All Comments on 'The Doomsday List'

Really good. Maybe the thoughts of the wife and children a few years later. His daughters finding it difficult to find anyone interested in anything long term due to their reputation?

It was well written with an angle that showed promise. However I had to roll my eyes and stifle a yawn early on when our hero just happened to overhear a conversation where the cheating wife explained everything she had done in detail. I wonder how often that happens in reality? It seems to occur every other day in loving wives. A very lazy cliché.

No matter, I read on. But then money became the issue. No longer was the story about her infidelity but more let's make sure I get all the cash. I'm afraid I skimmed through from there, it didn't really change: make her, and the daughters into evil monsters and the husband gets his due revenge.

When it bagan I had hope for something new for a couple of minutes, but sadly it was just another cliché filled BTB trope.

Please write something original. This shit was tooo flat to even elicit any emotion from me!, it’s almost like the whole story was a list..tick this..check that…patty!

Too many holes and way overboard actions by the wife. No one goes from a good wife to the kinds of things she was supposed to do. Just having an affair with one man would have been enough. The daughter was also overboard to the point of ridiculousness. 3 stars and I think that's being generous.

I’d like to read about the daughters life. If they were engaged, what their fiancés thought if their attitudes. I would bail on those women. 5 stars! Well planned & thought out.

Bill S.

Most painful thing is to see your Daughter's supporting the Betrayal. What a waste of time and life..

This is the way to act in the divorce .

Slap or two to his daughters would be great ,

but anyway PERFECT .

5 stars.

Hmm. Seems odd that Susan and her daughters would turn into psychopaths like that.

Sort of entertaining burn I guess.

Love it king does his best to love and support but gets knife to back glade he decided to leave the three witches and live his life

Too hateful

That worked well. 5*

Was this written by someone who had an actual 50\50 divorce and thought it horribly unfair? It was more about finances than anything else.

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Did the author’s daughters side with hr mother, or at least not fully side with him?

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Lesbian sex with a 15 year old? Totally out of character with the rest of the way Suze was portrayed, seemed like it was just thrown in to add a jail punishment.

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Other than the list fetish, there’s nothing new here.

Brilliant. Having said that, I would love it if you could write a sequel so we can find out what happened to both post divorce, especially the slut wife.

In all seriousness, these bitter, angry BTB stories are more than a bit concerning. I have a hard time believing they’re just fantasy, or at least that they’ll stay that way.

3 pages and there's no direct conversation between husband and wife. No explanation for the drastic change in her actions and behavior. I know we're told it was her upcoming 40th birthday but, the wife described to us at the start of the story wouldn't have gone down this path without some outside influence.

Decently written, at least until the point of dividing marital assets where all of the sudden that had in "access" of x amount of $$$. Disappointing that the author would use such an obviously incorrect word multiple times after not making any such major errors earlier in the story.

Overall a perfectly average LW story that had potential to be more.

Kind of wish there was more to the daughters and how they cope

Did she wind up HIV positive?

Not hateful enough. LOL

Way over the top. Three stars.

Sorry, too juvenile and outlandish.

Suze got everything she deserved. A birthday is not an excuse for a foray into infidelity.

Please fix “access” to “excess.”

Really enjoyed the story.

Ed

Well done!

Twenty years for sex with a minor? First offense and not forced, no way she would get more than five years at best. The girl as well would have had to agreed to testify. If not no case just hearsay. As for the HIV nonsense no porn actor would be in the business if he had HIV. Little racist to make him black as well. Seems like the writer in not a fan fan if hung black men. Taking her down in public like he did was really childish. As for the daughters siding with their mom is not realistic. In my travels I find most daughters are daddies girls and the boys would gravitate to their moms in a situation like this.

Badly written and juvenile Martian-slut-ray story.

I know that cleanliness is next to godliness, but a shower before going to bed and then one when you wake up is a waste of water.

<I realised that I couldn't go home. I phoned home and fortunately got the answering machine. Suze must be in the shower.

