The C&s Club Pt. 02

"I'm kind of assuming you'll be staying in my room with me?"

"That would be my preference if it's what you want too. Your house is beautiful, I've never been inside a house like this."

"I wouldn't want it any other way — it would be lonely sleeping alone after having you to cuddle with for so many nights. Just make yourself at home Shannon. There's a full bath through that door, if you have anything to hang up, there's plenty of room in the closet there."

When he mentions clothes, I instantly realize that I have nothing nice to wear to his club — "Aaron, I just realized that I don't have a decent thing to wear to the club tomorrow."

"Calm down, I figured as much. I thought we could go out this evening and do some shopping. I want to go by the Adult Shop anyway, you and I need to pick up a few things. Remember what we talked about needing before you and I can go all the way together. I'm still eager to explore that deeper intimacy if you are — but I have to stress, never ever are you to feel pressured to do something you don't want to do. You know I want to fuck you — I'll even say I want to make love to you — but it's your body and your place to make the final call on that. Even if you're not ready to go all the way, I want to get some butt plugs and definitely a vibrator so we can get you started and mess around a bit."

"I'm ready Aaron. I think I've been ready for awhile but didn't really know it." Suddenly I'm overwhelmed with everything! So many changes — so many new discoveries about myself. The voice that's always said no to this kind of stuff is fighting with the voice that screaming yes — yes, it's okay to lay on your back and take the cock like a woman! I'm tired of the argument and the only thing that makes sense is to go hide in his arms.

When Shannon rushes to me it's instinctive to gather him close and hold him. He's the most sensitive man, young or old, that I have ever known. I love him all the more for that tenderness and it makes me wonder if being in the womb with his sister did have a part in imparting this softness. Whatever it was, or is, that made him what he is, all I can be is thankful for it — with each day and each new discovery I feel myself being pulled closer to him. "Shush, I've got you ... you're safe ... I'm not going anywhere. We don't have to go to the Adult Shop. We don't have to go to the club."

I hear Aaron's words, but that's not the answer. "But I do want to go shopping — I do want to go to the club — it's just that I'm still ashamed that I want to do these things — I'm ashamed to be gay ... even though I know I am gay."

I take his hand and lead him over to my bed. "Let's lay down and take a break."

Aaron plops onto the bed and scoots to make room for me. I lay down next to him and close my eyes. Why do I always come back around to this wall? I love what Aaron and I do together. I love being close to him. "How did you come to terms with being gay?"

"Well, for starters I never saw myself as gay. I've always been interested in both guys and gals. Maybe being bisexual just doesn't seem as big of a step? I don't know. But I also have done a lot of reading on human sexuality. I like to look at human history, and if you do that it's easy to see that gays and bisexuals and lesbians have always been a part of the human experience. It's not the new evil that is so often pandered about in modern societies. That's all spin, politics and religion jabbering and screaming 'fire' in the theater. So think back, how did your family talk about this kind of stuff?"

"I don't think we ever really talked about it. I mean our mom never had a good word to say when stuff would come on the television. I never really studied about it much. I did take a class in college that more or less portrayed the same view as you just mentioned — but not in much detail. I do know that most of the guys I've ever been around hate gays. It was worse in high-school, but even in college they weren't hard to find — and they're quite vocal in their views. I see where you're going here — you're saying I've heard hate more than acceptance. I'd have to agree with that."

"I always said you have to have some brains to study electrical engineering. I think you can use those brains to assemble the truth about human sexuality logically and based on facts — not ignorant or biased opinions. Look at me, look around you here. You know that I'm as queer as you — hell, I'm more queer than you. That doesn't make me less than a straight guy. It doesn't make me better either. It just makes me — I am what I am and so are you. Maybe you're just too polite to tell the naysayers to fuck off? Were you bullied in school?"

"Yeah, mostly when the popular guys teased me that I should wear a dress like my sister. I got in quite a few fights. We looked even more alike when we were younger, but once they got my number it carried over every year. I remember sometimes even thinking it would have been easier if I was a girl."

"I'd say that was a pretty indelible experience. What was the message those jerks were sending?"

