The French Exit

'I'm glad. I know it sounds selfish, but I'm glad. I didn't like him; I didn't like him before he fucked up my marriage and I'm glad you're away from him. I hope he realises what he's lost with you.'

Lucienne gave him a shy smile.

'Honey, I don't know if he ever will. He doesn't think like that. I think the bankruptcy will have hit him harder. Women come and women go.'

'Yeah, but he'll realise sooner or later what he had and what he lost. It may not land hard, but trust me, no-one's so damn tough or cynical that they don't notice a hit like that.'

'Well, he's out of my life. I took a leaf out of your book and ended the relationship but didn't give him a chance to speak or talk about it. Any meetings I had with him I made sure I had a chaperone. Either my attorney or a friend I could trust.'

'Sensible.'

'Anyway, he's still got Sarah, Reuben and Alice.'

'No, not Alice. She blamed him for you being gone. As far as I can tell they'd kind of persuaded her that she could have her cake and eat it. You at the weekends and Donald when you weren't around.'

'She managed to for long enough.'

'I don't know. I know she was devastated when she discovered you'd gone. There was no reasoning with her. I don't know the how or why she thought she could do what she could do. I guess she believed all that bullshit that she could get away with it.'

'She's out of my life.'

'Yep. What's it they say? The best revenge is a life well lived. Well, you're beating her. She's moved back in with her parents. Sold your old house.'

Sal thought for a moment. He watched the waiter being their food over and place it in front of them. He looked at the curls of steam rising off the plate.

'Sometimes I think I should've been a food photographer. Be an easier life, be better eating than doing what I do.'

He took a careful bite of the hot food, blowing it first.

'I think being back with her parents is a good idea. Probably the best idea for her, especially if you're right when you said she was getting to see a counsellor. Hopefully, a bit of reflection, a safe environment will give her the security to do some hard looking at herself and make some changes.'

'You do still care?'

'Of course. I loved her. I wasn't playing games, I genuinely loved her and was all in for the marriage. I wanted the kids, the white picket fence, the junior league ball games. I wanted to grow old with her. It's over, I know it's over. I'm comfortable with my choices and what I've done. But I still love her. It's different, fading, losing its intensity. But it's still there. It's part of who I am, my identity.'

'Have you started dating?'

Sal shook his head.

'No. I don't think I'm ready. It's only been a year. I've still got some real hang-ups about what happened.'

'Hook-ups?'

'Nope. I love women, I really do. But I don't want to have that kind of relationship. I know it sounds like a cliché, but I want to be in a relationship where it means something.'

'Honey.'

He looked at her, she took a drink of her wine, spluttered and he gave her a smile.

'That's what I want. That's what I'm looking for.'

He shook his head firmly.

'I don't think so. I don't think it'd be sensible.'

'Sensible? Not normally the word a woman hears when she's, um, having a conversation like this.'

He laughed. 'I like you. I'm attracted to you. I like who you are, but there are some big reasons why it'd be a poor decision.'

He watched her take a deep breath. 'OK, hit me with them.'

'Donald.'

'I've left him. We're divorced. He's out of my life.'

'He's a good-looking guy. Big guy remember? Charismatic and he's already seduced one woman out from under me. He's got an inside track with you. He knows you, knows what you like. You've got memories, good memories together.'

'He's my past not my future. Just as you wouldn't go back to Alice, I won't be going back to him. Not for life, not for a while, not for an hour or two. He's not what I want. He's not a reason for us to be together.'

'I'm not ready.'

'How do I help you get ready?'

Sal smiled at her. 'I'm struggling a bit to take you seriously, you know?'

'I'm divorced Sal. I'm a free woman, I knew from when I first met you that we had a connection. I don't need another year, another ten years to know I love you.'

Sal looked pained at her words.

'Love's a big word. There's a lot you don't know about me.'

'I get it and I can see you're not in a place where you're ready. I respect that and I respect that you're getting your head right before you're making another commitment. I like that, it's part of the whole Sal thing that you've got going, that appeals to me.'

'I don't know if you'd be my choice.'

Lucienne shrugged. 'Honey Pie, you know we get along; we can talk. I like you and I know you like me. I remember you from the steam room. I've seen you naked and I liked what I saw. I also remember that the sight of me naked got a response.'

Sal blushed and chuckled. The two laughed together for a moment.

'We have a lot of the same values. We both want a family, a monogamous relationship with someone we desire, someone we can grow old with.'

She stopped and took a bite of food.

'I've moved to the city. I like it here. I don't know my way around. I don't have any friends or know anyone away from work. But I like the energy of the place, the vibe. I love that around every corner there's something different to see. A different story to enjoy. This is my world. I've felt more at home, more connect since being here than I have anywhere else, even back home with my folks.'

'That was a big gamble moving here.'

'I'm doing big gambles. I've been small for a long time. I let Donald shrink me down until I became something pathetic, unable to do the right thing. Now I want the opposite. I want to play big. What's the expression -- go big or go home?'

Sal chuckled and nodded.

'I played big and left Donald. Honey, I feel human again. I'm not all there. I've got some baggage, but I feel better about who I am than I have for years. I gambled and moved to this city. I knew it was somewhere I wanted to explore and I bet big on this place and on my feelings. So far, I love it. I love exploring it and finding out about it. Delving into and the people who live here and I've only just started.'

Sal was quietly eating as she spoke. He could see her passion and conviction and he could see her differently from the woman he'd met on vacation. She was more confident, more aware of who she was. He was enjoying listening to her speak.

'Now I'm playing big with you. I don't care that you find the words 'I love you' scary. Truth be told, it scares me to say them out loud to you. But it's how I feel and I trust that feeling. Honey, If you're not ready, I'll wait. If you can't love me, then let's be friends. Let's hang out. You know this city and love this city with all you heart. Spend time with me and show me it. Share your love of this town with me.'

Sal laughed, she'd been getting louder and louder and most of the restaurant could hear her words. When she stopped there was a round of applause and he sat back in his chair and laughed in genuine delight.

'I don't know if I can gamble as big as you have. I can't say 'I love you'. I'm not there and for me I wouldn't want to say it if I didn't feel it. I don't fake it until I make it. I make small bets and see how they go. And then bet bigger.'

'So bet on me. I'm worth the risk.'

A female member of staff walked up to the table.

'Hey, how's the food?'

Sal nodded his head and gave the woman a broad grin. 'It's still good.'

The woman turned to Lucienne with a questioning look on her face.

'Do you love the food as well?' She asked smiling.

Lucienne laughed. 'It's good. Sal told me this was good food. The foods not disappointed me.'

'Thank you for that piece of theatre.'

Sal and Lucienne both laughed.

'I'm sorry, I didn't realise I was getting loud.'

'No, please. I love watching my little brother get embarrassed by a beautiful woman declaring her love for him. I'll be sharing this story with the rest of the family.'

Sal groaned.

'Really Maria?'

'My silence can be bought. A week's worth of washing up, that's all it'll cost you.'

'Maria, this is Lucienne. Lucienne, this is my oldest sister, Maria. This is her place.'

He watched Lucienne get choked up and exchanged glances with his sister.

'She's just moved to the city.'

'It's nice to meet you, Lucienne. Welcome to New York. I'm sure I'll be seeing you again.'

She walked off. Sal could see tears in Lucienne's eyes.

'Small bets, but when they pay off, it gives me confidence to bet a bit bigger, stake more.'

'So, you still friends with her then?' Snoopy asked bringing Sal back to the present.

'Yeah, we're good. We're doing alright.'

The End