All Comments on 'The French Exit'

kind of a dull ending, and about 15 pages too long given the lack of any emotional payoff for the whores life fallin apart

A little long but still 5*

So much setup for nothing. A time skip and and a couple of vague mentions of what happened, and that's it. Really? And of course you craft these comically evil characters and do nothing with them. Alice and Donald don't lose anything they actually wanted, the in-laws keep on keepin' on, and Lucy ends up being rewarded for her complicity in the whole thing.

Shitty first showing. What's with all these first-timers writing these bloated-ass novels that don't go anywhere?

An excellent first effort, are you sure you haven’t done this before? A little on the long side but well put together. I don’t generally do 5's but I’ll make an exception for this one.

Nice story but far to long and useless part.

I really loved a confrontation or an encounter years after

If this story is fabulous in terms of how is written the character development and how the story flows.

The problem is that the premise is so fucking stupid that it's hard to get past it. How exactly would a husband allow himself to be locked in cage around his privates against his winstance will?

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How does this happen in real life?

This is pretty good. Liked it more than I thought I would.

Wow way to long wasted time on conversations that had no impact or importance to the story.

This was a ripper of a tale....great plot, engaging characters, what's not to like....please submit more stories of this calibre

super excelent ...

I really enjoy the long stories. But this one is too much fat and not enough meat.

That was the wordiest piece of crap I’ve ever read. It was like a train wreck, I had to keep going (skimming) just to see if there was anything redeeming about it. It should either have been in fetish, Cock cage and macho man’s behaviour, experiences and FOOD controlled by a cheating slag or science fucking fiction.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Silly, confused and infantile . Written by a person UNABLE to construct a story. An example of how NOT to put words together on paper, or word processor! An uncontiguous mess of alphabet characters whose value is considerably less than ZERO. This rubbish is a waste of time, space and computer memory. 0*** It should be deleted from the site as it infects and contaminates Literotica.

Pretty damn good for a first entry. Ugly fucked up characters, but brought to life really well. And it doesn't wind down in an overly masturbatory manner either (even if that's what Sal probably had to do the whole year after the divorce).

This took most of the morning to read and there was no final confrontation?

The writing is excellent but I was waiting for the final big meeting where he told her exactly what he thought of her. Very disappointed.

More of a novel than a story! The ending was a bit vacuous and lacked (for me) necessary detail about Alice and Donald. A frustrating read but worth it overall.

Good but way, way too long. Get an editor

The story was well written but the ending left something to be desired. And please, if you are going to write a story based in America, please use american english not the king's English, it is distracting. And the part where he keeps explaining the same story to everyone was grossly redundant.

A very engaging story, but way too long, alot of repetition.

Good story line, maybe a bit much 'padding' could maybe shave 5 pages off

Not so much of the 'I've got moves'

And she lost 15st, god how 'fat' was she!

But otherwise a good story hope you write more, 3 stars 👍

Boringly longwinded repetitive rubbish. 1*

I was reading the first page. Got to the cock age part which turned me off immediately. Went to page 14, to the comments section. 1 star rating. Cock cage stories suck. Does your wife do it to you while you watch another man screw your wife (or other men, maybe even a train)????

Give up your aspiring writing career and concentrate on your day job.

Too long

How and why could he possibly endure so many days of that? I couldn't even stand to read it.

Well conceived story line and very well written. I hope Patrickson has more to offer. *****

God, what an imbecilic piece of trash! The lead in says he's looking forward to a great vacation but his wife has in my a cock cage? What idiot thinks he's going to have a great time while wearing a cock cage? He sits back and takes all this humiliation and abuse and sits around wondering why? This whole idiotic story feels like it was dreamed up by the demented mind of a 12 year old with an identity crisis. I got 3/4 down the first page before throwing in the towel.

Bit longer than my usual fare, but nicely done. A few areas which could have benefited from some pruning, however others might find them essential.

14 pages, so some of it gets lost a bit in the details, but the writing is spot on. I know I like the story when I don't have to think about the quality of the writing. Just very well done.

Hella nice first story. Please write another, Randi.