"I see where you're going — the message was; I'm not normal like them. I'm a sissy — something is wrong with me."

"Bingo. I know it's hard to understand how these past circumstances can play a part in our lives now, but they often do. And so often they've been playing in our subconscious for years. I wish I had the magic bullet to slay those old dragons, but I don't — I think you do though. I think you start by looking back on those who tormented you, but not with your junior-high brain, or your high-school brain — look at them as the man you are now. See how shallow and insecure they are to need everyone in the world to be a clone of themselves. Look at me, if it helps. I'm smart enough and successful enough and I'm just like you — Shannon, you're just like me in so many ways. Is there anything you see in me that you'd be ashamed of?"

His words fill my being with their soothing balm. But his last statement shatters some scared barrier like a hammer hitting glass; I'm just like him. I look up to him more than any man I've ever known — he's probably more queer than me. I feel a laugh deep within the silence of my soul — a laugh that scatters the crows and skeletons and cobwebs from the dark corners.

I watch Shannon as he quietly thinks about what I've said. His eyes finally lift back to mine and the sparkle is even brighter than ever — his smile tells me all I need to know. It may not be over for him, but the ghosts are running. We don't need words to share what's happening — a hug that grows into a passionate kiss says everything. After a space of time, we lay together quietly and unwind from the trip home and this little moment of turmoil. I feel the impulse to be angry at those who hurt him so long ago — but I ask myself; to what end? What good can come from being upset? I follow my own advice and pull back to this moment — a moment laying in my bed with the most beautiful man I've ever met. Fuck those idiots...

***

Friday Evening Shopping

Shannon has nothing but work clothes, and that just won't do. After shopping and making our decisions, we both agree that he might as well wear some of the clothes we bought out of the store. We make sure the lady at the check scans the clothes he's wearing. She even comments that Shannon looks much nicer than when we came in. He really didn't have much to wear except work clothes, so we end up with several bags full of stuff to include an upgrade to some colorful sexy underwear and a dozen pairs of socks..

We cut across the parking lot back to my truck. "You clean up pretty good, and look like a real dandy in those fancy clothes." His crooked smile tells me he knows a tease when he hears it. I keep on with my teasing, "I think we need to go to a store that sells to both sexes though — didn't you say you wanted some panties too?"

"I don't remember saying that — I might have mentioned sharing some of my sisters things though."

"Maybe that's what it was. The boy shorts you picked out are pretty colorful too. I like it, just so you know. Still, I think some pretty panties might set a nice mood around bedtime ... and you'll want something pretty to take off at the club if it goes that far."

"Maybe we could just order them online?"

"So, you do want some?"

"I want to make you happy — It felt good when I wore my sisters, I don't mind wearing them for you if that's what you want."

Once we're settled in the truck, I reach over and cover his crotch with my hand. "You're getting hard. I'm going to put you in panties for sure now. Admit it, I dare you."

"Okay, I'm busted — I do love panties."

"There, that wasn't so hard — was it?"

"With you, it's getting easier. It's another one of those things I like, but feel embarrassed about. I mean, I'm not a cross-dresser. But a few pretty things ... well, they make me feel ... it's hard to describe ... it's like in my fantasies I'm turning my back on some part of being a man — I guess submissive is the best word to describe how I felt in my sisters stuff when I was alone. That's kinda weird, I know ... but it's kinda the way I feel when I'm with you too ... if, I mean ... does that make any sense."

I take an opening in the traffic to pull out of the parking lot and on to our next stop — the Adult Shop. "It makes all the sense in the world to me. So much of bi and gay sex is all about that dynamic between a dominant partner and a more submissive partner. In a nutshell, it's the play between the top and his bottom guy. You intuitively know you are the bottom in our relationship — right?"

"Ye-ah, it's pretty obvious I'm the bottom. And I do get a sexual thrill in that. I get it in my fantasies too, the things that really fire me up are kind of embarrassing after I come though."

"I've heard that described as; sweet humiliation. It's sexual pleasure from doing something that society deems shameful or taboo. I think these are wonderful bedroom games to explore. I'm sure we'll find some fun things to do along those lines. I think the embarrassment is also some part of the turn-on. I'd suspect that would taper off after time, unless we play it up when you do go there."

