The Girl with The Pink Bat

"Yep."

I sat on the couch and told my sister everything, holding back no details. Jenny was particularly interested in hearing exactly what Ray had said to me and made me recount his words several times until she was finally satisfied.

"You idiot," my sister finally said. At least she was smiling.

"I know. I went down in flames. I guess I ruined any chance I may have had with Ray, huh?"

"Oh, not by a long shot."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"We'll get back to that later, but first, let's talk about what you did wrong."

"Okay, I'm listening."

"Your first mistake was trying to pick up where you left off," my sister said, using her teacher's tone.

"What do you mean?"

"Your original plan back then was to confess your feelings and have sex with Ray on prom night. Am I right?"

"You are. Everything changed when Ray told me he and his family were leaving Middletown."

"So, yesterday, you told Ray that you loved him and had sex with him."

"Not in that order, but yes. I get what you mean now."

"You presumed too much."

"Yeah, I rushed it, didn't I?"

"You went in like a bull in a china shop."

"Sounds like me," I admitted.

"Your second mistake was that you didn't listen to what Ray told you. He had broken up with his fiancée because she cheated on him and he is in a bad place right now. He is not ready for a new relationship. You can't just fuck him into sanity."

I hung my head. Jenny was right. What was I thinking?

"So what do I do now?"

"You do exactly what Ray has asked you to do. You take a step back and give him space. Give him time to collect his thoughts. He must be pretty confused right now."

"When did you become so wise?" I asked my sister.

"I have watched people a lot since I ended up in a wheelchair. You can learn a lot about human nature, especially when people act as if you weren't there," Jenny said, patting her wheelchair. "It's so much easier to give advice about other people's problems."

"So I heard. Thank you, Sis. I love you."

"I love you, too, Kara. Take good care of your heart and please be patient."

"I'll work on that."

CHAPTER 7

After our talk, Ray and I tiptoed around each other for a few weeks. Very slowly, Ray started moving on with his life. It was a bit tough at first, but he reached out and reconnected with some old friends from high school. Over the next two months, he got a job in Olympia and insisted on helping me out financially, paying some rent and giving me money for food. He also bought a used car to drive back and forth from work.

People in town stopped talking about us and moved on to the next gossip target.

Ray's social life grew more and more. I started getting messages from him saying that he wouldn't make it for dinner because he was going out to the bar after work.

We still got together as friends to go out, have dinner, and watch an action movie together. Over the next few weeks and months, we talked everything out. We didn't just talk about when we were teens, and our college years, but we also talked about politics, the economy, and global warming. We talked about our jobs and our dreams for the future. Of course, we went together to the Apple Harvesting Festival much to my mother's delight. We were best friends again and that was how it was going to stay. There was no use dragging out my hopes any longer.

My mother came to terms with the fact that Ray was living with me, and started dropping not-so-subtle hints about Ray and me, "He is a keeper, Kara, the kind you shouldn't let get away."

I was genuinely happy for all the positive changes in Ray's life, but I still wanted to be more than "just a friend". The renewed friendship that I had expected to develop into a steady relationship wasn't happening.

I was disappointed, but I couldn't be mad at him because Ray had a mind of his own and I totally understood him. He was doing exactly what he told me he needed: take a step back and reevaluate his life.

++++

One evening, I was at the bar, drinking some beers with the guys after work when I caught sight of Ray through the window striding toward the entrance.

He was with a group of friends from high school. They were joking and laughing.

Ray looked up and saw me as I was watching him. He grinned as his eyes caught mine, and waved at me across the room. I returned Ray's smile and nodded over to him, but then he and his friends walked over to another table.

I was about to join them when Floyd Leland ruined it all. The brainless moron opened his big mouth and started talking. He immediately started complaining about his old lady.

"Martha and I are having trouble in the bedroom," he said. The status of their relationship was not clear even to them. "Martha says I am boring in bed. She says I'm not fun and adventuresome. Now, I can be just as adventurous as the next guy," he whined, sipping his beer.

I rolled my eyes. If Floyd's form of adventuresome was grunting out, "Hold on to something," for foreplay then, sure, he was one wild boy.

"Just a few years ago, Kara and I..."

I froze in my seat and felt the blood drain from my head. What the hell? Why was this idiot mentioning my name in the middle of his sexual exploits?

