The Extremely Full Monty Ch. 01

I was standing completely naked on stage, well, except for shoes and a hat. The hat covered the goods, but now I had to turn my bare butt to the audience. What would all my friends think?

My mind raced and suddenly I remembered what my wife always said. "Robbie, you need to start your stories at the beginning. You always begin in the middle, and no one knows what you're talking about."

So, I'll try to make some sense. I'm not quite sure where the beginning is, but I definitely know the ending. It is with the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.

So let me try to put this tale in some order.

I'd always enjoyed the theater. At Dartmouth I was part of the theater group, appearing in many productions. Never a lead, I usually was a reliable minor character or crowd fill-in. Having a decent voice, I always made the chorus. So, after graduating, starting a career and settling down, I became active in our local theater.

A number of years ago, the community rallied to preserve an old vaudeville theatre from the wrecking ball. We raised money to buy, refurbish and establish it with a modest endowment that could keep most of the wolves from the door. About ten years ago, we hired a professional manager, and she began producing a mixture of plays that brought in the audiences to put our theater on sound financial footing. She would throw in the occasional drama or avant-garde play, but our bread and butter were musical comedies.

I volunteered to serve on the board, and then slowly became involved in many of the productions. The closest I came to a starring role was being the Narrator for Dicken's A Christmas Carol. Otherwise, I was a bit player or helped with stage management, something I enjoyed.

How I came to be standing naked on stage in front of 900 people had its roots in a discussion with Sarah, our executive director. She invited me to lunch at an upscale deli next to the theater.

"Robbie, we need a real AIS," she said.

"AIS?"

"Yeah, asses in seats," she replied grinning. "Our spring shows didn't bring in the revenues we expected. If we don't have a boffo production this summer, we're looking at a deficit."

I nodded and nibbled on my pastrami sandwich. Tin Pan Alley had the best pastrami in the state, and they charged accordingly for it.

"So, I'm putting up The Full Monty."

My eyes widened as I tried to swallow the bite in my mouth.

"Sarah, don't you think that's a bit on the wild side for us. I mean there's nudity in it."

"Just male nudity," she said as if that made all the difference in the world.

"Still," I argued, "we're known as a family-friendly venue. I think some of our patrons might be upset."

"Robbie, I spoke with Debbie Callahan, you know her, she manages the Capital City Theatre."

I nodded.

"Well, they put on The Full Monty two years ago and had three sold out weekends. I mean every freaking seat in the place. And, they hiked the ticket price five bucks across the board. Made a killing."

I quickly computed what that would mean to us and understood that Sarah made an excellent economic point.

"But, what about the shock of the Palladium doing it?"

"Look, we'll promote it with a caution. Let everyone know up front that the show contains nudity. That will warn parents not to take their kids, plus it will draw in people who normally wouldn't be caught dead in our house. Just imagine all the ladies' book clubs reserving whole sections of the theater." We both laughed.

"Ok, you're making sense. Why are you pitching me?"

"For two reasons," she replied. "One, everyone on the board respects you. You're a smart guy, and you've been around since the beginning."

"Oh, you mean I'm old," I said with a smile.

"Hell, Robbie, you aren't old, it's just you are one of the leaders who have kept us going all these years. Really, the board listens to you. If you said putting up The Full Monty was the right thing to do, they'd go along."

Without falling into an overblown sense of self-worth, I knew she was right. I was the most senior member of the board in terms of years of service. The other members knew I always kept what was best for our theater in the forefront. If I supported Sarah, I knew the rest of the board would give it serious consideration.

"Ok, what's the second reason you're treating me to this delicious and expensive hot pastrami?"

Sarah gave me a sly smile.

"Oh, I'm paying for lunch?"

"Tight budget you know," she said.

We both laughed. I always paid for our meals together.

"So, what else is in that devious mind? I can see the wheels turning and that usually frightens me."

Sarah took a long sip from her iced tea.

She turned her wide, blue eyes to me, flashed her warmest and engaging smile and said, "I want you in the show."

If this were a sit-com this would be the part where I spit my drink all over the table. Instead, I choked on my sandwich. I coughed up a hunk of pastrami and discreetly hid it in my napkin.

"What?"

"You've seen the movie, right?"

"Yes, it's been a while, but I have."

