The Girl

"Well. I am sure she is doing better now. Here. Boy your age is always hungry, eat up."

"She's a good cook too," Henry offered, his mouth full. "She even made me corn cakes on days when pa was gone early. Even better than Effies."

"I can tell you really care for her a lot. Your pa seemed pretty broken up too."

"I... I don't think he wants to admit he cares for her. I haven't seen him like this since ma got sick though. So torn up about it."

"Well. Let's us just let him worry about that. You eat up."

I still felt sick as I gripped the end of the bed. I kept reaching down and putting a hand on my belly, looking down at the small swell. I had a tiny life inside of me. It was both amazing and terrifying. Jack's child. Cold, angry, volatile Jack. I didn't want him around my baby, not at all. I considered it then. He was almost always good with Henry, nice to him, patient with him. The only time I had ever seen him yell at Henry was where I was involved, and it was just yelling. He had never struck him or gotten violent. It was just me he hated, not his child. His children.

I had his child in my belly. It hit me all over again and I curled up on the bed, weeping.

Mama Banks came in after a while and I realized I had stopped listening to her and Henry talking. She wrapped a blanket around me and patted my arm. "The boy is asleep," she whispered. "They been up all night I guess, lookin' for you. He is worn out. The boy loves you to pieces though."

"I love him too. Mama Banks? Am I a bad person for leaving?"

"No, child. It's not just you that you are protecting anymore. Your body knew that even if you didn't. It got you to safety. You just curl up right here and stay quiet for a while until they go on home. Drink this."

I let her give me more of the burning liquid and fell asleep curled on the end of the bed.

I jerked awake to Jack's loud voice, jumping so hard I pulled something and there was a sharp pain in my belly. I barely bit my tongue in time to stop myself from crying out.

"He's a damn liar!" Jack was yelling.

"Maybe she just mentioned she was leaving and he took it as she was and did," Mama Banks said soothingly.

"He saw her. He saw her and I think he knows where she is! He has no right to keep a man from his wife! Or a son from his mother!"

"Now, Jack, you know how he is. He's an old gossip and he turns every bit of hearsay into fact from his lips. Remember three years back when pastor Virgil said he had a mind to find a wife and Old widow Harris had mentioned she thought she might find a husband? In an hour he had the town convinced they were getting hitched even though they had never laid eyes on one another. The man hears a whisper of something and turns around and tells you it's a fact. So if he heard her say she was leavin', he would set it in his mind that she was already gone. You know it's true. Here now. I made you this for your trip home, you need to eat somethin'."

"I ain't going home. We are stayin' her at the inn till I find her. She has to be close, Myrna, she has to be. She wasn't in any state to go far on foot."

"Well take this anyway. Eat somethin'. Henry, you can come back and see me tomorrow, I will bake a nice apple pie for you."

"Thank you ma'am," Henry said tiredly.

I was holding my breath now, sweating. The pain was too much, too sharp. I clenched my teeth, willing Jack to leave so I could ask for help. I tried to roll and the pain came more sharp and I heard myself scream before I realized I had.

I was crying, screaming, begging for help and I felt hands on me all over. The hands gripping mine, I knew by touch were Henry's. The hands under me, picking me up... I knew they were Jack's. I screamed louder, out of fear this time. He had found me! He had me again. He was going to put me in the ground next to Lilian, I just knew it. The soothing hands pressing on my belly, they weren't familiar but I could hear Mama Banks talking. It was her.

I rolled my face to hide it in the warm wall I was pressed against. The pain was too much. I pressed my face to the wall and tried to breathe. The wall smelled like Jack. It was Jack. He was holding me in his arms and... arguing?

"Just lay her back down! Henry went after Doc Turner, he will be right here quicklike. You need to lay her on her back. Doc already knows about her condition, she needs to be ready for him to look at."

"Her condition? What is wrong with her?" Jack asked, sounding almost hysterical.

"You didn't know either? How did neither of you know what was obvious as the nose on my face? Put her down Jack Ellison, she is with child."

"Pregnant? She's pregnant?!?"

"Yes! Lay her down!"

"I... no. No, I will hold her here," he said, sitting on the bed and holding me tighter against him. "What's wrong with her? Why is she like this?"

