussy lips so that he would be able to see how wet he was making her. She wanted him to be able to see, since he said he was a visual person. Rachael sent the picture.

D1: Very good, little bitch. Have you been playing with yourself?

R: No, Daddy. You didn't tell me I could touch myself.

Rachael felt very proud of herself. That was one thing she thought she actually did right!

D1: Do you want to come for Daddy?

R: Mhmm. Yes, Daddy.

D1: Then get me off first, little bitch.

R: What do you want me to do, Daddy?

Rachael waited for a minute. Did she screw up? She didn't know what to do -- she was a complete novice here!

D1: You're Daddy came little bitch.

Rachael sighed in relief. She didn't do anything wrong! He probably needed to look at the pictures. Rachael smiled. Now she was proud of those pictures.

D1: Come for me now, little bitch!

Rachael was a bit taken aback. She still hadn't touched herself. He hadn't told her to. Was she supposed to be playing with herself this whole time?

Rachael started rubbing her clit, but she was too nervous that she had disappointed him. She couldn't get herself to come! But she also didn't want to lie and say she did.

D1: Come for Daddy.

This made Rachael feel worse. He wanted her to come, but she was so caught off guard. She needed words. His words.

But she didn't want to tell him that he was doing something was wrong. Could she do that? Is that out of place for her?

Rachael decided against it and got her vibe out. I will come, she thought to herself. But no matter what she did, Rachael couldn't come. It had been a little while, but Rachael figured she had to message back with something.

R: Mhmm. Thank you, Daddy.

Rachael waited. It wasn't a lie, she was happy she got to play with herself. She only wished she could have come. Not even because she wanted the release, but she wanted him to be happy because she followed his command.

Rachael waited longer. Why was he not responding? Is this how this ends? Is it a talk until you get off sort of thing?

R: Daddy, are you there?

Rachael didn't get any messages back. She stayed up late just in case, but he never messaged. She even checked the next day, but there were still no messages.

Rachael sighed. Maybe it's just a one night thing. I've never been online before, it's not as if I know.

Rachael quickly closed her laptop as she heard the front door open. Perhaps she will check later, just to be sure. Her roommates are back now and won't be gone again until next weekend.

It's not as if she can get away with any of this while they were here! Her roommates always wanted her out of her room. They didn't know she had a vibe, and they definitely didn't know she was kinky!

Plus, the walls were very thin. She was afraid they would overhear if she got too excited.

As she walked out to the living room she was surprised to see both roommates there.

"Hey Rachael," June said, "We just met up in the parking lot."

"We got home at the same time," said SJ, "Want to go out to eat? We were thinking Steak 'n Shake."

"Sure," replied Rachael, half-heartily. She was happy to see them, but she wasn't very hungry. She couldn't help but feel she did something wrong with Daddy.

She decided she would check her email every day until the next weekend, but if he didn't respond by then, she would get on and talk to another Dom. She had to. She was addicted to the feeling of being commanded. She wanted it back.

**********

Rachael checked her email all week. Every time she didn't see a message, she felt a little worse. She was barely eating and it wasn't going unnoticed.

"Hey Rachael, what do you want for dinner tonight?" SJ was the cook of the apartment.

"Uh, I don't know. Whatever you guys want. I'm not very hungry."

"You have to eat something Rachael." June was staring at her, but Rachael was avoiding her gaze. She told June everything, but she didn't want to tell her this. She wasn't sure if she ever could.

"I'm just a little anxious about finding a job, that's all. I can probably eat a little bit of chicken or something."

"Chicken it is," SJ declared. June still looked a bit worried, but Rachael knew that her excuse was valid in the eyes of her friend.

She did just graduate from college and didn't have a job yet. And she was anxious about it. She could never tell a straight up lie. But she didn't want June to know about this side of her.

If Rachael was being honest with herself, she was afraid of it. A guy she didn't know commanded her to put a collar around her neck, send him a picture of her face, and send him a nude. And she did it.

No one has had that sort of power over her before. But she loved it. She craved it. She wanted more...

**********

The week was up. Daddy never messaged Rachael back. I guess that's how online stuff works. Rachael was a tad disappointed, but was a bit happy about not being called a bitch or referring to him as Daddy.

Not that either repulsed her, but she didn't prefer them. If she had a daydream, she would call the mystery man Sir and he would call her little one. Unless it was a bit more intense.

She's had daydreams about being called his slut or his whore. But never bitch. She didn't know why it made a difference, but her pussy definitely told her there was one.

