The House Share

By the play area, younger ones ran about screaming and shouting while parents looked on. I run my eyes over the mothers. One wasn't any older than me. I could have been the father to her little one. It made me realise that with each passing day, my available selection of potential partners was shrinking. Other, more capable young men were snatching up the prettiest girls.

I kept walking.

There were a few teens around who'd been drawn away from their PlayStations for a few hours. They sat in a huddle on the grass chatting and looking at their phones.

That was what I'd missed out on growing up. A poorly timed house move and a change of senior schools, coupled with being so busy with my books had left me without that social interaction. I'd reached adulthood never having the sniggering conversations young teenagers have as they discover how to negotiate the dating scene.

I had no circle of old school friends to fall back on. No girls I'd mixed with as puberty hit. That was why I found it so hard to understand the female mind. I'd never had the interaction with them in my formative years. A key part of my development had been skipped.

I saw her almost immediately and my malaise was forgotten in an instant. She looked had such a pretty face. A little heavy on the hips, but nice legs shaped by low heels, and big tits that wobbled in her dress as she walked. I was reminded of Alison. Her body wasn't as taut, a little more cuddly, but for the mature lady, she was still hot and doable. Confident. And that dress could have been a tailored fit to her curves. I wondered if she was a cougar.

Perhaps it was because I was staring but I caught her eye as we passed one another and she smiled warmly at me. I returned it instinctively.

I sneaked a look back at her arse. Yes. She had curves. Nothing wrong with that. For a moment I felt good about myself. She'd smiled at me. That was a top-drawer achievement for me.

I carried on, following the curving path around to the exit nearest the shop while scenarios of how I could meet her, woo her into my bed and fuck her into oblivion played out in my head. All pointless, far-fetched fantasies that would never happen.

I was surprised when I saw the woman again sitting on a bench as I completed my circuit. She saw me and smiled, holding my gaze. My heart skipped a beat and I said a tentative "Hello."

"Beautiful day."

She was still looking at me. I stopped.

"Yes, it is.

I like a walk in the park when the sun's out."

That was bollocks. I rarely came here. I was only here now out of boredom and wanting some space between me and having to tolerate two shagging rabbits and Donnie's stories of reenacting PornHub posts.

"Not seen you before. I come here most days. I jog usually."

"Bad timing." I suggested, considering that I should take up jogging.

Her eyes scanned me from head to toe and I sensed she wasn't creeped out by me.

I took a chance and sat on the bench. Not so close that I frightened her. Though to be fair it was me showing all the signs of fear. My voice trembled and my stomach was in free fall. That's what attraction felt like to me. Terror.

"I'm Paul by the way."

"Stephanie. I like just Stephie."

We chatted for a bit, mostly about the weather and I slowly warmed, losing my fear.

"So. You married? Children?"

Now the smile turned to a smirk.

"My, my. Are you trying to chat me up?"

I went bright red.

"No. Sorry. Just making sure a jealous ..."

She laughed and momentarily touched my arm.

"It's okay. I'm joking.

Two children. Both boys. Ten and twelve. No jealous husband. He pissed off years ago."

"Oh. Sorry."

"I'm not. He was a twat. Much better off without him."

"Fair enough

His loss I'd say."

She smiled coyly.

"You think so?"

"Yeah. You're stunning."

"Old. At least compared to you."

That slight twisting of her mouth again as she stifled a grin.

"Mature."

I corrected.

The grin won its battle to break out and threatened to become permanent as she stared across the park.

"I've pushed out two kids. There's a little more meat on the bones than there was."

"You look fine to me."

"A MILF?"

Her cheeks reddened. Her embarrassment gave me a backbone.

"Not a word I'd use. But yeah. I'd say most definitely. In the nicest possible sense."

Wow. This conversation had taken a turn I hadn't expected.

She turned her eyes up the length of the park.

"Ha. I'm a mum someone would like to fuck."

She couldn't look at me as she said it but it was clear she was flattered. Was she considering it? That was my trouble. I could never quite be sure of the difference between a come-on and a joke. Generally, I chickened out and assumed the worst. This time, I pushed my luck.

"Listen. If you fancy a drink or ..."

My nerves kicked in and I trailed off as she turned back to me. Her eyes were beautiful. So green and her lips .... Lips that were still struggling to control her grin.

"How old are you Paul?"

