The Doomsday List

Inevitably it was my turn to get up and speak. I started off by thanking everyone for their presence. I continued by saying how important fortieth birthdays were to some people and how they used that excuse to do silly things, like attack the gym more furiously, or spend heaps of money changing their body shape by surgery. That got quite a few giggles and stares in certain directions. I then went on to talk about the bitch, whom I called 'Susan'. That raised a few eyebrows. Everyone knew she hated that name with a passion!

"I know that many of you have known Susan quite a long time, some much longer than I have. But we all know one thing about the list queen, don't we? Her majesty, the queen of lists, just loves making lists. This had the crowd in hysterics, especially when one of our daughters brought out a crown made of lots of lists glued together. They made a great show of bowing low and saying aloud, "your majesty!"

I then activated the audio visual system in the venue. I showed some slides of the various lists that the bitch had made over the years. This had the effect of embarrassing the bitch appropriately and sending the whole audience into gasping fits of laughter.

I showed the internet grabs of the cruise I had purchased.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to know the depth of love I had for this woman."

Some who were actually listening, raised their eyebrows at the past tense, but didn't make a sound about it.

There were "oohs and ahhs" and many comments about how sweet that was.

"I wracked my brain for weeks about a suitable gift to celebrate a fortieth birthday, you know, the one some people went nuts over. Soo-oo, I came across this cruise. Susan always wanted to go on such a cruise, but we never had the funds. Thanks girls!" I looked pointedly at our daughters who pouted dramatically. The bitch became teary and mouthed, "I love you."

Last night, I thought of a clever way to present this gift to Susan. The most creative way I could think of was to hide the tickets in a place where Susan would find it tonight. I decided to hide it in her handbag. Yep, Susan, hold up the said handbag for everyone to see."

The crowd took up the chant, "Hold it up Susan, hold it up Susan!"

Susan dramatically held it up to cheers and applause.

Now it was my turn to pause dramatically. I should have taken a theatre course!

"Guess what I found?"

The crowd chanted, "What? What?" Over and over again.

There were two women in the crowd trying to disappear into their seats as they became paler and paler.

"Another list!" I shouted dramatically. "And here it is!"

The bitch actually found her voice, soft as it was. "No Dave! No!"

Helen, the bitch's enabler also covered her mouth with her hand and joined the bitch in the chorus of, "No!"

Our daughters, much to my annoyance, also chorused the chant of, "NO!"

NOW I KNEW.

They were all aware of it except me.

I switched to the next slide and waited.

Most of the crowd looked at it quizzically, not knowing what it all meant.

Here was the current list:

1. Sed OM. Check. GH. June 12

2. T OM and let OM T me. GH Check June 14

3. BJ OM. Check. GH June 15

4. MUT MAST with OM. GH Check. June 17

5. S with OM. No good with GH. Check RA June 19

6. A with OM. Check RA June 20

7. G B with 3 OM. Check RA and BC and FR July 15

8. Big BL CK with OM Check CH August 10

9. S with woman. Check AQ August 12

10. SW with Dave? and others. Not done. Dave prob not on board

"Ladies and gentlemen. This list is what I have called the Doomsday List. You will understand why soon. Please pay attention as I explain the code that you see in front of you. You see, this list is in code and I only found this list last night. Let me explain.

On June 12, Susan seduced one of the doctors at the place of her work. That doctor's name is Gerald Hunt, who happens to be here tonight. Hi Gerald and hi Mrs Hunt! OM, by the way stands for OTHER MAN!"

There was some heated discussion at the Hunt table.

"Next, just two days later, Susan played touchy-touchy with the same Gerald Hunt, again at work. The heated discussion at the Hunt table developed into a screaming match.

After that, the very next day, Susan gave the good doctor a very memorable blow job apparently.

Just two days later, a bit of mutual masterbation was experience by the doctor and Susan. The Hunt screaming was really at top crescendo by now!

Now the main event two days later! You may have already guessed that the S stands for SEX. This time it was supposed to happen once again with the visiting medical professional, but apparently Susan found out the the good doctor had a wife and child. Too bad, so sad doc. Apparently, Susan can't abide cheaters, so kicked your ass out. Go figure that one out! A cheater who hates cheaters! However, that item had to be completed, so the lucky man was Roger. Roger Aldridge! Hi Rodg! I have to tell you all here that good old Rodg has a bit of a rep with the ladies. He tries out as many women as possible, married, or single. How does Susan compare to Helen? C'mon Rodg, don't get shy. We're all adults here. Just a number out of ten for each if you will!"

Poor old Roger went a million shades of red and purple. His date for the night, however just went red. Right before she gave him the hardest slap followed by a nut crunching kick to the balls. Roger was out for the count!

Helen's husband offered Helen the same treatment and even though she didn't have any balls, the kick he gave her had the same effect!

Two people down on the floor! I hope someone called triple 0!

I continued. "As you can see, good old Rodg features in the next two items as well. A good dose of anal 'rogering' on June 15(pardon the pun!) and a good old gang bang on July 15. Must have taken time to arrange all of the players."