"When she showed at my door she had a fever and she was hardly herself at all. I called the Doc and he got her fever down and gave me something to help keep it down, but she is in hysterics about you Jack Ellison. She is afraid you will find her, scared half to death of you. You need to just lay her down and step on to the next room."

"She is my wife!"

"She is a woman in pain and you..."

"Myrna," Doc Turner said by way of greeting as he hurried in. "Child, look at me?" he demanded, taking my jaw and pulling my face out of Jack's chest to look at me. "Tell me your name?"

"Elizabeth."

"Good. Good girl. The other night you just stared through me when I asked. Can you tell me what's wrong?"

"I have pain in my belly."

"Lower or upper? Mr Ellison, please lay her down?"

"No."

"Mr Ellison I need to look her over, I can't do that while you hold her like this."

"Pa!" Henry said pleadingly from the door.

Jack turned and eased me down to the bed, but moved up higher on the bed to hold my head in his lap. He stroked my hair back off of my sweating forehead. Why was I sweating? It was so cold in here.

I screamed when the doctor pressed lightly on my lower tummy.

"Henry, step out," the doctor snapped. Henry stepped back, but I could see his worried face watching from a few feet back. I pressed my face back into Jack's warm arm as the doctor pulled the skirts of my dress up. He let out a hissing breath. "Myrna, get her some of the tonic I gave you. I'm sorry Mr Ellison, she is losing the baby. She isn't far along at all so this won't be too rough on her, but you need to have a more gentle hand with her! It was the fever that did her in this time, but this girl is close to her limit. She is close to breaking. Thank you Myrna. I will bring over some poultices for you to dress her in and..."

"She is coming home with me," Jack cut in.

"She really should stay here," Myrna said, her temper showing in her voice.

"She is my wife, I will take care of her. Get what you need to get for her and tell me what to do. Henry go and help him."

"Is she gonna die?" Henry asked, his voice small and fragile.

"No. No she will be just fine and she'll be home this time tomorrow. Go help get what he needs," Jack said quickly.

"Jack, you can let her stay one week, just till she is better," Myrna said softly after the others left. "I can take care of her here with the doc so close. She's going to need someone really taking care of her, she just lost her baby. You can't be hurtful or cold to a girl who just lost so much."

"We are leaving in the morning. She is my wife. You had no right to try and hide her from me! She is sick, you knew she was sick and you knew I was sick with worry! You knew Henry was too! You are just being a selfish old lonely woman! She is coming home with me and I am not leaving her side until I have her home!"

I was shaking my head, more tears coming.

"Shhhh, child. Easy now. Turn around here and drink this for me," Myrna cooed softly, trying to get me to turn my face out of Jack's arm.

"What is that?" Jack demanded.

"Tonic to bring down her fever and help her sleep."

"Girl," Jack said softly, jostling me. "Turn over and drink this. There. Drink all of it. She is so pale! And she is burning up!"

"That will help and she will be out soon. She'll sleep through the pain and the worst of it. Let her rest now, Jack."

"I am staying right here!" he said angrily. He jostled me slightly again as I was starting to drift off. His arms were warm around me, his body warm pressed behind mine.

I did not wake until he was lifting me in the morning, carrying me outside. I whimpered, the pain in my belly sending shooting, throbbing pain and making me cramp enough that I tried to hunch over.

"Henry get in back and sit at the top of the pallet so you can hold her head still," Jack demanded, making me jerk in his arms. "Easy girl, try and be still," he said softly down to me. He lifted me over the edge of the wagon into Henry's awkward arms. Henry laid me on the pallet, then sat so my head was on his leg and he could hold me still. I rolled to my side and curled up, both from the pain and from the cold.

"Here now," Myrna said softly, spreading a blanket over me. "This boy has given me his word he will take wonderful care of you. He needs his ma. You can come back and see me any time you want now child. Any time. You hear me?"

"Thanks," I whispered. "Do I have to go back? He hates me so much."

"You'll be just fine soon," she said softly, patting my hand.

Henry rubbed my shoulder awkwardly and held one of my hands in his. "I'll take care of you ma, I promise," he whispered as the wagon started moving.

"I know you will," I answered numbly.

