All Comments on 'The Deal Pt. 04'

The question now is, obviously, did Mrs. Moore get pregnant?

Ok, I'll bite. Who the fuck is Dave? If you are going to write a chapter, it helps if someone mentioned, perhaps in previous chapters, is referred to again.

You lost me with your paragraph-long opening sentence!

Never trust a skinny mother-in-law.

This story was like a ski slope. All downhill, slippery, with treacherous dips and peaks, and nothing but nothing at the end of it.

I've never written a comment this scathing - but this is the first story I've read that earned one like it.