Here we go. I was going to feel stupid at any moment.

"Twenty-two. Next month."

Now she laughed. I could tell she was flattered by the idea someone so young fancied her. But I could hear the cogs turning in her head as she held my gaze, thinking through how to let me down gently.

Suddenly, she gave a half laugh as if to say she realised the madness of her next words.

"I don't mind a drink.

Just a drink mind.

Don't get any other ideas."

"I won't. Just a drink. Scouts honour." I was elated.

Success at last. My heart pounded as hope burned eternal.

"Tonight? At the Red Lion?"

She looked across the park again, considering. A tiny nod of her head as she clasped her hands together.

"Yeah. Why not. I can get a friend to babysit for a few hours.

Seven o'clock okay?"

It was hard not to skip for joy. To become one of those preschool kids screaming with joy around the climbing frame and slide. I held it together.

"Great. I'll see you then."

I was ecstatic as we parted. Stephie was suddenly the most beautiful woman in the world. And with my hormones in full flow, I was obsessing with the idea of fucking her. She'd been clear, only a drink. But ... Could tonight be the moment I got off without the help of PornHub and a tissue. Fuck. I was almost twenty-two. Other people my age were married. Having children. I was still trying to get a shag that I could truly claim as my own success. I must have been the only person my age who was still an almost-virgin.

I nearly forgot to buy the milk in my testosterone daze.

Donnie was on her phone when I got back. She pulled the earbuds out as I caught her eye.

"Hey."

"Alright?"

I put the new milk in the fridge and went through to join her.

"Where are the others?"

"Mummy's. Haley's I think."

She glanced back at her phone momentarily.

"Did you know when you cum, your junk can be travelling at over forty kilometres an hour?

No wonder I don't like it at the back of my throat. Imagine that hitting your tonsils."

I pulled a face.

"No. I did not know that. Nor did I need to."

"The world record for squirting it is eight feet."

Was that even possible? I might make it six inches at best. I kept that detail to myself before she waved a ruler and demanded I prove it.

"That's it. On the tits only in future."

I rolled my eyes.

"Donnie. What are you looking at ...

No, don't tell me. I probably don't want to know."

"I was just surfing, random shit. Then I found this site. Crazy Facts About Sex You Never Knew."

"By random shit, you mean porn."

"It's not porn. It's science. For instance. I now know your left ball hangs lower than your right one."

She stared straight at my groin.

"Drop your trousers. Let me check."

"Fuck off. And what crazy fact says that?"

Bonnie read it out.

"The left testicle hangs lower on right-handed men and the right testicle hangs lower for left-handed men."

"What if you're ambidextrous?"

She feigned thoughtfulness as though this was one of the big questions facing mankind.

"Hmm. Doesn't say. The same? But then are they both higher? Or lower?"

I rolled my eyes.

"You need to get out more."

"Research. Yeah. That's a good idea."

"No. Not research. Just...

Behave yourself instead of ..."

I stopped myself from calling her a slut.

"Aw, Paulie. Are you jealous?"

"Of what?"

"All the guys I've shagged while you sit and watch your silly Star Wars movies.

Here you are living with me and you've no idea how juicy and tight my pussy is. And you never will."

That thought did pain me. But not as much as usual. I had a new goal in mind.

"I have a date tonight for your information."

There was a tiny flicker of shock.

"Who with?"

"A girl."

"A girl? Who?"

"Just someone I met in the park. Her name's Stephie."

"You checked for an Adams Apple right?"

Couldn't she just say something nice for once? I'd always known she was a bit of a tease. Since moving in together it seemed to have grown worse. Almost always with me as her target.

"Do you have to be a twat about everything?" I started to get angry.

"Er... yeah. It's called being funny."

"It's called being a twat."

"Sorry. You're right. Go for it."

She still couldn't quite leave it.

"You need any tips on how to do it with a girl?"

"No. I can manage."

"Bet you don't even get a feel of her titties without my help."

"You'll never know."

"I will when you come home at ten alone.

Seriously. Let me give you some advice."

"No, thank you."

I went up to my room. Donnie was annoying me more and more these days.

But she was right about one thing. I was pretty shit with girls. In my head, I started running through imaginary scenarios of how my date would go.

