The Big Time Pt. 01

"Allen, meet my friend Michael Torbin. He's going to be showing me around the city for the next few days."

"I am?" Whoa. Now his head was really spinning.

"Of course you are, that way I can get a real feel for the city, and we can get to know each other a little better."

"Nice to meet you, Michael," said Allen as we shook hands. "Just so you know, I'll be accompanying you and Kiki wherever you two go."

"Uh, right. I guess you wouldn't be much of a bodyguard if you left her alone with a guy she just met in a bar."

"No, I wouldn't." (Great. Let's annoy the large, intimidating, sentinel).

"Hey Michael, here's my cell phone number. Gimme a call around 10 tomorrow morning, and we'll make arrangements, ok?" she said as she handed him a slip of paper.

"Alright. Um, I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yep, just don't bring your friend along." she said as she got into the passenger side of the Lexus. Allen had already gotten behind the wheel. He started the car and she waved as they drove away.

12:34 pm. Saturday, May 17.

"You're a fucking liar. That's not Kirsten fucking Dunst's phone number," Tom exclaimed as Michael picked up the cordless phone and dialed the number.

"Would you shut the hell up? I was supposed to call her at 10, not 12:30. I hope she's not pissed."

"Nah, she won't be pissed." said Tom. "You know why? BECAUSE THAT'S NOT KIRSTEN DUNST'S PHONE NUMBER!"

"Why don't you go take a shower? You fucking reek."

"You're right. I'm going to go take a shower because I don't care about this pretend conversation you're about to have with Kirsten Dunst," said Tom.

"Fine. I'd rather you not be here when I talk to her anyway. She's not exactly your biggest fan."

Tom harrumphed as he walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on.

"Helllllo?" If that was Kirsten's voice, then she must have just woken up and was more than a little groggy.

"Hi, Kirsten, uh, it's me, Michael from last night?" He was trying desperately to not sound like a dork.

"Oh, hi!" She had perked up considerably. "How are you?"

"Good, good. I'm sorry that I'm a little late on the call." Michael heard some shuffling in the background and a couple loud thumps.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I was-" she paused. "-busy anyway. Uh, just give me your address and we'll swing by and pick you up."

He gave her the address. She was staying at the Hilton, so it was probably going to take her a good half hour before she would arrive, assuming she left immediately. That half hour plus the usual amount of time it takes for a woman to get ready, left Michael more than enough time to shower and shave. Ten minutes later Tom got out of the bathroom.

"SO, is Ms. Dunst here?" he said as he sat on the couch. "I don't see her. Oops I'm not sitting on your imaginary celebrity girlfriend am I?"

"Oh haha, hoho, you're a riot. I'm taking a shower. Take X for a walk and then feed him, ok?"

"Can miss imaginary celebrity come too? She can pick up the shit X'll leave behind." Tom whistled for X and he came bounding into the living room. X was one of the only things that Michael actually owned, him, some video games and a computer. He was an adult black Labrador, kinda small for his breed but exceptionally well trained. He had an entire repertoire of tricks to show off.

Twenty minutes later Michael came out of the bathroom as ready as he would ever be. It was a sunny day, 80 degrees, perfect for walking around and seeing the city. Tom and X weren't back yet. It shouldn't have taken long to walk him around the block a few times. Tom was probably trying to use X to pick up some random girl he met on the street. X would only obey Tom's most cursory commands, and not any of the "special" tricks that Michael had taught X.

Around 1:15, someone knocked on the door and Michael went to open it. He was treated to a ravishing sight. Kirsten was standing on his porch, wearing a rather tight white designer t-shirt, showing off her nice, rounded, braless breasts and a pair of impossibly short shorts that felt like a second skin. She took what must have been very expensive custom sunglasses off her beautiful face and gave him a hug. It felt a little odd that she was being so affectionate so quickly. But, well, who is he kidding? He gave a tight squeeze back.

"Hi! We tried to get here as fast as we could."

"We? Oh right, Allen. Where's he?"

"He's waiting just outside the building."

Michael looked past her head and saw him. Allen's massive back was to them and his hands were clasped behind him. He was definitely over dressed for this kind of weather, that black suit was going to dehydrate him.

"Well, come on in. Would you like a drink or anything?" Michael asked.

"Sure, um, Pepsi?"

"Only have the lemon twist kind. That ok?"

"Yeah. I love that stuff."

Me too. Michael thought to himself. He poured a couple glassfuls and came back into the living room where she was already relaxing on the couch.

"So, tell me about this movie," he said.

