The Girl

"Alright," I said softly. "From now on I will, but for this meal there is corn cakes. I'll not reheat the stove again when this will fill you up plenty."

"You'll do as I say," he demanded.

"Yes. I will finish putting everything away now, like you told me last night. Once I am done, I will start cleaning those clothes you both have piled around. I will bring in some meat for dinner," I said evenly, meeting Jack's eyes for the first time. I refused to let him bully me.

His dark brown eyes danced with fury as he looked down at me. "You will march your ass out to the smokehouse and bring in a cut of meat and cook it right now, girl."

"If you want something different than what I made, you can cook it yourself," I said, crossing my arms angrily. "I am not your servant!"

For a moment, I couldn't imagine what had happened. I was staring at the ceiling and Henry's face came into view, his mouth a shocked 'O' of surprise. My ears were ringing and pain, sharp and overwhelming made me reach for my mouth. Blood on my fingertips made me blink as nausea washed over me. My lip was bleeding?

Henry moved and Jack stood looking down at me, his face grim. Hearing came back as if from a great distance. "...said go feed the animals Henry, I won't say it again!"

"Pa, you hit her! She's hurt! Her mouth is bleeding!"

"Henry!"

The door opened, then slammed shut as Jack looked down at me again. "Get up I said!" he yelled, nudging my hip with his foot.

I laid there a moment longer, staring at him as my mind tried to catch up. My whole face ached! I managed to roll to my side and start to push up on my hands, but he grabbed my arms and pulled me up to stand. I swayed when he let me go and held myself up on the table.

"You will not talk back to me, or raise your voice to me, ever! Do you understand, girl? If I tell you to do something, you better goddamn run to get it done. Look at me! Wash your mouth, you're getting blood on your dress! Girl! Listen to me dammit!"

I blinked at him again, then reached up and touched my bleeding lip. My head hurt, the pain turning into a pounding throb. I needed to lay down.

"No! No, get up!" he demanded, pulling me off the floor again. "Get up and wash your face! Stand up! On your feet, girl! Stand! Dammit!" he growled and I flinched away from his yelling. It hurt my ears.

Something cold and wet pressed to my mouth and I whimpered, trying to push it away, the sharp pain from my split lip screaming for help. A hand caught my wrist, then I was up and flying. The motion was dizzying and my eyes rolled to the ceiling and the walls just before my stomach heaved violently.

"DAMMIT!" was the last thing I heard as blackness rolled over me.

I was aware of light a moment before pain lanced through my eyes into my head and I whimpered.

"Pa! She made a noise!"

"Be quiet Henry, don't yell," Jack said more quietly. A cold cloth dabbed my lip again and I jerked away, whimpering again. "Stay still," Jack demanded. Another cold cloth landed on my forehead.

"She gonna die?" Henry asked.

"No," Jack snapped.

"When Effie died, you put a cloth on her head too."

"That was different, she had a fever. This girl is just in pain."

"You hit her hard, pa."

"It wasn't that hard!" Jack said defensively. "This isn't from me smacking her mouth, it's from her hitting the back of her head on the table when she fell. Go in there and see what else that book says about head injuries."

"I told you everything already, pa! That's all it said. Next part is about ears and throats."

"Girl," Jack snapped. "Open your eyes and look at me. I need to look at your eyes."

"Lizzie. Not girl," I managed. "Nnnn, my head hurts too bad, it's too bright."

He grabbed my face and thumbed back my eyelid, looking down at me as I tried to turn away. "She's fine, Henry. Go on and get your chores done."

"I can sit with her for a while! It ain't dinnertime yet!"

"I said go!" Jack snapped and Henry took off out the door.

I turned to my side, hiding my face in the blankets, hiding from the light. That was when I realized I was in bed.

"You hit your head," he said angrily. "I don't have anything to help with the pain, you just need to push through it. There are no days off out here, you get up and push through no matter what. So come on, get up."

I stayed hidden under the blankets, my eyes shut and wishing I was dead. My head was throbbing. He growled and I heard him leave, slamming the door. All I could do was hold my head and hide my eyes, wishing I could sleep the pain away.