"Remember the Tom Wilkinson character, Gerald?"

"Vaguely."

"Well, he's one of the guys and he's bit older than the rest."

"Ah, back to me being nearly senile."

"You know that rhymes with 'penile'" Sarah said with a laugh. I shook my head, and stared at her.

"Robbie, you'd be great for the role. I mean here you are, a pillar of the community, and you'd be willing to do a turn in the buff. God, it will make casting the rest of the show a snap. Plus, you know you don't really show the 'full Monty'. You keep that part covered with a hat. You do get so show your sweet butt, though."

I thought my butt was probably at least a decade past sweet. I continue to exercise, and try to keep some muscle tone, but no one would confuse my ass with that of a twenty or thirty year old.

"Flattery may get you somewhere, Sarah, but I'm not sure that it will get me naked on the stage."

"Oh, come on, it'll be a hoot. I know you love acting. Let yourself go, Robbie."

"I don't know."

"Do it, Robbie. Just say yes."

I looked at Sarah. She was an attractive woman, but what made her most appealing was her sincerity. She made you believe in whatever she was saying.

"So, is Jonathon directing?"

Sarah looked away for the first time since we sat down.

"Actually, he's taking this summer to direct a couple shows on the Cape."

"So, who's directing?"

Sarah refocused on me. "I am."

I experienced a quick flash of anxiety knowing she would be seeing me naked—if I agreed. I understood that the audience would only see butts, but in rehearsals, all would be revealed. I've known Sarah for years. When Sarah was married, she and her husband would socialize with me and Connie, my wife. Her daughter and mine were best friends all through high school. Katie was at our house as much as she was at home. I convinced the board to hire Sarah to be our executive director. I wasn't sure how it would be standing naked in front of her. I'm sure she'd be professional, but still I wasn't sure I could be.

What if I got excited? God, that would be embarrassing. I had long admired Sarah's looks. She's younger than I am, around mid-forties. She has wild black hair that is naturally both curly and unruly. On the short side, she still maintains a trim figure. Her pale complexion and brilliant blue eyes teamed with her dark hair cause people to stare. They are not disappointed after the first shock wears off, Sarah has a beauty that goes deep and grows as you get to know her.

"Sarah, I don't know."

"Look, Robbie, I thought this through. We're friends. I love you and everything you've done for me. Maybe it might be a little awkward at first, but I know we can handle it. Besides, you'll just be one of a half-dozen naked guys."

I realized that I would be standing around bare-assed with other men. I was not hung up on size, well no more than any other man. I knew from years working out at the Y that I had nothing to be ashamed of. Still, I worried that there would be a lot of judging going on, even if everyone was claiming to be professional. I didn't want to be identified as the runt of the litter. Funny, I was thinking that I didn't want Sarah to find me lacking in that category.

"I always knew you were a charmer, Sarah. I never fully realized you could literally charm the clothes off a person."

"You'll do it?

"Yes, I'll do it." To myself, I acknowledged I harbored a secret thrill with exhibitionism.

---

I remember the first time Connie and I went to a nude beach. After we had our second daughter we needed a break. When she was a year old, we convinced Connie's mother to take both girls for a long weekend, and jumped on a plane to Miami. Leaving snowy New England behind, we looked forward to four days of sun, relaxation and undisturbed sex. With two little ones demanding so much time and attention, our love life was suffering.

After checking into our hotel, we changed into swim suits, and headed to the pool. We left temperatures in the twenties to bask in the sun of an afternoon of eighty-four. Sipping an adult beverage, we couldn't stop smiling. The pool was getting crowded, and a young woman strolled by. She eyed the empty lounge next to us, and asked if we'd mind if she took it.

We assured her it was fine. Connie watched as she spread her towel, and stretched out. I tried to be inconspicuous, but couldn't help but admire her fit figure. She was long and lean with blond hair fashioned into a braid. A visor and dark wrap-around glasses added to her beach bunny appeal. She wore a small two-piece that showcased her tight abs and tighter butt. Her breasts filled out her top, but were not large. She looked to be a few years younger than our thirty-two years.

Connie caught me checking out the woman and smiled. I knew I was busted and shrugged. The three of us relaxed, and let the sun bake tension out of our bodies. After about a half-hour, the woman turned on her stomach. She undid her top and tried to spread lotion on her back.