EIGHT

Stephie arrived at almost the exact same moment I did. And she looked even more gorgeous. Tight jeans and a tight pullover that accentuated her curves. Yeah, she did look like someone's mum but in the best possible way. And those tits were mesmerising. It would be hard not to stare at them all night in that top.

"So what are you drinking?" I asked heading for the bar.

"Er ... a shandy if that's okay. Thank you."

I ordered the drinks and we found somewhere to sit. A small table near the window. The Red Lion was an older pub. Cosy, with dark wooden fixtures and no blaring music. Mostly middle-aged couples and no children. This wasn't one of those modern airy chain places, it was a proper British pub, with pub grub. Somewhere we could talk.

"You look fantastic by the way."

I said taking a seat.

She smiled, liking the flattery.

"Makeup is a girl's best friend."

Her eyes flitted over me.

"Makeup only works if it has a good base."

"Not so easy to maintain it running around after two children and trying to hold down a job. I do jog most days."

She gave a self-deprecating laugh.

"Not keeping my expanding hips and flabby belly at bay though."

"What flab? You look just great to me."

"Ha. Did you drink before you came out?

No. I'm not that bad. I know. But time marches on and we can't keep it at bay forever. I have to rely on my jeans to do that."

She lifted her drink with that ever-present grin.

"Can't be that bad though. Twenty-two-year-olds chat me up in parks."

"I don't make a habit of that."

"I don't make a habit of letting them."

I asked her about her children and what she did for work and we chatted like two friends. Not exactly how I wanted the conversation to go but I had no idea how to turn it. Always my problem. Excellent at being a best friend. Absolute shit at being a potential lover.

It was Stephie who eventually changed the subject to explore why we were really there.

"So what is it about the older woman you like?"

"I don't know."

I thought of everything wrong with Donnie.

"Maturity I guess. You're not drama queens. You treat people with respect."

"Experience?"

"That as well."

I just loved how her mouth continually screwed up betraying her thoughts. It was sexy. That suggestion that she was thinking sexy thoughts. That she might be looking at me with the same want and need I felt for her. Maybe imagining sucking my cock.

"The older woman initiating the younger guy?"

She reddened and looked away. Not as much as me though. There it was, my opening. A big fat invite and I didn't have the balls to push it home. Instead, I retreated.

"I'm not just trying to get off with you." I said.

"I like you. As a person."

What a twat. Of course I was trying to get off with her. That was the whole point and here I was trying to sound like I wanted to be her best gay friend.

She smiled again.

"You're sweet, but you've a lot to learn."

She sat back and swung her eyes around the ceiling line as she fought another grin. Then she looked me straight in the eye.

"Lesson one. When a woman reaches my age and goes out with someone half her age. She doesn't want to be told she's a nice person."

I felt so fucking small in that moment. My stomach churned. I trembled. But from somewhere I summoned up the courage to ask her back to mine. I didn't get the chance. Almost as I opened my mouth she picked her bag up.

"I have to get back. My friend could only look after the boys for a few hours."

"Oh, sorry. Of course."

That was that. That was the point my date ended how all my dates ended. The girl standing to go.

For a second Stephie did look at me. I just couldn't read if it was expectation, disappointment or fear I might want to kiss her. So I did what I always did. Nothing.

"Thank you for the drink, Paul. It was pleasant."

"Perhaps I'll see you in the park again."

Fuck. That was pathetic. I should have been walking her to the door, kissing her, pressing home a second date. Instead, I watched her hook her bag over her shoulder and walk away.

As I felt myself deflate she stopped and turned back.

"Give me your number."

I was all fingers and thumbs as I pulled my phone out.

"You're gonna call me?"

"I might. I don't know yet."

This time she kept walking. My eyes stayed on her arse. It swayed so seductively. In my pants, my cock became a rock as I imagined holding onto those hips and pounding into her. No such fucking luck of that happening.

I looked at the time as I walked in. Ten. Fucking ten o'clock. I knew Donnie was remembering her prediction as soon as I saw her. I didn't see much point in lying or stretching out the Micky taking.

"No Donnie. I didn't get to feel her tits. Happy?"

To be fair. She didn't laugh at me.

"Come and eat ice cream with me."

She offered up the tub she was holding.

I kicked off my shoes and fetched a spoon before sitting with her.

"Cookie dough." She said as I scooped a spoonful.

She smelt wonderful. Fresh out of the shower.

"Yummy. Just not as nice as titties. At least that's what Haley and Becca tell me and they're our resident experts."