I did jerk awake as two hands roughly shoved me over on the bed. It was dark and Jack climbed into the bed next to me. His skin felt cold pressed up against me and I closed my eyes and pressed my aching head to the coolness. I woke again, curled up against his side, dawn barely tightening the window. Pain still pounded in my head, but I needed the outhouse badly. I stumbled back in and built up the fire, holding my head a moment before going and making breakfast.

Henry came out, yawning and looking me over. "You ain't dead," he announced.

"No, guess not," I answered. "Go ahead and get dressed and washed up." I turned back to the stove, not wanting anything to burn. I sipped water as I stood on the crate to look down at the pan.

A hand on my jaw, pulling my head around almost tipped me off the crate, but another hand caught my shoulder quickly. Jack looked into both of my eyes as if looking for something, then looked down at my sore and swollen lip. He ran fingertips over the swollen and tender lump on the back of my head, then released me and turned away to sit at the table with Henry. I set breakfast on the table and stood back a little, waiting for Jack to complain or say something nasty, maybe the meat was too well done or something. He said nothing, just started eating as if I wasn't there.

I sat down slowly. "You do sums?" he asked suddenly, making me jump in my seat.

"Yes?"

"Teach Henry."

"Ok. Ummm, how much schooling have you had, Henry?"

"Pa taught me to read some, Effie taught me more. Pa said he don't have the patience to teach."

"I imagine he doesn't. After your chores are done and I have hung the wash out to dry, we will work on it, ok?"

"Ok. Your mouth hurt much?"

"My lip hardly hurts at all," I answered with a wan smile. It was my head that was killing me.

"Henry, go on and get your chores started," Jack demanded, speaking before Henry could ask another question.

Henry left and I eyed Jack quietly. I knew he had sent Henry off for a reason, but I didn't know why.

"Get all this cleaned up," he said, standing. "Before you start laundry... there's a tin of salve in the top drawer off to the side in my room. In our room. Put it on your lip."

"It doesn't hurt, really. Not as bad as my head."

"I didn't ask if it hurt, I said put salve on it! Your face is your only redeeming quality, I don't want it scarred up. Do as you are told!"

I hunched down as he leaned over me, yelling angrily. As soon as he stood back, I jumped up and started washing up breakfast dishes quickly. I heard him leave, slamming the front door and I broke down sobbing again.

Hateful, hurtful man!

I put the salve on and he made me do it again that night and twice the next day and the day after. He rarely spoke to me at all, only to yell or tell me what I was doing wrong. I quickly learned to avoid him and stay quiet around him. He was much more patient and kind to Henry and Henry was always happy with me. Jack made it clear every day how he felt about how my father had cheated him and lied to him. How I was a liability out here.

As the days passed, his complaining eased up, the more I carried my own weight, the less he griped about it, but he was still never happy.

Days got colder and colder and snow began coming down. Jack would leave of a morning, his gun on his shoulder and go out to check and set traps. One morning I heard the crack of the rifle and half an hour later, he was dragging back a very large buck on poles. I watched him through the window as he dragged it out near the curing shed where he dressed all the animals he brought in, then pack it around with snow before heading back out to check traps and reset them.

I knew he would be gone all day and I was caught up on all of my own work. I set Henry to working on some basic addition and bundled up to go out and butcher the deer. By the time he got home, I was scraping the hide to stretch.

He dropped his stuffed game bag as he came around and saw me there, then opened the curing shed to look in. He came back out several minutes later and looked me over without a word. He picked up his game bag and opened it, pulling out a rabbit, then snatched the knife from me and nudged me out of his chair. The old stump he used as a chair.

I went back inside, bringing some of the meat I had set aside to make for dinner.

That was the night he stopped yelling and complaining constantly.

He still didn't speak to me, Henry was my only companion and I was fine with that. I had nothing to say to the hurtful, quiet man who had stolen my life from me. I slept next to him every night and he mostly pretended I wasn't there at all unless it was cold enough that we slept back to back for warmth.

The long winter went by that way. I fell into a routine and found a little happiness as I turned sums and learning into games with Henry and he laughed as much as I did. When Jack was inside, he always watched us quietly and we were more subdued than when he was gone.

When late spring hit and things were beginning to thaw, Jack announced he would be taking a trip into town in a couple days and I had to go with him. I was much more excited than I knew I should be, but it was something new and different after a long winter with the two men. I was eager to go!

