All Comments on 'The Game'

awesome story. loved it. made me cum about the time of the oral pleasuring and yes i came just before him. keep writing. keep your girlfriend as your muse.

Great first story. Even if you say you're not a writer, you should consider writing more stories here.

Very sexy and well written thanks

pretty good for your first story!

A GOOD STORY for a first submission. A couple of things to mention. The first is to have a look at your dialogue punctuation and the second piece of advice you’ll receive from more experienced writers is not to make your paragraphs too long. Many people read on a smartphone and what looks okay on a pc doesn’t look the same on a phone screen. Maximum length for a paragraph of around 100 words, give or take, is usually what works and generally longer paragraphs can be broken into two or three without altering the flow of the story. The popular length for readers of stand alone stories seems to be 2 to 4 Lit pages so you got that right as well. I look forward to seeing what you come up with for your next story.

Definitely enjoyable. Good job and keep writing!

I'll add my opinion to those already made, you need not worry about your writing skills. I could include my own suggestions and advice, but I think you showed enough in this first story to indicate your ability. Welcome to Literotica and I hope you enjoy it as much as I have over the years.

@Emirus With respect, please don't pass that drivel on as fact. It's a forum for erotic literature, not a web design project.

Telling a new author that writing between 2-4 Lit pages is "right" is laughable. The author decides how long they want their story to be. As for the 100-word limit for paragraphs, that's actually garbage.

Some of the best writing in history includes paragraphs of considerable length. If 100 words is all you can process, then you'll find some Great Works impenetrable. Which is your problem, not anyone else.

I have no problem with your views as long as you don't badger new writers with them.

Hi again, Archie.

*

You seem to have picked up an anonymous supporter or maybe just someone who dislikes me. Immediately after leaving their comment on here they dashed across to my story Kidnapped and trashed it. 😳 Due to it having several hundred votes, it hasn’t made any difference. What they seem to have not realised is you may have ignored my suggestions anyway. 🙄

*

I would like to repeat the final sentence of my previous comment, “I look forward to what you come up with for your next story.” 👍

*

Best wishes,

Emirus

Hi Emirus.

I’m sorry to hear that. It’s a shame in what seems like such a great community people take opportunities to tear down others work, even if it’s not great, it takes personal effort to create anything and at the very least I think that deserves a measure or respect.

All I can say is everyone’s entitled to their opinion. I appreciated you taking the time to tell me yours and I take it for what it is, your thoughts about my words.

Thanks for the comment, the summation of all the comments has been very helpful, encouraging and insightful.

All the best, Archie.