All Comments on 'The Caregiver Ch. 02'

It was pretty good. The ass play, sucking cock after fucking someone in the ass, and lesbian stuff did absolutely nothing for me at all, but I know others will get a kick out of it. You did good, though.

Interesting premise for the series, Caregivers With a Cause; I can imagine several possible scenarios for future clients. I'm curious about that 'other' agency that sent out Katrina. I'll bet they pay better.

A common misconception is the misuse of the word, mast, when what is meant is a staff. Both have similar meanings, however, a staff is used on land and a mast is exclusively used on a boat or ship. So when you see a flagpole with the flag halfway down, technically it is at half staff, not half mast. A man's cock is similarly at half staff unless he's floating aboard a craft of some sort.

@nthusiastic, thank you so much for your feedback I have never thought about it like that- the mast thingy, very informative and helpful. Thank you.

@RoseGirl, thank you so much for your feedback too and yes, as a writer it is hard to please everyone. But thank you so much for reading and commenting.

Watch Your Use of Pronouns

It can get confusing; you know who you mean, but readers might not.

“Nana feels a pang of jealousy as she (Nana?) watches her (Katrina?) walk towards them. She (Katrina? Nana?) notices though that Bob is not ogling or even looking at her (Nana? Katrina?) at all: he is still fixated on her (Nana? Katrina?) breasts.”

You use She and Her to refer to two different people within the same sentences. As a reader I have to stop to try to figure out: is this the same person or a new one? If new, then to whom does it refer? See how it can interrupt the reader’s immersion?

As for the mast versus staff matter, I’m happy to have cleared that up for you. It’s same with flags, on land they are on staffs or poles. Only when aboard a ship are they flown from a mast. Now, you also, can join the rest of us at pointing fingers at the common misuse of the words. (Just joking . . . )

I agree with RoseGirl, but I just skip over that stuff. I know it appeals to most men, so its inclusion makes sense for the sake of ratings, or if you as a writer enjoy girl-on-girl action. Just doesn’t float my boat.

Kudos for your verb tense consistency this time.