Kirsten was researching a role for movie called "Chicago Style Romance," where she, of course , plays the female lead; a straight arrow girl who comes to live with her father in the city after her mother dies. Her character would change from the sweet country bumpkin type to an angry, passionate woman by the end. The male lead, which hadn't been cast yet, was a pizza delivery boy. Streetwise, a little wild but still good at heart. He swoops her off her feet, and, once she grows up, she sweeps him under the rug and moves on. Quite frankly, this movie sounded like it spewed from the Powerbook of whichever Hollywood hack happened to be in the groove at the moment.

"Soooo, what do you think?" Kirsten asked.

Questions like that are always death for budding relationships. Michael hesitated before deciding to give her as honest an answer as possible without really tearing into this picture.

"Your character sounds like a challenge. It seems like it would be hard to for this girl to change so drastically in a believable way. Especially within a two hour movie."

"What about the rest of it?" Why did it feel like he was under a white hot light being interrogated by Michael Chiklis?

"Um, well, hmm."

"Come on, I know you have some words bouncin' around your head somewhere."

"Look, romance movies are always so tired and predictable. It usually falls on the two people falling in love to make the movie work. There has to be white hot chemistry between them. After that, just toss in a couple interesting supporting characters, and the movie will work. Without the chemistry, well, there's just nothing that the audience is interested in."

She looked at him thoughtfully and motioned him to sit next to her on the couch.

"You know something? That's exactly what I think."

"This also seems a lot like 'Crazy/Beautiful.' From what I remember, that one didn't go over too well at the box office. You sure you want to go back to that well again?"

"It is, isn't it? This movie might not even get made if we don't find a lead guy soon."

"You're having trouble finding a guy to act as your boyfriend for a month and a half? What is this world coming to?"

"What, you think I have men lining up to grovel at my feet?"

"I thought every famous actress did." She shook her head. "Beg, at least?"

"Maybe in your fantasy vision of Lala land. Worthwhile guys are hard to find, especially in Hollywood," she said with a touch of frustration in her voice.

"Awww, poor baby." She raised her right eyebrow and looked at him. "Beautiful, young actress who can have anything she wants in the world. Except love."

She playfully punched him in the arm. "That's enough out of you, Michael. Come on, half the day is already over and I'm leaving Monday morning. Let's go see what there is to see." Michael picked up their glasses and brought them into the kitchen. Suddenly there was a bit of a commotion outside and he heard a dog barking up a storm. He quickly walked to the front door and opened it. Kirsten was watching through the window.

"I'm telling you, I LIVE HERE! THIS IS MY FUCKING HOUSE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY YOU FAT FUCK!"

Kirsten giggled. "That is definitely the wrong thing to say to Allen."

"HEY! PUT ME DOWN!"

"He's not going to kill him, is he?"

"If we're lucky."

Michael rolled his eyes at her and went outside to try and defuse the situation.

"Um, Allen. You can put him down, I know him, he works for me."

Without even looking, Allen quickly placed Tom back on his feet and brushed him off.

"Ah, thanks for walking X for me."

Tom walked around Allen with X following. "Who the hell is this oaf? And why is he doing what you say?"

"Hand me the leash?" Michael asked.

Tom gave him the leash and walked back towards the house.

"Hey! Wait a second. Here's the five bucks for walking the dog. You can go now." Michael handed him a few dollars.

"Five bucks? What are you talking about? I'm going inside."

"Allen, I don't really know this guy. He just walks my dog for me. I'm not sure how close he should get to Kirsten." Michael was just able to contain his smile as he looked up at a rather confused Kirsten.

"What? Hey, get off of me! Mike! Get him off of me!" Allen had swiftly grabbed Tom by the collar and threw him over his shoulder.

"See ya tomorrow, um, Jack, right?"

"Michael! YOU FUCKING PRICK!"

"Come on boy, let's go inside." Michael held the door open and X ran in.

Kirsten was laughing hysterically on the couch. She was clutching her stomach and giggling and rolling. X ran over and began licking her wherever he could. Lucky dog.

"Whoa, hahaha, I didn't know we were, heeheehee, at the licking each other part of our, hahaha, relationship, Michael." She was hardly able to speak.

"That's actually my dog doing that. Be polite and say hello boy. (bark!)" X held his paw up.

"I know that silly." She finally calmed down, shook his paw, and began to pet and scratch the dog's head. "What's his name?"

"X," Michael tried to make it sound as menacing as possible.

She giggled. "X? Why X?"

"He was kinda sickly when he was a puppy, so I was able to get him cheap. That's why he's so undersized. I thought giving him a tough name would make him more intimidating. I've had him for about five years now, best non-human friend I've ever had."

