All Comments on 'The Hunter Ch. 01'

Two thoughts. 1) Rename the unnumbered Chapter chapter 0. Having the second chapter labled 1 will confuse the heck out of folk. 2) Leaven the sex with some story. 6 pages of sex, even sex gets boring, and 2 paragraphs of action really doesn't wash with a series titled 'The Huntrr'.

OK, everyone does their morning routine. That’s getting a bit trite and redundant. Overall pretty good, just the usual grammar issues that most Lit authors have.

Way too much detail in my opinion.

I thought I was reading a food blog for a bit.

I thought I was reading a food blog for a bit.

Well, this narrative just seems to be grooving' in, isn't it? Please, keep the chapters coming - my guess is the balance of details and plot action should improve over time with practice.

And now switching to the other side of the equilibrium, ie terse, bare bones sentences, would not necessarily be better - just different.

Moreover, as ch's 0-1 just introduce lead characters; the main romantic relationship and scenery, it seems too early to call for changes. More important to me is where the author wants to the plot arch point to, where the main focal plot points this story. Then, after completion, would be the appropriate time to discuss emphasis and style.

The Hunter? Weird title for this story so far. Story is buried in day to day minutia, with lots of sex and yearning for sex, no story.

Where’s the story? Two chapters of heavy sex, daily minutia, way too much cooking and eating detail. This story is approaching boring.

I will echo the comments... a how to on cooking... setting up an llc... some real estate with a fishing trip and 100 pages of sex. Very little story so far. Oh did I mention a bit of shopping tossed in.

No hunting what so ever.

Variety is the spice of life; glad she finally changed the oft repeated sex routine and rode him for a change. How about some doggy or spooning sex. Yes, we all go to the bathroom in the morning, no need to repeat, same with exercise routine, it's been established. Spellchecker is not your friend; it only corrects misspelled words not misused words.

There is a lot of potential, please don't lose it in the minor details.

Less sex, more eating , I estimate J J to have climbed to approximately 130kg and rising.

Too much repetition

Story development is certainly important, but trite expressions are weighing it down. There is also the serious problem of switching from past tense to present tense in the same paragraph. I think this seriously impacts the readability in a negative way.

Way too much boring detail. You have two badass ex military. Have them do some badass stuff!

too much sex, if you have a story tell it, with a bit of sex here and there, not have a story of sex with a bit of a story here and there.

I agree with the comment from brownmob there is far to much sex described and very little story. This may be about developing his relationship with Ashley but there still needs to be more regarding his new position and what is required. I hope the next chapter is better balanced, I have only given this chapter 3* and I think that is generous.

Need more action!

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