I loved it, I enjoy a long story with well developed characters. You did very good here.

I'm glad I stuck with this one and finished reading it. Chastity isn't my thing and as soon as it came up, I thought I knew where the story was going to go, but it didn't.

There was a bit of Brit-speak that would never have crossed the lips of a guy from New York or a woman from Texas, but it didn't matter. I'm sure I'd screw things up if I wrote dialog for someone from the UK.

Initially I thought it seemed too long; a story extended beyond an appropriate length. Turned out to be an excellent read; 5 stars all the way.

should have been a final confrontation between Sal & Alice, not the in-laws. Seriously disappointing! Also, could have done this in no more than 8 pages. Too laborious.

A lot of words to tell a standard cheap slut, weak willed man story. The ending could go nowhere. Lucienne in his life would be a constant reminder of the humiliation of that holiday and no man is going to stand for that.

Normally I prefer shorter stories that are concise. However I really enjoyed this one. For me it did not bog down and kept flowing nicely. 5 stars.

I personally would have preferred this spread over a few day(3?) but it was an excellent read. True a couple of minor errors but very few. I had trouble accepting his accepting of the situation as long as he did (one afternoon and I'd be flying home). That however would made a very short story!

Good interesting story...nice one

These days the UK produces only two kinds of people

1. Fanatic Islamic terrorists and

2. Cuck writers

I was 100 percent sure the writer was either a female or a britisher!! Guess one can’t go too wrong !!

Such low testosterone males in the story that it looked like a tortoise fight!! At as if all are going about life in slow motion!

This story was 14 pages too long!

Hope Dickson has a satisfied his urge to vomit out a story… hope u want be making a nymore literary contributions here?

Page 1

A cock cage? Really? Good writing so I’ll keep reading for now but I prefer husbands who aren’t dumbasses. Admittedly they are rare in LW.

Some sections were disjoint and confusing in the second half. Almost like there were different versions of this story but didn't get edited out.

The part where Sal learns she's been cheating on him from friends since Christmas and the section where Sal works weddings and keeps seeing his ex both sounds like they might be different rewrites that didn't get edited out. Or did I not comprehend it right? Maybe have some indication that there was a time skip of some sort to make clearer if this was the case?

Also the way Sal was mentioned to be a boxer and how Donald said he was going to kick his ass really seemed like they were going to fight at some point. I really wish they had and was a missed opportunity for Sal to regain pride.

Overall I liked it so much I read the whole dang thing.

Very well written but jeez need learn the difference between details that add to a story, and fat that bloat a story. I skipped 5 pages of this story and still got the gist cut the fat. 3 stars

Wonderfully told tale. Had me reading with full interest.

I know that Sal said he had no interest in meeting with Ali, but I would've liked to hear her rationalizations, that was my only let down. Five Stars, and a favorite.

Looking forward to more from Patrickson.

I like that it is all one story not broken into separate postings.

Enjoyable but overly long. Several side trips in the tale are taken but become distractions.

I made it through 3 pages of trash before throwing in the towel and skipping to the last page. The pretext of the story was artificial and ridiculous.

Good story line

A bit wordy, which was odd when logical items seemed to be missing... Lots of detail and then weird narrative leaps.

once burnt shame on you, twice burnt shame on me. Ali can go off in the sunset with her well dressed dong

Well, I'm ashamed to say that I waded thru 8 pages of this crap. A plot so obvious a 4 year old could see it, and the author embellishes it hashes it out and then rehashes it- sorry, no more. Just can't take it.

I don't normally read very long stories from new writers, but I took a peek, started reading and got hooked. I still think the whole concept is over the top, but I CAN suspend disbelief!

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How the fuck can you get "in trouble" with the resort? You're a customer, it's not a jail, what can they do to him? Kick him out? Good!

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He should have told the manager that he paid for the trip, and he wants a gold ring.

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"If he said the wrong thing and she was genuinely innocent, he could hurt his marriage." - Come on, man! There's no way she's innocent, and his marriage was for shit as soon as his wife put him in the cage and left the key home.