Rachael shrugged her shoulders. To each their own. Maybe tonight I'll find someone and we'll click better.

After checking around the apartment to be sure her roommates were gone, Rachael logged back on to the site. Without wasting much time, she got back on to the Submissives chat room.

Rachael was still afraid to message anyone first, so she pulled up a Word document to write and had the two windows side by side, in case she got a message.

This time Rachael waited longer and had quite a few pages written before she received a message.

Dom2: Hello there, little one.

Rachael: Hello. May I call you Sir?

Dom2: You may.

Rachael: Hello, Sir.

Rachael's heart rate picked up. She just loved being able to call someone 'Sir'.

Dom2: Tell me about yourself little one.

Rachael was confused. Like what? Does he want to know about her or is he asking what she looked like? Honesty, she thought to herself.

R: Like what, Sir?

D2: What do you look like, little one

Rachael's felt a flutter in her stomach. A simple command, but still a command. She felt addicted.

R: Well, Sir, I am very tall (6ft) and I have an athletic build (smaller breasts and broad shoulders). I have light brown hair just above my shoulders and my eyes are hazel in color.

R: Is there anything else you would like to know, Sir?

D2: What are you wearing tonight, little one

R: I'm am only wearing black panties, Sir.

D2: How do you feel knowing that you are wearing so little around me, little one?

Rachael blushed. She never even thought about it like that!

R: I never thought about it like that, Sir, but now that you mention it, I am blushing.

D2: Do you like being spanked?

Rachael blushed again. She wasn't 100% sure, as she had never actually been spanked before, but she did like being rough with herself. And the idea of being spanked made her wet.

R: Yes, Sir.

D2: I'm guiding you to my lap. I want you to lay across my lap, bottom up.

Rachael was surprised. He just moved straight into the role-playing! Oh, well. This is what I want. It's safe online and I don't think there is any commitment attached. For now, anyway.

Rachael was hot just thinking about the fun she was going to have tonight.

R: Yes, Sir. I follow your lead.

D2: I caress your bottom and trace the line of your black panties.

Rachael wasn't sure if she should type back or if she was even any good at this! But she followed her instincts.

R: I become wetter the more you touch me, Sir.

D2: My fingers pull on the waistband of your panties. May I?

R: Please do, Sir!

D2: I slowly pull your panties off your legs, caressing them as I go.

R: I'm breathing heavily, Sir.

And Rachael found that she was! She was breathing very, very heavily compared to the other night. Although she found herself wishing that this Dom would take more control. She wanted him to order her and be rougher.

D2: I hear you, little one. What do I find when I trace your legs back up to your pussy? Trimmed or shaved off?

R: Trimmed, Sir. And soaking wet.

D2: Good. But it would be no good if you got off before me, little one.

R: May I lick your cock, Sir?

Rachael felt weird typing this, as she had never even seen a cock up close. She'd only seen a few pictures, and even then she felt too naughty to continue looking.

And everything she was saying now, she had literally never done before! She'd only read about them. She hoped she sounded convincing!

D2: Please do

R: I go down to my knees and pull out your big, hard cock. I start licking it from base to tip in long, slow strokes.

R: When I get to the tip this time, I swirl my tongue around and suck on the head

A link came through. Confused, Rachael clicked on it. It was a picture of a cock! No, his cock! It was big and had a few drops of pre-cum on it.

Rachael didn't know how to feel about this. She felt naughty looking at it. She was doing this to him without having done this to anyone! She was wondering if she should feel proud, but to her it felt wrong.

She felt like an imposter. Maybe it takes time? Rachael thought. But she was pretty sure she would feel off the rest of the night. Still, she thought, it would be very rude to leave him hanging like that...

R: It's beautiful, Sir. So hard. I continue sucking, trying to fit more of it in my mouth.

D2: I use my hand to guide your head further down.

R: More of it disappears in my mouth. I'll take as much as I can, Sir. Inch by inch.

D2: I am going to cum

R: I keep sucking, Sir. I want to taste more of you.

D2: I came, little one

R: I swallowed every drop, Sir.

D2: Now, how about you come back to my lap?

R: Okay, Sir.

R: Can I come now, Sir? I really need to come!

Rachael cringed. She didn't want to lie. She felt sick to her stomach. But she had no idea how to stop this without upsetting him! She figured if they both came, he will leave her. Just as the Dom last weekend did.

D2: 10. Not until I say so.

R: I'm breathing so heavily, Sir.

About fifteen seconds later, he responded

D2: 9. My fingers move up and down your pussy lips.