If Floyd made up a story about our non-existent sex adventures, I was going to murder him slowly and painfully.

I made a noise of disgust, but Floyd had drunk one too many beers and kept talking.

"Hey, Kara!" he yelled, to catch everyone else's attention.

"What?" I snapped and gritted my teeth.

"Do you remember when we went skinny dipping that one night, right?" Floyd slurred.

"What the hell," I growled.

"Now tell me that wasn't fun and adventurous, huh?" Floyd added, with a stupid grin.

I could only gape in disbelief. "I'm going to kill you, Floyd," I sputtered, wishing I had my bat with me.

Dennis Harris was sitting at Floyd's side. He elbowed him hard in the ribs, and ordered, "Shut the fuck up, Floyd."

But it was too late.

Ray turned slightly and regarded me with a shuttered gaze. I paused, as our eyes met. I wondered what he was thinking of me.

As shame filled me, I sunk into my seat. In my defense, I have to say, that I had drunk too much that night. It was a few days after Ray's family left Middletown. I was feeling down and I did some crazy stuff. Things didn't go further than swimming naked, but Floyd made it sound more sordid than it was.

I stared at Floyd, trying to figure out how to make him shut up without hurting him, but the idiotic man just kept on.

"You shouldn't be ashamed. You have a killer body," he grinned at me.

"Martha is going to skin you alive if you go announcing to everyone you went skinny dipping with someone else."

Floyd blinked in confusion. "But... but that happened way before me and Martha got together. It was years ago."

How dare he announce to the entire place I'd had a weak moment and gotten kinky with him once? And with Ray present, too. Not that I cared what Ray might think, but damn it, I did care. I didn't want Ray to think I had such low standards.

"Geez, Floyd," I snapped and threw my beer in his face. After getting to my feet, I dug into my wallet and tossed down a couple of bills. "Don't go bragging about someone else and expect Martha to be fine with that. I don't care if it was five years ago or five days ago."

Floyd looked worried now. "Y—you really think she'll be upset?" He stood up and looked at me with an anxious look.

I lifted an eyebrow and growled, "Did you take lessons to be a moron, or does it just come naturally?"

I pushed by him and his chair fell backward from the table where he landed flat on the floor.

CHAPTER 8

I walked around for hours to calm myself down before I decided to go home. I felt so much shame and anger that I could barely face Ray.

When I got to my place, I was surprised to find Ray waiting for me.

"Are you okay?" he asked me, with true concern.

"I'm fine," I lied, not very successfully since my voice sounded like it had been sanded raw.

I wanted to shut myself in my bedroom before the shame seeped out through my pores and turned visible, but Ray didn't let me.

"I have to admit, I'm pretty impressed. I've always wanted to go skinny dipping and never have. Swimming at the lake at night always scared me," he said, in a casual tone.

"Uh, really?" I said, raising my eyes to meet his.

He nodded and winked at me. "I think you had better taste than Floyd, but who am I to judge?"

"I did a lot of stupid things when you left town. I was at a low point. It happened and I'm not proud of it. Floyd was always a moron and I was acting as one. We were never an item."

"Janice Cooper used to pick on Floyd when we were in high school," Ray remembered. "She used to call him Dum-Dum."

Janice Cooper was a bully in high school. She played many cruel pranks. That's how she got the nickname 'Queen of Mean'. When she returned from college, she took charge of the local newspaper, The Middletown Gazette.

"Yeah, well, you wouldn't recognize Janice now. She's a changed woman. She got married and has two boys."

"Are you serious? We should go to church and start praying."

I gave Ray a puzzled look. "Why?"

"Janice Cooper a changed woman? Must be one of the signs of the Apocalypse."

We both laughed hard.

"Are we okay, Ray?"

"Everything is fine, Supergirl," Ray said. "I made stupid mistakes, too. Yours, at least, didn't broke your heart in two."

He opened his arms to me. We hugged, a long, tight, much-needed hug, and as I stepped back, he looked at me, "I'm sorry I wasn't around much these last months. It wasn't that I didn't want to hang out with you, it was just that, well, I needed some time to get my life back on track. I missed you."

"I missed you, too," I admitted, resting my head on his chest.

+++

I woke up at seven A.M. with nausea. I rushed to the bathroom. Bent over, I sucked air through my gritted teeth and willed the nausea to pass. It didn't, only working steadily up my throat and making me think I was going to barf all over the room.