She was giggling as X kept panting and licking her hand. "Oh yeah, right. This dog is sooo cute. If this dog had rabies he wouldn't be scary. Ooh, you're a good doggie aren't you boy, yes you are, yes you are. Can he do any tricks?"

"Oh, you'd be surprised how smart he is. He can actually answer simple yes or no questions and say hello and goodbye, with one bark for yes and hello, two for no and goodbye. Along with a variety of, um, other maneuvers," Michael replied slyly.

"Really? X, do you like Michael? (bark!) Do you like, um, bacon? (bark!) Do you like me? (bark!) That is SO cool! What doesn't he like?" She was becoming more and more enamored by the moment.

"Ask him about peanut butter. (bark! bark!) Oops, well you get the point." Michael thought a moment. "Hey, Allen won't actually do anything to Tom will he? I don't want my housemate to get killed, I can't afford this place alone."

"Not unless Tom does something really stupid, like knee Allen in the balls or something. Come on, we better get going, it's almost 2:00. Can we take X with us?"

"Um, sure," said Michael as he walked out the front door. "But you're picking up anything he decides to leave behind on the sidewalk."

"Huh? Wait, I didn't hear what you said!" yelled Kristen who was still playing with X on the couch. "Come on X, let's go." They both bounded out after him.

Allen was brushing his hands off as he walked back towards the car. Michael and Kirsten were already waiting inside. X and Kirsten were sitting in the back.

"What did you do with him, Allen?" asked Michael.

"I just roughed him up a little and left him on the sidewalk a block down. He'll be fine."

"Ok, as long as nothing's broken, I guess. We might as well get started with the most famous sites. Know how to get to Jackson and Wacker?"

As the group finally got underway, a haggard looking Tom was walking back towards the house. Michael opened the window and told him that he was sorry. Tom was about to flick him off until he noticed who the driver was. Then he saw the woman in the back seat making kissy faces at him. For the second time in as many days that same priceless look of utter shock was plastered on his face.

They covered all the major sights, the Sears Tower, Hancock building, the Field Museum and the Shedd Aquarium. They strolled around the city for hours, talking and laughing. Of course, Allen was always right behind, but he was unobtrusive and relaxed. He seemed to be enjoying himself, sometimes joining the conversation or making wisecracks. Of course, Michael kept a safe distance between himself and Kirsten. He didn't want to get roughed up like Tom did. After they left the Adler Planetarium (Kirsten was a huge fan of the cosmos), they decided to relax near the lakefront (Lake Michigan) before Allen dropped Michael off at his place. Kirsten had to meet a producer that night, so dinner was out of the question. She and Michael were sitting on a bench, playing fetch with X while Allen waited in the car behind them.

"So tell me, what are you studying?" asked Kirsten as she tossed the ball out towards the beach.

"Let's see, the last time I checked it was engineering. Or chemistry. Something really hard that probably won't pay off in the long run."

"You don't sound like you're having fun."

"That's because I'm not."

"Oh come on, you're in college! Where's the rowdy frat parties? The drunken sorority sluts? The parties every night of the week?" X brought the ball back, barked twice, and lounged down near their feet.

"Well, maybe in your fantasy vision of college. I have to deal with overbearing, tight fisted parents, classes Stephen Hawking would fail, awful food, and my only luck with drunken sorority sluts has been X." Whoops. Michael didn't want to say that.

"X? How does X help you with girls?" she questioned as she stroked X's head. Michael had piqued her curiosity. "What exactly have you trained him to do?"

"Nothing. He can't do anything," said Michael, desperately trying to cover his tracks.

"Earlier today you told me he could do some cool stuff. Show me. Playing fetch isn't very impressive."

"I lied. He's just a regular old dog. Nothing special."

"Don't make me get tough with you, Michael. Tell me or else!" she scowled jovially.

"Ooh, or else what?"

"Or else me, tough guy," boomed Allen from behind them. Apparently he had excellent hearing. Kirsten smiled triumphantly.

"Fine, I'll talk. But not because Allen is a big, scary man, but because you asked. Here's how it works. I pick some girl out of the crowd that I'd like to meet, like say, that one over there," he pointed towards a hot Latina woman wearing a tank top and shorts. "Then I just tell X to go get that girl. Like telling him to fetch this ball. He goes over, does a special routine I came up with myself, a combination of all those cute, loveable things a dog can do. Then he gives me a single bark if she's receptive, two if not. Then I come over, thank her for finding my dog, yada yada yada, and I then have a new female friend. He actually hasn't failed me yet."