As I pull in and park in front of the adult bookstore and toy shop, I turn to Shannon, "I don't know how many times you've been in one of these, but there is no reason to be embarrassed here. These guys see so many customers a day and they've probably seen it all. I want to pick up a set of butt-plugs so we can start opening up that hole of yours. We need some lube and a douche device for you to clean yourself. And I think a small vibrating dildo will be something you'll enjoy. Is there anything you can think of?"

"No, I can't think of anything."

"Okay, let's go be out and proud." I wink at him and get a smile back.

Most of the things we need are easy to find; I opt for the glass butt-plug set and we move on to the vibrators. Shannon picks up one that is clearly too big to start with, "I think that will be too much at first — it's bigger than my cock. Remember, we have the plugs to help safely loosen up some muscles back there. I want a dildo that will bring you pleasure right now — we can always buy a larger one if we want one later."

"I'm gonna let you take the lead on all of this. I trust you."

"Let's talk to the sales guy there about the douche."

We stroll down the aisle looking over the options. I mention to Shannon, "These bulb style units are good because they're really portable and easy to use. Colt products are a pretty reliable brand. We look through the options and decide we don't need the clerk and opt for the Colt douche kit with an optional bulb dildo end in addition to the regular end. The lube seems way over priced and I remember a friend telling me about simple and all natural virgin coconut butter — since I have a large container at home in the kitchen, we decide that we'll try that first. "My friend made it clear that I shouldn't use it with a condom — seems it can break down the latex. But I don't see any reason for us to worry about condoms."

The last thing on our wish list is the perfect vibrator for Shannon. As we look things over on that aisle, I see a nice anal bead wand that will be a good addition to our list. It's not a vibrator, but the graduated silicon bulbs will be a great way to do some manual play. The dildo and vibrator isle is somewhat overwhelming. We shop and look at the options for awhile until a pretty young lady asks if she can help us find anything. "We're looking for a small vibrating dildo. It's for anal play, so it needs a base to keep things safe."

We both follow her to the middle of the isle and she hands me what looks like the perfect choice for a beginner. It's called the Mini Whopper, but at only an inch and an eighth in girth it's the slimmest one we've seen. Three speed vibrator and pretty realistic looking. It even has a suction cup base for the shower. "I think this one is the best I've seen. Wanna give it a shot? It's your butt, so I'll let you make the call."

I've thought about getting something like this, but never followed through with it. But having fingered myself quite a lot at night all alone in bed, I do want to see what more will feel like. "I think so. Yes, I want to try it."

I glance at the things in our little hand-basket, "Looks like we got what we were looking for. Let's go pay for this and maybe grab a pizza or something, eh?"

On our way to check out, we pass a display of nipple pumps and Aaron says, "Let's check these out. Do you play with your nipples much?"

I'm a little bit ashamed to admit it, but what the fuck — we're in a sex shop buying dildos. "Yeah, mine are pretty sensitive and I like the way it makes me feel."

"Let's get some. I want your nipples to play a part in how you feel. I think it'll help you get in touch with your inner feminine nature." Again, the options are mind boggling, in the end we choose a simple pair of suction bulbs that sort of look like the nipple on a baby bottle, only bigger. There are more elaborate ones, but we decide to start with these.

The final tab on the few things we bought seems ridiculous to me. But Aaron doesn't seem phased by it, so I just go along. I'm pretty stoked and a bit nervous about where all of this is going — but all in all, I feel like I'm on a path to a destination now. I've been dodging in and out of this whole bi or gay thing for awhile. I'm almost twenty-three years old and I've not had sex with a man or a woman yet — not real sex, not intercourse. I want to go to the end of this path — I want to know how it feels to be fucked by him. I know he wants it, and I want it too. His hand on the small of my back pulls me back to the Adult Shop, I smile up at him and we walk to the truck. At the last minute, Aaron notices a little decorative bucket on the checkout counter filled with a smaller kind of vibrator, these are about the size of a cigar and are just tapered hard plastic. He adds a pink one to our stuff and just pays for it with cash. The young woman at the check out gives us both a smile as we leave.