<I showered, and quickly dressed. When I heard our ensuite shower going, I found her bag and looked for the zip pocket.

@timriv - he's not a racist, big black cock was on the list - hence black porn star. It also said "former" so not IN the biz. Plus, it's fiction, how are you gonna judge a character's honor. Seriously man, read before judging.

That said, this one could definitely use some polishing. It's fairly cookie cutter BTB, so there are plenty of examples out there - and there are boards filled with volunteer editors.

Formulaic but I enjoyed the story. 5 stars

Formulaic but I enjoyed the story. 5 stars

Formulaic but I enjoyed the story. 5 stars

Love all the negative comments. For us, we loved it!!!

Why wait around? I guess to do the financials. As soon as he saw the list the marriage was dead. D

A lot of people taking this WAY to seriously. The whole thing was a bit of a lark. The complaints are like saying "science fiction isn't realistic enough". Yes, some of it was a bit formulaic. The 20 years for sex with a minor was ridiculous. But there was a bunch of original stuff as well. The stock manipulation was inspired. Do I think it really could have happened to that extreme in the real world, no. But it was fun to think it could. The sabotage call about the doctor's "wife and kid" was tit for tat. She was being deceived like she was deceiving her husband and it was funny. The level to which his wife became a slut was pretty wild but don't you think there are some women who might act just like that? Too bad about the daughters but since they inherited and were taught by their mother and think her behavior is OK, maybe their mother's thinking and behavior has ALWAYS been questionable, just hidden.

All in all, with a bit of suspension of reality, it was a fun read.

Cute -- 5*

Well The Bitch sure got Burned in this one. Wife was brain dead - could have been a Stang first wife.

Nicely done

LOL 10 Big Blazing Stars for a superbly written BTB story. Well OTT I loved this story. Perfect Burn for an entitled Bitch giving away her husband's treasure. The celebration for the Big Burn in public was excellent. Hubby outing many of her Lovers and the HIV potential for her and all her lovers. Perfect. Jail sentence. Perfect. Hubby coming out on top. Perfect. I love a happy ending, and that is what we had. Thanks, Buster2U

Maybe a little over the top. Isn't that what fiction is about? Five stars from this reader.

Missing some depth on his relationship with his daughters other than a sentence saying they were closer to Suze, but as others mentioned, how he hid the money was devious and unique to this site. Hell, it may even work in real life - LOL! I would encourage you to do one more chapter to expand on his post-divorce life, Suze's time in jail, and what happened with his daughters. 4.6*

I almost forgot, as near as I can tell, a Chook is an Australian bird. Therefore I assume a Chook's breakfast is a very easy meal. Hopefully, some Aussie will let us know if I am correct.

I am setting here LMAO. While I thought the tale was decent and well written, I just read the comments (31 at present). I rated the tale Good Read ⭐⭐⭐ based on the story line and the interesting way it was told. I had issue with the use of an under aged person, but it is fictitious tale and the fact that law enforcement was brought into the tale to cover the illegality of the matter covered my concern.

Now to why I am LMAO at the comments. Too many of us who consume these products of the authors get wrapped around the axel on these tales. While that is just the opinions of the consumers that is fine with me. What I am laughing at is the lack of character of the commentor’s. They want to say so much about the tale and the contents but most do not even have the gumption to leave their user handle (mine is JH4Fun). That is why I am laughing at the Anonymous comments.

We all need to understand this is a site that allows authors/writers the ability to tell a tale as they see it. That is why many of us who come here to just set back and consume the wonderful products placed before us. We give our opinions and feed back to potentially help improve the future products from the authors/writers.

I would hope that we can get the fact that these tales are just that tales from the producers. They are told in their mannerisms from their regions of the world. We all have our idiosyncrasies based on where we are from or places we have been in our journeys throughout our lives. Let’s take those of others into account as we consume these products and remember that just because it couldn’t happen in our tales, it doesn’t mean that someone else’s creativity isn’t allowed to dream it into existents.