By this time, most of the crowd sat in stoney silence. Many people gasped briefly at the items as they were explained. The only sound breaking the silence was the wailing and sobbing. The wailing was from the bitch who held her head in her hands while sobbing was from both sets of parents, hers and mine. I could see my father shaking his head and holding my mum tightly. The bitch's parents looked paler and paler while letting out loud sobs.

I continued.

"On August 10, Susan arranged through clients at her work, to have sex with a retired black porn star. Apparently his equipment was renowned in the industry and now well remembered by Susan. Oh by the way Susan, he is confirmed to be HIV positive. Well, that's according to the website apparently. Hope that goes well for you! Maybe an urgent STD test regime is in your future?

The second last item was Susan arranging for lesbian sex with another client at the shelter where she worked. Her name is Amanda Quinn. She is also here tonight. Wave to everyone Amanda. Have a good look at her everyone. That's the person that Susan had lesbian sex with. I didn't say woman, because Amanda is actually only 15 years old. That's right folks, totally underage, AND Susan actually paid her for sex. Oops. That could hurt! Maybe that's why those very official looking gentlemen are waiting at the door."

Everyone glanced from the bitch, to Amanda, to the gentlemen and realised that the gentlemen were actually police detectives.

By now, everyone was talking and gasping. A quite strange sound when multiplied inside the hall.

My daughters at this point jumped up and shouted, "Dad! Stop this. Mum had a right to get these things out of her system before she turned forty. Stop tormenting her!"

I turned to my daughters. Our daughters! I had lost my daughters. They suddenly realised that everyone was looking at them and shaking their heads. Some were so disgusted by their outburst that they shouted, "Shame on you, sluts! How could you support that behaviour?"

A quick drop to their seats followed.

"Mr Smythe, if you please. Susan, Mr Smythe has some papers for you to read and sign. Get a lawyer."

The honorable Mr Smythe walked up to the bitch and asked, "Are you Susan Hartwood, Mrs Susan Hartwood?"

The bitch managed to whisper, "Yes."

"You have been served!"

The bitch fell to the floor, wailing and sobbing and in between those sobs, shouted, "No!"

At this point the detectives waiting at the door, strode in. One read the bitch her rights and immediately handcuffed her.

"Mrs Hartwood, you have been charged with procuring an under age minor for acts of a sexual nature. also, Mr Allright, the accountant for the homeless shelter at which you work has some allegations of financial impropriety. We will now escort you to the Police watch house where you will be more formally charged and where you will need to surrender your passport. Please follow us."

By this time, the hall was in uproar and couples were leaving in droves.

Soon all that were left were my parents, my in-laws and my daughters.

"We're so sorry son," my parents said. With tearful but determined eyes, they locked ayes with me. "Don't do anything stupid son. You know where we are when you need us." Then they left.

My in-laws were way too embarrassed to even make a coherent sentence. They shook their heads and hugged me. Then they left.

My daughters didn't know where to look.

"Couldn't you let mum have this dad? She has been thinking about this and planning this for months. It was cruel how you dealt with her needs. We don't believe that you could do that to her."

I looked at both of my daughters. Their revelation was the final nail in my heart. I fell to my knees and sobbed.

"I do not believe that what your mum planned and executed was ok. I thought I raised you better than that. Do you realise the hurt that she caused me with her cheating? I trusted your mum. I loved your mum with every fibre of my being. I thought that she was with me all the way. It is now obvious that I wasn't good enough for her. She felt she needed more. She never trusted me enough to discuss her needs with me, her life partner. The man she chose to spend her life and her love with. We raised you two together, but I now realise that my input was neglected. I am sorry to hear that that's the way you feel."

One last chest driven sob and I stood.

"When you realise what it is you condoned, come and speak to me again. I won't look for you or speak to you until then. Goodbye."

I left them standing speechless in that hall. The door slamming behind me was the full stop to this sentence.

My sentence for twenty years of commitment, love, trust and support had just been enacted.

Epilogue

Well the cruise was a blast! Such a shame that the bitch couldn't come with me, but overseas travel requires that you have a passport and hers had to be surrendered when she was arrested. She was also charged with a serious criminal offence, ie, Paedophilia, or some such crime. I could never spell that correctly! Many other countries in the world, including Australia really frown on perpetrators of that particular crime!

As it turned out she went to court for that first, found guilty and sentenced to twenty years imprisonment. Her name would also be added to the Australian sex offenders list. Much as she loved lists, that is not one that you'd want to be on. Life inside was going to be very, very difficult.

The other charge of mis-appropriating funds from the shelter was dropped, as the instigator of the charge, a certain Mr Walsh, ex-accountant, could not provide the details needed for the police to charge her. Mr Walsh, however did enjoy the special bonus that I mailed to him.

