All Comments on 'The Football Player'

Interesting story for sure, but you lost me when Donna said football shouldn't have primacy over all other sports. That's just not true. Also, being set in Aussieland, I guess your football ain't really football either. Thanks, though, for all the punters you're sending us. Aussies can kick.

QUOTE: "Donna Quinn was running late for school that Monday morning. She pushed down hard on the accelerator of her massive motor bike as she zoomed into the school's parking lot. She jumped off the vehicle, kicked down the stand, ..."

Why anyone would accelerate into a school parking lot, I have no idea. As bizarre as that idea is, being told someone pushed down on the accelerator on a motorcycle casts serious doubt the author has any idea about them at all. Throttle control is in the handlebar grip and is controlled by how much you twist the grip, not like pressing the accelerator pedal on the floor of a car. Even funnier is the idea of someone jumping off of a heavy motorcycle before putting down the kickstand; an action almost guaranteed to dump a heavy road bike on the ground.

When you make your central character a tough biker woman, you should at least have a clue about the very basics of how things work. I won't critique the rest of the story other than saying some parts were better than the first paragraph and some parts were evidence that first impressions are sometimes right.

For the read. LW ?

If you knew anything about martial arts or even unarmed combat the "fight" would have been completely different. Him grabbing her and her becoming aroused with his kisses is something a 16 year old boy would write. If she truly had the background you indicated she would have kicked him in the balls or side kicked his knee, crippling him. Remember, wrestlers WANT close quarter fights. Then a follow up spear thrust to his eyes or throat. Of course, he'd be blinded for life or even killed. Fights against experts are very short in duration.

Really. . .REALLY?!😒

First, stick with past tense. You're telling us a story about something that happened in the past, so using things like, "She says.." should be "She said..."

Second, there's too much narrative that could easily be replaced with dialog.

What happened to eroticism? That's what this site is supposed to be. This unfortunately was not even close.

Some kind of cut scene from a high school - maybe? A cheating man, with a pregnant wife, hitting on a bi-sexual woman in a school filled with odd balls. A strange mish mash of characters, to say the least. It really had no point and the randomness of the dialogue was off-putting to say the least. I'm not sure a great editor could have saved this mess.

1 star

Congratulations. You couldn't have written a more obnoxious and stupid story.

This should have been in the Rape category, since that was the focus of the action. The idea that a woman's body may want sex while her mind does not sounds like Rape justification. Could you have any less respect for a woman, her mind or her body?

Just dreadful rubbish. Get help or get gone.

Lost me in the second sentence...... what motorcycle has an accelerator?

but that's why you put it in your tags, to be 'edgy' to stir up controversy. based on these comments, you didn't have a real story fleshed out, so you relied heavily on stirring up controversy.

everything about toxic 'masculinity' that every rabid acolyte in the church of female supremacy preaches at me (because us lowly mortals do listen) could be applied to the other gender. wounded pride? yep. insecurity about sexual performance and organs. yep. treating the other gender like cattle. yep. even institutional power. yep again. seems women have met all the same criteria for toxic masculinity.

here's an uncomfortable FACT. lesbian relationships have far more domestic violence than male to female relationships and male to male ones. it's overlooked for a few reasons. one would be the ratio. even though lesbian relationships are the most toxic (currently) they are a small minority in the larger population. but it's worth noting. two....the narrative. you've invested too much time demonizing a group like a racist would. you've taken no time to look at other factors like drug abuse and poverty. that would require effort. much easier to find a sacrificial group to witch-hunt. so here you are with this sunk-cost problem. you've already invested too much time and emotion on being a gross sexist. you can't turn back now. you'd be basic. most people have a hard time re-assessing their core beliefs you're just another god-fearing acolyte. you can't think outside w/e doctrine you've been preached. well...good luck sharing this planet with you HATING half the population.

This story has no loving wives in it. Enough said.

If you did a serious story about the same guy getting a comeuppance by the same gal in almost the same way, it would have been cheered by most as a good BTB but there's got to be wife in there.

If you want to write a good female supremacy story, its still got to be a good story first. Sure there's toxic male behavior out there by some pigs, but it don't apply to all of us, and was a superflouous troll add to the story.

I like the idea of a story where a woman can self rescue from some asshole bitter man. I know a few gal pals who could take this fucker down hard. I hope you can reboot and deliver a realistic plot and characters if you try again. Good luck.

Good, bruising, hitting sports. Blood sweat and beers.

I gave it 1 star since there is no zero stars. Another lesbian crap in the wrong place. Does Donna wears her strap-on tool to school? Or she wears it inside her stuck up ass? Has she ever fought against another man with the same knowledge of martial arts? Where is the loving wife theme? Are you RobertoDavo or rather RobertaDavo?

I was left trying to figure out your point here. First and foremost, it was completely in the wrong category.

Second, there was way too much jumping around if you were trying to make a political or social statement:

- if there is such a thing as toxic masculinity then your one dimensional character was it

- you had another that was a liberal educator expousing the gender neutral nonsense (unfortunately too many do now exist) having the concept challenged, very effectively I might add, by a couple of gay guys

- a bisexual biker girl who beats up the said one dimensional character when he tries to rape her on a school campus when in reality all she had to do was to threaten to call his wife - she already had the number.

- and on top of all that the change in tenses made it even more confusing - was it happening or did it already happen?

Call me dense but I have no idea what the purpose of your story is????

Weak gay story with one straight guy, bi-dyke, lesbo, two poofters. Gay author.