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"Now she'd realise that he was upset." - So? He SHOULD be upset! Isn't the whole point to humiliate him, which would upset any normal person.

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"I don't exactly know." - Of course he knows! I know he doesn't read LW, but it's till as plain as the nose on his face.

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"Apparently the Gold rings are all fucking, the Pink rings know about it and are good with it and the Black rings don't know." - See, he DOES know!

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"He knew that he needed more information" - NO! Why do they always say that, when he has all the information he needs. It doesn't even matter if she's cheating or not. The cock cage, the different class of treatment, her not supporting him, even joining in the second-class treatment of him, these are all unacceptable for any TRUE loving wife.

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"It could be a colossal mistake and he didn't want to burn their relationship if she was innocent." - This, again? Her guilt is obvious.

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"Every part of him hoped that this whole situation was an innocent mistake, that he was being paranoid and overreacting." - If it was an "innocent mistake," then she'd be joining him on the excursions, she'd be sharing her food with him, fuck, she'd be going to management insisting that he get a gold ring.

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"Worst case scenario, Charlie's right and you can get proof, incontrovertible proof that she's been playing around." - Once again, does it even matter if she's actually cheating? Isn't the shear disrespect that she's shown him enough?

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"I've been enjoying myself." - Yes, SHE'S been enjoying HERSELF. with no concern if he's enjoying himself.

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Doesn't she realize how ridiculous she sounds? She's upset that they're not spending time together after she keeps sending him away, and now is going away without him for three days.

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"Clever. You think she was a plant? ... 'No question" - No question that she's a plant, or no question that he thinks she might be? Because I didn't think she is.

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Why does everybody concentrate on whether or not she cheated, and ignore what she HAS done?

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I was wondering if Snoop would check out the resort.

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"That confirmed his thoughts around Reuben and Sarah being complicit in this and that Lucienne wasn't an innocent." - I don't see how it proves that Lucienne isn't an innocent. It DOES prove that Sally is a cunt, and that sister or not, if they stay together, she's out of their lives, period.

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"Luce has been with him today, I told her to be extra nice to him." - Oh well, I guess she's not innocent.

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Only halfway through the story, he now knows she's cheating and is about to get further proof, not that he needs it with that video, can't see how this can stretch for another 6+ pages.

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"Even on a vacation, he has to have his camera with him." - "EVEN on a vacation?" I suppose she's referring to his job, but most people take their cameras on vacation.

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"it'll be more of the same, you'll be a Black ring, I'll be doing different things, we won't be together." - No, because the Black rings get to do the Gold things, so they CAN be together.

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"Do what needed to be done, get the proof he knew that he needed for the story. He had enough proof to satisfy himself that his marriage was over." - Ah, that makes sense now. I thought he had all the proof that HE needed, and he does, but he needs more for the story.

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I can't believe how she's in such denial, when he's told her flat that they have a problem, and she continues to just blow him off.

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I don't see what the big deal is about the story. So it's a swingers' resort. Unless he gets some proof that people are actually held against their will, it's just a salacious story. It might even be good advertising for the resort.

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"Whilst it looked quite secure, a pair of bolt cutters would make short work of it." - Yep, more of these caged cucks should realize that.

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Didn't need the rehash of how they met, actually repeated some things like how his apartment was almost paid for, and his boxing.

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"Does she know you feel like this?" - I think he made his feelings pretty clear.

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He should have asked them if they knew that Sarah was also a slut!

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Sending her parents down, after he learned that they covered up her affair for six months? LOLOL.

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"About fifteen stone." - Fifteen stone? Later Donald was working on a multi-million pound? development? They're Americans, I know that you're not and haven't bothered dinging you on things, but this is too much.

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"She didn't seem to have considered that as something that was likely to happen." - Then she was delusional, he couldn't have made it plainer.

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I'd LIKE to think that investors care more about morals than money, but the idea that why would you risk a ton of money on someone unethical makes some sense.

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Odd ending. Should have at LEAST had an indicator of a different conversation. Cut out some of the filler in the middle, could have fleshed out the ending.