Thank you for writing this tale I look forward to your future productions. I will also be looking through your previously released items for additional material to consume. I am sure I will find many I can enjoy just as I did this one.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

Yeah - would have loved to read more about the daughters come-to-Jesus moment in the future - but overall, I loved this tale. It made me smile.

⭐⭐

Fun but WAAAY over the top.

Too many cliches.

Boring story. Hardly any connection between Suze and her husband.

Loved the aspect of non-refundable cruise for which she wife would be unable to attend.

I see many think it over the top, or too cliche (how do I add the accent to the e?), and what not. Me, I found it well written (did anyone notice any typos at all? I saw a misplaced comma or two, but wow... very 'clean'!), enjoyable, and a great diversion for 20 minutes from all of life's cares. Thank you Pietro108!

Could have been so much better! The storyline and central idea were great. But the unraveling was both uneven and at times stupid.

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In particular, the underage nonsense that sent her to prison was completely unnecessary for the story to work. A plot point just not needed given all the rest this woman did.

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Could have developed the daughter’s involvement more. THAT aspect added angst.

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And the post criminal trial divorce scenes were anti climatic (again, inserting the crime stuff dragged the plot down). Lack of any final confrontation robbed story of punch. Lack of any insight into what triggered her behavior detracted.

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3 ***. Lots of potential, but just whimpered to an incomplete finale.

I would like to give this a decent score, but it was so badly written...

This tale could have been a good btb tale, but the totally childish and drunken behaviour of the wimp husband, destroyed it in good part. No to speak about the ridiculous behaviour of the sheep whining husband toward his bitch daughters. Anyway, since this is a rare non fetish-cuck-lesbian tale, like most of the out-of-category tales enlessly pushed in this LW category, it deserves the full 5 stars.

Others have already commented about how childish the details were. A forensic accountant should know all about Share purchase. No way that whole Share thing was a possibility. It would mean the Mining Company already having boomed, so buying HIGH, then the stock dropping like a rock inside a few weeks. Having been in the position of buying LOW, with an expectation of the Stock skyrocketing... but it didn't (lol) in Australian Mining stocks, all this can be traced. So, those aspects were ridiculous. Anyway, even IF that had happened, the marital home still had 20% equity, around $200,000. That would be split.

3 stars for a rather boring BTB story complete with every cliche ever printed in all the fantasy stories in the LW category.

Hopefully, you next attempt will be better than this one.

Have a nice day.

I understand you wanted to feature in your plot a compulsive list maker, and how that list revealed her betrayal and debauchery. But your story assumes a deeper and perverted concept of female human nature, which is so bizarre as to be ridiculous. Or maybe I just don't appreciate the shallow empty souls of some Australian women? I hope not.

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The underlying deeper premise of your story is that this loyal loving wife of over 20years had decided to engage in cheating adulterous sex that she had denied herself during her marriage. Implicit in her planning and enthusiasm is that she is now going to allow herself the sexual license and pleasure that she has always wanted, but was Held Back by her marriage commitment. And with her closest friend and daughters cheering her on, without any guilt or conscience, it appears that the whore wife is simply giving in to sexual desires that ANY Normal Wife would want, if she could get away with it. Is that true in your culture?

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The status of whore, slut, cheating, adultery, are not new modern concepts. They did not get invented with the ascension of religion or Victorian prudery. But your story suggests that its not the cheating and the whoring that are so dire, but its the husband Finding Out. That's the wife's real catastrophe, not that she is revealed as having no morals, ethics, integrity, and taught none to her daughters. No, her only real failure is that she was not able to play the promiscuous slut without getting caught. Which means her monstrous failure of virtue and commitment was not a failure at all, but simply an expression of what was always there, but held in check, reluctantly, for over 20 years of her marriage.