"Yeah. Well. She wasn't that ideal anyway. She was older, with two kids. Didn't want another one I guess."

In truth, Stephie had been a delight. But as was the story of my sporadic dating history, we'd parted more as friends. Not really my aim. Another disappointment. She had taken my number but I was aware she'd avoided giving me hers. No. That was an act of kindness. A gentle letdown. I didn't expect to hear from her again.

"Thought you liked the older woman?"

"I liked Alison when I was eighteen. What youth doesn't dream of being initiated by a mature woman? But no. It's not what I want. A twenty-year age gap isn't a plan for a long-term relationship is it."

Donnie studied me for a moment. Her unexpected sympathy continued.

"That what you want? A long-term relationship?"

Christ. This was new. A deep meaningful conversation with Donnie about feelings.

"Isn't that what we all want? Truthfully? Even you?"

She didn't answer that.

"You deserve a nice girl. You're not a bad-looking bloke."

I laughed. This was absurd. So out of character.

"You been smoking something. This isn't like you. Being nice."

Donnie kept her eyes on me and smiled.

"I can do nice."

She spooned more of the ice cream.

"I don't do it to hurt you. And right now, taking the piss would be just that.

However, normal service will be resumed tomorrow."

I took another spoonful not doubting that it would.

"I look forward to it. You scare me when you're nice."

The ice cream tasted great. But yeah. Definitely not titties great.

"Where are the rabbits?"

She indicated upwards with her spoon.

"Rattling light shades incoming any time now."

"Fuck. That's some going. Last night, again this morning. At it again now. Don't they ever get tired?"

"Advantages of the female body. We don't fire one shot and retire for a recharge."

"It's okay for you. You're across the landing. I have to listen to them every night."

"You can hear them?"

Suddenly she was excited. Her face lit up like a small child on Christmas morning.

"Plasterboard walls. And they aren't exactly quiet." I added.

"Fucking hell, Paul. You have a regular little live sex show and you haven't invited me in to listen?"

"It gets boring really quickly."

"I want to hear."

There was a sparkle in her eyes I couldn't resist.

"When the lights start shaking, you can come up."

"Let's go up now."

She was out of her seat, pulling on my hand.

"You serious?"

"Yeah. I want to hear."

"For fuck sake, Donnie. Shouldn't we respect their privacy?"

"You don't."

"I don't have a choice. It's you that wants me to sell tickets."

She was still pulling at me and I relented, getting to my feet.

"Come on. I'm bringing the ice cream." She declared as if that would encourage me.

As we crept up the stairs I sort of hoped the girls would just be sleeping. It felt wrong.

Donnie went into my room like she owned it and laid claim to my bed.

She lay face down facing the foot with her torso propped up on her elbows so she could keep on with the ice cream tub. It felt natural, just two friends when I joined her. I had the spoon at the tub instantly before she interpreted my move as anything else. Although it did feel kinda nice laying next to her with our sides touching. It was about as close a moment of contact with someone of the opposite sex as I'd had since Alison.

"So. When was the last time you got a shag, or a feel-up?"

She kept looking into the tub.

"Been a while."

"How long's a while?"

She tipped the tub toward me so I could take another spoonful. There wasn't a lot left.

"Donnie that's personal."

"Come on. We're friends, aren't we? You can share."

"Do you tell me when you suck a guy off?"

"No.

Because it's not as often as you think."

Now I was intrigued.

"Really?"

Bonnie scooped more ice cream and offered me the final scrapings. It was almost milk now.

"Longer than you think." She said putting the empty tub on the floor.

"But you're always out?"

"Yeah. But I'm not as free with it as I pretend."

I don't think I'd ever heard loud, brash Donnie sound so subdued.

"Truth is, there's an awful lot of guys out there who just like you thought they were getting something on a Friday night and went home without even touching a titty."

Did that surprise me? I wasn't sure. I'd known something was off with her stories for a long time. I just hadn't put it together properly.

"I don't know whether to be sorry for the guys, or your titties."

Donnie went quiet for a moment. Then she took my hand and before I knew what was happening she pushed it beneath her dressing gown.

My reaction was automatic, squeezing the soft mound of flesh that filled my cupped hand perfectly. It felt so warm. A hard nipple pressed into my palm. I was buzzing so much I could hardly process it.