The Chandelier Ch. 01

But was Xavier like that? I glanced at him. His eyes were closed and he was gently rocking against me, humming a small, quiet tune. A small smile played on my lips. This Xavier didn't seem like someone who had just unleashed their repressed urges and was about to go back to their true nature. This Xavier seemed comfortable in his own skin and genuine in his treatment of others.

Which basically exactly mirrored his behavior in the workplace. I closed my eyes.

And took the leap of faith.

"Hey," I said tentatively. "Can I trust you?"

Xavier turned to look at me. We locked eyes, and I watched him study me intently.

"Yes," he eventually whispered.

"I live at Roseworth," I said, swallowing. "Do you know where that is?"

Xavier cocked his head. "Yeah, a friend of mine lives there."

I offered him a small smile and squeezed his hand. "Shall we?"

Xavier nodded. I put back on my dress and tried my best to fix my disheveled look, which was not much, if I was being honest. There was a small tremble in my hands that I couldn't seem to shake.

When I was done, Xavier led me through the corridors, which were slightly more crowded now. All the regulars had arrived; several of them nodded to me as I passed. As we neared the front door, Xavier released my hand and gestured. "I'll meet you outside, okay? I gotta go get something."

I nodded and exited. Squid was there, rubbing his hands to keep out the night chill. He turned around as he heard the door swing, and took in my appearance. He grinned. "Had a good night, I see."

I smiled and walked up to him. "My legs are still shaky."

"Do you have anything else to wear? You should really cover up more in this temperature," Squid admonished, running a critical eye across my outfit. "You're gonna catch a cold. Here, take my jacket."

"Oh, there's no need," I replied, stopping him. "I'm just out here for a moment; someone's driving me home."

Squid raised an eyebrow. "Who? Someone from inside? Who's even sober?"

I chuckled. "Not sober. Xavier, he has a personal driver."

"Oh, a rich fella. Is he the new guy?" Squid asked.

"Yup. Not new to me though, I know him from work," I confessed.

Squid frowned. "Does he know you, though?"

I pursed my lips. "I'm planning on telling him on the way back."

Squid sucked in a breath through his teeth. "Dangerous, Astria. Dangerous."

I smiled wryly. "Since when did you call me Astria?"

"When you are about to do dumb shit. Listen, let me call you a cab. People can be very two-faced, Ria. You're not in your right mind-"

I cut him off. "It's fine, Squid. If you're worried, check up on me in an hour, yes?"

Squid was about to reply, but Xavier strolled out of the club at the moment. He was wrapped up in a fluffy white jacket that completely covered his club outfit. I arched an eyebrow, and he flashed me a sheepish smile.

"Car's on the way," he said. He looked at Squid and me. "You guys close?"

"Oh, yeah. Xavier, Squid. Squid, Xavier."

"Nice to meet you," Xavier said, offering a hand. Squid eyed it with a scowl, before clamping a bear paw around it.

"Take care of her, understand?" Squid growled.

Xavier's eyes widened. I placed a hand on Squid's shoulder to pull him back.

"It'll be fine," I promised.

"I'll call you," he replied gruffly, eyeing Xavier still.

Xavier's car drove up to the sidewalk and Xavier cleared his throat. "Um, Astria? Car's here."

"Yeah." I gave Squid a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, then walked over to the car. Xavier held the door open for me and I climbed in.

"Roseworth Apartments, Jay," Xavier said, closing the door after him.

As the car drove off, I waved at Squid outside. Squid merely stared, and only then did I remember the windows were tinted. Kind of hard to tell at midnight.

"Jesus that guy scared me," Xavier said. "I thought he was gonna beat me up."

I smiled. "He cares. And he's actually a really lovely guy once you get to know him."

I poked his jacket. "What's with this thing?"

"Oh," Xavier said, looking down. "It's to hide my, um, chest."

Which, in my opinion, should be an offense against humanity. Keeping abs like those away from my eyes? Straight to jail.

"Didn't realize you had body image issues," I teased.

Even in the shadows, I could tell Xavier was rolling his eyes. "It's for my mum. If I left the house any other way, she would freak out and ground me till my hair turns gray."

"So your mum doesn't know about your... proficiency in bed?"

Xavier audibly grimaced. "No, she doesn't."

"Sounds like I have incredible blackmail material over you then," I replied with a grin.

I laid down on his lap, my feet awkwardly hanging off the seat due to the narrowness of the car. Curse this pair of heels and the straps that made them impossible to come off. They had to be the worst pair of heels I owned.

Xavier smiled down at me, brushing my hair back with a hand. "I will fuck you senseless if you ever dare try," he said innocently.

I felt my face flush at that, simply hoping the darkness was enough to conceal it. "Don't threaten me with a good time," I whispered menacingly in response.