"Want a hand?" asked Connie.

"Would you? I'd love it." Connie knelt beside her and covered her back with sun screen. I noticed the woman did not have any tan lines.

"Legs too?" Connie asked.

"If you wouldn't mind. If I tried, I probably flash your husband."

Connie rubbed lotion on the long legs. "Don't think he'd complain," Connie said. "You have a beautiful figure. You must work hard at keeping in shape."

"Have to," the woman said. "I'm a professional beach volleyball player. Wouldn't do to have fat bouncing around on the sand. My sponsors would prefer I keep the men interested."

"Are you here for a tournament?" Connie asked as she finished applying the sun screen.

"Actually, just finished one. My partner headed home to see her husband and kids. We're off until next week. Thought I'd catch up on sleep, and chill out for a bit.

Rising up on one elbow, she covered her breast with a hand and said, "I'm Janice Brown. Pleased to meet you."

"Connie and Robbie Carswell," said Connie. She went on to describe our situation, and that this was our first get away since our children were born.

"Stoking the fires?" the woman said.

"Breathing some life into the embers,' Connie replied. "Our lives are fulfilling, but not exciting. Getting away should help. We only have to concentrate on relaxing, and the most taxing decision is what to have for dinner."

"Not leaving time for sex?"

Connie laughed. "Always time for that. Well, there used to be. I think we're looking forward to alone time."

"There's a great seafood restaurant within walking distance from the hotel. You ought to try it."

"Thanks, we will. Join us?"

"Wouldn't want to disturb your alone time."

"Don't think we'll be having sex at the table," said Connie. "Of course, you never know."

The two women laughed. "In that case, I'll risk it. Let me make reservations. Shall we say around 7?"

"Deal," said Connie. We spent the rest of the afternoon taking dips, ordering umbrella drinks, and getting to know each other better. When we met Janice in the lobby, she was wearing a long, colorful sundress that exposed all of her shoulders. She had undone her braid to allow her blond hair to flow in thick waves past her shoulders. Even with just wearing sandals, she was as tall as I, at around six feet two.

Connie gave her a hug, and told her how good she looked. "Do you get used to people staring at you all the time?"

"Mostly it makes me think I must have toilet paper stuck to my shoe," said Janice. She had a nice way of not taking herself too seriously. We walked to the restaurant, and were seated at a window table.

"This is perfect. We can see all the sailboats and enjoy an ocean view."

The waiter came over and addressed Janice. "Is everything to your liking, Ms. Brown?"

"Yes, thank you. Shall we start with a bottle of wine?" When we agreed, Janice ordered something.

"Take it they know you here, Janice?" I asked.

"I'm local talent," said Janice. "Some treat me like a celeb. It's embarrassing, but does get me a nice table along with great service. And, please call me Jan." The wine arrived and we began a splendid dinner.

As we were all sharing a decadent chocolate cake for dessert, Janice asked if we really wanted some excitement.

"That's why we're here," Connie answered obviously feeling the effects of the two bottles of wine we shared.

"So, tomorrow want to try something a little different?" said Jan.

"Sure, what?" said Connie.

"Instead of the pool, we'll go to the beach."

"Sounds like fun, but to be honest we've been to beaches before," said Connie.

"Were they nude beaches?" said Jan with a smile.

"Come to think of it, they weren't," Connie answered.

"Game?" asked Jan.

"You bet," said Connie. I suppose I didn't have a say. If I did, I think I would have suggested we head there now.

Walking back to the hotel, I had my arms around two beautiful women, and was thinking of how both would look naked on the beach. After saving good night in the elevator, we practically ran to our room. The door had just closed when I was pulling Connie's shirt over her head.

"Looks like someone is eager," she said as she ran her hand along my erection straining at my zipper.

"I've been looking forward to this since we made our reservations." I unzipped her skirt and shimmied it and her panties to the floor. I knelt and kissed her trimmed, soft bush. I was rewarded with the scent that always made me happy. As I ran my tongue along her slit, Connie doffed her bra and tossed it aside.

"Fuck me, Mr. Carswell."

"I intend to do so, Mrs. Carswell, and do so thoroughly."