The drive seemed to take forever and the closer we got, the more I was filled with dread. Around noon, Jack pulled to a stop and had Henry drive while he came back and sat down next to me. He pulled my head and shoulders up onto his lap and stroked my hair out of my face.

"Look at me girl," he demanded. "You will never do that again. Ever. You hear me? You won't run off like that again and you won't get sick like this again. Not ever. Do you understand me?"

"Why do you care?" I asked, still numb. "You can find someone else to clean and cook for you."

He scowled down at me, looking my face over as if he were trying to see if I was serious or not. "I already paid for you," he said, his voice a low growl.

I sighed and closed my eyes. He continued to stroke my hair until I fell asleep on him. He was still doing it when the wagon stopped and I opened my eyes again. He lifted me gently, passing me over the side to Henry, who immediately passed me back when Jack got down from the wagon. He carried me inside to our bed and laid me down, smoothing my hair back again as he looked me over.

"What hurts? What do you need? More tonic? Water? Some bread? I can have Henry gather eggs and make you some eggs, do you want eggs? Milk? What do you think your stomach could handle?" he asked worriedly.

I blinked at him. Why was he being so solicitous? I was home, he didn't have to pretend anymore. He had me back here and trapped here again. I turned away from him and curled up, clutching my belly and stifling more tears.

I was back.

He stayed close to me the rest of the evening, forcing me to sit up enough to sip water and eat bread, then later making me take more tonic to put me to sleep. I woke with his arms around me so tight my arm was asleep. I wriggled, elbowing him awake and he sat up quickly, looking down at me sleepily.

"Let me up," I said softly.

"What are you doing?" he asked as I tried to get up out of bed.

"It's morning and I need to go to the privy."

He grunted sourly, scowling at me. He picked me up and carried me outside, then stood at the door waiting for me. He carried me back in, despite me telling him I could walk. He put me back in bed and left and then came in the door glaring at me when he came into the house.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" he demanded angrily, pulling me away from the stove and making me sit down in a chair. He put a blanket over my lap, then stood glaring down at me as if he expected an answer. Henry came in with a pail of milk, looking me over anxiously.

"I was making breakfast?" I said softly, confused.

"No. No, you just lay down or sit down till you are all healed."

"I am fine now, the pain isn't all that bad anymore, I am just uncomfortable. I can..."

"You get out of that chair 'fore I say you can and I will welt your bottom!" Jack growled. "You sit down or you lay down. That's it. Henry, get Rufus out of the milk. Go get eggs."

I watched in stunned surprise as Jack put a pan on the stove and started cooking. After breakfast, he brought me my basket of yarn and knitting needles.

"If you need to keep your hands busy or you mind occupied, you can do this. Nothing else. You hear me? You get up and I will welt your bottom. Answer me girl!"

"I understand! I won't move," I said quickly. Was he really so worried about me escaping again?

He went outside and soon after, Henry came in, looking me over again. "How are you feeling? You want some water? Milk? Anything?"

"I am fine, Henry, thank you. And I want you to know, when I left, it wasn't you I was running from."

"I know," he said quietly, his eyes darting to the door.

He sat with me quietly while I rolled yarn. When Jack finally came back in, I set it aside and started to stand.

"What are you doing?" Jack demanded, setting the freshly plucked chicken on the counter.

"I am going to cut that up and fry it?" I asked warily.

"I told you to sit!"

"But you are back? I can move now that you are back?"

"No! You can't move until you are healed! Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"I told you, I am better! It hardly hurts and I can move around."

"You will stay down until I say you are better," he said darkly.

I eased back to my chair, looking up at him fearfully. I watched him cut up the chicken and fry it, my hands itching to take it from him and do it right.

It didn't taste that bad, but Henry and I both stayed quiet about how tough it was. It was just as hard to watch Henry try and clean up after dinner.

I stood up when it was bedtime, but Jack immediately came and picked me up, carrying me to the bedroom and to bed. He even tucked me in! He laid down next to me after pulling off his clothes and I looked hard at the wall. I knew what was about to happen and I steeled myself for it. His hand reached across me and pulled me close and I rolled to my stomach, closing my eyes as I took hold of the sheets. He pried my hand free and pulled me back to my side, curling around me and holding me against him as he tucked the blankets back around me. He went to sleep holding me, never forcing himself on me at all.