Closing my eyes, I counted to ten until both the dizziness and queasy stomach settled.

When I got out of the bathroom, I went to the kitchen to find something to drink.

Ray had already gone to work.

I poured myself a glass of water and drank it in one long gulp.

"Ahh! Much better, I have to quit drinking for a while," I said to myself.

As soon as I got to the construction site, Floyd came to me followed by Paul.

He looked at the floor for a while, playing with his fingers until Paul slapped not-so gently the back of his head and ordered him, "Talk."

"Kara," he said solemnly. "I'm real sorry about what I said at the bar. I shouldn't have—"

"Okay," I interrupted him before he started babbling again. Looking at him straight in the eyes, I said, "I was in a mood and overreacted. It's no big deal."

Floyd lifted his face, squinted at me since the sun was in his eyes, and said, "Well, I'm sorry anyhow. I had no call to start that kind of tale about us. True or not. I should have known better."

"Next time, I'll punch your mouth shut," I said. Then, I added, "I'm joking. Mainly."

Floyd kicked at a pebble on the ground. "Well, I won't blame you if you do that. You were right. Martha has heard about what I said, and now she thinks I cheated on her."

I was tempted to say, "That's what you get for opening your big mouth, you idiot." Instead, I said, "If you want, I'll call Martha and try to smooth things out with her. Let her know she has nothing to worry about from me."

Floyd jerked his face up, his cow eyes hopeful. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Thank you, Kara. Again, I'm sorry," Floyd grumbled. Paul sent him back to work.

Paul waited until Floyd was far enough so he couldn't hear us and said, "He is a moron, but he didn't mean anything bad." He was about to leave, but turned around and said, "I know it's not my business, but skinny dipping in the lake at night is dangerous... and doing it with Floyd was just plain stupid."

The whole idea of being naked with Floyd put a nasty taste in her mouth. In fact, it made me feel sick to my stomach all over again.

Realizing I wasn't going to hold the puke at bay any longer, I lunged out of the building, looked for a nearby tree, and bent over it, losing my breakfast. My roiling gut hurt so bad, I fell to my knees.

Sweat beaded my brow and upper lip by the time my stomach had wrung itself empty. I staggered to my feet, reaching for the trunk when dizziness assailed me.

I wanted to go home and take a nice long shower, then change into my jammies and sleep for the next week.

I spotted Paul looking at me with concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked, nodding his head toward the tree.

"Yep," I answered. I didn't want him to know that the memory of being naked in front of Floyd made me literally sick to my stomach, so I added, "I have a sick stomach. It must be something I ate. Or probably too much to drink."

He nodded slowly and poured me a cup of tea from his thermos. As I drank it, I glanced at him, apprehensive about the fact he was studying me with the strangest expression.

"What?" I asked, though I was pretty sure I knew what he was thinking. I was a healthy girl. I was never under the weather.

Paul eyed me, untrustingly, for a moment. "Maybe you should go back home and take the day off."

"Do you want me to get a doctor's slip saying I'm healthy, or what? I told you I was fine, Paul."

"Don't go getting your panties in a bunch. I'm still your boss, and that gives me the right to worry about your health."

A bitter taste of regret filled my mouth. Clearing my throat and straightening my shoulders, I held back from being too much like myself and politely said, "I'm feeling better than I did a few minutes ago. Whatever was in my system is out now. I'm sure I'm back to one-hundred percent."

Still studying me with worried eyes, Paul said, "Okay, Kara, go back to work then."

CHAPTER 9

That evening, I went to see my doctor. He listened to me, and sent me to see my gynecologist right away.

"Congratulations, Kara. You're pregnant," Dr. Natalie Carroll told me. She was the only gynecologist for a hundred miles. Right then, I wished I'd just taken one of those home-pregnancy tests because hearing a professional's word on the subject made this feel way too real and unavoidable.

I couldn't be pregnant. Could I? Now that I thought of it, when was the last time I had my period?

"My periods are fairly irregular, but even so... How could I have missed this?"

Dr. Carroll told me that spotting in the first month or two of a pregnancy could be mistaken for a light period.

The only man I had slept with was... Shit!

The doctor appeared to choose her next words delicately. "Are you going to go ahead with the pregnancy? Because if you're not..."

