All Comments on 'The Fucking Princess Pt. 01'

I enjoyed the story and the characters, but it felt like it could have used a little more time spent on the interactions between jhary and the princess with them second guessing their perceptions of each other. The addition of one or more third party perspectives of the central couple could be interesting as well. Someone like the bar maid or Godfrey or one of the unnamed guards for example being given a few paragraphs voicing their perceptions of the developing relationship could help round things out. Finally the last line was a bold choice and I look forward to reading how you live up to the ominous potential it foreshadows.

good story hope you continue this story maybe with a little more action

I loved it but why did you stop.P.S.Have a Blessed day

Fairly enjoyable, but it's very anticlimactic (and unrealistic given what you've established about this world) when it turns out that the obstacles to the two characters being together are non-existent, with the King and Queen happy to let their daughter be with a low-born half-breed. Wasn't she supposed to be married off to a foreign prince at some future date?

I agree with the comments below. Interesting start, but that last scene especially is rushed and clunky. You simply do not just out and tell the king his daughter is racist, nor would Jahry just calmly accept everything he thought was wrong and go give her a hug.

This chapter needs a LOT more development overall; it feels like you just wanted to rush to the two of them being together, instead of having good pacing and character development. There's potential for a really good story here.