In the morning when I woke, he was still clutching me against him as if he were afraid I was going to try and slip away in the night and run away again. I squirmed and nudged him, trying to get up. He said nothing as he got up and got dressed, then carried me out to the outhouse.

"This really is too much!" I complained when I came out and he picked me up again. "I am just fine now. The pain is almost gone, my fever is gone completely. I won't run again, I promise. You can stop hovering."

He glared down at me like I had said something offensive, then set me in the chair again. It took three very long days before he would let me walk anywhere and a full week before he would let me lift a finger. In that time, he also didn't lay a hand on me in or out of our bedroom.

Apparently I was relegated to something he needed to take care of again before he could use me, like letting a horse heal a pulled muscle before hitching her back to a plow.

The first snow was going to come soon and I heard him tell Henry he was going to go and find the game trails. He rarely spoke to me at all unless he was yelling at me for trying to do something. He just glared at me and gave me hurt and resentful glances.

I was pleased beyond measure that he was finally going to leave me alone for a day and not hover and make me tense. Henry was still going to stay close, but he knew how to give me space if I needed it. Jack did not.

I went outside shortly after Jack left and took a slow walk around. I knew Henry was keeping me in eyeshot, but it didn't feel too invasive. I still felt like I was alone and able to walk as I pleased and have a little personal space. I walked through the woods to the creek and then back around to the tree in the back of the house. I sat down next to Lilians marker and sighed.

"Was he different once? Less angry? Was he always so cold? I don't understand him at all. Why didn't he let me just leave? He hates me so much, he can't even look at me without getting more angry. I don't know what I did to make him hate me so much," I whispered, laying down next to her to stare up at the sky through the limbs of the tree. I lay there talking to her for a while, wondering what she had been like. What Jack had been like with her.

I went back in finally and started dinner, having it ready by the time Jack got home.

"I am so glad you are better!" Henry said, shoveling more food in his mouth. "This is so good! Sorry pa, your dinners were good and all, but she has you beat. A lot."

Jack gave his son a nod and cut his eyes over at me. "You sure you are alright? Did you overdo it today? Do you need to..."

"No! I'm fine. I'm good even. It felt good to get outside and walk around, get some fresh air. I am fine. Completely."

"I've noticed you are no longer using the poultices," he said, looking down at his plate.

I blushed, my face heating with embarrassment. "No. That is done too."

He gave a small nod, then went back to eating. I was no longer hungry. I knew what his comment meant and what that meant for me. Tonight my freedom from his attentions was ending.

I cleaned up, then went to the bedroom and shut the door. I used washing myself as an excuse, but mostly I was just afraid and wanting away from him. Maybe I could slip into bed and pretend to be asleep?

Movement in the dim dusklight drew my eye. Jack was out back at the tree. His head was down as he stood there. I couldn't tell if he was talking or not, he was very still. I hurried, finishing washing before I needed to turn a lamp on, not wanting him to see me in the window. I dove into the bed and huddled in against the far wall, trying to settle myself so I could pretend to be asleep when he came in.

It was so long before he did come in that I was actually nodding off. He slipped in quietly and took his clothes off before easing into bed next to me, as if trying not to wake me.

For a moment, I thought he meant to let it go for tonight, but then he moved closer and slid his hand around me, pulling me in against him. The way he was propped on an elbow, the way his hand lingered on my waist, I knew he wasn't going to let it go.

He slid his hand up as he leaned in, his chin on the curve of my neck as he nuzzled into me in the dark. He gently squeezed my breast, his breath coming more quickly as he moved against me. I stared wide eyed at the wall, gripping the blankets and wishing I had the nerve to tell him to stop. I did not. I rolled to my stomach, wiping tears out of my eyes as he moved closer, pulling my shift up.

He was incredibly gentle as he pushed my legs apart and climbed onto me, even stroking my hair back off of my face. He pressed his lips to my temple as he reached down to guide his cock into me. My whimper was slight as he pushed into me and he let out a ragged breath, as if he had been waiting far too long. He was very slow as he shoved into me, very careful even when he sped up, moving faster, his breathing becoming more labored as his need rose. His fingers threaded through mine, forcing me to release the quilt and hold his hand and he groaned softly. My own breath caught as a wave of pleasure washed through me and I opened my eyes in surprise.