"Wow. That takes a lot of dedication to train a dog to do that," Kirsten looked back towards the Latin woman. "And it looks like X got the job done pretty well over there."

"What? (bark!) Oh no. Damn dog," Michael groaned as he excused himself and went to claim his overzealous K-9. A few minutes later he returned, leash in hand.

"Get her number?" Kirsten asked as she rubbed X's head again.

Michael grinned and held up a slip of paper. "I told you he never fails."

"You didn't tell him to put any moves on me, did you? 'Cause I'm seriously starting to love this dog." Michael sat down on the bench as she began rubbing both of X's ears.

"No, but, well, as you can see, sometimes he takes the initiative. And besides, he's supposed to get the girl to like ME, not him."

"Who says I don't?" She replied with a slight grin.

"You don't like him? You just sai-."

"That's not what I mean."

"Oh, so you DO like him?"

She grew a bit annoyed. "I meant that I like you, Michael."

Michael smiled at her. "I know, I just wanted to hear it."

She giggled. "Okay, here's something else I know you want to hear." She said as she put her hand on his thigh.

"Oh?" Michael said trying to sound as cool and relaxed as he could possibly be with Kirsten Dunst's hand that close to his manhood.

She leaned in close. "I would love to take you out to dinner tomorrow night as a thank you gift."

"You don't need to take me out to dinner to thank me. The fact that I'm spending the weekend hanging around with you is thanks enough."

"No, no it's not. You've been hanging around with me and Allen. Tomorrow night it will be just the two of us."

"What about Allen?"

"You worry too much. I'll take care of him." She said with a devious smile.

"Yeah, right. I'd like to see how you manage that."

"So would a lot of people, but you'll just have to use your imagination." She said in her most sultry voice possible. Well, the first thing that jumped into Michael's head was Allen giving it to Kirsten every which way he wanted. That would be quite a sight. Then, of course, he falls asleep and Kirsten meets up with him to go out for dinner. Michael's cock suddenly came to attention and he jumped up off the bench.

"Sure! Great! Sounds like a plan! Maybe we should get going, it's already past 7. Come on X, get in the car, lets get going." Kirsten tried to contain her giggles at seeing his sudden outburst. She thought it was cute. She stood and got in the car, and a few minutes later Allen dropped Michael off at his place.

"Good night Kirsten, Allen." X and Michael got out of the car. "Say goodbye X (bark! bark!)."

"Bye, Michael. Bye X. I can't wait till tomorrow! We'll be by around noon." said Kirsten. Michael waved as they drove away. He tied X up outside, ate some leftover Chinese food, watched some TV and went to sleep around 11:00 pm.

9: 33 am. Sunday, May 18.

Someone was knocking on the door. And Tom was not answering it. Michael groaned and lifted himself out of bed. He walked over and looked through the peephole was a bit surprised to see Kirsten. And more than a little embarrassed that he was only wearing boxers. He was debating whether or not to get dressed before opening the door.

"Hey! I saw you approach the door. Come on, open up before people start staring." Ok, debate over.

He pulled the door open. "Hi, didn't expect you so early."

"Obviously," she said as she eyed him up and down. She seemed appreciative, but who knows?

"Um, what'd you have in mind for today? Why so early?" asked Michael as he picked up a ratty looking t-shirt off the floor and put it on.

"Eww. Is that even clean?" Michael shrugged. "Actually, I came by to see if you wanted to get breakfast."

"It's so cute that you think I would actually refuse to have breakfast with you. Just give me a bit to get ready?"

"Sure. Take your time. Mind if I give myself a tour of your place?"

"Not at all. Make yourself at home." Then he thought a moment. "Uh, just leave my computer alone. Seriously."

"Ooh, what are you hiding in there? Bootleg movies? Music? Porno?"

He turned the water on and hopped into the shower. "Um…none of the above?" he said over the noise of the water.

Kirsten shut the door behind her and placed her purse on the couch. Today was a little bit cooler, so she was wearing a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt that barely hinted at the curves underneath. She walked around the place, taking a good look at it. It was a pretty old building, big enough for probably three or four people. It had a decent sized kitchen, living room, one bathroom, and a pair of bedrooms. The living room had a medium sized TV with a pile of video games surrounding it. She peeked in one bedroom. It was completely trashed, with clothes and old pizza boxes everywhere. "I hope this one isn't his," she said to herself. She moved on to other bedroom, and, while noticeably cleaner, was still kind of a mess. She then spotted the computer in the corner and promptly ignored Michael's request and booted it up.