It's a damn fetish story. At least post it in the right category! The cage is a joke that he can remove at any time without the key. Ridiculous garbage and 14 pages just made it worse. 1 star

I feel conned, way too long, lots of unnecessary history and detail some conversations were overly detailed and added little or nothing to the story. The main issue was the constant build but then no payoff

Story dropped just after 1 am USEST, and I finished about 4 am USEST. Your first story kept me going!

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Now, it wasn't all sunshine: as noted earlier, in a story entitled "French Exit" set on a Caribbean island with American characters, you used British measurements and terms of endearment; for having lots of moves,, your protagonist seemed oblivious to the humiliation associated with wearing a cock cage if Alice isn't wearing the complementary chastity belt; and for characters whose biological clocks are winding down, they seemingly don't care that Sarah and Donald are maneuvering them ALL to end the biological line. This is highly destructive behavior, and it kept me reading until the end.

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Great first posting. We're not used to clever protagonists here. Of course, I would have liked Sal to mix it up with the Donald, but it might have seemed contrived.

I read most of it even if I had to skim several sections. 14 pages is too damn long to sit and read. I still gave it a 5. I have to wonder why you set it in New York, Italian characters and yet wrote in British English.

There were times you did time skips. The one that threw me the worst was the last couple lines. You needed to do something to break the thought.

"He sat back and put his coffee cup down and looked over the table... Snoopy asked,......" sort of thing. Otherwise very well done.

really good story hope for more

even it being 14 pages it flowed and was a great read keep it up can't wait to see more of this type of writing

Maybe the best story on lit

great story the cheaters got just what they deserved and he got the good one in the end

Long story but very well written. I had a thousand things to do this morning but I could not put this down. Five stars all the way.

I enjoyed it, but going on holiday with your wife and on day 1 expecting you to go on a tour by yourself, not eating the same food?

That's holiday over if it doesn't instantly change.

Some parts were far too long, I skimmed them, just unnecessary padding.

In a 15 page story I expect more than "Alice nearly had a breakdown, she's lost weight and has moved home" that's it? That's all we hear of the aftermath! Not good enough, especially for a story this long.

Cock cage, oh do give over. He's far too strong a character to go for that, on holiday especially.

I'll see what you write next, hope the storyline is as detailed, but it's had a bit better editing.

@Finchy1955 when she said she lost 15 stone, that's Donald, not her weight 😆

Another newbie who has no idea what he's doing. What made you think a sissy cuck story should be your first entry into the world of Literotica readers? You apparently don't keep track of other garbage stories like yours and the horrible ratings they get. And 14 pages, are you outa your fuckin mind?

Yup, start on PG 1 with a cock cage. 14 pages that could have pared down by half. Then keep relating the same premises. No thanks. I actually looked for more from this author so I could look at more of his work but only one story, please stop there.

5 Stars

Loved it.

-26thNC Approved

A good first story but you really need an editor. There's way too much fluff and it's really hard not to start skimming. Probably could have easily been 7 pages or less. I'm sure you think you made Sal as a strong man but really you didn't. With the cock cage, the way he allowed himself to be disrespected and humiliated at the resort for way too long just screams wimp to me and had me hating him. Yeah, he punched the dumbass brother in law, got the pictures and burnt the resort, and divorced her. But the ending was weak and didn't make him as a more likable character. Donald and Alice came through pretty much scot free. Divorced, maybe bankrupted, maybe having a breakdown but still able to continue be scum.

Story was a little long but interesting. IRL Alice would have taken up with Donald and saved his big project for him. Harry is correct, though the cock cage thing was not credible.

You would have had 5 stars with an editor.

No man with any self-respect would ever wear a cock cage. A wife wouldn't even dare suggest it unless she already assumed he was secretly gay and happy to eat cream pies.

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It was difficult to feel any sympathy for the husband after he revealed that Alice had already cheated on him before they were married. The best part of this story was that it showed what happens if you forgive your wife/girlfriend for infidelity. They lose so much respect for you that it ends up with the slut trying to turn you into a cum-slurping cuckold.

Storytelling at its finest ! You’ve propelled or more like rocket launched yourself into a favs box and 5 stars under your belt while your still in orbit !