Jack got up and motioned Henry up to. "You need to muck all the stalls and get them fresh. I am going to find Alice to bring her and her kid in, wherever she got off to give birth." Jack glanced at me. "I will bring more wood in later, after I find her and get her back in her pen."

I gave a short nod, anxious for them to be gone. I stoked the stove fire and put water on to boil immediately as I pulled the large pail down from the top shelf after climbing up the counters. I filled it half full of water, then poured in the boiling water before stripping down quickly and getting in the makeshift tub. Henry would be busy for at least three hours and Last time one of the goats got out to have a baby, it took Jack half the day to find her. I had plenty of time for a quick bath and I was as excited for a bath as I was for a trip to town. I usually had to settle for a wet washcloth and soap, only having a bath when I knew they would be gone a long time.

I settled back, getting my hair wet and washing it first, then standing to scrub myself completely. I turned my back to the fire as the water was cooling off and I was getting cold and my eyes went to the window and locked onto Jack's eyes. He was standing frozen, looking in the window at me, his arms full of wood.

I turned, dropping to the water to hide myself, looking around desperately for something to cover myself with. I started to reach for the towel on the table as the front door opened, then closed. I hunkered down further in the water and shut my eyes, as if me not seeing him meant he couldn't see me. I heard him drop the wood and I jerked.

I squealed and jerked again when something soft brushed my shoulder, then realised it was the toweling. He was handing me my towel. I grabbed it, still not looking and jumped up, darting into the room to slam the door as I hid and tried to dry myself off. I had just snatched up my shift to pull on when the door opened.

I spun away, trying to yank it over my head, but a hand caught my wrist and my shift, pulling it away from me as he turned me to face him. He held me at arms length, looking down at me from head to toe several times.

I felt panic welling up. He had never looked at me the way he was now, not once. He swallowed as his eyes went to mine. He stepped towards the bed, pushing me back as he did until I was against the bed. He let go of my arms and lifted me up to the bed, laying me down on my back as he shoved my legs wide to stand between them and look down at me.

I was frozen in horror, unable to move, like a mouse that was watching the snake get closer, too afraid to dart away lest the snake strike.

His fingertips grazed lightly over the hair between my legs and that seemed to release me from my paralysis. "Stop!" I whispered, trying to scoot back and away.

He caught my hips and yanked me back to the edge of the bed, still looking down at my body. He moved his hand up, cupping my breast almost painfully as he furrowed his eyebrows. His eyes went back to mine as I lay there panting on terror.

"You have been a woman the whole time," he said, his hand going back to my inner thigh. "I refused to see it... I could not see past..." He let out a shuddering breath as he looked over me again. He stepped back, undoing his belt and I rolled, trying to make it across the bed. He yanked me back to the edge, face down now and he landed an open handed smack on my bare ass. "Don't," he said angrily. I froze again, staring down at the blankets, gripping them in my fists.

This wasn't going to happen. Not now. Not like this!

I heard him unfasten his pants, then his hands went to my hips, pulling me back again and I could feel the hot heat of his bare skin against my bare ass.

"Please no?" I begged again, hardly more than a hoarse whisper.

He slid his hand over my hip and down, between my legs, rubbing and probing, searching. I buried my face in the bed and cried out, my body tensing up as I tried to close myself to his probing fingers. He shoved a knee roughly between mine, forcing my legs wider as I let out another mewling wail. As his fingers probed and pushed, his middle finger slid all the way down to my bud, making my body twitch involuntarily as I yelped again. He pulled his finger back, and then into me, making me scream into the bed again. He pulled his finger out and his hand back a moment and for a split second, I thought he was going to let me go. Instead, his fingers came back, rubbing wetness along my slit. He had licked his fingers to get me wet.

He said nothing at all as he took hold of his cock and rubbed the head of it through my now wet slit and I sobbed brokenly into the bed as I gripped the blankets. He pushed in, forcing me to open to him slightly, then eased back and pushed in again, harder this time. On the fourth, hardest thrust, he pushed into me hard enough to split me open and I screamed into the bedding as he ripped me open. It had felt like he had ripped me open.