"That's the plan, dear. Show you a good enough time and make you forget about the blackmail," Xavier replied sweetly. He traced a finger up from my chest up my throat, circling my Adam's apple as he did so. "Will I see you again after tonight?" He asked.

"I hope so," I said.

"Hope? It's in your hands, Astria." His finger moved up to my chin, to my cheek. "I'm in your hands. Do you want to see me again?"

"Of course."

"Then," he said, his finger coming to a rest on my nose. "I'm gonna need your number." He tapped my nose.

"Boop."

There was silence, then we simultaneously broke out in muted laughter. "What are you, twelve?" I asked.

"No, I'm a ten," Xavier said, grinning.

I rolled my eyes. "Someday, you will meet someone who hates handsome people and she will give you the biggest humbling of your life."

"You think I'm handsome?" Xavier asked. This time, his finger was running down my chest.

"I think you're exquisite."

"Thank you. And I think you are the most gorgeous person on this planet."

"Shut up."

"I'm serious," he promised. He laid his hand on my stomach and proceeded to tap a soft, steady rhythm. "You're special, Astria."

I reveled in the intimacy, living in the moment as the car pulled ever closer to my home. This could all come to an end soon, or it could blossom into something more. Something better. The lump in my throat grew as the trepidation set in, and it felt like someone was squeezing down on my neck and strangling me to death.

Abruptly, I sat up, startling Xavier. "Astria?"

"Promise you won't hate me, okay?" I said, stumbling over my words. "I should have told you the first moment I met you, but I was scared."

The car pulled into the Roseworth, circling the fountain to the drop-off area.

"Astria, what's going on?" Xavier said, concerned now. "Do you have an STD or something?"

I shook my head. "Nothing like that. It's just... your friend who lives here, Aster, right?"

Xavier blinked. "How do you know?"

Trembling, I spoke. "Because he's me, Xavier. And I'm him. The two sides of one person. I'm so sorry for not telling you, I-"

I choked up, the first tears falling from my eyes. Jay opened the door for me at that moment and I made to scramble out. It was all a mistake, a terrible, irreversible mistake. I cast a look towards Xavier, who's expression was stoic. A mask.

"I hope you'll forgive me," I whispered. I wanted to touch him, but I was scared. I was a coward. So instead, I ran. I clambered out of the car, hurried towards my block and attempted to leave it all behind. The elevator was waiting for me- I dashed into it and fell against the walls. With a shaky hand, I pressed the button for my level, and only then did the first sob escape my lungs.

Squid was right. I wasn't myself. I never revealed who I was, because people couldn't be trusted. But tonight, I had broken every code I imposed upon myself. And worst of all, to a person who knew where I lived.

I stumbled into my apartment and slammed the door shut, then slumped down to the ground and hugged myself. Perhaps it was all a dream. It was but a Thursday night- I had work tomorrow and I had yet to visit the Chandelier for the week.

I heard another elevator ding outside on my floor, a set of footsteps, then inevitably, a knock on my door. I whimpered, drawing closer into myself. It wasn't a dream. And the consequences had arrived.

"Astria?" A soft voice called out from outside. Xavier's voice. "Will you let me in?"

"Go away," I shouted weakly. "Forget I exist."

There was a period of silence, then Xavier spoke again. "I forgive you, Astria. Completely."

A pause. Then, he said, "I had a wonderful time, Astria. Tonight will remain a core memory for decades to come. Your revelation changes nothing. In fact, the knowledge that you are my friend only makes the night more special."

I let out a little gasp. Could it be?

"So thank you, Astria, for the amazing night. And thank you for trusting me with such sacred information. You're an incredible human being, and I promise that I'll keep your secret close to my heart, always."

Oh, Xavier. I began struggling to my feet, stumbling on my heels as I did so.

"Whenever you're comfortable, you can call me, alright? Otherwise, good night."

No, don't leave! I screamed internally. Fumbling, with the lock, I threw my door open and rushed outside, to see Xavier at the elevator landing. He turned, seeing me, and jolted.

"Astria," he breathed.

"Xavier," I replied tremulously.

He crossed over to me in three steps and enveloped me in an embrace, crushing me in his arms. I felt warmth blossom within me- a comfortable, familiar warmth, as I hugged him back. Everything felt right again. Why was I even crying? I was so stupid.

Xavier semi-released me, holding me at arms length. He gently caressed my face, then leaned down for a kiss. I allowed him, invited him even, as I devoured his familiar scent. Everything had changed now, but that kiss, that taste- that was the same.

"Shall we go inside?" Xavier murmured.

I nodded against his chest. "Thank you," I said quietly.

He planted a gentle kiss on the top of my head. "Always, sweetheart, always."

Editor's Note: I hope everyone derived some satisfaction from this entry. This is but the beginning ;)