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So the real reveal in this story is that the husband was apparently deaf dumb and blind to a woman who had no soul, no commitment, no real virtue. A woman who was simply restraining her evil self, well except for spreading her poison to her daughters characters. And the husband had no clue? Well that, or we are left with just another Martian Slut Ray story. A truly loyal loving virtuous wife, for over 20 years, then suddenly, Shazam!, she's a arrogant giddy guiltless whore. But the daughters' corruption indicates this whore was not a recent manifestation. She was always an unprincipled empty whore, just waiting to break out of her marriage restraints, as a celebration of freedom and hedonism for her 40th birthday. So yeah, just another blind deaf and dumb Austalian cuck, who wakes up one day and suddenly realizes that somehow he had married an aardvark, and just never noticed. Sorry, but conniving cheating whores like the wife depicted here are Very easy to discern to any man, or woman, who has the intelligence and courage to pay attention. This dumb shit got what he married, so he deserved what he got. The wife was simply being herself, a self that he ignored and maybe enabled. Shame on Him.

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Very thought provoking and revealing. Thanks for the effort.

oh gosh

that was a brutal burn

when reading I had a sense of foreknowing that the daughters knew what the mum was planning.

I was right, but the D-day was still kinda shocking how Dave did it.

And twenty-years in prison for sex offense -- Suze has no life after jail-time.

Truly a brutal and total BTB.

I'm beginning to feel sory for Suze right now.

No, not the daughters, they need this lesson lest they will do it to the future husbands.

Good one pietro108.

Thank you.

The blubbering, etc loses a star 4

Very well executed.

All's fair in Love and War. Enjoyed the read. Thanks for your writing.

Nice one! 4*

Loved the detail of his exposure of his wife to others. But how did he prove his wife had sex with AQ, the young girl? Of course that might have just been conjecture that the cops would have proved it after their investigation. Gonna read your other stories again.

A fun read, but why do all these stories have big barely interrupted monologs? There's a whole ballroom full of people and almost everyone is sitting quietly for his slide show? Also Helen needed a last name, if you were going to make her legal witness. When the papers are presented as evidence, just saying they were signed and witnessed by "Helen" just sounds wrong.

Nice!

Play stupid games win stupid prizes

@Skubabill

I think the bird reference was due to the fact that adult birds regurgitate their catches for their nestlings. So, it would potentially be reference to throwing up. As in "I'll throw up if I hear any more of this."

Rather silly. But, not bad.

Feel like more back story would really help this one. They obviosly got an early start. Was the first kid an oops baby, and they felt forced to stay together? Was it true love gone bad? Was she really just that scared of turning 40? I ask cause this setup will be my reality in two years, and I need advice, ha.

Rotten and cliché

Need to stop putting thought in quotes.

Are we suppose to know what that list means? Lol ooo lol I should have put this comment in code

Wait wait hold on she had sex with a minor but wouldn't have sex with a married man lol some weird priorities

Well ...

It was a great idea for a story.

A shame the story wasn't bigger.

Some parts worked just fine.

While other parts skated on thin ice.

Like the shares he bought, the value of his company (at divorce)

and the list.

3 out of 5 from me.

1. LIQ $$$ CHECK Jun18

2. BTB 1 CHECK GH August 10

3. BTB 2 CHECK RA August 10

4. BTB PUB HUM CHECK August 10

5. BTB DIV CHECK SH November 8 $2050 LOL

6. BTB JT CHECK SH September 12 20 Years

7. DTD CHECK JH EH August 10 Cut off college and financial aid

8. TWC GLAL CHECK August 11 Body count to high to list

9. 5* CHECK LWL60 October 28

Didn't really need the lesbian bit, lots of silliness.

Think it would have been interesting if he immediately interrupted the confidential conversation (where the list is shown) and demanded details. Something for a different story.

Would have enjoyed more about the aftermath. Probably too late to save the daughters, but would like to know. Did he stay in the area or take the money on the road and find a new life with a better woman? Men with money never have a hard time finding a younger and better looking woman. I wonder what that says about women? 5 stars.

5 stars love it 😊

Not bad. But could have been much better.

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No way in hell that her criminal trial even starts, much less completes, before the divorce action. Inserting the underage plot point was silly in tne first place, but then having her charged tried convicted and sentenced all before the divorce gets to court was ludicrous.