Connie backed onto the bed and pulled down the covers as I stripped. She took my erection in her hand, and pulled it to her mouth. Connie did things with her tongue that made me happy that someone invented oral sex. When I couldn't stand it any longer, I eased her onto her back and hovered above her. "Is Mrs. Carswell ready to be fucked?"

"Indeed, sir, she is."

I entered in one, long push accompanied by little squeals from my wife. "God, Robbie, I've missed this so much."

"Well, then I better get to work and refresh your memory completely." It didn't take long for us to reacquaint ourselves with what makes us both happy during love-making. When we reached our climaxes within a minute of each other, we held hands and looked at the ceiling.

"That was wonderful," Connie said.

"Makes me wonder how we let ourselves get into a rut that pushes sex aside," I said.

"You were exceptional tonight," she said. "Maybe thinking about seeing Jan naked helped add a little oomph."

"You are all I need for oomph."

"Thanks, but you can't tell me that you don't find the idea of being nude with her exciting."

I tried to will my dick to remain still as imagined flashes of a long, lean body invaded my mind.

"I guess I'm more worried that being naked with two beautiful women will result in something that may not meet the decency standards on the beach."

Connie stroked my dick to hardness. "In that case, we'll just celebrate the ability of a man to show his appreciation in such a remarkable fashion."

"I think I have a way to show appreciation to a woman who is right here."

Connie pulled on my erection. "And what's that?"

"I believe it begins with an invitation to climb aboard." Connie sat up and threw a leg over me. As she lowered herself onto me, she asked if this is what I had in mind? As my hands played with her full breasts, I assured her it was. While making love for the second time that night, I wondered what Connie meant when she said that "we'll just celebrate". Was she including Jan in the proposed celebration? I had to admit those thoughts inspired me to give my wife another most satisfactory round of screwing.

Jan called our room around nine in the morning. We agreed to meet at eleven to go to the beach. In the meantime, we ordered room service breakfast and challenged ourselves to make love before it arrived. We succeeded, but only barely. After breakfast, we took a leisurely shower together that resulted in a long slow blow job from Connie. As we pulled on our suits I hoped the work out I had this morning with Connie would prevent any unwarranted risings on the beach. We met Jan by the pool, and she led us in the direction of the beach.

"It's not a bad walk," she said. "Give us some exercise along the way. Haulover Beach has a textile and a clothing-optional section. Even in the optional section, you're not required to go nude. I don't want you to feel you have to do something that makes you uncomfortable."

"We're both looking forward to being naked on the beach," said Connie. "Right, Robbie?"

"Sure."

"Do I detect a doubt?" asked Jan.

"He's afraid he'll get a hard-on," said Connie.

"Don't worry about it," said Jan. "Happens all the time. Just be cool and try not to be too obvious. I hear they do go away—eventually."

"Sometimes they need a bit of work to go away," said Connie.

"Are we talking about recent experience," said Jan.

"Is an hour ago considered recent," Connie replied.

"Good for you girl."

Connie laughed and said, "Plus, it was the second time this morning, and that doesn't count the BJ I gave him in the shower."

I couldn't believe Connie was discussing our sex life in such an open way with a woman we'd just met. I was red with embarrassment.

"Good work, Robbie. Glad to know that some men can please their women."

"Actually, it's singular," said Connie. "Woman, not women."

"Of course," said Jan. "But one can always hope."

The two women giggled. We turned down onto the beach with Jan leading us in the direction of the clothing-optional section. We approached the signs warning that we might encounter naked people beyond this sign. My stomach tightened as we crossed the imaginary line.

Jan continued on until she found a spot that was not too crowded. We spread out our towels. Jan stood facing us and smiled. She pulled her shirt over her head, revealing her small, firm breasts. As I suspected, there were no tan lines. Her nipples were puffy and the tips looked stiff. She undid her shorts and pushed them and her bikini panties to the sand. She was smooth between her legs. I had never seen a woman who took all her hair off. It allowed me to see her sex lips, which were tight with no inner parts showing.

Connie smiled and started pulling her clothing off. In a few seconds she, too, was naked. She was about six inches shorter than Jan and after two children had wider hips and a thicker middle. She kept her dark bush trimmed and her lips were thick with inner ones peeking out. I found her to be my ideal vision of a woman. Her breasts had increased a cup size and several inches after our last child. Looking at the two, I would always choose my wife, but Jan was incredibly sexy.