This almost cries for a follow up focusing on Alice

Whilst enjoyable, it was a little bit too wordy. Could do with a bit of pruning, a lot about their background and his life as a wedding photographer.

One point that really grated though was husband and wife getting different entitlements at the resort, surely an intelligent and resourceful man such as he supposedly was wouldn’t have accepted this right from the outset. He would have kicked up a fuss and left the resort.

The fact that he was in a cage and kept it on for the best part of a week, again doesn’t make any sense. Surely he could have had it removed a lot earlier than he did?

Well written but a lot of disbelief in the story.

Well written. But? A cock cage? The story starts with him wearing one? Hey, I can be submissive to my wife ("Yes, Dear") when I need to keep the peace but wear a cock cage? Nope, not gonna happen. I will take the divorce, thanks very much.

Loved it. Thanks!

14 pages and no more dialogue from the ex's pov but might be the author's style otherwise not a bad read even if too long

Good first story. Keep it up. You'll get better the more you write and learn.

A good story with a novel twist and pretty good character development. Somewhat disjointed Vis-à-vis shifting time lines but actually they did eventually come together.

A big (for me) gripe about English usage. I assume the story took place in the Caribbean and New York city. I've seen a lot of "write American" when word usage is based on a geographical location where the Queens English as used in Britain, Australia, etc. is used.

So using British units (pounds vs. dollars), and British holiday for vacation really stand out. The use of whilst is a jarring note as are the use of British spelling, i.e., honour.

But what the hell....I enjoyed it!

You dared put this swill under loving wives????wtf

This may be the best Loving wives story I've read though to be honest the bar isn't that high. Still, an original plot, well structured, kept me reading. Donald is a bit of a cliche, but the others were good.

One small problem. Everybody seems to be American, then Lucienne suddenly gets rid of 15 stone and Donald has a billion pound deal in the works.

I'm giving this 4 stars, would have been 5 but it was a bit longer than it needs to be. The storyline was something fresh and new. I would have given it a 5 even with it being a little long if there was a more divisive ending and some of what Alice was thinking from her perspective. Overall though, very good for a first submission!

Interesting story. Fresh. The idea of a guy thinking that wearing a cock cage is a stimulant for his sex life, Really? Sal is somewhat clueless in general but a cock cage? The writing tended to drift a bit, repeating concepts too much. Yeah, internal dialogue can be like that but it doesn't translate well to a story format. There were also a bunch of misused words that annoyingly broke the flow.

It was refreshing that Sal was steadfast in his view that cheating ends a marriage. He stumbled around in getting to that end but his revenge was effective and delicious. I loved that he refused to discuss anything with his wife once they had their last drinks together. I'm not sure I would have anything to do with Lucienne. She is NOT trustworthy. She is a person who drifts with the wind, not anchored by principles. Overall, it was a good read but overly long.

Well, another story about a wife who forces an issue having that blind belief that the husband will allow her to continue unscathed because he loves her. Actually, for a first story, it kept me interested. Great beginning and keep writing. Grouch6977

Wtf! Come on. 14 pages of look I like to write about shit!

Not much in the way of aftermath after all that build-up. A year and a half affair reading up to a vacation built on separating spouses? I may not be super smart but I ain't THAT stupid.

Trapped penis? When I read that on page 1, I knew this was going to be a cuck POS.

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1 *

Decent writing. Good plot idea. Pretty good dialog. No obvious spelling or grammar errors.

Too long. The main character is supposed to be smart but it takes him forever to figure out what's going on. He wears the cage even after he decides the vacation is crap. There's way too much background detail. The story should have been about 3-4 pages.

Please try again. I gave this one a 4 for strong effort.

The one little nit I want to pick in this story is the confrontation Sal had with his wife in the bar. He made it sound as if she left the bar to have the conversation they needed to have and she treated him right for the rest of the vacation she could save the marriage. He already had the recording of her and the sister that proved her infidelity. The marriage was already over in his mind. It may have seemed like a dramatic moment in the story where some readers were wondering if she'd do the right thing to save her marriage but, it was already a moot point at that time.