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No way the divorce trial takes place like that either. She’s fighting the divorce? Why? Absent even a HINT of communication between her and hubby after the party where she got exposed there is zero way any reader could discern a rationale. And again, having the divorce discussion in Court AFTER she’s been given a 20 prison sentence gave her zero leverage. And she took the stand to defend her actions? Hilarious! AGAIN—where was the communication between her and hubby about her behavior? Why does the divorce Court care? She’s in prison for 20 for infidelity with a minor!!

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And such a waste not exploring further his relationship with the daughters. They both KNEW of Mum’s activities AND supported them! Frankly, THAT was probably more of a blow to hubby than wife’s cheating. THAT would have evoked a profound sense of failure on his part that his 2 daughters were sluts as well.

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This storyline has the bones of an excellent tale…but although a very good setup, it played out incompletely and illogically. Went from striving for a 5…..to settling on a 3. Too bad.

"JH4Fun: ...They want to say so much about the tale and the contents but most do not even have the gumption to leave their user handle (mine is JH4Fun). That is why I am laughing at the Anonymous comments."

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What a hilarious statement: your nickname make you anonymous just the same as the evil Anonymous readers. And any reader (and authors too) can have multiple nicknames, so in the end, all the LIT users are anonymous with one or more fake virtual identities.

"We all need to understand this is a site that allows authors/writers the ability to tell a tale as they see it. ... We give our opinions and feed back to potentially help improve the future products from the authors/writers."

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This is an interactive, somehow collaborative, very good Platform for authors AND readers, not a master/slave one, in which the readers have to express only positive opinions. There are many legit reasons why the readers give negative feedbacks to some tales, and it's their right to do it. Without the readers what would be this Platform ?

Ah yes, a husband who planned his exit well and exposed her naughty adventures. Nicely Done!

To quote a regular hero of mine “I love it when a plan comes together”!

As Mr Punch would say “THATS THE WAY TO DO IT!

I liked it. The saddest part was the daughters knowledge of this and condoning it. It’s always sad when children become estranged from their parents.

This is in reply to "Anonymous" that wrote a very thorough critique that started with the words "I know that you wanted...." In most cases I would agree with you, but there are exceptions. For instance, my Mother blew up her marriage in a very similar situation and she was just over 40 years old. She was considered by all, including my Dad and all of us children, to be the picture of dotting wife, and mother. Like the wife in this story my Mother did charity work because she did not have to work. Needless to say, it took years for her to have a relationship with her children again. Once her affair became known, her justification changed over the years of her life. She even once told me that she deserved to have an affair. After she died, us kids compared notes and found that she gave over five different reasons for her affair. Several of which conflicted with other justifications. I can affirm that it affected how I have lived my life. It tore my Dad up for several years, but he recovered and got a new and better wife. My wife believes that I like the "Loving Wives" category because of my Mother's affair.

Well written and paced. 5 stars. DMW aka

The University of Bullshit. HILARIOUS! 5 stars for a great tale. DMW aka

I guess it makes as much sense as any slut ray story. The daughters were also unforgivable though, and needed burning as well.

God what a boring cliché filled wreck. People falling to the floor sobbing everywhere. There was even the wise bar maid imparting words of wisdom to hubby as he drunk himself into a stupor.

The obligatory detailed money hiding efforts of the cheated on hubby that has been done 100,000 times before. Not to mention the excruciating detailed explanation of the wife’s code!

Of course the hubby makes out wonderfully in the end with more money than he ever imagined and all the cheaters get punished thoroughly.

All the divorced guys will jerk themselves silly to this one then tell the author he’s the next Hemingway because his story is so good!

1* for lack of originality.

It was a good effort.

I would've preferred less focus on the husband playing amateur PI, and much more attention to what happened in the aftermath of the reveal party.

It was amusing that the wife got sent to prison, but 20 years is way too severe a sentence, especially for a woman. There are female teachers that seduce their underage pupils and get away with a couple of years in prison... or just a slap on the wrist.