I didn't even have to think about it. Some things you just knew, with a bone-deep certainty. I drew a deep breath, scared yet sure. Very, very sure. "Oh, yes. Very definitely."

Getting an abortion was out of the question. I wasn't going to kill my baby because I had forgotten to wear condoms.

"I'm going to give you a list of over-the-counter prenatal vitamins," Dr. Carroll kept explaining to me. "What I want you to do is choose one brand and start taking it immediately. Your body needs all sorts of nutrients it didn't before, and you remaining healthy is of the utmost importance. Now, don't forget to schedule an appointment with Tania at the front desk for next month before you leave. Here are a couple of pamphlets you need to read through."

It was one of those pamphlets like the ones you see in a Simpsons' episode, 'So you've ruined your life'.

Too stunned to argue with the doctor, I nodded in understanding, slipped the pile of papers from her hand with limp fingers, and walked like a zombie toward the secretary's desk.

Dr. Carroll's receptionist, Tania Brooks, liked to stick her nose in other people's business. She was one bitter bitch.

"Hi, Kara," Tania greeted me. "I didn't realize it was time for your yearly already. I thought you visited more around the end of the..." Her words died off as she opened my file and read the reason for her visit. "Oh my!" she gasped, and raised wide, curious eyes. "You're...you're..." Her gaze fell to my stomach.

"I need to schedule a new appointment for next month," I growled.

Tania didn't pry for more details, though she did try to talk about the weather as we hashed out a date for my next appointment. Not in the mood for any kind of chitchat, I merely booked it out of there as soon as Tania handed me a card bearing the date of my check-up.

I walked to my car in a trance. I sat there numb and dazed.

Pregnant. I was going to have a baby.

My heart was thumping against my chest and I felt every beat as if time had slowed down.

It didn't seem real. What was I going to do with a baby? I didn't know anything about kids.

I wasn't ready to be a mother, that's all there was to it. Sure, I wanted kids, someday. But not yet. Not on my own. Definitely not without warning.

Now what?

What were my parents going to say about this? What were Ray's parents going to say? What would the whole town think of me?

I closed my eyes and rested my head against the steering wheel, trying to picture a little baby with my hair and Ray's eyes.

An image of Ray flashed through my mind.

Ray. Oh, God. Ray.

Remembering him, I sat up straight, my eyes flying wide open. "Holy shit."

This was his baby, too. Ray was going to be a daddy... Suddenly, I felt like curling into a ball and weeping —yet another sign of how pregnant I really was. My hormones were already whacked out of control.

How was this going to affect Ray?

I didn't want to be the one to tell him. I wasn't a coward by any means. In fact I never backed away from a good confrontation. But I did not want to see his face when he found out. I hoped it did not set back the progress he had made.

Biting the inside of my lip, I tried to think up a way to escape this.

Maybe I could flee the country and go live on a beach in Cancun. Yeah, my baby and I could be surfer bums. We could open a bar in the sand and drink margaritas every night of the week.

Or... I could convince Ray it wasn't his baby. Now, there was an idea.

I'd have to lie about the date of conception as well and claim it was undercooked when it came out early. Or, maybe I could make up an affair before he came to town, which would make the kid overcooked. Either way, it didn't matter. He wouldn't have to worry about raising a child who wasn't his.

On the other hand, I'd be keeping Ray from his baby if I did that. Raymond Clarke was one responsible fellow. He'd want the truth, and he'd insist on doing something about it. If he made a mistake, he lived up to it. He'd want to be a part of the baby's life.

Not only was Ray going to hate me, but every member of the community was going to see me as a slut. I never cared before, why now?

I groaned and rubbed at the aching spot in the center of my forehead. I had to tell Ray, no matter how awful it was going to be. There was no other logical, moral-minded choice.

The big question was, how was I going to do it?

"Hey, Ray, I'm pregnant. So... how was your day?"

Or, maybe, I could say, "Remember that one night when I sexually attacked you and we fucked like rabbits without a condom? Guess what? You're going to be a daddy!"

Or it could be something like, "Ray, I'm a little pregnant, a little knocked up, I have a little bun in my little oven... and it's yours."

There was no easy way to break the news.

I tried to flick my mind through my options. But nothing I thought of seemed to make any sense because it didn't seem real. It couldn't be real, could it?