OMG! Incredible plot and storytelling ability. What a little gem. Thanks for the story and the effort.

...pretty good, but a little bit too long for my taste...and honestly after the first two days of such holidays I would have packed my bag and left...with or without my wife....second case, she would have found the house empty and sold once back....

Nice writing but 10 pages too long. The minute my wife told me she had booked me on a trip without her i would have been out the door . TC Ireland

I really like this. You don't find stories this well written too often.

Ignore the Anony's .. this was a very well told story (lots of folks don't want the character building), I thought the MC was a bit wishy washy also, the cage was a little overboard. But he stood tall and put his foot down in the end. Yeah a good editor probably could have cut the pages by 20-30%, but the multiple side stories, the MC inner thoughts built a full profile of the man. Don't lose that ability to tell a story to completeness to assuage a few folks with a minimum attention span.

While I'm not normally a lover of long stories in LW (and honestly I almost passed this one by), I found this to be intriguing and I couldn't stop reading. The story was well developed, well written, plausible, and held my interest to the point, that while I knew it was finished, I was looking for just one more page! Kudos on a very well-written story and thank you for the time and effort that you expended to bring us this great story!

Not a bad story. I was very disappointed with the ending after reading the whole thing. One or two sentences about Alice's demise and that's it???

I want a sequel of whether he goes on to trust Lucy, or even a "side-quel" about Snoopy. Maybe Flash and Snoopy end up together. I don't agree with some of his decisions, the chastity cage for example, but a really good story. 5*

@Rw43 - Yes, I forgot to mention it, but I also wondered why Alice wasn't wearing a chastity belt.

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@Gamblinluck, HIS family were of Italian descent, there were no Italian characters. I also thought the ending was odd. One line he's talking to Lucienne, the next he's talking to Snoopy with no indication of a scene change.

Well, that was an interesting tale. Sal Calzone? Sounds like a Damon Runyon character. A Guys and Dolls extra? The MC was incredibly slow witted not to catch on much sooner. I almost stopped reading at the "chastity device" reveal, but the author pulled back in the nick of time. Still, I skimmed through about half the piece. All the local color, the weddings, etc. Bogged my interest down. I appreciated the author's use of flashbacks. My biggest peeve with the piece was the author's frequent use of British terms by native New Yorkers. The Lucienne character referred to Donald losing pounds not $ why not locate this in the UK? Sal Calzone - still chuckling over that!

I liked that there was no final confrontation with Alice. He’d given her enough information at the resort to clue her in on what he knew, what he suspected and how unhappy he was. That she left him anyway told him all he needed to know. I’m sure she wanted to see him again if only to apologize. Not giving her that chance was brutal on her. Though few may agree, I see it as treatment very similar to what she did to him at the resort.

Page 4

Still a slow learner clueless dumbass

Maybe your first post here but too well written to be your first writing adventure. Couple things kept me from giving you a full score, both mentioned by others but bare reinforcement. The Sal you created and the preface to how the story started were just too unbelievable and inconsistent to what a great photographer and writer would allow themselves to get duped into. (Not to mention trying to go through the airport with a cock cage on - LOL). Once the reader gets beyond your flawed setup, the story and plot lines progress reasonably. The other point is there were numerous editing errors throughout. They weren't complete over the top, but annoying enough for me to downgrade my score considering the plot gaps. If you need an editor, let me know and maybe I can help. You show enough talent that I'd like to help nurture...

What an absolute let down!! I wade through all of the fluff as someone called it and I get this ending?? You wrote off Alice in a basically half a dozen words while adding more nonsensical fluff. 3* mostly because you do write well.

Liked the plot. That’s about it though.

THe longer I read (and I read it all) the more of a drudge it became.

The characters made little sense when viewed over time.

The story cycled too much. Up down fast slow left turn right turn wormhole turn … what?

The ending felt very out of place in comparison to the prior pages. Like … yawn?

Great first tale. Especially for continuity an editor would help. Not sure if you used an outline.

That said, looking forward to your next tale.

Thx’