He growled low in his throat as he grabbed my other hip, forcing me to be still and stop trying to struggle away. He held me still a long moment before he slowly began to ease himself in and out of me, pushing softly like he was trying hard not to hurt me.

It didn't matter. It hurt, and worse than the pain was knowing that it wouldn't stop here. I knew that once this happened, it would never stop happening. All I could do was hold the blankets and beg silently for it to be over.

He held my hips tightly, thrusting shallowly as his thick cock kept me so stretched and full that I was half delirious with pain. So delirious that I half imagined that it also felt good. He began moving more quickly, bending over me as he planted a hand above my shoulder. His thrusts became deeper and faster and I let out another wailing sob as his hips began bouncing off of my ass. He rammed in as hard as he could suddenly, roaring through clenched teeth and I felt his fat cock throb inside of me a second before hot cum shot out and into me. His cock pulsed as I gasped, feeling every shot of hot cum as he filled me with it.

He half collapsed on me, pinning me down as he tried to catch his breath, but all I could think about was how full I was of his hot cum. There was something exciting about that.

He pushed off of me, pulling out before staggering back to do up his pants. I turned to my side, pulling my legs up onto the bed as I pulled the blankets over me to hide myself and curl around my pain filled abdomen.

He left, saying nothing at all and I broke down into a sobbing mess. I was still there, broken and hollow feeling two hours later when Henry opened the door. "Ma? We doin' sums today? Ma? Lizzie? Pa, I think something's wrong."

"Close the door and let her alone," Jack said mildly.

Henry shut the door and I stared at the wall, still feeling gutted. I made myself get up and wash up, then get dressed even though I was trembling so badly I could hardly do my own buttons. I went out and started dinner, holding myself up at the stove, not trusting my legs to hold me.

"Henry, would you mind this once getting a cut of meat for me?" I asked, my voice shaky.

"Sure!" he said happily, jumping up to run outside.

"There's only blood like that the first time," Jack said softly.

I didn't acknowledge him, or even react to his words at all. When Henry came back in, I made dinner quietly, then went right back to bed. I pretended to be asleep when Jack came to bed, but it didn't matter.

He pulled me across the bed and turned me to my stomach, pulling the skirt of my shift up. "Please don't do this?" I begged quietly. "Not again, not so soon, please! I can't..."

He clamped a hand over my mouth. "Do NOT wake Henry. You are my wife, you will never fight me on this."

He yanked my underclothes off, then shoved my legs wide, still holding a hand over my mouth. He was rough this time when he rammed into me from behind, like he wanted to make me cry out. He held his hand tightly over my mouth as he shoved in again and again, holding my head back tight against his chest. He came with the same low growl, throbbing and filling me as he panted. He dropped onto me, then shifted his weight to the bed on one side, still half laying on me as he pulled out. He lay there catching his breath as he pulled the blankets up, then went still as if he intended to sleep that way.

I pulled out from under him and turned away, but he hooked his hand around my waist and pulled me back against him. He fell asleep gripping me tightly and all I could do was lay there until I fell asleep too.

I should not have been surprised when he woke me by pushing me to my stomach and forcing my legs apart, but I was. I cried out in surprise and disoriented fear seconds before he shoved his cock into me. I cried out more loudly before he got a hand over my mouth and held me down, ramming and thrusting as he growled through clenched teeth. He hardly waited after coming, rolling away and getting up to get dressed like that hadn't just happened.

All I could do was wipe my tears and get up to make breakfast. After breakfast, Jack handed me a paper and pencil. "Make a list," he demanded.

"I'm not going?" I asked, upset now.

"Make a list!" he snapped angrily.

I flinched and sat down to make the list, then left it there as I got up to go gather the wash. That afternoon, he came in and grabbed my wrist as Henry and I were working on division, pulling me back to the bedroom. He said nothing, just shoved me over the bed and piled my skirts on my back before shoving my underclothes down.

I tried not to make a sound, but it seemed like he was trying to pull cries and screams from me as he rammed roughly, growling with a primal need. He was just as rough that night when he came to bed, grabbing a fistful of my hair and yanking my head back as he thrust forward. In the morning he woke me the same way, shoving me to my stomach and filling me with his cock before I was completely awake. He seemed to relish every cry he forced from me, feed on it and try for more.