I would've liked a final confrontation years later, where we get to revel in the wife's misery. Maybe as the ex-con is released and she tries to reconcile with her husband, only to find him married to a trophy wife half her age.

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Also the two daughters betraying him was really appalling. I would've liked to see them suffer as they get cut off from money from their father, and their mother can't help either being locked up. I expect they'd have a epiphany pretty sharpish when the bank-of-dad refused any more funding.

"At the moment she hasn't crossed a chasm that is too wide to meet across." - How does he know that? What he's heard is pretty damning, and he didn't stay to listen to it all, and that's just one item on her list.

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"I also needed to get irrefutable evidence of my wife's, the bitch's cheating." - Why, if it's no-fault?

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"What a lying prick!" - Fine words from a lying cunt.

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@Karnevil, he has to find out SOME way, this is no worse than "strange car in the driveway," and she DIDN'T explain everything in detail, he had to find and decode the list.

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Not fond of the usual financial shenanigans.

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@RR, 50-50 divorces ARE unfair! Why should the cheater get the same share as the faithful spouse?

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@miket0422 Re: "the wife described to us at the start of the story wouldn't have gone down this path without some outside influence." - There waqs - Helen!

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@timriv Re: "no porn actor would be in the business if he had HIV." - I believe he was described as an retired porn star.

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@dmann Re: "Suze must be in the shower." - That was an assumption, not a statement of fact.

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@JH4Fun, somebody is probably going to get this pulled for under-aged sex, even though it's off-screen and punished.

This is dumb. Why wouldn’t the shares be split or liquidated?

That’s the story I read LW for. Seeing another entitled cheating bitch have her plans foiled, and world blown up. Great reveal and public humiliation of the bitch, friend, and outing of the complicit daughters. The plan came together and another man ,who refuses to accept his wife’s “needs”, refuses to become a cuck. Easy *5 stars.

Sad (fun) read.

Nice story. Well done

G'day! Wow! At least 59 people read this already and were moved in some way to comment!

I love writing and do it just for fun. I also love reading the comments.

What amazes me most is that too many readers treat these stories as a realistic expression of life. These stories are just fun. Written in fun and hopefully, read in fun.

In Australian vernacular, a ‘chook’ is a chicken!

Sorry guys. Americanisation of everything makes me soooooo want to add some Australianisms.

They don't control the world yet! LOL

Ta for the comments.

Brilliant yarn!

In Australia you can't just move take your super out at 40 years old, lots of hoops to go through, even a crooked accountant would have a hard time getting to it. And WHY have all these storiesgot their daughers involved lately?

A real fairy tale. After 20 years he buries or hides his assets. So the wife gets nothing. He can go to jail for fraud. Yes she cheated but 20 years and two kids . He is one cold SOB. ONLY A CORRUP COURT would he Ever be able to pull this off. This author wants you BTB crowd to give him high marks.

Another Entitled Bitch sent up the river by her own self delusional needs supported by her daughters and best friend.

She got just what she earned.

Great story really enjoyed it ignore the negative comments 5* for me

Sophomoric stupidity. This story’s premise doesn’t happen in the real world. Three stars ⭐️ for this one.

@anon yes, people commit fraud daily for smaller things. Why wouldn't he do it to cheat a cheating cunt out of her financial stability in later life? He gave her the chance to be a stay at home wife and be there for the filthy cunts, aka the daughters. He gave her a good quality of life.

What did she gave him? Disrespect, betrayal and corruption of his daughters, aka the filthy cunts. Do you believe that she is entitled to his hard work? Why is his behaviour frowned upon and hers not seen as fraud as well?

The premise of this story is fantastic. A wife who has a needs to make lists makes one with sexual fantasies to achieve before she hits 40.

Great idea, but you seem to have had no clue as to how it should of ended with the story turning into a complete farce.

Sometimes less is more and this was incredibly sloppy.

The story was ok and plausible until you got to the party, that’s when the wheels fell off. Giving her HIV, and sex with a minor was way out of line. You can have a btb story without killing, or having the wife put in jail, you went for both options. Dial the btb back a little please. Thanks KS