Another fifteen seconds went by.

D2: 8. I push one finger inside of you.

R: I gasp, Sir. I'm so ready to come. Please, please

Each time he seemed to wait about fifteen seconds in his countdown.

D2: 7

D2: 6. I slowly pump the finger in and out.

D2: 5. I add another finger.

R: Please, Sir.

D2: 4

D2: 3. The palm of my hand rubs against your clit as I move my fingers in and out

R: Sir

D2: 2

D2: 1. Almost there

Rachael waited. If she was into this, she felt like this would actually get her off. But she felt sick to her stomach and she just wanted this to end.

D2: Cum for me

Rachael waited a few minutes. She wanted it to seem realistic. After tonight, they probably won't talk again anyway.

R: Mhmm. Thank you, Sir.

D2: You're welcome, little one.

D2: What do you think of my profile?

Rachael's was confused. You can check out people's profiles from here?

R: I don't know how to find it, Sir.

D2: Would you like me to show you how?

Rachael took a deep breath. He asked a question. It wasn't a command. This was her way out.

R: Sir, it's actually very late. I had a good time tonight, Sir.

D2: Did you just use me to get yourself off? That is not ok

Rachael felt sick to her stomach. This is not how this was supposed to go! He was supposed to be satisfied and she would be content to try another day. Maybe after she's actually been with someone and felt less like a fraud.

R: Sir, I didn't mean to offend you. I'm really new to all of this. I didn't know what was expected of me. I thought we were just role playing for the night, Sir. I'm not looking for a Dom. I'm really sorry, Sir.

There were a couple minutes of pausing. Maybe he left? But it still said he was active in her conversation. He hadn't exited yet. Rachael held her breath. She was so nauseous.

Rachael felt like she failed. She didn't know what she was supposed to do and yet she jumped right into it. Maybe that was stupid of her. But how else was she supposed to figure it out?

D2: I guess I see you are new to this site. But know that not all of the Doms on this site are as forgiving as me.

Rachael breathed a sigh of relief.

R: Thank you, Sir. I really am sorry. But I did have a good time with you tonight, Sir. :)

D2: I would have had a great time, BUT

Rachael took another deep breath, still feeling the pang that comes with disappointing someone. But she refused to do something she didn't want with someone she didn't know. Especially since she felt lost in what she was doing.

R: Good night, Sir.

D2: Smacks your bottom on the way out. Goodnight.

Dom2 exited the chat room. Rachael sighed in relief. At least he wasn't so mad that he would tell other people on the site. At least, she didn't think he would. If she wanted to try this again, she didn't want a reputation as a noncompliant sub.

She just couldn't figure out what she wanted right now. And neither this Dom or the other Dom helped her understand what she needed. All she knew was that she craved the commands.

But right now, Rachael didn't think she could have a Dom. Not a consistent one, anyway. She didn't have a job yet and the hours her friends were around were not regular either. She didn't feel like she could satisfy a Dom. She had disappointed two already.

Rachael took in a deep breath, trying to breathe through the pang in her stomach. Maybe this wasn't for her?

Rachael closed her eyes. But I want it. So bad.

Rachael opened her eyes. She realized she also couldn't let go of her old life. She couldn't risk her friends finding out -- and they would. Especially if she had a curfew to meet with a Dom.

And what Dom would want a sub that meets only when the sub is available? Rachael figured there were none. And that didn't bother her at all. It was herself that was making her upset.

Why do I feel like it's a balancing game to just be myself? Is it really that hard to be kinky in the sheets but vanilla in the world? Who can I even talk to this about? What am I supposed to do next?

Rachael rocked herself to sleep, trying to decide what to do next. Should she try online dating and gage her partner's kinkiness as it went? Or should she try finding an online Dom that understood her anxieties?

Just before she drifted off, Rachael decided it would probably be easier to find someone though a dating site who was kinky.

Sadly, her experience with Doms, although intoxicating, left her confused and constantly worried she displeased them. Maybe she met the wrong Doms, but maybe not. Maybe she was just a bad sub. Rachael sighed.

This is the real world, Rachael. Not some a daydream. Things don't turn out well the first time.

Even then, Rachael wanted to take a break from the site. She was addicted to the loss of control, but she couldn't keep doing this up and down thing with Doms. She needed to figure out what was expected of her, but she had no idea how.

A struggle for another day. Tomorrow I'll try online dating. Hopefully that will work better.

Rachael closed her eyes and went into a restless sleep, still unsure of everything that happened.