All Comments on 'The Exaltation of Vivienne'

I hope you keep writing. This is your first, well done!

I hope you continue this series! Vivienne is beautiful!

You are a word mistress. I enjoyed the flow of your narrative, the description of the acts and the thoughts of the young man. I could feel, even though it is only implied, Vivienne's doubts about continuing the relationship, her need to have a child and her deception in getting pregnant without letting him know or allowing him to be a part of the child.

There is this misconception that May/December romances do not work. Have a thought on the age difference. The two would still be physically compatible in twenty years' time, yet women (at least in stories) are deemed to be too old for young lads. Perhaps you could address this in your next episode about Vivienne. I am certain there is a lot more if Vivienne in you wanting to come out. Bring her out.

The only thing I would fault you on might be the brevity of the piece. A bit more length, a bit more dialogue, a bit more of Vivienne's thoughts all might have made it seem not so rushed.

Bravo, and welcome to Lit.

All the best

Ally

Hmmmm .. . . . There's more to this story. Nine months and fifteen days, you say ? Either a baby was born and you're holding that Golden Nugget of info from us ~ OR ~ there was another miscarriage ~ OR ~ the baby's not yours. Odds on the last choice look pretty slim.

which is it, "nine months and fifteen days since I last saw her" or "We hadn't been together in twelve days"? the times are a bit messed up not communicated as clearly as you wanted.

The flow wasn't terribly smooth but there's a nugget of a sweet story in there.

So, it sounds like Vivienne just needed some starter sex, some sexual kindling to get her fires started. Good story though, the only typo I found was... "Summer crickets and faint wasps of hot air seep... ", I believe you were looking for the word whisps, not wasps. Again, please keep writing.

Short but dense. A way with words, for sure. I'd like to see a continuation to the story.

@oatmeal1969

Thanks for your feedback.

Max is recalling a memory. The day Vivienne called him to come over for birthday sex, they hadn't been together in 12 days. Then, they had sex. Cue the sex scene. But, Max hasn't seen her since that night–just over nine months ago.

The pace, the details, and the outcome make it five stars for me. Thanks for sharing it.

Well written. Go on...

Okay now what¿¡

🙉🙈🙊💨🤮

Wow. Great storytelling. You know how to use "buttons’ with consummate skill. Present the idea, the "button," with the reader is assuredly acquainted, and let the reader "write" that part of the story for himself. Perfect. Your skills are silky smooth. The story flows ever so well. Delicious.