All Comments on 'The Chinese Lantern Bride Ch. 00'

I really like the premise of this, with the sweet letters to and from the daughter contrasting so starkly with what is really going on in his life. It drew me in and I wanted to know more.

Very well-written with just a couple of minor errors: "Buxomly blonde" - "Buxom". " a closet kleptomaniaC".

All very nicely done until I reached the assault, where he grabs her by the neck and slams her head against a wall, which depending on the material it's made of may have knocked her out, injured her neck, or at least given her a large, painful goose egg on her head. But she seems totally unaffected by this brutal attack. I know fantasy is a big part of stories here, but unless you're writing supernatural or sci-fi, basic physical facts should be kept in mind.

Oh, and you don't clean marble with bleach unless you don't mind ruining the item.;)

Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it!

I agree with everything you said. I'll probably be editing this, and maybe rehauling that stupidly written bit. This was my first ever piece of erotica that I wrote a couple years back, and I think it deserves some work. I should have done that before posting it here but I was a little lazy. Lesson learned!

Hopefully I'll have a better version of this up soon.

(And obviously, I've never done much cleaning myself IRL to have missed the marble thing.... *facepalm* lol. Will edit that as well!)