Finally, the court date for the divorce arrived. My solicitor had employed the services of a very good barrister. The bitch, however had to make do with a court appointed one. He was a lovely young man, fresh out of the bar course and very enthusiastic. However, what he had in energy, he totally lacked in expertise. I instructed my barrister to go easy on him as he had a long career ahead of him. I actually got a smile for that one!

"Now, let me get this right Mrs Hartwood. You decided, with the blessing of your two daughters and the advice of your best friend, Helen, to come up with a list of acts, increasing in depravity, all of a sexual nature, that you had to complete before you turned forty. Am I correct?"

"Yes, but, but."

"And you did not discuss any of this with your husband before then?"

"No."

"And why didn't you, discuss them I mean?"

"Because I didn't think he would agree to me doing them."

"Why do you think your husband of twenty years, your husband who trusted you, supported you, loved you unconditionally, why would he not agree to these cruel acts of infidelity, Mrs Hartwood?"

"I just thought I deserved to do them. I needed to do them. It was my right to do what I liked with my body. He didn't own me!" came the confident reply.

"So you stayed home throughout your married life to Mr Hartwood. Did he ever, in all that time give you cause to belittle him, to 'cuckold' him, I believe the term is? Did he ever treat you with disrespect? Was he ever violent, or abusive in any way towards you in all that time?"

Hesitantly, the answer came, "No."

"Did he ever go out of his way to make you feel loved, appreciated, like you were the centre of his world in all of that time?"

"Well yes. Dave always did that, but, but," the bitch dissolved into tears. "Oh Dave. What have I done? I am so sorry!"

"No more questions for this witness," my barrister stated.

The divorce was a no-brainer, but the question of division of assets needed to be decided.

My barrister informed the judge, "Your honour, there should be no quarrel here. My client, Mr Hartwood has agreed to a fifty-fifty division of all assets, as the two progeny of the marriage are adult age and no longer dependant on either parent. The amount allocated to Mrs Hartwood works out to be two thousand and fifty dollars."

"Objection, your honour. Mr Hartwood controlled a booming accountancy business, they had in access of fifty thousand dollars in cash and investments, as well as an almost fully paid house with a value in access of two million dollars. The very least which could be allocated to Mrs Hartwood is one million and twenty-five thousand dollars!" said the green barrister.

"Would you care to explain how you arrived at that figure?" The judge requested of my barrister.

"Certainly your honour. Firstly all of the cash and investments were liquidated to pay for a non-refundable round the world cruise which Mr Hartwood had organised for his wife and himself. It was unfortunate that due to arrest restrictions, Mrs Hartwood was unable to travel with Mr Hartwood. As, I have said the trip was unrefundable, so that cash was gone regardless of whether Mr Hartwood went on the cruise, or not. As for the house equity, certainly it is a tale of misfortune and unwise decision making. Mr Hartwood liquidated the lion's share of the equity into cash believing that the mining start up company called, OzLith, was a secure short term investment. All reports forwarded to him by his investment accountant, seemed to indicate that this company was on the verge of a major announcement. An announcement which would triple the listed share price. It is unfortunate, but all too common, that the share price of the company fell to five cents a share when it was revealed that the original estimate of ore quality was flawed. This made an original investment of nearly one point six million dollars crash to some three hundred dollars."

"Objection your honour. Mrs Hartwood never agreed to re-finance the house to enable that purchase."

"Your honour, the relevant documents have already been submitted. It is clear that the refinancing documents were signed by Mrs Hartwood and, my learned colleague may wish to note that every page of the document was witnessed by none other than Mrs Hartwood's best friend Helen. My client did nothing wrong, your honour. In fact every action undertaken by Mr Hartwood was honourable and honest. The same can not be said for Mrs Hartwood and her daughters, as well as her so called, best friend.

As for the booming business! When word got out that Mr Hartwood made such a stupid investment decision, his clients left him in droves. I am afraid the value of his business has plummeted to virtually nil."

The judge examined the papers in front of him. He only slightly hesitated before announcing the marriage dissolved and that I had to pay the bitch the amount stipulated in my petition to the court; a princely sum of two thousand and fifty dollars!

I left the court knowing that my life with the bitch was now over. I could look forward to a new life. Certainly there were quite a few single ladies who discovered the delights of my cruise suite after a night of dancing and merriment, who would love to spend more time with me.

My daughters? It was up to them. If they honestly thought that what their mother had done was OK, I wasn't looking forward to watching them travel into the realm of serious relationships and marriage. Maybe some time they would talk with me.

Last I heard of Helen, was that her and her husband had separated. The counselling sessions only seemed to highlight more irreconcilable differences. It looked like divorce was the most likely outcome.

I also hung on to my OzLith shares, because rumour has it that the report which caused the share price to plummet so drastically was false and circulated by a certain accountant who had narrowly escaped jail time for alleged misappropriation.

A new accurate report would see the share price once again climb to a level where my shares would have a value of four point eight million dollars.

My business steadily picked up again, but never to the heights of before. It did give me more time to catch up with certain cruise ladies, however!

Oh well, sucks for the bitch that we were now divorced and that she signed a document agreeing to the settlement!