"Well, I think we have a good start on things, eh?"

I look at him and smile, "It seems like a big start, I think I'm going to be experiencing a lot of new things."

"We're both going to be experiencing a lot of new things Babe. It'll be fun, trust me. I have just one more place I want to take you, then we'll grab a pizza."

"Where else could we possibly go?"

"Don't freak out, but it's a shop that sells sexy clothes. I should have asked you, but it's also sort of just a spur of the moment idea. I've been thinking about how you've said you do enjoy being a little more fem. I was thinking that under your clothes at the club, you could wear a sexy piece of lingerie, or something that plays off of that inner feminine. I know a shop that specializes in that kind of stuff. Do we need to talk about it some more? I want you to wear whatever makes you feel best."

"People wouldn't laugh if I wore something like that?"

"I'm sure no one would laugh. You wouldn't be the first fem guy that's been to the club. I think you might be the prettiest one though. Do you need to think about it more? We could grab a pizza first and talk more if you want."

"Let's do that. I'm kinda tired from the shopping we've already done."

We stop for a pizza and a couple of beers, then drive to the shop to look at some lingerie for me. It's a small specialty shop in a renovated building in the older part of town. It's pretty easy to see that it caters to both men and women, but since it's getting late on a Friday evening, it's not very crowded. We find the lingerie area and look over the many options. This is a first for me, but after I relax I do enjoy looking at all of the pretty things females get to choose from. A part of me is jealous, but then I grab ahold of the fact that I'm here for me. These things are not just for cis-females, they're for me too — if that's what I want ... if that's what Aaron wants. After looking over the options, Aaron chooses a sheer stretchy bodysuit. The stretch material is black see through material like that used in hosiery. The sheer fabric is supported by a breast band of heavier lace that conceals the wearers nipples. It's labeled for 'small bust-lines' — that would be me. Two black ribbon ties go up from the lace breast-band to tie around the neck. Radiating downward from the breast band is a one inch wide band of the same dark lace connecting the small gusset of the same heavy lace that would conceal a woman's triangle. There are also several similar bands of one inch lace radiating downward and outward from the breast-band that all connect to the edging of the high cut leg opening on both sides. The back is open down to a sheer see-through bottom of the same stretchy hose like material. I have to admit to myself that this is really pretty and very sexy looking.

"Well, what do you think babe?"

"It's nice. Are you sure it'll be okay to wear this to the club?"

"Not a doubt in my mind that you'd be the star of the show in this."

"How do we figure out the size?"

"I'll go get the owner and see if she can help."

I watch him walk away — I want to scream no, wait it's me who's going to feel like a freak. Instead I just take a deep breath and look at the display of what I may be wearing soon. As I wait, I notice there is another man here shopping. It could be for his wife or girlfriend, but then I see him hold a piece up to his body and check it out in a mirror. If I were bolder, I'd tell him it looks good on him. That's when Aaron returns with some help.

"Oh yes, aren't those lovely bodysuits. These are very versatile in regard to size. As you can see, everything is very stretchy. So it conforms to your body. There are three sizes; small, medium and large. Let's get a small and hold it up to you."

She opens the box and unfolds the bodysuit and holds it in front of me — "Lift your arms sweetie." — I do as asked and she holds the bodysuit against my body.

"This will fit you and will be a tight fit. The rear will probably wedgie into your crack. Don't be embarrassed, but how big are you in the front?"

Don't be embarrassed! I'm already embarrassed. Aaron rescues me.

"He's not tiny, say a little smaller than average maybe."

"You can see that the crotch panel isn't cupped, and it's not very flexible. I would suggest you go with the medium size. Most of our clothes you can try on, but these are classed as underwear, so that's not allowed. Let's get a medium out of the box and see. The one thing you don't want is for the whole garment to be baggy on you — that would spoil everything."

I feel like I'm part of a sit-com television shoot. It's almost funny enough to make me not even care how ridiculous I'm feeling — almost.